Something I Can Never Have...

[Des]

Wow, where to start? I'm not sure. I have so much to say, and can only hope someone out there could help me. It is a long read, and I really... just need someone to read it and try to help, I don't know what I can do. So I've decided to break this up into portions to make it more understandable...

 

The Becoming -

Well, it all began somewhere around the beginning of this October. I started having these feelings for a girl in my school. Too be honest, it is the first time in my life that I have ever felt this way about anyone. It has since been about a month that I have been killing myself over it. As soon as I realized what it was that was bothering me, I became very depressed. Why? Well, I do realize that most guys have problems approaching girls, and that I'm not alone on this, but I somewhat disagree. All my life, I've had problems with people in general. Let's just say I'm not the most social of people. I talk to people, but I tend to keep to my group of friends and myself mostly. But the thing is, she isn't one of those ones that every guy wants, her group of friends aren't that popular either... I'm even friends with some of them. But it still seems like a near impossible thing for me to do, to just approach her. It would be way too awkward...

 

All That Could Have Been -

Ok this is the situation. As my luck would have it, just a few weeks before I started having these feelings, is where I messed up. Looking back during these weeks is when, what I think, was her showing interest in me. I know you can't always be sure, but I had a pretty good idea. During this time, I noticed things, like how she would always bring her friends over next to the lunch table where my friends and I sit everyday. She called me over and made multiple compliments about my shirts, even one time interrupting my conversation with a friend by tapping me on the shoulder. Which I found odd. Because really, we don't even know each other. We've never really spoken. Does that sound like anything out of the ordinary? I believe it was. But here's the worst of it. I really didn't know what to think then, I wasn't feeling like this. I pretty much just ignored her, and now I feel awful. I would love to go back in time, and do things differently... I may never forgive myself for that, it's so saddening. She has since then started setting at the opposite side of the cafeteria, and not ever saying anything to me... or making any more comments. I'm just sure I gave her the idea that I wasn't interested. This is where I thought all hope was lost.

 

And All That Is Left -

Well, I'm still not so sure that all hope is lost. Now, basically, the only time I ever see her is the classic in the halls between classes. Where, I can't figure out if it's my mind playing tricks on my or not, but she still acts kind of funny. I seems like every single day after first, and second block, we see each other in the hall. Everyday, I can't help but look at her. But everyday, to my surprise, I find her looking right back at me... not just looking, but trying to look. Sometimes I see her looking at me from behind other people, sometimes right up front. It also seems everyday, she always works her way over to the side of the hall I'm on, when ever she sees me coming. It could be all in my head. But I hope not. I just can't tell... if all is lost. I just don't know what I can do to send the message across without coming up front and saying it... It seems like smiling at her in the hall would come off weird too... I'm just so not good at this. What can I do?

 

Somewhat Damaged -

All that I am certain of now is that something needs to happen, I feel like I can't give up now, but this is killing me... literally. I get depressed like I have never before. Sometimes I can't even make myself eat. Most of the time I don't want to do anything but just set around and think about it... That can't be normal. It's killing everything else in my life. I'm almost 17 and I've never had a girlfriend... I've had friends that are girls, but not girlfriends... But honestly, I could care less about that. It's just the fact that I know I'll never see in anyone else, what I see in her. If this passes me by, I'm probably going to go on, living my life alone, by choice. That is why I found this site, I need to know what I can do about it. Should I just give up, and find a way to forget about her? Or is the only way out, through? Please, somebody, what do I do? I need some good answers here, and I need them badly.

 

Thank you for reading, and caring enough to reply. -Des.

[westernxer]

Trent would ignore her... you should too.

 

I think she likes the thrill of the chase.

[Tangerina]

It sounds like you hardly even know her... as hard as it sounds, I would say that you need to talk to her. There is no chance of anything changing if all you do is look at her across the hall instead of forming a real connection with her somehow. I know what it feels like to have that first intense crush in your life, but believe me, this isn't the end of romance for you, only the beginning... Although 16 might feel ancient when you are living it, for most people it is when they really first start coming out of their shells and forming meaningful relationships, both platonic and romantic... It sounds like she probably has a crush on you too and is probably just as shy as you, so make the first move, just talk to her sometime. She won't find it creepy, I promise you. Girls really like attention, I know I always loved it when boys talked to me, even if they didn't have a crush on me, but it sounds like she probably likes you too, which will be really exciting for her. Unfortunately, once you have an intense crush like you have that isn't based on any existing interaction or relationship it is sometimes really hard to take it out of the realm of fantasy and turn it into a real relationship, whether it is romantic or not. Go for it, just talk to her, trust me, or nothing will change... you can do it!

First things first, though... start eating, exercising, and generally doing things for yourself... you need to take care of yourself. First love can be so intense, but you can't let the intensity rule everything else in your life, because I hate to say it but it rarely lasts. I am not saying this to make you feel that what you feel isn't valid, it is very valid, but I am trying to put things in perspective to show you that this isn't the end of the road no matter what happens. I started seeing my first love when we were 16 and the relationship lasted for 3 years and meant the world to me, but he left me 5 months ago and now looking from the outside we just weren't for each other anymore, we had changed and grown up. Now I am with someone that I love just as much in a much more adult and fulfilling way.

My advice is put yourself first and start making yourself happy again (it is a big turn off when guys seem needy) and then just get your courage up and go talk to her.... you have nothing to lose except for the fantasy, and maybe a really cool reality to gain, or at least a reality check to help you move on.... I'd love to hear how it works out:)

[Des]

Thanks for the advice, Tangerina. I think I just need a little more time to work on it. I guess I'm having trouble trying to figure out what exactly to say without it seeming too random.. I'm not sure you could help me there. If not, I'll just try to figure that out myself.

[Tangerina]

Hehe, try "hows it going?" and go from there.... hmmm.... maybe wait til she is wearing cool clothes and tell her you like her t-shirt or something, girls dig that.... oh boy, maybe ask her to eat lunch with you in the cafeteria, that is a really good one.... Hmm... I know it is really scary to outright hit on someone, cuz I know I never have the guts to, but really the sexiest thing to me is when I guy is just straight about it and doesn't try to come up with ulterior motives... "hey, do you want to go on a date?" works so much better that "hey, lets hang out sometime" because then I just think they want to be friends and it never goes anywhere... since you don't already know her very well then "hey do you want to hang out sometime" is probably direct enough... but don't worry about sounding random, she will be so flattered that you want to talk to her:)