He left his home form me more than one times but now he is back again.

[aitna]

12 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Then you have chosen the absolutely worst person/relationship for yourself. 

I know .But I believed him in the begining and now I cant get out of this. I wish I was stronger. I have to be stronger.

[BaileyB]

11 minutes ago, aitna said:

But I believed him in the begining

That was your first mistake.

11 minutes ago, aitna said:

and now I cant get out of this.

And this is your second. It’s really just two words aitna - “It’s done.” You are not married, you do not share property or children with the man. There is nothing keeping you here and there is nothing you even need to settle with the man. You are so lucky - you get to just walk away, once you make the decision to leave. 

Edited August 26, 2022 by BaileyB

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, aitna said:

He dont want to marry his girlfriend but if he wants I think is easy to get the divorce any time as we both not have a problem with that.

Your husband left you for his GF (without divorcing) but your lover has not left his wife. They still live and function as a family unit. It must be sad frustrating and hurtful for you to watch this. Step back and decide what it is you want for your future.

[aitna]

44 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Your husband left you for his GF (without divorcing) but your lover has not left his wife. They still live and function as a family unit. It must be sad frustrating and hurtful for you to watch this. Step back and decide what it is you want for your future.

I left my husband and it was very hurtful for him. It was a difficult situation then but now we have a very good friendship and he is in my side when I need him and I am on his side when he need me.

[stillafool]

9 minutes ago, aitna said:

I left my husband and it was very hurtful for him. It was a difficult situation then but now we have a very good friendship and he is in my side when I need him and I am on his side when he need me.

How could you have left your husband when you are the one still living in the marital home and he's in another house?  He landed on his feet fast if he is already in a commited relationship and happy.  You are the one left alone waiting on someone else's husband to be with you.  That's pretty sad.

[aitna]

8 minutes ago, stillafool said:

How could you have left your husband when you are the one still living in the marital home and he's in another house?  He landed on his feet fast if he is already in a commited relationship and happy.  You are the one left alone waiting on someone else's husband to be with you.  That's pretty sad.

This home is mine. And we stayed here .We stayed together about a year in the home not as a couple and I had to say to him that he should find another place. It was time to find his home. And I am very happy that he has a girlfriend. I couldnt stay with him even I love him more than my MM but I didnt want to have sex with him any more. We always say that we are like family for each other and I hope this will be forever.

[stillafool]

5 minutes ago, aitna said:

This home is mine. And we stayed here .We stayed together about a year in the home not as a couple and I had to say to him that he should find another place. It was time to find his home. And I am very happy that he has a girlfriend. I couldnt stay with him even I love him more than my MM but I didnt want to have sex with him any more. We always say that we are like family for each other and I hope this will be forever.

He was the one who left and now is in another home with another woman.  He's the one who is happy according to you so you did him a favor because he's now with a woman who wants sex with him.  It's good that you, him and his gf all get along so well.  I bet they wish MM would do right by you too.

[BaileyB]

22 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I bet they wish MM would do right by you too.

I bet they are wondering why you are wasting your time with this MM in much the same way that we are… It’s painfully frustrating to watch someone make a poor decision for themselves - particularly when they make no effort to right that poor decision. 

[aitna]

18 minutes ago, stillafool said:

He was the one who left and now is in another home with another woman.  He's the one who is happy according to you so you did him a favor because he's now with a woman who wants sex with him.  It's good that you, him and his gf all get along so well.  I bet they wish MM would do right by you too.

I told him to leave,he did not want to and it was very difficult also fom me to tell him.he dont live with his girlfriend she is in another town but she visits our town when she can. I did a favor to both of us. Our relationship was dead long time now. And he is the most wonderful man that he stand by me after many things I did to him (You dont know and not need to tell).

They wish I will be okay with my MM but the words I remember him to say to me is Arent you tired of being sad because of him? And he is so right. His home now is my best place to go when I am sad. I know everyone judges that but I feel very good being there with someone with which have so much love for each other.

[aitna]

1 minute ago, BaileyB said:

I bet they are wondering why you are wasting your time with this MM in much the same way that we are… It’s painfully frustrating to watch someone make a poor decision for themselves - particularly when they make no effort to right that poor decision. 

Yes they do. Because I am a pretty woman,healthy,funny,with a job I always wanted,a lot of money,friends and they wondering why I am waiting for him. Well I pictured a very good life with him and now I cant realise that he could not offer to me as he promised. Not because he dont want it, because of his insecurities etc etc

[BaileyB]

10 minutes ago, aitna said:

Not because he dont want it, because of his insecurities etc etc

Because he is married to another woman. You seem to consider this as a rather inconsequential thing, but it is the bottom line. You are planning a future with a man who is married and has a family with another woman. That is an unwise thing to do, in any circumstance. It’s not likely to result in the happy ending of which you fantasize. 

13 minutes ago, aitna said:

I pictured a very good life with him

I can picture a good life with Prince William too but it is unlikely to happen because - he’s married and has a family with another woman… Do you see what I’m saying.

Unfortunately this man gave you the impression that it would happen, but you failed to heed all the red flags and warnings and now, you are failing to adapt to the changing circumstance. If you can find it, read the book - who moved my cheese. 

[aitna]

14 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Because he is married to another woman. You seem to consider this as a rather inconsequential thing, but it is the bottom line. You are planning a future with a man who is married and has a family with another woman. That is an unwise thing to do, in any circumstance. It’s not likely to result in the happy ending of which you fantasize. 

I can picture a good life with Prince William too but it is unlikely to happen because - he’s married and has a family with another woman… Do you see what I’m saying.

Unfortunately this man gave you the impression that it would happen, but you failed to heed all the red flags and warnings and now, you are failing to adapt to the changing circumstance. If you can find it, read the book - who moved my cheese. 

hahahahahah. Oh you are a girl?All this time I thought you were a boy. Ok it is not the same. In my case he left his house and that seems he tried. For his reasons-problems he goes back but he is not doing this to have fun. He suffers too. He believed it more than me and I see that he still believes that we will grow old together because he is so naive

And there are some cases that this happens. Also in my circle this happened.  After all the drama they have families now. I know it is not the frequent but it can happen. It is not like a prince william fantasy.

I know in my case there are many red flags.

[BaileyB]

11 minutes ago, aitna said:

In my case he left his house and that seems he tried. For his reasons-problems he goes back but he is not doing this to have fun. He suffers too. He believed it more than me and I see that he still believes that we will grow old together because he is so naive

He is not the only one who is naive. 

As I have said before, I hope you don’t waste your whole life waiting for this man. This is time that you will never get back. 

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, aitna said:

I told him to leave,he did not want to and it was very difficult also fom me to tell him.he dont live with his girlfriend she is in another town but she visits our town when she can. I did a favor to both of us. Our relationship was dead long time now. And he is the most wonderful man that he stand by me after many things I did to him (You dont know and not need to tell).

There's no reason to defend your decision to separate because at least now your almost ex husband is getting the sex he's wanted.  So he's happy and it's working for you.

They wish I will be okay with my MM but the words I remember him to say to me is Arent you tired of being sad because of him? And he is so right. His home now is my best place to go when I am sad. I know everyone judges that but I feel very good being there with someone with which have so much love for each other.

It sounds like best friend love and I can see how that comforts you.  My ex husband and I were also good friends before I remarried.  However if he and his gf or another woman he meets and falls for decides to move in that will leave you in a difficult position as far as a support system.  Hopefully by then your dream of MM leaving his wife for you will have come true, but don't count on it.   I can't remember but do you and your stbxh have children?  Do you have supportive friends who know about your situation with MM?

[aitna]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

It sounds like best friend love and I can see how that comforts you.  My ex husband and I were also good friends before I remarried.  However if he and his gf or another woman he meets and falls for decides to move in that will leave you in a difficult position as far as a support system.  Hopefully by then your dream of MM leaving his wife for you will have come true, but don't count on it.   I can't remember but do you and your stbxh have children?  Do you have supportive friends who know about your situation with MM?

I dont have children and I dont want children.

I am lucky as his girlfriend now is ok to have contact with my ex except not to sleep in his house.  My MM dont want to have contact with him. I have supportive friends and my sister even my parents. They were all very supportive and they know him of course and we lived under my parents etc but now everybody tells me that the best for me is to leave him behind.

[stillafool]

31 minutes ago, aitna said:

I dont have children and I dont want children.

I am lucky as his girlfriend now is ok to have contact with my ex except not to sleep in his house.  My MM dont want to have contact with him. I have supportive friends and my sister even my parents. They were all very supportive and they know him of course and we lived under my parents etc but now everybody tells me that the best for me is to leave him behind.

Why are you lucky that your ex's gf doesn't sleep at his house?  You don't care do you?  You don't want sex with him you're just friends.  You said you MM has met your ex husband several times but I wouldn't expect either to want to stay in touch with each other, why? LOL.   Do you mean your parents want you to leave MM behind? 

[ExpatInItaly]

It sounds like you need to learn to be single (really single) and not depend on  a man to prop you up, aitna. 

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, aitna said:

 They were all very supportive and they know him of course and we lived under my parents etc 

Your married lover lived with you at your parents home?

If all your people are advising you to leave him, why do you continue?

Can your friends or family help loan you money for the divorce?

Do you stay legally married for financial benefits?

[aitna]

13 hours ago, stillafool said:

Why are you lucky that your ex's gf doesn't sleep at his house?  You don't care do you?  You don't want sex with him you're just friends.  You said you MM has met your ex husband several times but I wouldn't expect either to want to stay in touch with each other, why? LOL.   Do you mean your parents want you to leave MM behind? 

I said that I am lucky that my exes girlfriends doesnt have problem to go out with him or to go at his home. When she comes in our town she sleeps in his house. I dont want sex with anyone else that my MM.What question is this? My MM met him several times by luck,for example in my job .Ex is very cool with that. MM is not so cool and is jelous thta I still have contact with my ex.

My parents and my friends thinks that the best for me is to find someone else but if I wanna try again with my MM they will be by my side.

[aitna]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Your married lover lived with you at your parents home?

If all your people are advising you to leave him, why do you continue?

Can your friends or family help loan you money for the divorce?

Do you stay legally married for financial benefits?

omg. All you say is wrong.

We live under my parents home. I have my own home.

Loan money for my divorce? Sorry that is very funny. Here the money for a divorce is only 600euros and I have a lot of money .I will pay 600 for me and other 600 for my ex husband because I feel that this is the right thing as it was my decision and because my ex husband is not so ecomomically comfortable as I am. And I have told him that if he ever needs money I have his back and is the only person that I would happily help with that. But I am proud of him that until now he doing very well with his new home and need nothing from me.

It is not enough the advises of my loved ones. Only when I decide that and when I feel strong to leave him I will do it .And I hope someday the sooner I will be strong .I really never thought that I am a so weak person. Where is my pride?

[ExpatInItaly]

2 minutes ago, aitna said:

Here the money for a divorce is only 600euros and I have a lot of money .I will pay 600 for me and other 600 for my ex husband because I feel that this is the right thing as it was my decision and because my ex husband is not so ecomomically comfortable as I am

So, why haven't you done this? 

It doesn't make sense to remain legally married when the relationship is clearly over and you're easily able to finance a divorce. Just do it and get it over with. 

[aitna]

20 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

So, why haven't you done this? 

It doesn't make sense to remain legally married when the relationship is clearly over and you're easily able to finance a divorce. Just do it and get it over with. 

I explained why I havent done it. I know maybe seems strange to you,but for me is something unsignificant. There isnt another reason.

[ExpatInItaly]

4 minutes ago, aitna said:

I explained why I havent done it. I know maybe seems strange to you,but for me is something unsignificant. There isnt another reason.

It looks from the outside that you're trying to hang on to the marriage in some way, that you like still having your husband as your emotional safety net when it's convenient for you and in case your MM never leaves his wife. 

You and your MM have something in common there. Neither of you is really prepared to cut the cord ,and it looks like you're holding out for MM to end his marriage before you will proceed with a divorce. 

 

 

[aitna]

6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

It looks from the outside that you're trying to hang on to the marriage in some way, that you like still having your husband as your emotional safety net when it's convenient for you and in case your MM never leaves his wife. 

You and your MM have something in common there. Neither of you is really prepared to cut the cord ,and it looks like you're holding out for MM to end his marriage before you will proceed with a divorce. 

 

 

I dont know maybe. But I cant be with my husband again. I feel good with him and loved etc but I cant imagine my life with him ,it is boring,we dont match,we dont like same things, I am not attracted years now. But we have said that when we are older (about 60) if we are alone we can stay together to have company 😅😅

 

[ExpatInItaly]

4 minutes ago, aitna said:

But we have said that when we are older (about 60) if we are alone we can stay together to have company

It's unkind and selfish to use someone as your Plan B. 

It's also ironic that you don't see the similarities between you and MM.