Change in physical type

[Bantosm]

6 hours ago, flitzanu said:

so, OP, are you a guy that is more like her original "type" and she never gave you a chance, and now she is dating fat guys and it makes you wonder why you weren't good enough?

I'm of her orginal type. She and I dated for a few months, but that was that years ago. She was with a jealous and controlling man not long before she changed. I suspect that may have been a significant part of it.

[healing light]

My type has expanded over the years. I traditionally liked lean, kind of nerdy, tall men.  Above all, I like a man's personality and am primarily drawn to someone's face, but with each subsequent guy that I liked, my taste morphed to include some of their features in my general attraction. When I was really young, I was drawn to dark eyes, dark hair, olive skin. I ended up crushing on a few men in a row with blue eyes and pale skin, I dated a very muscular man and it took me a little bit to get used to it (but once I did, it expanded the body types I was attracted to), and I also developed some feelings for two men who were up to 21 years older than me based on their wit, charm, intellect, etc. So now I don't put as much emphasis on age as I once did, either. I still look for a softness in the eyes/face, but have much greater attraction range in regard to superficial features than I did growing up. As always, a man's personality can influence my perception of his sexiness.

I have a friend who really liked thin, busty girls and was quite judgmental about a woman's perceived fitness level/physique (that he correlated with weight). Then, his first love who he has always held a candle for gained a massive amount of weight. It took him a little bit to wrap his mind around it but once they hooked up again, it is like it reset his preferences and now he has gone on to have a few long-term relationships with obese women back-to-back.

 

 

Edited August 5, 2022 by healing light

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Bantosm said:

I'm of her orginal type. She and I dated for a few months, but that was that years ago. 

Ok, then it's best for you to move forward and not worry about what "type" of guys she's dating now.

[basil67]

9 hours ago, Bantosm said:

I'm of her orginal type. She and I dated for a few months, but that was that years ago. She was with a jealous and controlling man not long before she changed. I suspect that may have been a significant part of it.

@Bantosm why are you so bothered by the current dating choices of a brief girlfriend from years ago?  

[Acacia98]

On 8/1/2022 at 3:53 PM, Hatelove_1 said:

Literally going through the same situation after 2.5 years. Mentally draining to be honest. I’m tired of not being prioritized, and being stonewalled. I much rather someone tell me to my face they don’t want to be with me. I have just blocked everywhere without saying much as every time I “speak out”  he claims I’m stressing him out and pushing him away. Ne er enough to leave me alone for good though so I decided to shut the door myself. I deserve better. 

Maybe she fell head over heels for the big guy and now is attracted to guys who remind her of him. And maybe the same was true of her earlier "type." All those guys reminded her of one guy in particular.

[mark clemson]

I think I have a type in that I tend to feel most attracted to women with wavy shoulder length or longer dark hair. However, that by no means stopped me from enjoying relationships with most (not all) physical types so long as there was "something" there for me that is attractive (usually it's multiple somethings). My wife of many years has "golden" hair (or did, she is greying now in early 50's although she does dye it).

Extremely skinny or extremely overweight people would be problematic for me.

[Bantosm]

On 8/5/2022 at 2:09 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, then it's best for you to move forward and not worry about what "type" of guys she's dating now.

I never said I was worried. Do not make assumptions. 

[Bantosm]

On 8/5/2022 at 6:52 AM, basil67 said:

@Bantosm why are you so bothered by the current dating choices of a brief girlfriend from years ago?  

I'm not bothered. Like I told the other poster, do not make assumptions. 

Yes, she and dated years ago but we are friends. There has been only one poster here who has confirmed a similar situation.

 

[poppyfields]

On 8/2/2022 at 12:18 PM, Bantosm said:

One of my friends has changed her physical type from men with an athletic builds to obese builds with her last three boyfriends all 280 lb or bigger. It's her business who she decides to be with. I never seen anyone change their type like she did so I'm curious. Have you ever changed your physical type and if so what do you think caused you to make the change?

Going a little deeper here, but I think for some women, choices re "type" can be mentally and psychologically driven versus phyically and emotionally driven, especially as a woman get a little older and seeks a different type of relationship than she's had previously.

For example, a woman may associate a good looking, athletically-built man with being a "player," perhaps a few men of this type broke her heart. 

After a few of these experiences, she now seeks stability and security and as such her logical brain takes over and she finds herself drawn to men who do NOT fit that description.

She now associates men NOT as obsessed with their physique or physical appearance as NOT being "players" and as such in HER mind (right or wrong) better able to provide her with that stability and security. 

She feels emotionally safer with them.

I don't know this girl so its impossible to know, it's only a theory. 

But if a few of those athletically-built men in her past broke her heart badly, she may have developed a mental block that prevents her from finding that type of man attractive to her anymore. 

It really depends on her level of sensitivity and ability to be resilient. Among a whole bunch of other criteria.

I'm quite resilient and able to bounce back from hurtful experiences pretty quickly so my type didn't change much even after I began seeking safety and security in my relationships.

I still go for athletically built, lean, defined.  Hair color, skin color (light or dark skinned), height doesn't matter to me all that much.

But the fact a man takes pride in physical appearance, has the self-discipline to maintain a workout regimen that keeps him in good physical and mental health is a huge turn on for me personally, along with the fact he looks damn hot! 

I pretty much described my new husband fwiw. ☺

 

 

Edited August 11, 2022 by poppyfields

[basil67]

8 hours ago, poppyfields said:

For example, a woman may associate a good looking, athletically-built man with being a "player," perhaps a few men of this type broke her heart. 

After a few of these experiences, she now seeks stability and security and as such her logical brain takes over and she finds herself drawn to men who do NOT fit that description.

She now associates men NOT as obsessed with their physique or physical appearance as NOT being "players" and as such in HER mind (right or wrong) better able to provide her with that stability and security. 

She feels emotionally safer with them.

OMG, this is me!  I've never trusted guys who are gorgeous and muscled for this exact reason.  So one could argue that a more regular bloke is my "type".   But, hypothetically, if a gorgeous, muscled guy showed himself to be a good man and earned my trust, I could well date this different type. 

[Alpacalia]

I've dated all shapes and sizes.

An ex was quite physically fit and tall. A wonderful boyfriend.

Another had an average build and height. He was a pleasure to have as a boyfriend.

There was one of them who was a wee chubby and very tall. A poor choice by me for a boyfriend. Quite a few of his actions were crappy.

It might just be that her last experience left a sour taste in her mouth, and she wants to try something completely different?

It has happened to me that I have seen men that were by no means considered attractive and they were potato heads. As well as men, who are exceptionally good-looking and make wonderful partners.

Whatever her type may be, or whatever you think her type may be, some argue that having a type may not actually exist. Rather, we observe a little phenomenon known as revisionist history, which occurs when people are dating someone they like and, for some reason, their preferences suddenly change in order to fit the personal traits of the person they are dating.

 

Edited August 12, 2022 by Alpacalia

[Bantosm]

On 8/11/2022 at 6:27 PM, basil67 said:

OMG, this is me!  I've never trusted guys who are gorgeous and muscled for this exact reason.  So one could argue that a more regular bloke is my "type".   But, hypothetically, if a gorgeous, muscled guy showed himself to be a good man and earned my trust, I could well date this different type. 

If you don't trust men simply because you perceive that they are "gorgeous and muscled" then you have low self-esteem. Did you have a bad experience with someone who fit that type?

[Bantosm]

On 8/11/2022 at 10:55 PM, Alpacalia said:

I've dated all shapes and sizes.

An ex was quite physically fit and tall. A wonderful boyfriend.

Another had an average build and height. He was a pleasure to have as a boyfriend.

There was one of them who was a wee chubby and very tall. A poor choice by me for a boyfriend. Quite a few of his actions were crappy.

It might just be that her last experience left a sour taste in her mouth, and she wants to try something completely different?

It has happened to me that I have seen men that were by no means considered attractive and they were potato heads. As well as men, who are exceptionally good-looking and make wonderful partners.

Whatever her type may be, or whatever you think her type may be, some argue that having a type may not actually exist. Rather, we observe a little phenomenon known as revisionist history, which occurs when people are dating someone they like and, for some reason, their preferences suddenly change in order to fit the personal traits of the person they are dating.

 

You've dated all shapes and sizes which is quite different from said woman. 

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Bantosm said:

If you don't trust men simply because you perceive that they are "gorgeous and muscled" then you have low self-esteem. Did you have a bad experience with someone who fit that type?

I've never had a problem with one because I've never dated one.   If I was on a dating app now, I wouldn't swipe right on a gorgeous muscle guy, I'd swipe right on the regular guy who's got a sparkle in his eye and a nice smile.  

I can't see how my self esteem is related to any of this

Edited August 15, 2022 by basil67

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, Bantosm said:

You've dated all shapes and sizes which is quite different from said woman. 

Yes, I see that.

What does it matter to you what her physical type is?

[stillafool]

47 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I've never had a problem with one because I've never dated one.   If I was on a dating app now, I wouldn't swipe right on a gorgeous muscle guy, I'd swipe right on the regular guy who's got a sparkle in his eye and a nice smile.  

I can't see how my self esteem is related to any of this

Yeah I was never into too much of a muscular frame either.  I liked an athletic body, toned, but more of a runner's body is my favortie on a man, like my husbands.

[Weezy1973]

So, OP it seems some women have changed types, some haven’t, most are pretty fluid. Does that satisfy your curiosity? 

[Alpacalia]

I'm not sure why good-looking or muscled men get a bad rap.

Does that make average men or those who are pudgy and unattractive more trustworthy?

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

I'm not sure why good-looking or muscled men get a bad rap.

Does that make average men or those who are pudgy and unattractive more trustworthy?

First, there isn’t two extremes. Most people are going to be in between. But, I suspect the general idea is that women who put a lot of effort into their appearances are trying to attract the “best” man for a relationship, whereas men who spend a lot of effort on their looks are trying to attract the most women they can for casual sex.

[hotpotato]

Nope. I like athletic men. If I could change my type to obese, I would have a lot more options. For awhile I liked men who were tall and chunky but still strong. 

[Alpacalia]

46 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

whereas men who spend a lot of effort on their looks are trying to attract the most women they can for casual sex.

Gosh.

That statement just doesn't seem right to me.

I have not always found this to be the case.

Does this have any scientific backing?

It is true that my sister's husband was a former model and he spent a lot of time on his physical appearance before (and after they were married); he was one of the most caring, loving and generous husbands I have known, and he is an excellent father to his two children (that are now living with him after their divorce). The reality is that she blew it. 

I suppose sometimes it's just a matter of personal experience.

If I may speculate on something related to the OP, perhaps the idea of nature vs. nurture is one way to explain attraction.

There is no doubt that you are predisposed to liking certain types of people (for example, the opposite sex or, in some cases, the same sex) as well as certain characteristics (for example, being attracted to big breasted women - this ties into evolution's concern about being able to provide for your children).

Over the course of one's lifetime, one's preferences may change based on the experiences they have encountered throughout that lifetime. 

We can, certainly, begin to develop a distaste for something that we have been adversely affected by over the course of our lives, similar to food. 

I assume the woman you are talking about falls into that category.

Is your original question a reflection of your desire to date her?

 

[Weezy1973]

18 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

 

Does this have any scientific backing?

 

I doubt it. But the matching phenomenon does have a lot of evidence to support it. That shows that people tend to match in physical attractiveness in long term relationships. Also substantial evidence to show that men will have casual sex happily with women less attractive than themselves, however women will only have casual sex with men that are either their equal or more attractive than themselves. So, as most folks are average looking, women (on average) would be cautious with men that are more attractive than themselves for fear they may be used for sex. 

[Bantosm]

On 8/15/2022 at 5:43 PM, basil67 said:

I've never had a problem with one because I've never dated one.   If I was on a dating app now, I wouldn't swipe right on a gorgeous muscle guy, I'd swipe right on the regular guy who's got a sparkle in his eye and a nice smile.  

I can't see how my self esteem is related to any of this

You never had problem with that type, yet you have an automatic distrust for them. Distrust doesn't happen without some type of negative personal experience. 

[Bantosm]

On 8/15/2022 at 6:25 PM, Alpacalia said:

Yes, I see that.

What does it matter to you what her physical type is?

You mean besides the fact that she inserted it into this discussion which just happens to be on physical type?

[Bantosm]

On 8/15/2022 at 7:20 PM, Weezy1973 said:

So, OP it seems some women have changed types, some haven’t, most are pretty fluid. Does that satisfy your curiosity? 

I noticed you left out the said case: Most women who have a specific type don't usually suddenly change that type.