My family is very complicated.

[anonymoustroubled]

A couple of weeks ago, i found out that my father had been cheating on my mother for 2-3 years. I opened his phone searching for a particular screenshot and when i opened his gallery, i found pictures of the other woman. i did some research on her and she actually works with my dad. I've never met her.

My parents have been fighting a lot over really small things almost everyday for about 3 years now and I think it would be best if i tell her. My mother mostly complains about my dad being lazy, unhelpful and that he doesnt want to spend time with his family, which i believe is true. 

The problem is, I have a 2 year old brother. I'm afraid that it will maybe traumatize him and create trust or/and family issues. I'm certain ill handle it well, bc my dad doesn't treat me as well as he should. What would you do in my situation?

[FMW]

If you feel you have to talk to someone, talk to your dad.  If there really is something sketchy going on he'll realize he needs to be the one to tell your mom before you decide to.  

You don't know what's going on between your parents, you don't know exactly what the pictures you found mean.  Don't get in the middle of it.  

[Wiseman2]

47 minutes ago, anonymoustroubled said:

A couple of weeks ago, i found out that my father had been cheating on my mother for 2-3 years.  she actually works with my dad.

My mother mostly complains about my dad being lazy, unhelpful and that he doesnt want to spend time with his family, which i believe is true. 

my dad doesn't treat me as well as he should. 

Sorry this is happening. Do you live at home? Do you go away to college? What do you mean "your father doesn't treat you well"?

It sounds like there's  so much stress at home that your mother is dumping on you. Their marital problems should not rest on your shoulders.

You could tell your father you know, but it's his job to tell your mother. Talk to trusted friends, adults and relatives about all this.

[ShyViolet]

I think the best thing is to stay out of it.  You don't know the full situation.  Your mother might already know.  Or, if she doesn't know, telling her could open up a whole can of worms and cause a lot of turmoil in the family.  It is between them and it doesn't concern you.  Don't snoop on your dad's phone.

[anonymoustroubled]

On 8/1/2022 at 11:30 PM, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. Do you live at home? Do you go away to college? What do you mean "your father doesn't treat you well"?

It sounds like there's  so much stress at home that your mother is dumping on you. Their marital problems should not rest on your shoulders.

You could tell your father you know, but it's his job to tell your mother. Talk to trusted friends, adults and relatives about all this.

i dont mean like physical abuse, its more psychological than anything. I live at home and am still a minor. My mother doesnt directly complain to me, but sometimes she gives me these looks and i just know shes tired from her marriage. I am scared to tell my relatives or any adults really, bc i live in the Balkans and the people here would tell me to shut up and ignore it, because their marriages are like that. Its just culture.

[glows]

There's a strong likelihood she already knows he's been having affairs or is in one. How old are you exactly? It's very hard blocking out family arguments and issues at home but do it for your own sake and work on your schooling. Don't get distracted with other peoples' problems. You have a job to do and that's to eventually get out and live your life as an independent adult, free from dysfunction in your own life. 

Keep working towards that goal and your financial independence and be conservative about the battles you pick.

 

Edited August 4, 2022 by glows