Trying to figure out the dating game again

[letotron454]

I have been out of the dating world for quite a few years. I got divorced about 3 years ago and have just spent my time working on myself, discovering things that I used to enjoy, as well as new things that I like to do. I've reached this point where I'm content on my own but also desire having another person in my life. The problem comes in that the dating world is so confusing to me nowadays. I literally have no idea when someone is expressing interest and when they are just being friendly. I dated one woman briefly who literally had to bluntly tell me that she was interested in me. That is the level of clueless I am these days. Now I've been talking to a co-worker that I have a lot in common with and find myself in the same situation of being completely uncertain. Which is weird at the same time because some of my other co-workers see us talking a lot and when they are talking to me refer to her as "my girlfriend" Which I never really know how to respond to that and just simply tell them the truth which is that we're not dating.

I suppose my question is for those that have been out of the dating world for awhile did you have this much confusion when you decided to step back into it? If so, how did you get back into the groove of the dating game?

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, letotron454 said:

I have been out of the dating world for quite a few years. I got divorced about 3 years ago and have just spent my time working on myself, discovering things that I used to enjoy, as well as new things that I like to do. I've reached this point where I'm content on my own but also desire having another person in my life. The problem comes in that the dating world is so confusing to me nowadays. I literally have no idea when someone is expressing interest and when they are just being friendly. I dated one woman briefly who literally had to bluntly tell me that she was interested in me. That is the level of clueless I am these days. Now I've been talking to a co-worker that I have a lot in common with and find myself in the same situation of being completely uncertain. Which is weird at the same time because some of my other co-workers see us talking a lot and when they are talking to me refer to her as "my girlfriend" Which I never really know how to respond to that and just simply tell them the truth which is that we're not dating.

I suppose my question is for those that have been out of the dating world for awhile did you have this much confusion when you decided to step back into it? If so, how did you get back into the groove of the dating game?

 

it would help to know your age range. Different age ranges are different.

the general rule is you do not date coworkers you regularly work with….especially if both of you are in professional fields.  With very large employers you can date coworkers if you don’t regularly work with them. For example, say for a special project you worked with someone from a department you don’t work with. You worked on this and developed something with this person. After the project was done you could ask her about dating.  Ifyou have a large employer who has a building lunch p,ace and you go down there for lunch. By going down there regularly something gradually developed by getting to know others therr that you don’t e er see thry work, it’s fine to date them.

as you get to know someone you should find out the basics about personal life like married/ involved etc.  generally if they socialize with you they like you. Try to do something outside of work like happy hour or some weekend gathering.  This woman youwere clueless on….what did you do together that might signal her liking you that you missed?

 

at work..if you seem to socialize slot snd do lunch together you will become work bf/ gf

 

dont rely on work to date. Look at other avenues of social interaction. It gets harder as you get older and not in your early 20s where nany are busy with life and need to do things so aren’t free to just hang out.

 

online dating us an avenue to use which cuts thru theBS of not knowing if they are even single/ available.

 

another issue to understand and realize. You know what’s important to you. Do you want to sacrifice that to date someone?is it possible to find someone who share these interests?

 

if youare younger like mid 30s-early 50s…what are your views on children…having them and taking care of them?  In that time you coukd be at different points of life where one wants to start a family or have young kids, while the other has their kids nearly off to college.  You are at different points in life.

 

 

 

 

 

[letotron454]

58 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

 

it would help to know your age range. Different age ranges are different.

the general rule is you do not date coworkers you regularly work with….especially if both of you are in professional fields.  With very large employers you can date coworkers if you don’t regularly work with them. For example, say for a special project you worked with someone from a department you don’t work with. You worked on this and developed something with this person. After the project was done you could ask her about dating.  Ifyou have a large employer who has a building lunch p,ace and you go down there for lunch. By going down there regularly something gradually developed by getting to know others therr that you don’t e er see thry work, it’s fine to date them.

as you get to know someone you should find out the basics about personal life like married/ involved etc.  generally if they socialize with you they like you. Try to do something outside of work like happy hour or some weekend gathering.  This woman youwere clueless on….what did you do together that might signal her liking you that you missed?

 

at work..if you seem to socialize slot snd do lunch together you will become work bf/ gf

 

dont rely on work to date. Look at other avenues of social interaction. It gets harder as you get older and not in your early 20s where nany are busy with life and need to do things so aren’t free to just hang out.

 

online dating us an avenue to use which cuts thru theBS of not knowing if they are even single/ available.

 

another issue to understand and realize. You know what’s important to you. Do you want to sacrifice that to date someone?is it possible to find someone who share these interests?

 

if youare younger like mid 30s-early 50s…what are your views on children…having them and taking care of them?  In that time you coukd be at different points of life where one wants to start a family or have young kids, while the other has their kids nearly off to college.  You are at different points in life.

 

 

 

 

 

Myself I'm a 44 male with no children.

I work at a pretty large company and we don't work in the same area so we very much have to go out of our way to talk to each other. Hypothetically if we were to try to make a run of things and it didn't work out, it wouldn't really be an issue that would affect our job performance. Otherwise yes, dating a co-worker is something I would steer clear of. We don't even have the same lunch schedule.

The girl I dated briefly. I can't even tell you what I missed that could have been signs that she had interest. To me, we just simply talked a lot all throughout the day and if one of us was going somewhere would invite the other to come along. I simply interpreted her hugging me or something as simple as walking close to me as just being friendly. We remain good friends to this day although it is strictly platonic. She's never been married but has a son.

I tried online dating briefly and it was just a terrible experience. There was just so many people on there that it became very apparent that they were fake accounts and overall seemed like I was wasting my time trying to interact on there or people I did talk to just didn't really catch my interest to much. I've played the game where I bent too much to try to make things work and all it ended up with was a cheating wife. I'm no longer willing to bend over backwards to be with anyone.

I had been thinking about seeing if this new current girl wanted to do something pretty low-key that didn't quite constitute a date like going for a walk in the park. She found out I like taking my dog to the park and has mentioned how she enjoys going to the park a few times.

Edited July 16, 2022 by letotron454

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, letotron454 said:

  something pretty low-key that didn't quite constitute a date like going for a walk in the park. 

Why not start with a coffee break? A walk in the park isn't a good idea until you get a better read on things. Keep in mind, even if dating co-workers is ok in your company, many people don't want the headaches and gossip of workplace romances.

Edited July 16, 2022 by Wiseman2

[Maldives]

10 hours ago, letotron454 said:

I have been out of the dating world for quite a few years. I got divorced about 3 years ago and have just spent my time working on myself, discovering things that I used to enjoy, as well as new things that I like to do. I've reached this point where I'm content on my own but also desire having another person in my life. The problem comes in that the dating world is so confusing to me nowadays. I literally have no idea when someone is expressing interest and when they are just being friendly. I dated one woman briefly who literally had to bluntly tell me that she was interested in me. That is the level of clueless I am these days. Now I've been talking to a co-worker that I have a lot in common with and find myself in the same situation of being completely uncertain. Which is weird at the same time because some of my other co-workers see us talking a lot and when they are talking to me refer to her as "my girlfriend" Which I never really know how to respond to that and just simply tell them the truth which is that we're not dating.

I suppose my question is for those that have been out of the dating world for awhile did you have this much confusion when you decided to step back into it? If so, how did you get back into the groove of the dating game?

Nope, in fact things are much more crystallised when it comes to figuring out wether the other person is interested or not. 

[Ami1uwant]

13 hours ago, letotron454 said:

Myself I'm a 44 male with no children.

I work at a pretty large company and we don't work in the same area so we very much have to go out of our way to talk to each other. Hypothetically if we were to try to make a run of things and it didn't work out, it wouldn't really be an issue that would affect our job performance. Otherwise yes, dating a co-worker is something I would steer clear of. We don't even have the same lunch schedule.

The girl I dated briefly. I can't even tell you what I missed that could have been signs that she had interest. To me, we just simply talked a lot all throughout the day and if one of us was going somewhere would invite the other to come along. I simply interpreted her hugging me or something as simple as walking close to me as just being friendly. We remain good friends to this day although it is strictly platonic. She's never been married but has a son.

I tried online dating briefly and it was just a terrible experience. There was just so many people on there that it became very apparent that they were fake accounts and overall seemed like I was wasting my time trying to interact on there or people I did talk to just didn't really catch my interest to much. I've played the game where I bent too much to try to make things work and all it ended up with was a cheating wife. I'm no longer willing to bend over backwards to be with anyone.

I had been thinking about seeing if this new current girl wanted to do something pretty low-key that didn't quite constitute a date like going for a walk in the park. She found out I like taking my dog to the park and has mentioned how she enjoys going to the park a few times.

With OLD what sites did you use?  Sometimes paid sites can be better at finding only those seriously looking vs free ones where peop,e use it because it’s free.

 

Are you involved in church or social groups outside of work where you might meet others?

 

if you have a dog, a dog park would bea great spot to meet others. Just like a kids playground the dogs/ kids can break the ice and start conversations with others.

[smackie9]

IMO don't date coworkers. It can get UGGGGLLLLLYYYY when things fall flat on it's face. About dating/dating apps, if they keep saying yes to dates, they are interested. I get it at 44 it's a little harder to meet people because it's not like being 20 when the only priority is going out and meeting people. Getting involved with group activities, clubs, events set up for singles is a good start.

[letotron454]

15 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why not start with a coffee break? A walk in the park isn't a good idea until you get a better read on things. Keep in mind, even if dating co-workers is ok in your company, many people don't want the headaches and gossip of workplace romances.

We work in different departments so our breaks and lunches are at different times.

[letotron454]

8 hours ago, Ami1uwant said:

With OLD what sites did you use?  Sometimes paid sites can be better at finding only those seriously looking vs free ones where peop,e use it because it’s free.

 

Are you involved in church or social groups outside of work where you might meet others?

 

if you have a dog, a dog park would bea great spot to meet others. Just like a kids playground the dogs/ kids can break the ice and start conversations with others.

I've used OkCupid, Match.com, and plentyoffish. I've talked to a few people on there but no real luck.

I've tried getting involved in some local meeting groups but they were pretty unsuccessful as far as making some new friends. I do have friends as is but I was hoping to be able to expand my social circle. That proved pretty challenging due to shyness and an inability to spark conversation with people that are unfamiliar to me. When people are unfamiliar to me I tend to struggle with finding the right words or I get to speaking too fast. Unfamiliar people in general make me rather nervous.

I do have a dog but people often times will look at him, smile at him, and continue on their way. Not that I take him out to the park with intention of trying to meet anyone.

[letotron454]

4 hours ago, smackie9 said:

IMO don't date coworkers. It can get UGGGGLLLLLYYYY when things fall flat on it's face. About dating/dating apps, if they keep saying yes to dates, they are interested. I get it at 44 it's a little harder to meet people because it's not like being 20 when the only priority is going out and meeting people. Getting involved with group activities, clubs, events set up for singles is a good start.

I can't say that I disagree about not dating co-workers but at the same time my brain also goes but what if by not doing A because of B I've missed out on something. In this particular case, while it could get ugly (if she even has any sort of interest) it's not something I'm too worried about being that we don't work in the same area or even have the same break. The only real concern would be other people gossiping.

I've tried getting involved with some group activities in my area in an attempt to try to make some new friends but that proved really challenging just because I'm a pretty shy person and trying to think of something to say to spark a conversation passed a few sentences isn't something that comes naturally to me unfortunately.

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, letotron454 said:

I've used OkCupid, Match.com, and plentyoffish. I've talked to a few people on there but no real luck.

I've tried getting involved in some local meeting groups but they were pretty unsuccessful as far as making some new friends. I do have friends as is but I was hoping to be able to expand my social circle. That proved pretty challenging due to shyness and an inability to spark conversation with people that are unfamiliar to me. When people are unfamiliar to me I tend to struggle with finding the right words or I get to speaking too fast. Unfamiliar people in general make me rather nervous.

I do have a dog but people often times will look at him, smile at him, and continue on their way. Not that I take him out to the park with intention of trying to meet anyone.

How does work go? What sort of work do you do? Do you talk to peop,e you don’t know?

[chillii]

On 7/17/2022 at 10:43 AM, letotron454 said:

In this particular case, while it could get ugly (if she even has any sort of interest) it's not something I'm too worried about being that we don't work in the same area or even have the same break. The only real concern would be other people gossiping.

lf your so separate at work , it wouldn't stop me then and if something was to start up and actually last, it wouldn't matter anyway. Maybe you could meet it in the middle without laying too much out there to start, ask if she'd just like to grab a coffee or a few drinks after work or something to start. Things would probably automatically just flow into more from there if she is interested.

Edited July 19, 2022 by chillii

[letotron454]

On 7/19/2022 at 7:37 AM, chillii said:

lf your so separate at work , it wouldn't stop me then and if something was to start up and actually last, it wouldn't matter anyway. Maybe you could meet it in the middle without laying too much out there to start, ask if she'd just like to grab a coffee or a few drinks after work or something to start. Things would probably automatically just flow into more from there if she is interested.

Thanks for the reply. She came up to me yesterday actually and asked if I would be interested in going to dinner after work on Friday since neither one of us drinks. My work schedule has me at work about 30 minutes later than she does but considering the place we are going is just right around the corner from work I think it'll be casual enough to not put too much pressure on either of us.

[glows]

3 hours ago, letotron454 said:

Thanks for the reply. She came up to me yesterday actually and asked if I would be interested in going to dinner after work on Friday since neither one of us drinks. My work schedule has me at work about 30 minutes later than she does but considering the place we are going is just right around the corner from work I think it'll be casual enough to not put too much pressure on either of us.

It looks like women feel comfortable being around you and taking the lead. That's a good sign. Go with the flow on this and see where it goes. I don't agree with dating coworkers myself but plenty of people do happen to meet their partners at work. Be prepared to remain professional if there's a fall out. 

[introverted1]

On 7/15/2022 at 10:21 PM, letotron454 said:

I had been thinking about seeing if this new current girl wanted to do something pretty low-key that didn't quite constitute a date like going for a walk in the park. She found out I like taking my dog to the park and has mentioned how she enjoys going to the park a few times.

Sounds perfect. Good luck!