When after a break up, what got you to get this person out of living on free rent in your mind?

[sunflower108]

 

I posted a previous thread under another account but forgot username/password and had to create a new one, but for whoever wants to take a look at the back story, it's there. 

The thing is, I can't seem to get him out of my head, no matter what. I wake up, he's there. Throughout the day... he's there somehow with little snippets of distraction. 

I started running again, I feel like when I run, my goal is to get as exhausted as my body can handle, to push myself and take all my anger/frustration out, I think about him and it makes me run faster. I sarcastically say that, when I run, I'm running away from my problems. I love it. But then, after a few minutes, I take a shower and he comes in my mind back full on.

I cook for myself, I spend quality time alone, I don't have a lot of friends as I live overseas and it's always a struggle to have people available all the time, but I do have a fair amount of people who I talk to. I quit smoking cigarettes, I reduced my alcohol intake. I'm trying to do everything right ffs.

I don't even cry anymore, I'm not exactly sad... I just feel empty. I feel like I opened up to someone whom I didn't even find attractive at first (meaning, on a dating app I probably wouldn't have matched with him), who made me fall in love with him. And it was amazing, and also one of the reasons why I have ZERO interest in going back to dating apps. Because the energy and connection I felt with him is incomparable to the dozens of "cute" guys I match with. Even the not so cute ones who I find same things in common. None, ever, came close. And I've been using them for about 3 years on and off now (this break up was recent but was using before the relationship). Really this isn't a pity party but I am honestly frustrated because he was a needle in a haystack to find and now he's gone and to be honest, I don't even that many bad things to say about him which makes it "harder".

We did chat last week, also chatted about our mental health, he recommended some therapists that he's been with, we discussed our relationship and honestly nothing changed. It was more of a vent than anything else. Needless to say I spent days crying. 

I miss him, I'm trying to do all the right things, but seems like he's living rent free in my mind and I'm an anxious person (I'm on medication) and have peaks of depression, so this is also been a struggle. I understand all the occasions that lead to the break up, I understand that really, it just probably was lack of compatibility but I also think he lacked effort. I feel ridiculous knowing he's moved on and I'm still here.

[Wiseman2]

The best thing you can do is avoid him and delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps, if you want to discontinue having thoughts about him.

Edited August 8, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
remove quote

[ItsTheDay]

 

Never, that is the truth. May not be the answer you're looking for but you will always be thinking about them. It's been about a year and a half since my ex and I broke up and ended our eight year relationship and there hasn't been one day that I have not thought about her. I'm not lying, there hasn't been one day that I have not thought about her. I still cry every now and then, for a while I felt sorry for myself and embarrassed that I would cry over my ex but I'm trying to have a different outlook about it. Telling myself that I'm human, that I cared and still able to care and that I'm a damn good person. I can't speak for anybody else, but for me it's hard. You just got to accept that you will always be thinking about them. I'm still trying to accept it, and it is getting a little better each day. 

Edited August 8, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
remove quote

[Alpacalia]

Agree with ItsTheDay.

In my heart I wish I had a magic answer for this problem for you. It took me a long time to get over someone, and I still think about him occasionally to this day.

It will get easier as time goes on.

Wishing you comfort and strength.

[LetGoOfHim]

I just read a book, Getting Through Your Breakup and am on to another, Getting Out Of Your Head..  for the exact same reasons.  We've been broken up 7 weeks, no contact 5 weeks.  I was feeling as time went on, it was getting worse, he was filling my head more.  I decided Aug 1 was a new month, a new week, a new day.  When I start to think of him, I read or write positive affirmations about myself and redirect my thoughts.  I've been having dreams about him and that's one thing I don't feel like I can control but other than that, the last 3 days have been so much better for me.  I downloaded the books on Kindle.  I'm NOT a reader but read over 100 pages the first day. I probably would have finished in one day if I didn't have to go pick up my daughter.  I'm in counseling and my counselor says to let myself feel and get the thoughts out but then let it go.  Easier said than done but what I've been trying to do.  

[glows]

Be kind to yourself by accepting that it takes time to move on. The more you keep placing unrealistic demands for yourself and get frustrated with the memory of someone, the less likely you’ll actually be able to move forward. 

You’re running, exercising, working presumably and supporting yourself. Keep doing the things you love and stick with your doctor’s advice and your medications with anxiety. Talk about any negative effects or ongoing issues you’re having with your doctor. 

The guy you were seeing was completely incompatible with you. He believed living with his roommate is one way and you thought it was something else. Trust your instincts a bit more and rest assured you now do NOT have to deal with someone you don’t agree with. He wasn’t the one for you and it’s a huge blessing he’s no longer in your life.

Edited August 8, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
remove quote

[ShyViolet]

On 8/2/2022 at 8:13 AM, sunflower108 said:

 

We did chat last week, also chatted about our mental health, he recommended some therapists that he's been with, we discussed our relationship and honestly nothing changed. 

This is the problem right here.  You're not going to get over him if you're keeping him in your orbit and keeping in touch with him.  You need to stop contacting him.  It's not healthy.  Only then you can start to move on.  Every single time you contact him or talk to him, the clock starts over on "moving on" from this.

You will move on from this with time and with adding new things to your life to fill the space.  It doesn't necessarily have to be dating new people if you're not ready.  It can be hobbies, new friends.  Just occupy yourself with new endeavors.

[stillafool]

On 8/2/2022 at 9:29 AM, ItsTheDay said:

 

Never, that is the truth. May not be the answer you're looking for but you will always be thinking about them. It's been about a year and a half since my ex and I broke up and ended our eight year relationship and there hasn't been one day that I have not thought about her. I'm not lying, there hasn't been one day that I have not thought about her. I still cry every now and then, for a while I felt sorry for myself and embarrassed that I would cry over my ex but I'm trying to have a different outlook about it. Telling myself that I'm human, that I cared and still able to care and that I'm a damn good person. I can't speak for anybody else, but for me it's hard. You just got to accept that you will always be thinking about them. I'm still trying to accept it, and it is getting a little better each day. 

There's a big difference in being in an 8 year relationship and a 8 month one.  Naturally you're still struggling a bit after that long with someone.  4 months should be the maximum time for OP.

[stillafool]

On 8/2/2022 at 8:13 AM, sunflower108 said:

We did chat last week, also chatted about our mental health, he recommended some therapists that he's been with, we discussed our relationship and honestly nothing changed. It was more of a vent than anything else. Needless to say I spent days crying. 

I miss him, I'm trying to do all the right things, but seems like he's living rent free in my mind and I'm an anxious person (I'm on medication) and have peaks of depression, so this is also been a struggle. I understand all the occasions that lead to the break up, I understand that really, it just probably was lack of compatibility but I also think he lacked effort. I feel ridiculous knowing he's moved on and I'm still here.

Why are you still talking to him?  Don't discuss the past relationship or expect him to support you through this break.  As you can see it just makes you sadder with him recommending therapists to help you get over him.  Don't do that to yourself.  He's gone and not coming back.  When you accept that fact you will be able to move on.  Just stay no contact and give it time.  Every time you reach out to him you will be disappointed because he isn't going to say what you want to hear.