glows Posted July 11, 2022 Share Posted July 11, 2022 1 hour ago, Thetree said: Actually, all day long I was thinking if I can switch this into a friendzone? Or will I wall like an idiot? I am dating other people this week. Not worth the hassle. Distance yourself from her if you have problems blocking someone. Say you’re busy and don’t want to meet. Don’t respond to all her texts. She’s not interested in the way you want and is just using you as a security blanket. Know that you’re at a disadvantage if you are reluctant to cut out trouble (block). It’s actually more mature to develop better boundaries and remove people who are a drain rather than any addition to your life. It sounds like you’re vulnerable yourself and edgy having ended a seven year relationship yourself recently. She may be using you as a rebound. Don’t use others either blindly or hurt anyone while you recoup after your break up. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted July 11, 2022 Share Posted July 11, 2022 9 hours ago, Thetree said: And if she says "I am not that into you", is there coming back from this? I understand that she is not that attracted of me. Why on earth would you *want* to try and come back from this, where the woman is SO not into you that she straight out told you "I'm not that into you"? That is all you need to know. Don't disrespect yourself by chasing a woman who is clearly not interested in you, and even worse is wasting your time by sending you mixed messages and playing games with you due to her own psychological issues. This only goes on for as long as you allow it. You should send her a simple text saying you cannot continue this pointless texting correspondence. And if she won't leave you alone and refuses to stop playing games with you, that's when you utilize the block function, which by the way NO is not childish. It's sometimes necessary for your own mental health and boundaries. 3 hours ago, Thetree said: Actually, all day long I was thinking if I can switch this into a friendzone? Or will I wall like an idiot? Again, why on earth would you do this? What would be the point? Please have more self-respect than this. Don't put yourself in a position of desperation and be willing to take any crumbs she throws your way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted July 12, 2022 Share Posted July 12, 2022 8 hours ago, Thetree said: That statement is about what I've learned about her during our encounter this weekend. We spoke a lot, she told me she is doing therapy, she has depression, etc and other things that are rude to share. My statement is that after infatuation ends, you are stuck with that (in the case something is happening) and I think it's close to impossible to handle that as a human being. It is good that you recognize red flags for what they are. But why do you want to go down that road with her? But rather than walking away and wishing her well, you'd rather jump in and start something short term with her. Don't you think you'd be using her if you stay with her as long as your infatuation lasts? End then what? You are going to discard her no matter how nicely you are going to sugar coat your rejection. You are upset that she doesn't feel that ways about you but what about her feelings? The analogy is that I want to eat some candy and it is going to make me feel good as long as it lasts. But when it's over, I am going to throw the empty candy box away because I longer have any use for it. But how dare she take that candy away from me? She told you how she feels about you. If you choose to stick around, even as a friend, be honest about your feeling regarding how you don't see any future with her. Or better yet, stop talking to her and go date other women. The ones that both like you and you see a future with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 12, 2022 Share Posted July 12, 2022 11 hours ago, Thetree said: Actually, all day long I was thinking if I can switch this into a friendzone? Why would you bother? Just let it go. It won't be worth orbiting around her and hoping something changes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thetree Posted July 12, 2022 Author Share Posted July 12, 2022 She called me last night, she had therapy and talked a bit and she said she had to write down a lot of things, including about me. That moment I decided to really step back. I don't need this. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 12, 2022 Share Posted July 12, 2022 13 minutes ago, Thetree said: She called me last night, she had therapy and talked a bit and she said she had to write down a lot of things, including about me. That moment I decided to really step back. I don't need this. Good choice. And do not offer explanations. You owe her nothing. Just distance yourself and let this fade away. If she calls you, don’t answer. She’s just looking for her next gullible person whom she can manipulate, guilt trip, spin into her nonsense and so on. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 12, 2022 Share Posted July 12, 2022 49 minutes ago, Thetree said: She called me last night, she had therapy and talked a bit and she said she had to write down a lot of things, including about me. That moment I decided to really step back. Good. She sounds like a mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 12, 2022 Share Posted July 12, 2022 1 hour ago, Thetree said: She called me last night, she had therapy That moment was the time to say "we're not a match", then delete and block her. Unless she's paying you, don't be her therapist. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 12, 2022 Share Posted July 12, 2022 (edited) 15 hours ago, ShyViolet said: Why on earth would you *want* to try and come back from this, where the woman is SO not into you that she straight out told you "I'm not that into you"? That is all you need to know. Don't disrespect yourself by chasing a woman who is clearly not interested in you, and even worse is wasting your time by sending you mixed messages and playing games with you due to her own psychological issues. This only goes on for as long as you allow it. You should send her a simple text saying you cannot continue this pointless texting correspondence. And if she won't leave you alone and refuses to stop playing games with you, that's when you utilize the block function, which by the way NO is not childish. It's sometimes necessary for your own mental health and boundaries. Again, why on earth would you do this? What would be the point? Please have more self-respect than this. Don't put yourself in a position of desperation and be willing to take any crumbs she throws your way. 1000 likes^^, cut and paste to fridge and read every morning like an affirmation. Not just with this girl, but all women. No woman will ever respect you, let alone love you, if you don't respect yourself, and love yourself first. Edited July 12, 2022 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thetree Posted July 13, 2022 Author Share Posted July 13, 2022 I really don't get her game to be honest. Is she trying to keep me close? We small chatted last night, I stopped at a Mcdonalds for a quick bite and she said she would have joined me, not for eating, for being with me. Then in the middle of the night she sends me a tune called: Can't get you out of my mind. I responded: I know. I am ok, I really am, but I don't understand her game. For me this is a big turn off, always was. Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 3 hours ago, Thetree said: I really don't get her game to be honest. Is she trying to keep me close? We small chatted last night, I stopped at a Mcdonalds for a quick bite and she said she would have joined me, not for eating, for being with me. Then in the middle of the night she sends me a tune called: Can't get you out of my mind. I responded: I know. I am ok, I really am, but I don't understand her game. For me this is a big turn off, always was. I really don't think that she is playing any games. At least, not intentionally. I think that she is not interested in you "that way" but wants for you to stay in her orbit indefinitely. I have to say that she finds it very flattering having a male admirer, who would jump as soon as she asks, in her corner. I get it, as when I was younger, I was acting the same way. Now that I am older and a lot wiser, I don't do that anymore. I simply tell guys that I am not interested in to hit a road. If they don't get it, I block them. Calling her out on her hot-cold behavior is not going to do anything. If you are tired of her mind games or indecisiveness, END THINGS with her by blocking her. No explanation is required. But if you want to hold her hands and wipe away her tears whenever she asks you, be my guest. But this is not about her. This is about you. Why you are OK with being a friend or an orbiter is a better question. I am guessing that she is very good looking and you see as sleeping with her as eventual pay off. You have a power to end this nonsense any time but I don't think that you want to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thetree Posted July 13, 2022 Author Share Posted July 13, 2022 1 hour ago, Alvi said: I really don't think that she is playing any games. At least, not intentionally. I think that she is not interested in you "that way" but wants for you to stay in her orbit indefinitely. I have to say that she finds it very flattering having a male admirer, who would jump as soon as she asks, in her corner. I get it, as when I was younger, I was acting the same way. Now that I am older and a lot wiser, I don't do that anymore. I simply tell guys that I am not interested in to hit a road. If they don't get it, I block them. Calling her out on her hot-cold behavior is not going to do anything. If you are tired of her mind games or indecisiveness, END THINGS with her by blocking her. No explanation is required. But if you want to hold her hands and wipe away her tears whenever she asks you, be my guest. But this is not about her. This is about you. Why you are OK with being a friend or an orbiter is a better question. I am guessing that she is very good looking and you see as sleeping with her as eventual pay off. You have a power to end this nonsense any time but I don't think that you want to. But that is the point, I am noit going. We talked a few ways ago to clear the air from my point of view and told her that I respect her decision, but she will have to step up and accept it because that's it, she had her chance (in nicer words of course). I am really not the type that jumps when she snaps her fingers. Never was the type, always had my ego. As I said, I am reluctant on blocking her because we know each other for a few years now and I don't want to come as a kid that got upset he didn't get his toys. I am going out with someone else in the weekend. If she asks me to hangout I am going to be fair and tell her the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 (edited) 8 hours ago, Thetree said: I really don't get her game to be honest. Is she trying to keep me close? We small chatted last night, I stopped at a Mcdonalds for a quick bite and she said she would have joined me, not for eating, for being with me. Then in the middle of the night she sends me a tune called: Can't get you out of my mind. I responded: I know. I am ok, I really am, but I don't understand her game. For me this is a big turn off, always was. No game... sadly. She is literally not into you. Someone who cares about what you think wouldn't be hot/cold. You could tell her about seeing someone else over the weekend if she asks you to "hang out" but it's really none of her business. There's nothing going on between the two of you. I'd just leave the message unread for a few days and reply later that you were busy on the weekend. Edited July 13, 2022 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 14, 2022 Share Posted July 14, 2022 15 hours ago, Thetree said: For me this is a big turn off, always was. So why are you still responding to her? Your words don't match your own actions here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted July 14, 2022 Share Posted July 14, 2022 13 hours ago, Thetree said: As I said, I am reluctant on blocking her because we know each other for a few years now and I don't want to come as a kid that got upset he didn't get his toys. I find this interesting. You're worried about her perceiving you negatively for behaving with sense and maturity. But she's not worried about you perceiving her negatively for being selfish and playing childish mind games. Life can get complicated when you try really hard live up to the standards you imagine another person to have and that person cannot herself be bothered to live up to those standards. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thetree Posted July 14, 2022 Author Share Posted July 14, 2022 55 minutes ago, Acacia98 said: I find this interesting. You're worried about her perceiving you negatively for behaving with sense and maturity. But she's not worried about you perceiving her negatively for being selfish and playing childish mind games. Life can get complicated when you try really hard live up to the standards you imagine another person to have and that person cannot herself be bothered to live up to those standards. I think it comes down to how I was raised, to be honest. We usually hand out with the same crowd and I want to avoid something: Hei, did you block her because she wasn't into you? Are you twelve? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 14, 2022 Share Posted July 14, 2022 14 hours ago, Thetree said: I am going out with someone else in the weekend. Good idea. Make sure you are not getting caught up in the chase and wanting what you can't have. Don't be the dog at the track running after the bone he'll never get. Someone telling you they're not into you is a slap in the face, so why waste any time on that? Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 14, 2022 Share Posted July 14, 2022 The continued acceptance of substandard treatment from her even after she told you she's not THAT into you has little to do with how much you like her. A lot of your concerns and expectations are based on your own ego. A point to which you have already alluded. Don't let pride be your guide, my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thetree Posted July 14, 2022 Author Share Posted July 14, 2022 I understand "I am not that into you", I respect it, she told me instead of leading me on. I would have done the same. What I don't understand is what she is doing next, her reactions after that. She just asked me if I am home these days and if I have a mixer because she wants to cook me something. What's up with that? Who does that? Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted July 14, 2022 Share Posted July 14, 2022 1 hour ago, Thetree said: What I don't understand is what she is doing next, her reactions after that. She's keeping you warm in case nothing better comes along. Don't be surprised if she ramps up some effort after you tell her you have a date this weekend. If you're not willing to block her, then at least quit responding to her. Or respond ever so slowly and without any apologies or excuses for a slow response. She thinks she holds all the cards because you've stated your interest and she has declined. Therefore, in her mind, you are available whenever her ego needs a boost... or if she wants to borrow a mixer. Link to post Share on other sites
Sgthaytham Posted July 14, 2022 Share Posted July 14, 2022 Wouldn't you rather someone who throws themselves at you, cares about you, really digs you? What are you getting out this woman other than a headache and blue balls the size of watermelons? Grow a backbone and be congruent with yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 14, 2022 Share Posted July 14, 2022 (edited) >>Then in the middle of the night she sends me a tune called: Can't get you out of my mind.<< ____ What the... who the HELL sends someone (you) a tune with those words^ almost immediately after telling them "I am just not that into you"? What is wrong with people, jeez!! Lol THAT is a mixed double message if there ever was one, a total mind *. And imo it was intentional, very much so. I have no idea what's up with her, she sounds mentally unstable and if you don't want to block, arrange it so her messages get automatically sent to trash and don't give it or her another thought. Do this silently, do not lose your cool with her, which is what she may be hoping you do. It's a standard s*** test, don't fall for it, girl is bad news. Sorry. Edited July 14, 2022 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sgthaytham Posted July 14, 2022 Share Posted July 14, 2022 19 minutes ago, poppyfields said: >>Then in the middle of the night she sends me a tune called: Can't get you out of my mind.<< ____ What the... who the HELL sends someone (you) a tune with those words^ almost immediately after telling them "I am just not that into you"? What is wrong with people, jeez!! Lol THAT is a mixed double message if there ever was one, a total mind *. And imo it was intentional, very much so. I have no idea what's up with her, she sounds mentally unstable and if you don't want to block, arrange it so her messages get automatically sent to trash and don't give it or her another thought. Do this silently, do not lose your cool with her, which is what she may be hoping you do. It's a standard s*** test, don't fall for it, girl is bad news. Sorry. I must have missed that. Really manipulative of her. She's definitely playing games and OP should jump ship asap. Toxic ASF Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 14, 2022 Share Posted July 14, 2022 2 hours ago, Thetree said: What I don't understand is what she is doing next, her reactions after that. She just asked me if I am home these days and if I have a mixer because she wants to cook me something. What's up with that? Who does that? I don't think it matters in the slightest. There is only one thing that matters: how you feel about it. It is a bit curious to me that you still keep the lines of communication open with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 14, 2022 Share Posted July 14, 2022 6 hours ago, Thetree said: She just asked me if I am home these days and if I have a mixer because she wants to cook me something. Is it possible she put you in the friendzone but you want to stay in the hope-zone? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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