overthinking it?

[psheldon22]

Hey,

I really like this guy. I am in my early 30s and he is 19. In all honesty, I don't know if I would have looked at him twice because of him being younger than me but he started flirting with me and at the beginning, iI thought it would be innocent fun but I am now hooked. The thing is that when he messages me he is sweet and uses loving emojis which to me mean a lot, (perhaps not to him) and lets me know he is counting the days to see me again. when we are actually spending time together he teases me a lot and sometimes I think he tries to make me jealous but he never makes a pass, not even when we are alone. he knows I like him. I know I could make a pass but I don't want to get it wrong? I am older after all and maybe it is all in my head? Is he interested or he is playing with me. I am aware this can never be a serious relationship but I like him and want him. I feel like a 16-year-old and I often tell myself he is only a young boy but the feelings are strong. I don't think is love but I want him badly. Is it that wrong?

[FMW]

At 19 he is legally an adult.  But emotionally he's probably still very much a boy, so it's probably best to try and just enjoy the interest and flirtation without ever acting on it.  Put more effort into doing something to meet men closer to your age to help distract yourself from thoughts about him.  I don't think it's a good idea to let yourself keep getting more interested in him so I can't encourage you to let this go any further.

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, psheldon22 said:

Is he interested or he is playing with me.

We can’t tell you that. Only he can tell you that.

If you decide to pursue this, I would just caution you to remember that the difference in “life stage” pretty significant between 19 and early 30’s. I would say, adjust your expectations accordingly. 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, psheldon22 said:

I am in my early 30s and he is 19. he is counting the days to see me again. when we are actually spending time together he teases me. I don't think is love but I want him badly.

How did you meet? Do you work together? Does he live with his parents? Unless he make a move, slow down and reflect why you want an encounter with a teen.

[Alvi]

I think that plenty of young bucks around his age are drawn to an older more experienced woman rather than someone their won age. Men his age or slightly older are hitting on me on various dating sites. Not that I would ever go for it.

But why do you think it would be a good idea for yourself to get involved with someone barely legal? Especially with plenty of single guys around your own age.

[glows]

11 hours ago, psheldon22 said:

Hey,

I really like this guy. I am in my early 30s and he is 19. In all honesty, I don't know if I would have looked at him twice because of him being younger than me but he started flirting with me and at the beginning, iI thought it would be innocent fun but I am now hooked. The thing is that when he messages me he is sweet and uses loving emojis which to me mean a lot, (perhaps not to him) and lets me know he is counting the days to see me again. when we are actually spending time together he teases me a lot and sometimes I think he tries to make me jealous but he never makes a pass, not even when we are alone. he knows I like him. I know I could make a pass but I don't want to get it wrong? I am older after all and maybe it is all in my head? Is he interested or he is playing with me. I am aware this can never be a serious relationship but I like him and want him. I feel like a 16-year-old and I often tell myself he is only a young boy but the feelings are strong. I don't think is love but I want him badly. Is it that wrong?

It's interesting that you say you feel like a 16 year old. You may be reliving part of your youth. He's easy, impressionable and likely has low/zero expectations so this comes as no surprise if he's attracted to you. It's a common fantasy for younger men to hook up with an older woman. Definitely no surprise there, even predictable. 

I don't think his attraction to you is in your head but this is way too easy. The part I'd focus on is feeling young again and potentially reliving that youth. Maybe you're making up for lost time or growing up too fast or feeling pressured in other areas of life. This is an escape.

[Brian1223]

Gosh. I am in 31 myself, I couldn't even imagine being involved with a 19 year old. Sure the attention would be flattering, but I would NEVER pursue anything further than some innocent flirting. He's basically a kid in terms of mental maturity. 

[poppyfields]

OP, I know it's hard to be objective about yourself but are you attractive?  Do you believe you are a woman that a young 19 year old man could be attracted to?

It's impossible to know his motivations but it IS possible he's toying with you.  I do think what is posted below is a bit much, and having 5 brothers, I recall when they were 19, they would toy with a vulnerable woman for a laugh, not to be intentionally mean, but just cuz they're immature, bored, whatever. 

But again it's difficult to know.

If me, I think what's bolded below would have me shaking my head and rolling my eyes at the whole thing, again it's a bit much to say the least. 

I would NOT be taking it OR him seriously.

14 hours ago, psheldon22 said:

the thing is that when he messages me he is sweet and uses loving emojis which to me mean a lot, (perhaps not to him) and lets me know he is counting the days to see me again.

 

Edited July 14, 2022 by poppyfields

[Alvi]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

OP, I know it's hard to be objective about yourself but are you attractive?  Do you believe you are a woman that a young 19 year old man could be attracted to?

It's impossible to know his motivations but it IS possible he's toying with you.  I do think what is posted below is a bit much, and having 5 brothers, I recall when they were 19, they would toy with a vulnerable woman for a laugh, not to be intentionally mean, but just cuz they're immature, bored, whatever. 

But again it's difficult to know.

If me, I think what's bolded below would have me shaking my head and rolling my eyes at the whole thing, again it's a bit much to say the least. 

I would NOT be taking it OR him seriously.

I am sure that quite a few young men have a MILF fantasy. Don't think that they would mind it at all making it a reality. Wasn't there an American Pie movie franchise where the young guys are fantasize about the Stiffler's mom? Older, available and more experienced woman, this is what he probably sees in her.  He may not say no to a sexual experience if she comes on to him. But the best thing for him that the OP could do is to leave him alone. Especially with so many guys her own age out there.

[poppyfields]

57 minutes ago, Alvi said:

I am sure that quite a few young men have a MILF fantasy. Don't think that they would mind it at all making it a reality. Wasn't there an American Pie movie franchise where the young guys are fantasize about the Stiffler's mom? Older, available and more experienced woman, this is what he probably sees in her.  He may not say no to a sexual experience if she comes on to him. But the best thing for him that the OP could do is to leave him alone. Especially with so many guys her own age out there.

I don't disagree however in this case I think the fact he hasn't made a direct play for her but yet is confident and bold enough to send loving emojis and tell her he is counting the days until he sees her again? 😳

Sounds like a bunch of you know what.

I wouldn't be taking it seriously, just me.

 

Edited July 14, 2022 by poppyfields

[Alvi]

7 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I don't disagree however in this case I think the fact he hasn't made a direct play for her but yet is confident and bold enough to send loving emojis and tell her he is counting the days until he sees her again? 

Yes, having read this, I think you might be right. He is just playing her. Probably thinks this is just harmless fun. 

[psheldon22]

17 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

How did you meet? Do you work together? Does he live with his parents? Unless he make a move, slow down and reflect why you want an encounter with a teen.

He is a friend of my flatmate. He spends a lot of time in our flat. It is not that I am looking for an encounter with a teen. I only started to notice him after he started flirting with me.

[psheldon22]

12 hours ago, Alvi said:

I think plenty of young bucks around his age are drawn to an older more experienced woman rather than someone their won age. Men his age or slightly older are hitting on me on various dating sites. Not that I would ever go for it.

But why do you think it would be a good idea for yourself to get involved with someone barely legal? Especially with plenty of single guys around your own age.

He is definitely older for his age and it is perhaps because of it I am not looking or thinking of his age. I look at him like a young man that flirts with me and is making me attracted to him.

[psheldon22]

10 hours ago, glows said:

It's interesting that you say you feel like a 16 year old. You may be reliving part of your youth. He's easy, impressionable and likely has low/zero expectations so this comes as no surprise if he's attracted to you. It's a common fantasy for younger men to hook up with an older woman. Definitely no surprise there, even predictable. 

I don't think his attraction to you is in your head but this is way too easy. The part I'd focus on is feeling young again and potentially reliving that youth. Maybe you're making up for lost time or growing up too fast or feeling pressured in other areas of life. This is an escape.

INteresting point @glows. I have not had many partners and I started dating quite late. I know many people are mentioning the age gap and I do understand it is important, but he is older in his ways, I never see his age only an interesting, smart and attractive young man

[ExpatInItaly]

He might be interested, but keep in mind that "interested" at 19 has a different meaning and implications than it does in your 30s. 

At 19, most aren't anywhere near mature enough for proper dating and healthy, mature relationships. So while this young man might be interested in some fun, it is very unlikely to be more than that, particularly with someone a lot older. He might seem older than 19, but he isn't. He doesn't have the experience that comes with age yet and that will almost surely be evident as you get to know him. 

Remember that should you choose to proceed, and keep your expectations very low. 

Edited July 15, 2022 by ExpatInItaly

[poppyfields]

On 7/14/2022 at 12:40 AM, psheldon22 said:

I have not had many partners and I started dating quite late.

This^ may explain why you're unable to recognize the signs that he's playing you.

To me it's very obvious.

Again, him (or any man) telling a woman they've never bothered or cared to ask out on a date "I'm counting the days until I see you again," come on now, this boy/man is toying with you. 

You sound vulnerable to manipulative tactics, and a bit naive tbh.

I'm not saying this to be mean I promise you, but to open your eyes because a woman as inexperienced and vulnerable as you is prey for manipulative men who may want more than to simply toy with you.

They may ask you for money and you believing their affection is genuine and sincere, might give it to them!  Believing you have a future.

I find it interesting you haven't responded to any of my posts which suggests you prefer to live in denial and sorry to say a bit of delusion. 😞

I won't respond anymore but please consider these things, I would hate to see you become more invested emotionally only to get hurt in the end. 

Take care of you, you only have one heart, learn to protect it cuz trust me no one else will. 

Edited July 15, 2022 by poppyfields

[smackie9]

He's young dumb and full of you know what. If you want him, take him and have some fun with it. I doubt there is going to be anything more than that. It's not illegal. You are an adult, you can figure this out. Just remember to use condoms.