I'm becoming the other woman- I know I'm going to get hurt

[Amitheotherwoman]

18 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

And you trust this man who you know to be lying to his wife about the fact that he is pursuing another woman because…

Perhaps because I want to. Gosh I feel pathetic.

[ExpatInItaly]

This man is deceptive to the woman he's married to, and he has a lot to lose there. 

You can bet that since he's got zero to lose with you, lying to you would be as easy as brewing his morning coffee. Wouldn't bother him one bit. MM lie, OP. You need to operate under the assumption that he lies to you when it suits him. 

[ClearEyes-FullHeart]

2 hours ago, Amitheotherwoman said:

It really gets me down that I’m 37 & I’ve not met someone. That I’ve not had children & that time us running out. That I’m the only one of my friends who hasn’t. 
 

maybe that’s how I’ve entertained it thus far. Not justifying I’m just so tired of feeling lonely & constantly trying so hard & always pretending I’m ok 

I understand but becoming and OW will only make you feel more lonely and worse long term, as you will be the second class citizen and you’d be with a man who cheats. I know it is hard but try not to compare yourself to your friends. The grass always seems greener and you are not old. Many of my friends had babies at 40 (some had two, all healthy). 

I met my husband at 40 though the relationship hit the rocks 12 years later and ended. There is no way to predict the future but you must put yourself FIRST, honor yourself and require a relationship partner to put you first, and live your values. Becoming the OW will destroy so much of your self worth. Read the pages there. Hugs and best of luck breaking it off so you will be open and receptive to someone worthy of you.

[Allupinnit]

Molly, you in danger, girl.

Run as far and as fast as your little feet will carry you away from this certain destruction.  You are being played BIG TIME, and I'm certain this isn't the first time he's done this.  He's seems very skilled at getting you to let your guard down and I dare say you are already involved in an emotional affair.  You both claim to be thinking about each other all the time, that's not friends that's infatuation.

Did you date him before?  

The price you will pay for sticking your hand on the stove will be astronomical pain to your heart and will take you a very long time to recover from, wasting your precious time.  Being lonely is so hard, I know - I didn't meet my H til I was 37.  I met every loser on the planet or so it felt.  But now we have been married almost five years and and have built a really great life together.  We travel, we just bought a house, we have a dog we are crazy about, and he supports everything I want to do.  The right man for you may not look like what you thought he would.

Edited July 24, 2022 by Allupinnit

[Allupinnit]

Also how did you end up back in touch?  Did someone look the other up on social media?

[Amitheotherwoman]

3 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

Molly, you in danger, girl.

Run as far and as fast as your little feet will carry you away from this certain destruction.  You are being played BIG TIME, and I'm certain this isn't the first time he's done this.  He's seems very skilled and getting you to let your guard and I dare say you are already involved in an emotional affair.  You both claim to be thinking about each other all the time, that's not friends that's infatuation.

Did you date him before?  

The price you will pay for sticking your hand on the stove will be astronomical pain to your heart and will take you a very long time to recover from, wasting your precious time.  Being lonely is so hard, I know - I didn't meet my H til I was 37.  I met every loser on the planet or so it felt.  But now we have been married almost five years and and have built a really great life together.  We travel, we just bought a house, we have a dog we are crazy about, and he supports everything I want to do.  The right man for you may not look like what you thought he would.

Loving the ghost reference!

I had no idea how helpful & insightful thus forum would be. I’m actually sat here in tears. I don’t want to be in thus situation. Im just so tired of not feeling loved & whilst this is definitely not the answer the feelings I get are the closest thing I have. Sad to admit but Gosh easier to do so to strangers!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Amitheotherwoman]

2 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

Also how did you end up back in touch?  Did someone look the other up on social media?

I got in touch with him. There was no indication he was married on his social media, as he works in education so doesn’t have personal pictures up etc. 

 

we never dated. We met when I worked in a bar and he was a customer. We exchanged numbers & would chat but I couldn’t believe he liked me. I was very damaged then. When he did ask me out I made excuses. 

[BaileyB]

11 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

I met every loser on the planet or so it felt.  But now we have been married almost five years and and have built a really great life together.  We travel, we just bought a house, we have a dog we are crazy about, and he supports everything I want to do. 

Second. And you know, all those years of waiting and wanting kind of melted away when I met my partner…

It’s no consolation when you are waiting and wanting, I know. But, life has many chapters - 

[BaileyB]

4 minutes ago, Amitheotherwoman said:

There was no indication he was married on his social media, as he works in education so doesn’t have personal pictures up etc. 

It could also be because it would not support his interest in pursuing other women…

[BaileyB]

5 minutes ago, Amitheotherwoman said:

We met when I worked in a bar and he was a customer. We exchanged numbers & would chat but I couldn’t believe he liked me. I was very damaged then. When he did ask me out I made excuses. 

It is possible that he attempted to prey on your vulnerability then in much the same way that he is doing the same now…

[Amitheotherwoman]

1 minute ago, BaileyB said:

It is possible that he attempted to prey on your vulnerability then in much the same way that he is doing the same now…

I know it sounds like that but I don’t think he’s like that. He’s not like a hugely confident guy or Anything . He’s unassuming and we bonded over music initially 

[Amitheotherwoman]

4 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Second. And you know, all those years of waiting and wanting kind of melted away when I met my partner…

It’s no consolation when you are waiting and wanting, I know. But, life has many chapters - 

I’ve become to deaf to that after being told it so much 

[BaileyB]

1 minute ago, Amitheotherwoman said:

I know it sounds like that but I don’t think he’s like that. He’s not like a hugely confident guy or Anything . 

He’s attempting to cheat on his wife. He is like that. 

[BaileyB]

Just now, Amitheotherwoman said:

I’ve become to deaf to that after being told it so much 

I know. I was too…

[Wiseman2]

20 minutes ago, Amitheotherwoman said:

I got in touch with him. we never dated. We met when I worked in a bar and he was a customer. We exchanged numbers & would chat but I couldn’t believe he liked me. I was very damaged then.

Sorry this is going on. Backpedaling to your "damaged" days doesn't seem like you are happy or moving forward in your life.

[Amitheotherwoman]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is going on. Backpedaling to your "damaged" days doesn't seem like you are happy or moving forward in your life.

May seem like that from a few paragraphs. I am in a good place in my self but frustrated with having not met someone yet and feeling lonely. Very different to my 20s

[Amitheotherwoman]

33 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

He’s attempting to cheat on his wife. He is like that. 

I mean he does seem like the type to have done it before 

[Amitheotherwoman]

15 minutes ago, Amitheotherwoman said:

I mean he does seem like the type to have done it before 

Doesn’t *

[SummerDreams]

Lets think for a moment that the miracle happens and he divorces his wife today and tomorrow he proposes. Are you ready to become a woman who destroyed a marriage, who will now be the stepmom for kids who literally hate her, having relatives in law, friends and co-workers who see you as the other woman and in all this mess you will some day bring a child of your own? How will this child be perceived from its half siblings, the relatives of its father, its father social circle in general?

I think if you answer these questions you have the solution in front of you.

[Wiseman2]

35 minutes ago, Amitheotherwoman said:

I am in a good place in my self but frustrated with having not met someone yet and feeling lonely.

That's ok. It's normal to want someone in your life and want to meet someone compatible. However a married man is a band aid, not a solution to loneliness.

In fact it's like putting a band aid  on a cancer pretending it will just disappear. Your loneliness and isolation will grow exponentially while simultaneously lowering your self esteem and self respect exponentially.

[Amitheotherwoman]

3 minutes ago, SummerDreams said:

Lets think for a moment that the miracle happens and he divorces his wife today and tomorrow he proposes. Are you ready to become a woman who destroyed a marriage, who will now be the stepmom for kids who literally hate her, having relatives in law, friends and co-workers who see you as the other woman and in all this mess you will some day bring a child of your own? How will this child be perceived from its half siblings, the relatives of its father, its father social circle in general?

I think if you answer these questions you have the solution in front of you.

To be honest, none of that puts me off. But I don’t think he will leave his wife tomorrow! 

[SummerDreams]

I rest my case 💜

[BaileyB]

11 minutes ago, Amitheotherwoman said:

To be honest, none of that puts me off.

Kindly, it should. 

But, the idea that he would leave his wife to chose to be in a relationship with you is a pretty big assumption. At this point, it would seem that he is primarily looking for sex. 

Edited July 24, 2022 by BaileyB

[Davina1]

3 hours ago, Amitheotherwoman said:

The weekends are already making me feel shitty as in general we aren’t in touch much then. And i get that that’s a very good reminder of why this is such a bad idea. It’s pathetic really but I feel like he cares about me and I’m scared to lose it. 

Yes and it will get worse .  You will feel extremely shitty and the jealousy will eat you up . So yourself a favour and listen  up to everything here .   You have no idea of the hurt you will feel .  And he won’t  be thinking of you when you are sitting waiting on an odd text message to arrive 

[Amitheotherwoman]

8 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Kindly, it should. 

But, the idea that he would leave his wife to chose to be in a relationship with you is a pretty big assumption. At this point, it would seem that he is primarily looking for sex. 

I agree. And it’s been 5 weeks of talking. I’m not thinking he’s going to leave his wife tomorrow.