Person who hurt me keeps coming back

[Qfan12_]

So I am posting this here as I don’t have anyone to talk about regarding this as my family and friends do not like the person in question due to how they treated me and their personal habits. 

About 5/6 years ago I started dating someone I met at university. We hit it off, had a lot in common, lots of laughs when after my feelings grew for them about 5 months in, they just disappeared without a word. I was heart broken and tried to contact them with no avail, and therefore just moved on with my life. 

3 years later they came back with a long message of why they left, feeling that they were not enough for me and that I could do better without them. I forgave them and gave them a second chance so we started seeing each other again.

During this time when  we agreed to meet up, they were always 2 hours late or never responded to my messages regarding plans till later that night. I work long hours in the week so my weekends are precious. I had allocated my weekend based on plans that we would do something together, but I felt all my time was being wasted with them not responding to me or them turning up 2 hours late, even though we had discussed doing something. The excuses would come pouring in too as why they were late, or couldn’t let me know why they were busy. 

In the end I just wouldn’t buy it anymore and the relationship fizzled out. It put me in quite a bad place for a while but I got over it. During that time I didn’t contact them and kept them on mute as I just needed to move on. I know they have tried to contact me in the past, but I was seeing someone at the time and didn’t want to let anything cloud me as it wouldn’t be fair on me or the person I was with. 

Recently they have got in contact again saying they miss me so much and their life isn’t complete without me and they have changed their ways. I am not with anyone at the moment but the fact is I feel numb, or I guess I don’t know how I feel.  I do miss their company but I don’t want to get hurt again. I have been trying to work on myself a lot, and I was happy being alone. This has all thrown me. I wouldn’t want to go back to the way things were at all. I know my parents and friends do not like them but part of me is thinking what if. 

Can someone help me snap out of this, or knock some sense into me. I really don’t know what to do. My head is so muddled. 

[FMW]

Honestly it would be smarter to stay away from them. People don't generally change in these situations.  

But since you are tempted to try again, f you choose to give them another chance, this needs to be the last one.  That means if they start showing up late or ignoring messages, that's it.  No more chances.

[Wiseman2]

17 minutes ago, Quizfan12 said:

 my family and friends do not like the person in question due to how they treated me and their personal habits. 

I forgave them and gave them a second chance so we started seeing each other again. In the end I just wouldn’t buy it anymore and the relationship fizzled out. was with. 

Recently they have got in contact again saying they miss me so much and their life isn’t complete without me and they have changed their ways.

Sorry this is happening. What personal habits do your parents dislike about him? 

Whenever an ex contacts you, it's for their own reasons. Lonely, bored, dry spell, horny, just broke with somebody, etc. 

On/off relationships are fraught with unresolved conflicts and incompatibilities combined with unhealthy attachment and lack of other opportunities.

Avoid a lot of headaches and heartaches and delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

It's time to  move forward and leave pain and hurtful jerks in the past

Edited July 12, 2022 by Wiseman2

[BaileyB]

It’s the old saying - hurt me once, Shane on you.

Hurt me twice, shame on me… because, I didn’t learn the lesson, I allowed you back into my life, and you hurt me again. 

This individual can only “come back” into your life if you invite them - tell them to scram, and you won’t have a problem. 

32 minutes ago, Quizfan12 said:

I know my parents and friends do not like them but part of me is thinking what if. 

To quote Dr Phil, the best predictor of future behavior, is past behavior. There is no “what-ifs” - you’ve seen this before, you know what’s going to happen…

One more quote, from Maya Angelou, “When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.”

[Qfan12_]

@Wiseman2 they have a history with gambling so that doesn’t sit well with my friends or family. Also they all know what I have been through before.

Thank you all for your advice. @BaileyB those quotes have really resonated. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Quizfan12 said:

they have a history with gambling so that doesn’t sit well with my friends or family. Also they all know what I have been through before.

Listen to your parents and steer clear of him.

[glows]

4 hours ago, Quizfan12 said:

So I am posting this here as I don’t have anyone to talk about regarding this as my family and friends do not like the person in question due to how they treated me and their personal habits. 

About 5/6 years ago I started dating someone I met at university. We hit it off, had a lot in common, lots of laughs when after my feelings grew for them about 5 months in, they just disappeared without a word. I was heart broken and tried to contact them with no avail, and therefore just moved on with my life. 

3 years later they came back with a long message of why they left, feeling that they were not enough for me and that I could do better without them. I forgave them and gave them a second chance so we started seeing each other again.

During this time when  we agreed to meet up, they were always 2 hours late or never responded to my messages regarding plans till later that night. I work long hours in the week so my weekends are precious. I had allocated my weekend based on plans that we would do something together, but I felt all my time was being wasted with them not responding to me or them turning up 2 hours late, even though we had discussed doing something. The excuses would come pouring in too as why they were late, or couldn’t let me know why they were busy. 

In the end I just wouldn’t buy it anymore and the relationship fizzled out. It put me in quite a bad place for a while but I got over it. During that time I didn’t contact them and kept them on mute as I just needed to move on. I know they have tried to contact me in the past, but I was seeing someone at the time and didn’t want to let anything cloud me as it wouldn’t be fair on me or the person I was with. 

Recently they have got in contact again saying they miss me so much and their life isn’t complete without me and they have changed their ways. I am not with anyone at the moment but the fact is I feel numb, or I guess I don’t know how I feel.  I do miss their company but I don’t want to get hurt again. I have been trying to work on myself a lot, and I was happy being alone. This has all thrown me. I wouldn’t want to go back to the way things were at all. I know my parents and friends do not like them but part of me is thinking what if. 

Can someone help me snap out of this, or knock some sense into me. I really don’t know what to do. My head is so muddled. 

If you have this person on mute how did you see any messages? Did the person contact you in another way or did you unmute? 

There's nothing left here and it seems all bridges were burnt. Be wary about any addictions and crap habits like gambling. Why would you want to babysit a person with issues handling money or who can't be trusted in some way? Not to mention poor time management too. You would be babysitting this person 24.7 if it ever took off the ground (which it never did, not surprisingly). Continue blocking and muting the person. Of course he/she misses you and their life isn't complete without you if you're nothing like this person and have your life together.

Edited July 12, 2022 by glows

[vla1120]

This person only seems to contact you when they have nothing better going on and they have no problem whatsoever disappointing you and/or dropping you like a hot potato when it serves them. You already gave them a second chance and they disappointed you yet again. Don't fall for it again. 

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, Quizfan12 said:

I don’t want to get hurt again. 

Then you need to block this person and not give them the time of day again. 

You are clearly a fall-back option to them, and not a priority. Don't be fooled by frilly words. They have already showed you twice that they are insincere and not that into you. You have to stop falling for their act.