The Problem with Thinking You're Hot ****

[johan]

I've spent the last 20 months on a project that is very important to my company. I was hired onto it. When I was hired I was the only one on my team. As the needs were identified, more and more people were brought onto the team and a manager was hired. I was technical lead by default, although I also earned it.

 

It's the first time I've been in a position of leadership as a professional, and to be honest I think I earned the respect of my teammates. I was careful to always listen to their points of view. And I tried hard to make sure that decisions were made for the right reasons, not just because I wanted things a certain way. We developed a tight-knit team, and I considered myself more of a supporter. I tried to keep administrative stuff out of their hair, I went for consistency and predictability. I developed great trust with the customer and with management. I was always on the point, and I got so much recognition it was almost embarrassing.

 

My manager assigned me an excessive amount of work as we ramped up another part of the project. I told her I couldn't do it all, so she removed me from the lead position and left that to another smart guy on the team. She assigned me to organize the effort on this other aspect of the project. She told me that I'd done a good job and that it made more sense this way.

 

I always told myself if someone else came along who was better, then I'd step aside. And the lead position was never something I really needed, because I was more interested in being involved, not just scheduling and statusing and admin stuff.

 

Now that I've been put aside, my feelings are hurt. I feel left out. I also feel unappreciated, because no one seems to care. And I felt she made her decision before I ever spoke up. I feel like she just doesn't want me to have that kind of regard in the company, because people seemed to appreciate me more than her. A lot of people don't appreciate her, because she bends the truth and takes credit for things she didn't really do. So I'm kind of feeling like the project I was on top of is now ahead of me and it's just my job to keep up. And all the interesting stuff is now being done by this other guy. I think people's memories are short and I won't be given credit in the end for something someone else ended up delivering. I really like the guy, and he didn't even want the lead position. I'd really like to see things work out for him. But he's been given what I built and if he delivers, I'll just be there to watch it.

 

It's like I'm the dad and I have to watch the step dad raise my kids. He'll get the credit for what they become.

 

I'm trying to suck it up and figure it will all work out. I could handle this better if I didn't also just break up with my girlfriend. To much "loss" to process.

[Outcast]

Johan you need to take a step back and look at it realistically. It's kind of like dumping someone and then being upset when they move on. You told her you couldn't handle the revised job; everything she has done since is because you told her that.

 

I feel left out. I also feel unappreciated, because no one seems to care.

 

Work is not the place to get your emotional strokes, unfortunately. The workplace is as hard and cold as the cheapo furniture in it. They'll chew you up and spit you out when they've chewed all the juice out of you. Never forget that.

 

And I felt she made her decision before I ever spoke up.

 

I think that your feelings are misleading you.

 

I feel like she just doesn't want me to have that kind of regard in the company, because people seemed to appreciate me more than her.

 

Not really. You maybe wanted her to act all upset when you signed off the project but she wasn't going to do that. Now you're thinking she had it in for you but she's just doing the job.

 

Not meaning to be harsh, Johan, but take it from one bloodied more than once in these situations; do NOT give your heart to a job because they'll just cook it and slice it and serve it to you on a plate.

 

You sound like me; you care too much. You need to break yourself of the habit. You need to find your fulfilment other ways. In the meantime, you still have a job so focus on being a star in your own right doing the job you're doing - but without sacrificing your self to it.

[slubberdegullion]

The workplace is as hard and cold as the cheapo furniture in it. They'll chew you up and spit you out when they've chewed all the juice out of you. Never forget that... Not meaning to be harsh, Johan, but take it from one bloodied more than once in these situations; do NOT give your heart to a job because they'll just cook it and slice it and serve it to you on a plate.

Outcast is SOOOO right. I wish it weren't true, but it is. It is a jungle whereby the tiniest hint of weakness is pounced upon like hyenas on a lame antelope. The world of work is about one thing and one thing only; making as much money as possible in the shortest period of time, regardless of the consequences to the people, the environment, the customers and mankind overall.

[johan]

I know, I know. Fortunately I haven't made a big deal out of it. Thinking objectively, something had to give. I didn't choose one way or the other, I just told her I couldn't do it all. I drew up two scenarios and she chose. I actually don't think she chose well, but it's her choice to make.

 

Things work out, and sooner or later I'll be proven right. But no one will listen or care if I'm continually spouting off about it. So patience is going to have to be my friend.

 

I really do hope the other guy does well. He's the best one on the team and should get a chance.

[slubberdegullion]

I drew up two scenarios and she chose. I actually don't think she chose well, but it's her choice to make.

Excellent move on your part.

I really do hope the other guy does well. He's the best one on the team and should get a chance.

Again, good move and good thinking. Your efforts will not go unnoticed.

 

Good luck!

[SummerRae]

 

You sound like me; you care too much. You need to break yourself of the habit. You need to find your fulfilment other ways. In the meantime, you still have a job so focus on being a star in your own right doing the job you're doing - but without sacrificing your self to it.

 

YOU sound like me too Johan! Trust me, it's so easy to make work the source when you've been heartbroken or otherwise shafted in other areas of your life.

 

Strange, isn't it, how we put our identities into our jobs and forget that Johan is Johan outside of work. It's hard when we come to the realization that money talks and that no matter how good of a heart you have, it's about how you perform.

 

Trust me, I'm only now starting to realize that, the problem is, I LOVE my job and see that the company has Soul, but yet, work still remains WORK. It cannot replace my need for Love or for Friendship or for other things, you know?

[SummerRae]

Another thought: You sound really professional Johan, and like you have the smarts to do what you set your mind to do. Maybe this particular project just wasn't for YOU. And chances are there will be another project that comes along that has your name written all over it.

 

What do you do for work?? What is your favourite part? What makes you shine?? Maybe those are areas you can work in more??

[johan]

Hey, thanks SummerRae. More and more I feel things will work out.

 

First of all, I'm getting to do analysis on the most technically challenging part of the system. I think this team is in really good shape, and if I stay there, then I think I'll benefit from the good impression we'll make.

 

Yesterday I heard my manager taking credit for setting up our process, even though she hasn't been involved in that for a second. She hadn't even asked.

 

Overall, I guess I should just try to rise above it. It was easy for me to do that before. My overall mood has been a lot worse lately.

[SummerRae]

Hey, thanks SummerRae. More and more I feel things will work out.

 

First of all, I'm getting to do analysis on the most technically challenging part of the system. I think this team is in really good shape, and if I stay there, then I think I'll benefit from the good impression we'll make.

 

Yesterday I heard my manager taking credit for setting up our process, even though she hasn't been involved in that for a second. She hadn't even asked.

 

Overall, I guess I should just try to rise above it. It was easy for me to do that before. My overall mood has been a lot worse lately.

 

Johan, I know what you're saying. And trust me, I feel the irritation just as much as you do when I hear someone taking credit for something they DIDN'T do. Why does this irritation form? Perhaps because it is NOT us to take credit for something we did not do. Moral standards, personality imprints, who knows the reason, we just deem it so.

 

I'm realizing that according to SOME people's books, business is business and they will do what they can to rise the ranks. It does not make it right. But simply, it is so.

 

So the question returns. How can we play the game while being true to our integrity? For me, it is being the BEST that I can be, and not giving a fu(k what "they" do. So for instance, your "boss" takes credit. What can u do to still shine in the person "who counts" eyes?? Do you have a relationship with that person? If not, can you get one?