NuevoYorko Posted July 30, 2022 Share Posted July 30, 2022 @OP: How is this working for you, though? What I have gathered from your threads is that you were involved with a woman who exhibited serious, deal - breaking behavior. Not many people would have been OK with it. I've talked about having close relationships with people with whom one had an intimate relationship. This whole sexual banter thing at the ski cabin and all the complicated game playing? NEVER. Add that to the vacation where she (and you too, I assume) invited not one, not two, but THREE men she's had sexual relationships with and with whom she also let you know she engages in sexual banter? Why did you choose to overlook all those blazing red flags? You're still wrapped up about it many months later. No amount of controls you could conceive of to enact would help you feel secure with this woman, because clearly she is a player and didn't take your relationship seriously. For me, and I imagine for most people, it's not a burning question whether she was having sex or wanted to with any of her harem of admirers. It's an easy decision to not choose a partner who has this or any other kind of behavior that is not conducive to her primary relationship with you. She sounds like a real mess. Try sticking exclusively with women who behave like trustworthy, stable, and, if you're interested in a relationship, who act like they are as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigmil Posted July 30, 2022 Author Share Posted July 30, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, glows said: In an ideal situation, this can work, yes. It’s more often the case that someone is insecure to start due to past unresolved issues and pandering to that type of insecurity is not healthy. Worse, if you have two insecure individuals feeding off of one another it’s only promoting a dysfunctional relationship. And even worse than two insecure individuals is an abuser or controlling person who is out of control and insists that they have no problem with jealousy. The main point of all this is dating someone compatible in the first place where misunderstandings and discussions ad nauseam over basic incompatibility are not required. Of course communication is always important but not where these discussions are a regular occurrence. I suppose it's how you approach it. That insecurity they brought into the relationship is part of their personal trauma, which you take on as a partner. Sharing those points which trigger you, and working through that is the caring and loving thing to do. I don't see that as pandering. [ ] The main conclusion is to find someone compatible, where those discussions aren't necessary in the first place -- that also seems reasonable. Edited July 30, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Reference to removed content Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 30, 2022 Share Posted July 30, 2022 7 hours ago, bigmil said: I suppose it's how you approach it. That insecurity they brought into the relationship is part of their personal trauma, which you take on as a partner. Sharing those points which trigger you, and working through that is the caring and loving thing to do. I don't see that as pandering. [ ] The main conclusion is to find someone compatible, where those discussions aren't necessary in the first place -- that also seems reasonable. I’d focus on compatibility and avoid enabling anyone with insecurities that are too deep. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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