Mito Posted July 17, 2022 Share Posted July 17, 2022 My fiancé let his 24 year old daughter and her baby daddy along with his 2 year old grandchild move in with him. He has a large house. I have two younger children so won’t be a grandmother anytime soon. We used to frequently have dinner or spend weekends together. Now he does not see me until his grandchild is asleep or not home. Because the child cries if he leaves… He babysits everyday. But he said he loves every moment of it. If he comes to see me he’ll say how bad he felt leaving his grandchild. He now vacations with them because he wants to be there when the grand child first sees a beach/waterfall/Disneyland etc. I feel completely deprioritized as he seems to be the “third parent” and says it’s the thrill of his life (being with grandchild). I guess I’m a lower rated thrill? We’ve been together 6 years but I’m feeling unneeded in this scenario. And no I’m not invited to join in events as his daughter still thinks it’s too soon after her mothers death…6 years later. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 17, 2022 Share Posted July 17, 2022 6 minutes ago, Mito said: My fiancé let his 24 year old daughter and her baby daddy along with his 2 year old grandchild move in with him. He babysits everyday. But he said he loves every moment of it. He now vacations with them because he wants to be there when the grand child first sees a beach/waterfall/Disneyland etc. it’s the thrill of his life (being with grandchild). Sorry this is happening. How old is he? Is he retired? He seems happy having his daughter, grandchild and the father living with them and babysitting. he seems to enjoy having family around. Sadly he is sort of putting the relationship on the backburner with all his excitement about the grandchild. Where do you see this relationship going after 6 years? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mito Posted July 17, 2022 Author Share Posted July 17, 2022 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this is happening. How old is he? Is he retired? He seems happy having his daughter, grandchild and the father living with them and babysitting. he seems to enjoy having family around. Sadly he is sort of putting the relationship on the backburner with all his excitement about the grandchild. Where do you see this relationship going after 6 years? Well frankly I’ve tried to invite him out to dinner and said I’m lonely etc. it’s in one ear and out the other. We do see each other every night (basically 9:30pm until he falls asleep) since he babysits daily he often falls asleep even while I’m talking to him ☹️. And he has to rush off before the grandchild gets up in the morning. I don’t suspect anything else is going on but he’s clueless about the abrupt shift and I now spend all my dinner times and weekends mostly alone except for my own kids who are great but not the same as a partner. I’m feeling pretty pessimistic at this point. He’s 55 and retired. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted July 17, 2022 Share Posted July 17, 2022 If you feel like you are a lower priority in his life now, it's probably because you are. He is showing you where his priorities are. He's most interested in spending time with his family now, and he is not including you in that. You have no control over the situation and you can't make him spend more time with you if he isn't putting in the effort. It's really up to you whether you are willing to continue this dynamic, or just end the relationship. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 17, 2022 Share Posted July 17, 2022 7 minutes ago, Mito said: We do see each other every night (basically 9:30pm until he falls asleep) since he babysits daily he often falls asleep even while I’m talking to him ☹️. And he has to rush off before the grandchild gets up in the morning. Stop having him sleep over or disrupt your life. That is your only recourse. When you accept this demotion, you condone it. Did he take this on after he retired? He seems to want to find some meaning in his life after retiring and being widowed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mito Posted July 17, 2022 Author Share Posted July 17, 2022 26 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Stop having him sleep over or disrupt your life. That is your only recourse. When you accept this demotion, you condone it. Did he take this on after he retired? He seems to want to find some meaning in his life after retiring and being widowed. He had retired before his wife died to take care of her (cancer) they were on the verge of divorce/separated but when she was diagnosed he sold his business and moved back to help and be with his daughter. So he was not exactly a grieving widower; but he’s very close to his daughter. We were planning to travel and then the pandemic and grandchild born during pandemic….and all our plans were killed. I’m really thinking of moving on. I’ve tried to say hey can’t we even grab coffee once in awhile? But the kids only two and dominates our conversations as well. It’s great he’s a good grandfather but I need a life partner. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 17, 2022 Share Posted July 17, 2022 Yeah, blood is thicker than water and having his child and grandchild back under his roof is making his large house feel more like home now and that's where he wants to be. I would break up with him if I were you OP and let him spend time with his family. Probably his ex-wife's death really made him value time and his family more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mito Posted July 17, 2022 Author Share Posted July 17, 2022 2 minutes ago, stillafool said: Yeah, blood is thicker than water and having his child and grandchild back under his roof is making his large house feel more like home now and that's where he wants to be. I would break up with him if I were you OP and let him spend time with his family. Probably his ex-wife's death really made him value time and his family more. That’s how I feel. Six more years of my life wasted and lonely and discarded again. It’s really hard. Thank goodness I have my kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 The six years weren't wasted, I'm sure if you think about it you enjoyed a large part of that time. You lived, you learned. Unfortunately it just didn't turn out to be a permanent situation. Now that it is clearly making you feel devalued, don't remain in the relationship. Free yourself to go out and spend more time with friends in the free time you will no longer be spending with him. Be open to meeting other men, men who are available and interested in spending their time with you. Staying in this situation will only make you feel worse as time goes on. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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