Want to date but don't want to get hurt

[Qfan12_]

Hi, not sure if anyone has had the same experience or has advice.

I am in my 30s and all since I was 18 I have been on and off dating sites. Had a few serious relationships and quite a few hurtful breakups to go with that. The past 5 or so years have been particularly hard with me having to cut ties with someone I cared about a lot, but I knew they were no good for me. 

I have, as you could say, been a serial dater. Over the past 2 years since covid restrictions have lifted, I have been on a vast number of dates. All of them unsuccessful. I only felt a connection with about 1 or 2 people. 

The past 2 months I deleted all online dating apps as I had enough of them and the meaningless connections they were bringing. I did have an ex try to come back rather incessantly (the person who was no good for me) but they hurt me a lot in the past and I am not sure I could trust them again. I miss the connection we had, but I don’t miss the confusion and hurt. 

On part I feel a huge sense I want to be alone and not let anyone in. I guess I am afraid of being hurt or things not working out, but another part of me is desperately lonely. 

I work long hours and I work alone, so don’t have much time to get out and socialise. My greatest fear is I am running out of time. I want to one day meet someone and have a family.

[glows]

17 minutes ago, Quizfan12 said:

Hi, not sure if anyone has had the same experience or has advice.

I am in my 30s and all since I was 18 I have been on and off dating sites. Had a few serious relationships and quite a few hurtful breakups to go with that. The past 5 or so years have been particularly hard with me having to cut ties with someone I cared about a lot, but I knew they were no good for me. 

I have, as you could say, been a serial dater. Over the past 2 years since covid restrictions have lifted, I have been on a vast number of dates. All of them unsuccessful. I only felt a connection with about 1 or 2 people. 

The past 2 months I deleted all online dating apps as I had enough of them and the meaningless connections they were bringing. I did have an ex try to come back rather incessantly (the person who was no good for me) but they hurt me a lot in the past and I am not sure I could trust them again. I miss the connection we had, but I don’t miss the confusion and hurt. 

On part I feel a huge sense I want to be alone and not let anyone in. I guess I am afraid of being hurt or things not working out, but another part of me is desperately lonely. 

I work long hours and I work alone, so don’t have much time to get out and socialise. My greatest fear is I am running out of time. I want to one day meet someone and have a family.

It seems your most recent ex was the one who hurt you. Take your time healing from the break up. And since it’s over, block or mute the contact so that person doesn’t keep hurting or upsetting you if there’s a problem respecting boundaries and your privacy. 

You can come back to the apps when you’re feeling better. If you’re rebounding or still hurt after a break up, people pick up on that. 

[Wiseman2]

No one wants to get hurt. All you can do is screen as well as possible, watch out for red flags and deal breakers and minimize risks. Avoid people with too many issues such as addictions, ex complications, personality problems, etc.

It's sort of like driving. No one wants to get in an accident, but there's a lot you can do to mitigate risk. Heartaches are not completely avoidable,so you'll have to take some risks, but more calculated risks. Keep your eyes open and just proceed with caution.