Should I try and make it work?

[Kei111222]

Im writing this as I need some advice. I met a guy at my workplace about 12 months ago in August, and we were instantly attracted to each other. We spent some time together at work, and as its quite a small office we ending up pretty much hanging out every day, going for lunch or going to bars in the evening. We would always be in a group. Then, one night after we all went to bar he came back to my flat. We didn’t do anything, but he stayed the night and we pretty much just spoke and ending up sharing my bed. This happened a few times, however we never kissed.

Then one night, in October, I went to his and the inevitable happened: we hooked up. It was a bit weird for a few weeks, however after that we sort of went back to normal and would hang out in a group. No one knew. Inevitably it happened again and we hooked up. We would only hook up when tipsy, and we never spoke about it. This carried on for a few months, and quite a few issues arose in that time. We would go to bars and he would speak to other people and I would get jealous, I’d ignore his texts and regularly just blank him in person, he’d get annoyed if I spoke to other guys; things like that. One night in November I got extremely drunk and told him I liked him and wanted to be with him. I can’t remember exactly what he said, but it was along the lines of I can’t be with you. We didn’t speak much after that.

He took some time off work for a few weeks in December, and when he came back we started speaking again and sort of both got into a rhythm of things. We would hook up about every 2 weeks, but honestly we would spend more nights just sitting and talking. At this point, in January, I realised I loved him. Some people in the office knew, but I at the time I thought he didn’t want anyone to know so I didn’t say anything to anyone. Apparently a learnt a few months ago he thought I was embarrassed, so that solved that mystery. One night, he got very, very drunk and told me he wanted to be with me, and that he had never felt this way about anyone before. He knows he said this, but we didn’t really talk about it apart from the next day when he wanted to check what he said. 

Things kept going on like this in February, March and April. He would stay the night at mine, or I’d stay at his, pretty much every 2 days. Sometimes we would hook up, sometimes we wouldn’t. I think at this point everyone in the office had an idea. One day, though, he told me to change a song on his phone and I saw he had Tinder. I was incredibly hurt. We never established any boundaries or labels about what we were, but I had no urge or want to speak to other people, but he clearly didn’t feel the same.

In May, June and July things were sort of the same. We saw each other less as work increased and I had some family problems, and it went from seeing him every night to around 3 times a week. We hooked up pretty much every time though, and at this point it was common knowledge around the office. 

Its now August and I’ve had to take some time off, and I’ve also been offered another job. This one is further away, and we wouldn’t live within a 20 minute walk like where I live now. 

So I need advice. I think Im going to take the job, but Im not sure what to do about him. He said if I took the job he’d still see me, but I feel as though thats a lie. Should I try and make it work? Is there even anything to make work? A part of me thinks we’re meant to be, but another part thinks if we were meant to be, we would be. He’s not made any effort to put a label on it, we don’t speak about ‘us’, I have no idea if he’s meeting girls from Tinder. It’s crazy how I think Im still in love with him, but I don’t even know if he likes me. This situation feels strange and I don’t know if anyone’s ever gone through something similar. I don’t even know if its possible for us to date at this point. Should I just try to move on? How would I even get over this?

 

Also, if for some reason he stumbles upon this and think it sounds familiar,

Dear J,

I wish I could pick about your brain and understand why you do the things you do, but I think part of the reason I like you so much is because it feels like you were coded in Latin. You were always so hard to read, from the very start until the very end, all I know is that when you held me I felt, for once, like I fit. Like maybe your chest and thighs and neck had been crafted just for to sit within. You held me and I felt like a prayer had been answered. I understand you cannot control how you feel and if you don’t want to be with me there’s nothing left to say, however you should not have led me on then. I’m sorry you kissed me that night, and I’m sorry I let you. I’m sorry this didn’t work. I’ll always love you, you were my first and you were very sweet at times. You’re also young, though. Maybe if we had met a few years later you would have been better at this whole thing. Maybe I would be as well. I’m not sure what will happen in the future, but no matter what I wish you the best and I hope you find a kind of love that’s as pure and innocent as what ours might have been. I hope I do too.

You’re still my favourite kiss though.

- K

Edited August 2, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
clarify title

[Wiseman2]

Take the new job if it's a better opportunity for you. As far as this man, it seems to dramatic, erratic and painful to bother continuing with him.

If you have to see him at work, act polite and professional, however delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps and discontinue hanging out and drinking with him alone or in groups.

[introverted1]

4 hours ago, Kei111222 said:

I’ve also been offered another job. This one is further away, and we wouldn’t live within a 20 minute walk like where I live now. 

Do what is best for your career.  There is no point in making decisions based on a man who has made it clear he has no desire to be in a relationship with you.

 

[Ami1uwant]

Take the job.

[ShyViolet]

19 hours ago, Kei111222 said:

Should I try and make it work?

Make WHAT work?  A casual sex buddy who never made any effort to properly date you or have a real relationship with you?  This guy sees you as a sex buddy and nothing more.  He's made that clear.  He had his chance to be with you, when you told him you had feelings for him, and he declined.  Take the job and don't look back.  Have higher standards for yourself than this in the future.

Edited August 3, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language