Ex still around and affecting my mental well being

[Anna_T]

Hi there,

 

I´d just like some opinions on how to deal with the following as I am having difficulty:

A few years ago I had a relationship for 5 months with a co-worker. It did not go well, I was in my late thirties and he was in his early thirties. As co-workers he seemed like the kindest, sweetest person in the world, but when we took things to the next level I  saw that he had many emotional and sexual issues. Unfortunately I fell pregnant, wanted to have the baby and he told me that I would not be able to count on him, that he wasn´t even interested in me and wanted to date other women (and men). I also found out around this time that there was a lot of mental health issues in his family (brother and uncle were diagnosed with schizophrenia, another brother was bi polar..). He would also ignore me if he saw me in the street, but then would come and ring my bell at 2 in the morning. I´ve never had such a toxic relationship before or since. I decided to terminate the pregnancy and cut all contact. It was an incredibly difficult decision, I didn´t want to keep working with him, and left town for 5 years. I came back to town a year ago and have picked up with my old friends/co-workers and old job. This ex of mine has become very close to my friends and co-workers from before. So, I allowed him to come into my life as a friend. 

I also decided to buy a home in the town, there´s been some delay, so I went to stay at the house of a couple that are our mutual friends.I move in in 7 weeks.

In the time that I have reestablished a friendly relationship with my "ex", (I´ll refer to him as M) I thought we were doing well. And I was quite pleased with myself that I have been able to forgive and forget the past, although we have never spoken about that time. 

Then three months ago M, who is an artist and writer published a book of poems and sent me a copy. In it, he has written a poem about me, with very personal and intimate details and my full name, first and second name in the title. He sells this book at book fairs. He never asked me for permission and I told him that I wasnt happy about it. We then had a conversation about love. He told me that for him he would want a partner who he would have sex witjh, but that he would have no problem if this person also had sex with his friends. And that he also would have to right to do this. He then suggested that we "get back together". I was shocked, and told him, that I have no good memories of our "relationship" and I ever laughed about the improbability of the suggestion. I am after all a monogamous person. Since then M has been unpleasant towards me. I tried to resolve this by speaking to him, but he essentially told me to "F off" and he doesn´t want anything more to do with me. 

Now, I live in the house of mutual friends. He is over every day. In the month that has passed since he told me to F off, my father was taken ill, hospitalised and died. M knows this and comes to the house and ignores me. Not one word of kindness, or compassion. He even stays over sometimes. There are 3 sofas in this house and one is outside my bedroom. This morning, he was asleep on the sofa outside my bedroom. 

Now, I am having great difficulty with this. The couple I live with are closer to him than to me. I have no right to say anything to them, but I don´t understand how the wife, another woman can allow him to be so present in the house when there is clearly an enormous amount of tension. And then to allow him to sleep on the sofa outside my room. I´m upset. I feel like someone ran me over in their car and then is now in my house every day. The couple I live with were not around when the initial relationship happened. And also they only know the "nice" side and I haven´t really told them a lot about the past, just the bare details. But I have told them that he has emotional issues with women and should probably go to the psychologist. Like I say I don´t think he´s a bad person, I just don´t want him in my life. I tried and this is the situation I am in now.

And I have to be in this house for another 7 weeks. I really can´t go anywhere else. I´m annoyed at the wife for having so little empathy with me. She is young, they are a young couple. I have already tried to talk to M after the first F off and like I say he told me to F off again.

I feel sad and upset about this. Any thoughts and words of wisdom much appreciated.

 

 

Edited July 24, 2022 by Anna_T

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Anna_T said:

I also decided to buy a home in the town, there´s been some delay, so I went to stay at the house of a couple that are our mutual friends. move in in 7 weeks.

Do you have  other friends or family you can stay with? Or at least some sort of affordable motel/bnb? They have every right to have him there, so unfortunately it's you who will have to remove yourself from the situation.

Edited July 24, 2022 by Wiseman2

[stillafool]

Sorry but he is a closer friend to them than you.  I agree with Wiseman that you should rent a hotel to stay in if his being there is making you uncomfortable.  Personally, I wouldn't care if an ex I know longer cared about told me to f-off.  I would say it back and then ignore him until it was time for my departure.  However, you seem to expect kind words from him.  You should leave.