Author Smokedoa Posted July 26, 2022 Author Share Posted July 26, 2022 10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Did she accuse you of abuse? Dis respected and Mentally abused Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokedoa Posted July 26, 2022 Author Share Posted July 26, 2022 11 hours ago, Alpacalia said: The alcohol and blackouts aside. There may not have been a mention of it in this thread, but I am curious to know what the general theme was of the argument had with your fiancé (have you any recollection of what was said in the heat of the moment?). Changing your attitude toward her will come naturally once you start feeling better about yourself. In response to your question, there isn't much you can specifically do. It's more important that she knows that you are taking some accountability and thinking about how you can prevent it from happening again. That communicates that you care. A few hiccups are inevitable in any interdependent relationship. Some are more serious than others, while others can be recovered. In the end, it's how we handle them that counts! Honestly all the arguments were over stupid situations that should have never escalated the way it did,like I said before we never ever even had a dis agreement before,these are all recent things that has been going on with me the last one I told her it was over! a few times,I don’t know why??? I don’t remember when I black out I just remember the beginning, but I have an appointment on the 1st to see my therapist to figure out what the hell is going on in my head that I get triggered like this it’s weird Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokedoa Posted July 26, 2022 Author Share Posted July 26, 2022 18 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: We know how you view yourself, OP. How do you think she views you right now? She looks at me as someone that can snap at any moment,she doesn’t want to feel mentally abused for the rest of her life.as of right now she sees the changes but thinks they are temporary and I will fall back,she probably feels like she can’t trust me,the fire is gone that she used to have for me and that’s my fault 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokedoa Posted July 26, 2022 Author Share Posted July 26, 2022 2 hours ago, basil67 said: I said exactly that to my ex-h when I'd run out of chances to give. Even if she does decide to give you another chance, it will be a very long time before she lets go of your history. I'm talking about years, not months. As long as there’s a chance I have nothing but years for her,My plan was to spend the rest of my life with her and grow old together,she’s the only girl I pictured that with Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 26, 2022 Share Posted July 26, 2022 I'm wondering about the situation at present. Are you still living together? If so, is she warm or cool towards you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokedoa Posted July 26, 2022 Author Share Posted July 26, 2022 46 minutes ago, basil67 said: I'm wondering about the situation at present. Are you still living together? If so, is she warm or cool towards you? Yes I’m currently sleeping in another room,we do get along really good and there definitely is no fighting,just not intimate with each other,she hasn’t made a decision on where are relationship gonna be is what she is saying,she hasn’t told me that we are done Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 26, 2022 Share Posted July 26, 2022 (edited) 3 hours ago, Smokedoa said: the last one I told her it was over! a few times,I don’t know why??? You told her what was over? Your relationship? Or that you wouldn't drink and snap at her? I think you are right in your assessment that she is reluctant to risk putting her hand back on the stove once it has burned her. As far as your fiancée is concerned, she has shut down emotionally. Your current status is that of a roommate. Your roommates, not partners. It is because she doesn't feel happy around you that she has distanced herself from you. This is not a matter of her cooling off or punishing you, but rather a much deeper issue. My ex was making a lot of effort to work things out. He tried to rekindle our relationship, but the love I once had for him died. I lost interest in him until I no longer felt anything. By the end, I had lost all respect for him. It might not be just a few drunken fights you had with her that prompted this. Relationship neglect leads to being where you are, but verbal abuse (or any abuse for that matter) takes you over the line. Perhaps arriving at this point results from other issues that went ignored and unresolved. That's something you'll have to work out in therapy. Edited July 26, 2022 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokedoa Posted July 26, 2022 Author Share Posted July 26, 2022 (edited) 44 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: You told her what was over? Your relationship? Or that you wouldn't drink and snap at her? I think you are right in your assessment that she is reluctant to risk putting her hand back on the stove once it has burned her. As far as your fiancée is concerned, she has shut down emotionally. Your current status is that of a roommate. Your roommates, not partners. It is because she doesn't feel happy around you that she has distanced herself from you. This is not a matter of her cooling off or punishing you, but rather a much deeper issue. My ex was making a lot of effort to work things out when I reached that point. He still tried to rekindle our relationship, but the love I once had for him had already died. I gradually lost interest in him until I no longer felt anything for him. By the end, I had lost all respect for him. It might not be just a few drunken fights you had with her that prompted this. Relationship neglect leads to being where you are, but verbal abuse (or any abuse for that matter) takes you over the line. Perhaps arriving at this point results from other issues that went ignored and unresolved. That's something you'll have to work out in therapy. Yup I messed up! I will handle all this in therapy… I definitely didn’t mean it I really didn’t know what I was saying at the time,but I’m gonna get help for sure Edited July 26, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 26, 2022 Share Posted July 26, 2022 (edited) I'm glad to hear that. It's wonderful to see you taking action! Good-luck. 🙂 Edited July 26, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokedoa Posted July 26, 2022 Author Share Posted July 26, 2022 10 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: I'm glad to hear that. It's wonderful to see you taking action! Good-luck. 🙂 Thankyou ☺️ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted July 28, 2022 Share Posted July 28, 2022 On 7/26/2022 at 6:29 AM, Smokedoa said: I’m gonna get help for sure Here's one important thing to realize: you're not getting help to save your relationship. You're getting help to become a better you (whether for this partner or the next). The different is between needing to get help (or she'll leave you) and wanting to get help (because you want to be a better person). 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokedoa Posted July 28, 2022 Author Share Posted July 28, 2022 3 hours ago, Will am I said: Here's one important thing to realize: you're not getting help to save your relationship. You're getting help to become a better you (whether for this partner or the next). The different is between needing to get help (or she'll leave you) and wanting to get help (because you want to be a better person). I agree! I’m definitely need to get help for myself so the ones I love and are close too me won’t get hurt Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokedoa Posted July 29, 2022 Author Share Posted July 29, 2022 4 hours ago, S2B said: So the work to get help. don’t expect her to necessarily stay long term. It doesn’t always work out after the person stays sober long term. For a variety of reasons. What do you mean? Link to post Share on other sites
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