nninnaa Posted July 25, 2022 Share Posted July 25, 2022 Hello everyone. Tried searching the topics to see if anyone else had this problem... We work in the same building, but different departments. We have a lot of sexual tension between us, and he has acknowledged that. We flirt with each other all the time and it has become really painfully obvious and getting more sexually fueled......He is 13 years my senior. This back and forth has been going on for too long now. I don't understand why he won't just make the move already? I have given him the green light and he has given me the green light, but neither of us are stepping up. I am old fashioned and waiting on him to do it.... About him: he's late 40's, never been married, sleeps around A LOT and has been with a ton of women. He is "eternal bachelor" type,,, Doesn't express his feelings, comes off as kind of not caring about anything,....you know the type?? He is very good looking and the women at work are always throwing themselves at him, which I'm sure he loves. It's kind of sickening to watch, really. On a side note, I dated his friend for a bit a while back. Would that make a difference as to why he won't do anything? But I only dated his friend after months and months of him not doing anything, so when friend approached me and was open and expressive with me, I accepted. The romantic fling part didn't last long, but we are still friends. And the crush guy knows that. It is so frustrating to see someone daily, know that we both want each other, but he won't do anything about it. I know nobody has the answer to this, and the whole thing sounds ridiculous....but i just needed to get this out. I feel like a total loser. He acts interested, (other colleagues have noticed) but doesn't do anything. Should I just start ignoring him? Its starting to hurt my feelings and I don't want to play into his flirtations anymore.... thanks for listening. Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted July 25, 2022 Share Posted July 25, 2022 43 minutes ago, nninnaa said: On a side note, I dated his friend for a bit a while back. Would that make a difference as to why he won't do anything? Usually, yes. But as the “crush” was a crush before you dated this friend it tells me that the crush isn’t really that interested. He might be flirtatious, but that doesn’t mean he wants to try anything. If he’s an attractive guy who sleeps around a lot, then “flirtatious” is his middle name, and these guys are usually flirtatious with anybody at work, from the female CEO to the hot secretary, all the way to the cleaning lady and the random female department manager. It’s just their personality. And they try everywhere. And what sticks, sticks. Maybe - if you are really super-intrigued by him, try to be more proactive. He might bite. He’s probably used to a lot of female attention, and draws on plentiful resources. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted July 25, 2022 Share Posted July 25, 2022 1 hour ago, nninnaa said: Its starting to hurt my feelings and I don't want to play into his flirtations anymore.... What feelings are getting hurt? He’s a womanizer. If you want to have sex with him go for it. He’s not the type to date anyone though. Unless that’s what you’re hoping for? A relationship? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 25, 2022 Share Posted July 25, 2022 2 hours ago, nninnaa said: I feel like a total loser. He acts interested, (other colleagues have noticed) but doesn't do anything. Should I just start ignoring him? Its starting to hurt my feelings You probably should not proceed. Your feelings and self-esteem are already wrapped up in this and it's going to hurt more if he sleeps with you and then moves on to the next woman - and you still have to work together. It sounds to me like he's just having fun with the flirting and you're taking it too seriously. Even if he did make a move, it's likely not going to end well. I would stop the flirting and find a guy you don't describe in such unfavourable terms. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 25, 2022 Share Posted July 25, 2022 2 hours ago, nninnaa said: Hello everyone. Tried searching the topics to see if anyone else had this problem... We work in the same building, but different departments. We have a lot of sexual tension between us, and he has acknowledged that. We flirt with each other all the time and it has become really painfully obvious and getting more sexually fueled......He is 13 years my senior. This back and forth has been going on for too long now. I don't understand why he won't just make the move already? I have given him the green light and he has given me the green light, but neither of us are stepping up. I am old fashioned and waiting on him to do it.... About him: he's late 40's, never been married, sleeps around A LOT and has been with a ton of women. He is "eternal bachelor" type,,, Doesn't express his feelings, comes off as kind of not caring about anything,....you know the type?? He is very good looking and the women at work are always throwing themselves at him, which I'm sure he loves. It's kind of sickening to watch, really. On a side note, I dated his friend for a bit a while back. Would that make a difference as to why he won't do anything? But I only dated his friend after months and months of him not doing anything, so when friend approached me and was open and expressive with me, I accepted. The romantic fling part didn't last long, but we are still friends. And the crush guy knows that. It is so frustrating to see someone daily, know that we both want each other, but he won't do anything about it. I know nobody has the answer to this, and the whole thing sounds ridiculous....but i just needed to get this out. I feel like a total loser. He acts interested, (other colleagues have noticed) but doesn't do anything. Should I just start ignoring him? Its starting to hurt my feelings and I don't want to play into his flirtations anymore.... thanks for listening. I'm not sure what you're looking for - is it just sex or a casual fling with him or dating? He doesn't sound interested in dating you. He flirts with you but that's his default setting: flirt. Nothing special there. It's an orange being orange. Enjoy the flirting but find someone else who's more serious and interested in dating you. I don't think dating his friend has anything to do with it. It's doubtful he even thinks about dating you, or anyone else. You may get him horny but that's about it. His friend probably knows what he's like also. Since you work with him, keep things professional and on surface level only. I'm so sorry you're feeling frustrated but I think you're making this out to be more than what it really is. Remain polite. Don't respond to any other flirtatious comments if you're too busy to pay attention. Focus on work. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 25, 2022 Share Posted July 25, 2022 (edited) 3 hours ago, nninnaa said: he has given me the green light, but neither of us are stepping up. I am old fashioned and waiting on him to do it.... Kindly, "old fashioned" women don't go having casual sex with the office lothario. They save themselves for men who are interested in more than sex. What you need to be for this is the kind of woman who breaks rules and throws caution to the wind. Anyway, if what you say about his behaviour is true, this guy has many women flinging themselves at him, so he never needs to initiate. Why would he? So if you want to be one of the tons of women who've bedded him, tell him you've booked a hotel room. Edited July 25, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator civility 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Maldives Posted July 25, 2022 Share Posted July 25, 2022 (edited) 3 hours ago, nninnaa said: Hello everyone. Tried searching the topics to see if anyone else had this problem... We work in the same building, but different departments. We have a lot of sexual tension between us, and he has acknowledged that. We flirt with each other all the time and it has become really painfully obvious and getting more sexually fueled......He is 13 years my senior. This back and forth has been going on for too long now. I don't understand why he won't just make the move already? I have given him the green light and he has given me the green light, but neither of us are stepping up. I am old fashioned and waiting on him to do it.... About him: he's late 40's, never been married, sleeps around A LOT and has been with a ton of women. He is "eternal bachelor" type,,, Doesn't express his feelings, comes off as kind of not caring about anything,....you know the type?? He is very good looking and the women at work are always throwing themselves at him, which I'm sure he loves. It's kind of sickening to watch, really. On a side note, I dated his friend for a bit a while back. Would that make a difference as to why he won't do anything? But I only dated his friend after months and months of him not doing anything, so when friend approached me and was open and expressive with me, I accepted. The romantic fling part didn't last long, but we are still friends. And the crush guy knows that. It is so frustrating to see someone daily, know that we both want each other, but he won't do anything about it. I know nobody has the answer to this, and the whole thing sounds ridiculous....but i just needed to get this out. I feel like a total loser. He acts interested, (other colleagues have noticed) but doesn't do anything. Should I just start ignoring him? Its starting to hurt my feelings and I don't want to play into his flirtations anymore.... thanks for listening. I can only speak for myself but I would not date a mates ex-girlfriend never that's a no-go for guys it's not cool. It can ruin friendships. Even if it was really casual or just a fling I still wouldn't. Plus just the thought that my friend has been intimate. I don't know Just doesn't sit well with me Edited July 25, 2022 by Goodguy05 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 25, 2022 Share Posted July 25, 2022 6 hours ago, nninnaa said: He is very good looking and the women at work are always throwing themselves at him. If he's the workplace wolf, the best thing to do is steer clear and don't be another woman who " throws herself at him". Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting interested available men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nninnaa Posted July 25, 2022 Author Share Posted July 25, 2022 thanks guys, appreciate the feedback.. a couple things i should clear up, not sure if it will make a difference or not, but... I have never seen him flirt back with another lady. he never does it in front of me. he also never mentions other women to me and has made it a point to tell me several times that he does not have a girlfirend (i didn't even ask lol) ... It feels he really liked ME for me, not only for sex and maybe that's why hes afraid to approach??...... its true, he gets women so easily, why would he initiate anything with me,, but if i have given him the green light and he still sleeps with other random people and not me, does that say anything? Why wouldn't he just make me one of the many, if he didn't care about me? Beyond the physical, we do have a really strong connection. We are actually kind of friends....or friendly, at least...we can't be true friends like hanging out alone together because we both know we are into each other and it would lead to sex...we are very much alike in a lot of ways, except the part that he is a player....i know it doesnt make sense for me to like him, but i can't describe the connection we have, beyond the physical flirtations....i don't know what he wants.... Re the friend thing, I get it, I wouldn't mess around with my best friends ex, but I don't know if guys are different about that and don't care. I guess everyone's different.. Re what is it iM looking for.....well in the beginning, I was lonely and just needed physical connection with someone, so I just thought i wanted to have sex with him...but we have grown to be closer and have an actual "friendship" and i actually like him. If i do sleep with him, i know it will be over for me lol i will probably fall in love with him... either way, i need to just move on. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted July 25, 2022 Share Posted July 25, 2022 1 hour ago, nninnaa said: but if i have given him the green light and he still sleeps with other random people and not me, does that say anything? Yes, it says that he most probably won’t sleep with you. Agreed - you should move on! Workplace affairs aren’t ideal anyway, so it’ll be a definitive win-win if you decide to look at other “prospects” instead. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted July 25, 2022 Share Posted July 25, 2022 it's very telling if you've been crushing on this guy for months/years? and you've literally never hung out with him outside of work, and sounds like you don't speak to him outside of work either. it's simple enough to even have lunch together if you are coworkers, or have a coffee break, any type of interaction that doesn't involve direct work. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 25, 2022 Share Posted July 25, 2022 5 hours ago, nninnaa said: .but we have grown to be closer and have an actual "friendship" But what does this friendship entail, exactly? It sounds like you're office buddies. But do you ever talk or see each other outside work? Yes, there might be some flirtation but it seems he doesn't want to take this further. I would not use that as a measuring stick of your attractiveness, which is what you seem to be doing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 25, 2022 Share Posted July 25, 2022 I'm confused. If he never flirts in front of you and never mentions other women to you, how do you he's promiscuous? Anyway, knowing that he's acknowledged the chemistry between you, and assuming that you're right about him having loads of casual sex and that he is an "eternal bachelor", the most logical reason he hasn't approached you is because he doesn't want to settle down into a relationship. He knows that you're an 'old fashioned girl' who likely wouldn't be OK with him loving and leaving you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 25, 2022 Share Posted July 25, 2022 17 hours ago, glows said: Enjoy the flirting but find someone else who's more serious and interested in dating you. I don't think dating his friend has anything to do with it. It's doubtful he even thinks about dating you, or anyone else. You may get him horny but that's about it. His friend probably knows what he's like also. He probably amuses himself with all the women he works with admiring him, flirting and building his ego. He doesn't bite because he's more than likely getting his needs met outside of his work place, as he should, and isn't in need for more. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nninnaa Posted July 25, 2022 Author Share Posted July 25, 2022 We have hung out outside of work several times, but never one on one. When I was dating his friend, the three of us would hang out also, or in a group with other non work friends. It is not just an office random thing, that is the whole reason why i am frustrated. We do interact outside of the workplace, via text or social media, giving each other lifts, etc... I'm not comfortable saying how i know about his history with women on here, but lets just say i do know. Yes we have known each other for a long time, and he was the first person after my divorce that I found myself attracted to. so maybe he was a distraction from my facing the pain of a failed marriage and finding myself alone again. and i held on too long. it's really hard to get all the details out on here, there are a lot of things i'm leaving out bc im just paranoid about posting in public lol typing this out helps me see, that I just need to not acknowledge his advances anymore. Wont make anymore excuses. If he wants me, he knows where to find me. (literally, we have been to each other's houses) Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 26, 2022 Share Posted July 26, 2022 10 hours ago, nninnaa said: thanks guys, appreciate the feedback.. a couple things i should clear up, not sure if it will make a difference or not, but... I have never seen him flirt back with another lady. he never does it in front of me. he also never mentions other women to me and has made it a point to tell me several times that he does not have a girlfirend (i didn't even ask lol) ... It feels he really liked ME for me, not only for sex and maybe that's why hes afraid to approach??...... its true, he gets women so easily, why would he initiate anything with me,, but if i have given him the green light and he still sleeps with other random people and not me, does that say anything? Why wouldn't he just make me one of the many, if he didn't care about me? Beyond the physical, we do have a really strong connection. We are actually kind of friends....or friendly, at least...we can't be true friends like hanging out alone together because we both know we are into each other and it would lead to sex...we are very much alike in a lot of ways, except the part that he is a player....i know it doesnt make sense for me to like him, but i can't describe the connection we have, beyond the physical flirtations....i don't know what he wants.... Re the friend thing, I get it, I wouldn't mess around with my best friends ex, but I don't know if guys are different about that and don't care. I guess everyone's different.. Re what is it iM looking for.....well in the beginning, I was lonely and just needed physical connection with someone, so I just thought i wanted to have sex with him...but we have grown to be closer and have an actual "friendship" and i actually like him. If i do sleep with him, i know it will be over for me lol i will probably fall in love with him... either way, i need to just move on. 55 minutes ago, nninnaa said: We have hung out outside of work several times, but never one on one. When I was dating his friend, the three of us would hang out also, or in a group with other non work friends. It is not just an office random thing, that is the whole reason why i am frustrated. We do interact outside of the workplace, via text or social media, giving each other lifts, etc... I'm not comfortable saying how i know about his history with women on here, but lets just say i do know. Yes we have known each other for a long time, and he was the first person after my divorce that I found myself attracted to. so maybe he was a distraction from my facing the pain of a failed marriage and finding myself alone again. and i held on too long. it's really hard to get all the details out on here, there are a lot of things i'm leaving out bc im just paranoid about posting in public lol typing this out helps me see, that I just need to not acknowledge his advances anymore. Wont make anymore excuses. If he wants me, he knows where to find me. (literally, we have been to each other's houses) He’s just toying with you because you’re easy to play with and tease. I’m sure he sees he gets a reaction out of you and that’s why he continues. If he’s not asking you out he’s not that interested. Why bother letting someone take up that space in your life? Practically good for nothing. I’m sure the fantasy feels nice. There are quite a few threads just like this but if it’s not amounting to anything, move on. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 26, 2022 Share Posted July 26, 2022 Given the added details and the fact that he has still never made a move, I think it's safe to say that he's not particularly interested, OP. Whether that's because you dated his buddy or he just sees you as a friend, it doesn't really matter. He's not taking the step to ramp it up so it's best to stop participating in the flirting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 26, 2022 Share Posted July 26, 2022 12 hours ago, nninnaa said: Yes we have known each other for a long time, and he was the first person after my divorce that I found myself attracted to. so maybe he was a distraction from my facing the pain of a failed marriage and finding myself alone again. and i held on too long. How can this be when you dated his friend first? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nninnaa Posted July 26, 2022 Author Share Posted July 26, 2022 51 minutes ago, stillafool said: How can this be when you dated his friend first? Not sure which part is unclear....... Crush was first man i felt attracted to after my divorce. Nothing transpired. A while later I met his friend, and dated him for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nninnaa Posted July 26, 2022 Author Share Posted July 26, 2022 I agree the consensus is to move on. I'm all for that. I just needed to vent my frustration bc I truly do not understand what he wanted from me. He was the one that asked for my number in the very beginning, a few weeks after we met. He had reached out to me a number of times through text before I ever met his buddy, but just sending me vague things that I reacted to... He has also invited me over a couple of times when he has had other friends over, but I did not go bc I have social anxiety and don't like to be around a bunch of peopel I don't know. I don't know what he expected me to do, when he'd reach out...Like i said, women flock to him and he might have thought that I was gonna be "easy" like them and take charge, but that is not how I am or have ever been. I guess i'll never know unless I ask him one day......or maybe call his bluff when he does engage with me again (which is like every other day) whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 26, 2022 Share Posted July 26, 2022 If you are interested, make that known. Otherwise, it’s time to stop creating this story on your head and move on with your life… Personally, I’m not dating anyone from work - especially not a guy who gets around with other women… 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 26, 2022 Share Posted July 26, 2022 1 hour ago, nninnaa said: I agree the consensus is to move on. I'm all for that. I just needed to vent my frustration bc I truly do not understand what he wanted from me. He was the one that asked for my number in the very beginning, a few weeks after we met. He had reached out to me a number of times through text before I ever met his buddy, but just sending me vague things that I reacted to... He has also invited me over a couple of times when he has had other friends over, but I did not go bc I have social anxiety and don't like to be around a bunch of peopel I don't know. I don't know what he expected me to do, when he'd reach out...Like i said, women flock to him and he might have thought that I was gonna be "easy" like them and take charge, but that is not how I am or have ever been. I guess i'll never know unless I ask him one day......or maybe call his bluff when he does engage with me again (which is like every other day) whatever. To be blunt it sounds like sex, no strings. You didn’t bite and need more work but he’s not that interested. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 26, 2022 Share Posted July 26, 2022 he sleeps around A LOT...which sounds to me he's used to being chased/approached. You want him, you make a move. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 26, 2022 Share Posted July 26, 2022 5 hours ago, nninnaa said: maybe call his bluff when he does engage with me again (which is like every other day) What sort of things is he actually saying to you? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 26, 2022 Share Posted July 26, 2022 9 hours ago, nninnaa said: Not sure which part is unclear....... Crush was first man i felt attracted to after my divorce. Nothing transpired. A while later I met his friend, and dated him for a while. It is unclear because of below it sounds like you dated the friend first and are worried that this guy doesn't want you because of it. On 7/24/2022 at 10:45 PM, nninnaa said: On a side note, I dated his friend for a bit a while back. Would that make a difference as to why he won't do anything? But I only dated his friend after months and months of him not doing anything, so when friend approached me and was open and expressive with me, I accepted. The romantic fling part didn't last long, but we are still friends. And the crush guy knows that. Link to post Share on other sites
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