He left his home form me more than one times but now he is back again.

[stillafool]

On 8/5/2022 at 1:38 PM, aitna said:

no it's not.  If it;s not the same, his feelings is bigger than mine. I couldnt do what he have done for me if i saw my ex husband crying to stay with him and if  I had children. How much he tried show me his feeilings. But not all people are strong enough. I think he is very insecure on everything. Money,me,his children.He is not a person that can stand on his own feet..

I hope he was.

If he is so weak he can't do what he needs to do to be with you, your feelings are far stronger than his are for you.  You sound like you'd move a mountain to have him while he won't budge for you.  A man in love would find the strength.

[aitna]

11 hours ago, stillafool said:

If he is so weak he can't do what he needs to do to be with you, your feelings are far stronger than his are for you.  You sound like you'd move a mountain to have him while he won't budge for you.  A man in love would find the strength.

For me was easier kai he knows it. He feels that he had to live his children while I have nothing difficult to do. I have nothing to lose he says.

it's not that I feel more. i know that this is not the case. I know that he suffers with all this situation and I even he chooses the family after all it is because the children,the lack of money and his insecurities of an unsure future. Not beacuse he is not in love. But the result is the same.

 

20 days no contact and sometimes I feel sick. I am a lot out with friends,sometimes this helps me but other times I just want to go home and cry. I am thinking all the grief that will follow and I am wondering if it will be for many months or more and it is scary.

[BaileyB]

Just don’t pine for this guy for too long, believing that you would be together if it wasn’t for his children and his terrible wife and the fact that it’s not in his financial best interest if he left to be with you…

It would be a total waste of your time and honestly, he’s not worth it. Perhaps someday you will understand and when you do, you are going to be really angry with him and with yourself. Look forward, not backward, and get busy living your life… that’s my advice to you. Good luck. 

[aitna]

30 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Just don’t pine for this guy for too long, believing that you would be together if it wasn’t for his children and his terrible wife and the fact that it’s not in his financial best interest if he left to be with you…

It would be a total waste of your time and honestly, he’s not worth it. Perhaps someday you will understand and when you do, you are going to be really angry with him and with yourself. Look forward, not backward, and get busy living your life… that’s my advice to you. Good luck. 

I know that most likely you are totally right. I feel angry many times of course  but then I know he is not a bad guy,but he is not a strong guy.

Also he never told that his wife is terrible. She is a very good woman and always took care of him like a mother. He never said something bad for her except that they do not match with each other etc

Well this morning (after 20days no contact) he called about 5 five times in  my job and in my cell phone with hidden caller ID and didnt talk.

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, aitna said:

he is not a bad guy

Well, he’s not a good guy if he is cheating on his wife and stringing you along indefinitely…

[aitna]

18 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Well, he’s not a good guy if he is cheating on his wife and stringing you along indefinitely…

he told her that he is still in love with me,that he is there for the children,also he asked her to stay home for some time but each one have his own life out of home and she didnt accept it. She knows now.Yes he cheated.It doesnt make a person good or bad. A bad choice doesnt make you a bad person.

[Bubble_20]

36 minutes ago, aitna said:

he told her that he is still in love with me,that he is there for the children,also he asked her to stay home for some time but each one have his own life out of home and she didnt accept it. She knows now.Yes he cheated.It doesnt make a person good or bad. A bad choice doesnt make you a bad person.

One bad choice maybe not. But consistently bad choices that have turned other peoples worlds upside down? Not great I’m afraid. 
I know better than anyone else that you can’t erase the past but moving forward you can make choices that serve you well, create peace in your life and to try and do the right thing wherever possible. 
You both need some breathing space apart so that he can sort his life out. and if his wife knows, god knows how devastated she must feel. Why did he want to her to stay home?

You might feel more reassured if he comes to you after he’s dealt with his priorities first. If he’s kicked out by his wife it won’t be a good foundation to start your lives together. You’re hoping to create something out of chaos at the moment.

Edited August 8, 2022 by Bubble_20

[Wiseman2]

39 minutes ago, aitna said:

he told her that he is still in love with me.

How do you know this?

[stillafool]

4 hours ago, aitna said:

he told her that he is still in love with me,that he is there for the children,also he asked her to stay home for some time but each one have his own life out of home and she didnt accept it. She knows now.Yes he cheated.It doesnt make a person good or bad. A bad choice doesnt make you a bad person.

It sounds like he's upset that his wife is out a lot and not home for him.  That could be the root of their problem and why he's out having an affair with you.  Do you have proof that he told her he was in love with you?  Most cheating MM tell the OW this when in fact the wife knows nothing about any OW.  Also how do you know

 

7 hours ago, aitna said:

Well this morning (after 20days no contact) he called about 5 five times in  my job and in my cell phone with hidden caller ID and didnt talk.

How could you possibly know that was him calling if the calls had hidden ID numbers and no one was on the line?  It could have been a wrong number call.

[aitna]

10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

How do you know this?

Ι have told this previously in another post. He show me the messages with her. She replied that she knew that he was still with me etc. And then again started that they should remain family for the children etc. I dont think that she will ever be so angry to not accept him back .She also tells to our friends (we have common friends) that she accepts him for the children .And  the truth is that she doesnt care romantically for him years now. That is why he cheated. It is most thatn 10 years now they live like roomates and that is not a conclusion only from his words. Our common friends know this too from her. She does not like sex,maybe she is asexual and thats ok,but dont try to hold a person there using the children. Yes of course he is not a tree..he can walk away..if he really wants that. And I dont want to accuse her. She has to do what is best for her.

 

@stillafool it was surely him. They call me in my pharmacy 4 times and then to my cellphone. I dont have any doubt because I hace some other infomations that is hard to expain by writing. He is searching me also on whats up,is something between us. I stay no contact. This happened yesterday morning..and of course now I am waiting again and I am thinking if that was all? 😅

[aitna]

11 hours ago, Bubble_20 said:

One bad choice maybe not. But consistently bad choices that have turned other peoples worlds upside down? Not great I’m afraid. 
I know better than anyone else that you can’t erase the past but moving forward you can make choices that serve you well, create peace in your life and to try and do the right thing wherever possible. 
You both need some breathing space apart so that he can sort his life out. and if his wife knows, god knows how devastated she must feel. Why did he want to her to stay home?

You might feel more reassured if he comes to you after he’s dealt with his priorities first. If he’s kicked out by his wife it won’t be a good foundation to start your lives together. You’re hoping to create something out of chaos at the moment.

Υes ok I agree that he he is not the more dicent person,that maybe hiself is the forst priority (even he doesnt admitt it) but bad person is a heavy word. I also can be characterized as bad person and many times I think that I am at least as concerns this story but in the other life I have I believe that I am a good person.

So what I want to do now is what you saying. Give time to both of us. Maybe after a long time he sees what he really wants and be more determined. Because every time he left me and go to his family after a week he was back to me.

His wife knows more than 2 years now. But both of us accept him back for our reasons each one. Of course is devastating for her too .But no because she is in love with him. Because she sees her family fall apart.

[aitna]

well he sent me an e-mail with 3 dots 😅😅

I will not reply of course.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, aitna said:

Ι she doesnt care romantically for him years now. That is why he cheated. It is most thatn 10 years now they live like roomates

You stated he's a serial cheater. It's possible he found a new mistress. That's what he does.

[aitna]

13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You stated he's a serial cheater. It's possible he found a new mistress. That's what he does.

you mean now? 😂😂😂 no no..

[Wiseman2]

47 minutes ago, aitna said:

you mean now.

Yes. He's probably juggling a bunch of women. That's why he's too busy to contact you.

If you want to be happy, have the courage to find a decent honest single man for yourself. Not some playboy who blames his wife for his philandering.

[stillafool]

8 hours ago, aitna said:

well he sent me an e-mail with 3 dots 😅😅

I will not reply of course.

And that is how you know it was him?  Oh, okay.

[stillafool]

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Yes. He's probably juggling a bunch of women. That's why he's too busy to contact you.

This was exactly my thought or he's already gotten a new OW.

[mark clemson]

15 hours ago, aitna said:

 bad person is a heavy word.

Keep in mind that there are those in the world who will call you a "bad person" for eating meat (or even cheese in some cases), drinking alcohol, wearing a skirt, owning a firearm, participating in the western banking system, and a host of other activities that many others would consider "normal". Morals vary widely, so it's reasonable to live by your own moral code, just like everyone else does (whether they recognize they are doing so or not).

Edited August 9, 2022 by mark clemson

[aitna]

12 hours ago, stillafool said:

And that is how you know it was him?  Oh, okay.

no ,I show the email one day after the calls .I was already sure that he was on the calls before I see the email.

[aitna]

9 hours ago, mark clemson said:

Keep in mind that there are those in the world who will call you a "bad person" for eating meat (or even cheese in some cases), drinking alcohol, wearing a skirt, owning a firearm, participating in the western banking system, and a host of other activities that many others would consider "normal". Morals vary widely, so it's reasonable to live by your own moral code, just like everyone else does (whether they recognize they are doing so or not).

that is so true 💜

[aitna]

21 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Yes. He's probably juggling a bunch of women. That's why he's too busy to contact you.

If you want to be happy, have the courage to find a decent honest single man for yourself. Not some playboy who blames his wife for his philandering.

[ ] 

or you have been the cheated person and you are being mean or you have never been in love to know that when you are in love you dont have eyes for other woman/man 🙂

I know he cant right now. He is mind is in me. after some months or more maybe..If we are not together.

Edited August 10, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[BaileyB]

4 hours ago, aitna said:

I know he cant right now. He is mind is in me.

Like I said, don’t wait too long for this guy… he’s not worth it. A man who truly loved you would move heaven and earth to be with you. And, he wouldn’t run home to his wife when she called…

Edited August 10, 2022 by BaileyB

[justwhoiam]

Hi, sorry for not replying earlier.

Try not to answer anonymous calls. Be strong. If you feel you have a weak moment and you don't know what to do, come back here and reread what we all wrote. There seems to be unanimous consensus on the fact that he didn't respect you, and that's an essential part of any relationship (even friendship).

You didn't answer his email, but you did take his calls, as you said he wasn't saying anything. Well, you kind of gave in by doing that. Do you understand the meaning of "giving in"? Your message shouldn't be: "I'm here for you no matter how you've been behaving so far".

Someone here said you'd move mountains for him, while he's not willing to do s-it (I'm rephrasing it so that it can be very clear to you). You said he has a family, while you have nothing to lose by being with him > according to him. Well, I don't think that's the case here. That could be a valid point if you wanted a casual relationship. But you are willing to invest in him and ready to spend the rest of your life with him. And it's like investing in a run-down house with a sewer running close to it. Few people would buy it. Unless someone's filthy rich, who wants a man with baggage (wife keeps crying, kids need him home, he has emotional attachment to the wife of so many years, and he might actually see qualities in her he doesn't see in you, like taking care of him when he gets old). He might have fun with you, but as you acknowledged, love is deeper than that. Anyway, what I meant was that you could have much better, and you have lots to lose by being with him. Renouncing to have a man all to yourself, possibly not being able to have a family of your own, having to share his finances with a bunch of other people and having to be all alone around the holidays, when you'd most need to be with the one you love. I hope I made my point. It's like kicking your good luck goodbye.

[aitna]

On 8/18/2022 at 12:35 PM, justwhoiam said:

Hi, sorry for not replying earlier.

Try not to answer anonymous calls. Be strong. If you feel you have a weak moment and you don't know what to do, come back here and reread what we all wrote. There seems to be unanimous consensus on the fact that he didn't respect you, and that's an essential part of any relationship (even friendship).

You didn't answer his email, but you did take his calls, as you said he wasn't saying anything. Well, you kind of gave in by doing that. Do you understand the meaning of "giving in"? Your message shouldn't be: "I'm here for you no matter how you've been behaving so far".

Someone here said you'd move mountains for him, while he's not willing to do s-it (I'm rephrasing it so that it can be very clear to you). You said he has a family, while you have nothing to lose by being with him > according to him. Well, I don't think that's the case here. That could be a valid point if you wanted a casual relationship. But you are willing to invest in him and ready to spend the rest of your life with him. And it's like investing in a run-down house with a sewer running close to it. Few people would buy it. Unless someone's filthy rich, who wants a man with baggage (wife keeps crying, kids need him home, he has emotional attachment to the wife of so many years, and he might actually see qualities in her he doesn't see in you, like taking care of him when he gets old). He might have fun with you, but as you acknowledged, love is deeper than that. Anyway, what I meant was that you could have much better, and you have lots to lose by being with him. Renouncing to have a man all to yourself, possibly not being able to have a family of your own, having to share his finances with a bunch of other people and having to be all alone around the holidays, when you'd most need to be with the one you love. I hope I made my point. It's like kicking your good luck goodbye.

thank you my friend ,I know you are right but you know it is difficult to do it in real life.

Today he messaged me. After one month no contact,he said that he loves me,he miss me etc that he was coming out of my pharmacy  etc and that he had covid before some days 😂 again! He told me that tomorrow he will call. Dont tell me not to answer the call I want to hear what he has to say. The best I can do is that if he tell me to wait for example one month I will tell that I cant do that and when and if  he finish there to call me and that I dont want to communicate until then .And that is the best that I can do If I can be strong that time.

[stillafool]

On 8/8/2022 at 2:05 AM, aitna said:

For me was easier kai he knows it. He feels that he had to live his children while I have nothing difficult to do. I have nothing to lose he says.

it's not that I feel more. i know that this is not the case. I know that he suffers with all this situation and I even he chooses the family after all it is because the children,the lack of money and his insecurities of an unsure future. Not beacuse he is not in love. But the result is the same.

 

20 days no contact and sometimes I feel sick. I am a lot out with friends,sometimes this helps me but other times I just want to go home and cry. I am thinking all the grief that will follow and I am wondering if it will be for many months or more and it is scary.

To many MM with kids, real estate and property have filed for divorce to be with another woman they loved who had nothing to lose.  When a man loves you he finds the strength to be wit you anything less is just talk and blowing smoke.  My hope for you is that one day you will see that so you can get over him.  I hope it's not when you turn 45.