Unable to cry

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, Getbackup said:

 I’ve explained how we things came to a head by the lack of support. 

You explained the Gottman theory of the 4 horseman of the apocalypse.  It's unclear why. Especially since you were not married nor in marriage therapy.

Whatever the case, you're probably both better off without each other and having to sift through exhausting dissertations to try to understand each other.

[Getbackup]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

You explained the Gottman theory of the 4 horseman of the apocalypse.  It's unclear why. Especially since you were not married nor in marriage therapy.

Whatever the case, you're probably both better off without each other and having to sift through exhausting dissertations to try to understand each other.

I shared offers and blocks, not the 4 Horseman.  It can be used in any relationship, boss/worker, parent/child etc.  It isn’t just for married couples. It’s how people communicate and treat one another.  I found this eye opening which is why I shared it.  If it doesn’t resonate with you, that’s perfectly fine.  It did with me.  And I think it would with him as we are both life long learners.  I’m happy to put in the work so that I can connect with the ones I love 💕 

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, Getbackup said:

 I think it would with him as we are both life long learners.  

But it's over now so perhaps it's time to work on accepting it.  Why were you apart for the summer? Is he married or living/working in a different location?

[Getbackup]

8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

But it's over now so perhaps it's time to work on accepting it.  Why were you apart for the summer? Is he married or living/working in a different location?

Family emergency, which was life/death requiring us to be apart until the situation came to an end.  It wasn't anyone's fault. Just an unfortunate situation.

[Getbackup]

8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

But it's over now so perhaps it's time to work on accepting it.  Why were you apart for the summer? Is he married or living/working in a different location?

He's not married.

[glows]

It seems he lacks empathy and that’s not a desirable trait in a partner. Regardless of the details and fall out, it doesn’t sound like it was working out and you did what was right for yourself. You may still be in shock and pain so take the time to heal. 

[sk1977]

On 8/8/2022 at 12:04 AM, Getbackup said:

Yeah it's not a mantra I live by.  What I took away from that is you need to find someone who is willing to learn to love you in the way you need to be loved. No different than learning how to sexually satisfy your partner. For context, our love languages synced up, so we had that in spades. But the ability to be in a healthy relationship requires your ability to be open to your partners perspective.  

Emotional support goes both ways, so shutting a partner down is not a healthy (nor kind) way to act.  I said above, "I don't expect perfection from my partner.  I'm certainly not."  Relationships take work.  We didn’t need to be perfect- just committed to growing together.

Btw- I have an amazing tribe of women who have known me my entire life. And we lift each other up and always have each others back.  I’m very, very blessed in that way.  So I have that going for me .  I don’t want to make excuses for him and yet, I know I sound like I’m defending him over and over here.  That says something for the person he is.  But he does have a sharp judgement to him and he readily admits it.  I 100% agree with you about how he probably thinks this is okay. And doesn’t see an issue with it.  He has made no attempt to mend the relationship (or apologize) since everything came to a head.  And that right there, is the opposite of what I need in a partner.  A willingness to say, "I’m sorry" does not come easy for him.  I think he views it as a sign of weakness vs an opportunity to repair hurts.

All I can say is that it feels awful being on the receiving end of it.  And after everything I’ve just been through over summer, my heart can’t take it.  I agree- no partner is proficient in every single area.  I'm not.  If I had to choose, perhaps empathy is his least developed trait.  But I will ponder which traits are the most important for me going forward.  I think that’s good advice.

I read your story, and it sounds so familiar to what I’m going through right now with my now, ex. Please read my post if you’d like. 
But I just wanted to say, I see you, I feel you, and it’s reassuring to see that I’m not asking for too much when I just ask for adult communication, instead of disrespect and belittling. I wish there was a way for us to massage each other on here to share, commiserate and help each other. 
My ex packed his bag and left this morning. I love him and am completely broken. 😕

Hugs to you. We can do hard things.