Unable to cry

[Getbackup]

What do you think it means when a person is unable to cry after initiating a break-up?  I haven't shed one tear.  That's how deeply they hurt me.  But I can't seem to connect to that pain.  It's like its locked up- somewhere.  Poof, gone.  And in it's place, I'm frozen and numb.  

 

 

[basil67]

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, however there are no rules as to how we process heartbreak.  Some cry, some shut down, some are furious.  Or a person can feel all of these things in no particular order.  It's quite likely that the tears will come when the numbness recedes.   Give yourself time to process whatever emotions come your way.

May ask what happened?  How long ago did you end it? 

[Getbackup]

Not too long ago.  I realize it's early, so maybe I need more time to let this numbness dissipate.  It came to a head, whereby the lack of support (to the point of being utterly mean and rude to me) surfaced.  I need a true partner who respects me, shows empathy and ultimately, treats me with kindness. I'm by no means some perfect partner here, but I tried.  God did I try.  But I end things.  Not because I don't love them.  I do.  Madly.  But, I know my worth and I know what my needs are and communicated those very clear.  Unfortunately, it was met with deflection, pure ego or a cold heart.  I've been through an enormous amount of challenges lately.  The last thing I needed was my partner not being one.

[basil67]

I was just thinking back about when I left my ex-h.  I didn't ever cry.   For a few weeks, I was numb and a bit in shock at the huge change I'd made - and then after a few weeks, I just started living again. I felt free and like the sun had come out after years of darkness.  And somewhere during all this chnage, I realised that my love had also left some time ago, but I hadn't allowed myself to question it.  

This brings me back to your comment that you still love him.  Have a think about the fact that you say you love someone who doesn't respect you, who doesn't show empathy or kindness.  Who deflects your needs, has a huge ego and a cold heart.  It doesn't make sense, does it.   Is this man truly worthy of your love?  Or like me, had you never allowed yourself to question whether or not you still truly love him? 

Given what you've written now, I think it's entirely possible that you will never cry.  Rather, you may shift directly from numb to relief.   Or numb > angry > relief.   And you will end up looking to a new, happy future for yourself.  

[glows]

Did you shed tears leading up to this feeling? I can relate to feeling numb eventually after leaving a relationship that was one-sided and I never really felt safe in. Up to that point I cried a lot until I nothing left to cry out and it was like all the emotions of sadness were totally spent. All that was left was picking up and accepting that it was over. Everyone's different and how you process your emotions may come in stages. 

For me, I had done all the crying before I went numb and then felt huge waves of relief. Feeling set free. I'm sorry the break up happened and hope that you find closure for yourself. Give yourself some credit for the courage you had letting go of someone who's not right for you. Good for you for speaking up and communicating what you had needed also.

 

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, Getbackup said:

 being utterly mean and rude to me surfaced..  Unfortunately, it was met with deflection, pure ego or a cold heart.  

Sorry this happened. Often acknowledgement and getting rid of abusive partners comes as a relief. As it should. You made the right call and eventually you'll thank yourself.

[Getbackup]

On 8/4/2022 at 3:48 PM, basil67 said:

This brings me back to your comment that you still love him.  Have a think about the fact that you say you love someone who doesn't respect you, who doesn't show empathy or kindness.  Who deflects your needs, has a huge ego and a cold heart.  It doesn't make sense, does it.   Is this man truly worthy of your love?  Or like me, had you never allowed yourself to question whether or not you still truly love him? 

I've tried writing a response several times but nothing seems to convey exactly how I feel yet.  I know I'm rambling here....But you've brought up some great points and I've been thinking about this for days now.  Yeah, written on paper, its easy to frame it so black and white.  But people don't exist in a vacuum.  Actions on one day do not define anyone.  I believe in forgiveness and trying to find a solution to most anything.  He's capable of being empathic, kind and patient- and has been in other situations.  That's what makes this so unbelievably sad (and frustrating).  Because he can also be mean, brash, arrogant and defensive.  I don't know what I'm going to get.  In business, it's a strength of his to rationalize and instantly know how to be efficient and know what's not being effective.  But that sharp sense of judgement can create deep hurt in our personal relationship.  

It doesn't mean he is a bad person though.  And I wouldn’t classify him as abusive whatsoever.  He's a wonderful man but this isn't an isolated incident. He's done this to family, kids and me.  And he’s hurt me so deeply.  I’ve never felt so unimportant, so small in his eyes, after the way he shut me down.  I let this man into my heart, into my life/family and ultimately trusted that he would always be there for me.  He's my best friend.  I looked up to him in so many ways.  He's got one of the most brilliant minds of anyone I've ever known.  And I loved him.  I wouldn't have devoted myself to him if I didn't love him.  But I deserve the best of his love and when expressing my needs, I certainly did not need a smug reply.  I just don't get it....

But I hear what you are saying.  It's wrong.  No one should be treated with disrespect.  We all make mistakes and have the capacity to hurt the ones we love.  We are after all, human.  I don't expect perfection from my partner.  I'm certainly not.  But I want a partner who treats me with respect, kindness, empathy, loyalty and love- and heartfelt communication.  And the ability to seek forgiveness and say, “I’m so sorry for the way I’ve acted and how I’ve hurt you.  What can I do to fix things?  How can WE get this back on track?”  Or is that too much to ask of a partner these days?

 

[Getbackup]

On 8/4/2022 at 4:10 PM, glows said:

Did you shed tears leading up to this feeling?

 

No- no tears leading up to this.  And I still haven't cried...

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Getbackup said:

  I want a partner who treats me with respect, kindness, empathy, loyalty and love- and heartfelt communication.  

Why should you "have to" cry?  Getting rid of abuse is a victorious situation.

[stillafool]

12 hours ago, Getbackup said:

No- no tears leading up to this.  And I still haven't cried...

It's perfectly okay not to cry over losing a loser.  Your body is happy to be rid of him.  Embrace it.

[stillafool]

13 hours ago, Getbackup said:

He's a wonderful man but this isn't an isolated incident. He's done this to family, kids and me.  And he’s hurt me so deeply.  I’ve never felt so unimportant, so small in his eyes, after the way he shut me down.  I let this man into my heart, into my life/family and ultimately trusted that he would always be there for me.  He's my best friend.  I looked up to him in so many ways.  He's got one of the most brilliant minds of anyone I've ever known.  And I loved him.  I wouldn't have devoted myself to him if I didn't love him.  But I deserve the best of his love and when expressing my needs, I certainly did not need a smug reply.  I just don't get it....

He's not a wonderful man if he's done the things you describe above.  He's certainly not your best friend.  You've put him on a pedestal that he doesn't deserve.

[glows]

14 hours ago, Getbackup said:

No- no tears leading up to this.  And I still haven't cried...

There is nothing wrong with that either. Move forwards. Whatever healing comes ride the waves and go through your own stages. 

Are you worried you’re not processing things as you should? Have more faith in yourself.. everything in due time.

[Getbackup]

5 hours ago, glows said:

There is nothing wrong with that either. Move forwards. Whatever healing comes ride the waves and go through your own stages. 

Are you worried you’re not processing things as you should? Have more faith in yourself.. everything in due time.

Yes.  It's been a very challenging season for me and I don't want to compartmentalize this.  The other challenges brought a lot of emotions to the surface because of the enormity of what I was going through.  This was someone I spent years with.  He's not an abuser, or some monster like people are insinuating here.  He's a good man, but even good people make mistakes and hurt the ones they love. 

The thing that matters the most are my relationships- way beyond myself.  I give and give and give.  And put myself last so often because I want the best for those I love.  It was hard to be vulnerable and repeatedly explain what I needed from a partner.  But I did- clearly.  Time and time again stating what I needed from a partner.  After everything I've just gone through, all I needed was HIM.  His support.  For him to listen.  But he responded from such a place of ego and pride.  I just don't understand how anyone can be so dismissive.  So I ended the relationship.

It's too difficult to think I meant so little to him.  Which is why I think I'm frozen and numb now.

A good friend sent this to me yesterday.  "The hard part isn't finding someone to love you...it's finding someone who is willing to learn to love you in the way that you need to be loved."

Very apropos.

[basil67]

14 minutes ago, Getbackup said:

A good friend sent this to me yesterday.  "The hard part isn't finding someone to love you...it's finding someone who is willing to learn to love you in the way that you need to be loved."

This is not a mantra I'd choose to live by.  Generally speaking, while there is certainly a settling in period in any relationship while we learn each other's quirks and needs, this statement seems to absolved the unhappy person of all responsibility, by putting the blame on the other party for not loving us in the way we need.   Fact is, people are different and have different needs.  For instance, if one person wants to share deep and meaningful conversations to feel loved and the is private in their thoughts we can't blame them for not meeting our needs - because the problem is simply incompatibility.   

21 hours ago, Getbackup said:

I've tried writing a response several times but nothing seems to convey exactly how I feel yet.  I know I'm rambling here....But you've brought up some great points and I've been thinking about this for days now.  Yeah, written on paper, its easy to frame it so black and white.  But people don't exist in a vacuum.  Actions on one day do not define anyone.  I believe in forgiveness and trying to find a solution to most anything.  He's capable of being empathic, kind and patient- and has been in other situations.  That's what makes this so unbelievably sad (and frustrating).  Because he can also be mean, brash, arrogant and defensive.  I don't know what I'm going to get.  In business, it's a strength of his to rationalize and instantly know how to be efficient and know what's not being effective.  But that sharp sense of judgement can create deep hurt in our personal relationship.  

It doesn't mean he is a bad person though.  And I wouldn’t classify him as abusive whatsoever.  He's a wonderful man but this isn't an isolated incident. He's done this to family, kids and me.  And he’s hurt me so deeply.  I’ve never felt so unimportant, so small in his eyes, after the way he shut me down.  I let this man into my heart, into my life/family and ultimately trusted that he would always be there for me.  He's my best friend.  I looked up to him in so many ways.  He's got one of the most brilliant minds of anyone I've ever known.  And I loved him.  I wouldn't have devoted myself to him if I didn't love him.  But I deserve the best of his love and when expressing my needs, I certainly did not need a smug reply.  I just don't get it....

But I hear what you are saying.  It's wrong.  No one should be treated with disrespect.  We all make mistakes and have the capacity to hurt the ones we love.  We are after all, human.  I don't expect perfection from my partner.  I'm certainly not.  But I want a partner who treats me with respect, kindness, empathy, loyalty and love- and heartfelt communication.  And the ability to seek forgiveness and say, “I’m so sorry for the way I’ve acted and how I’ve hurt you.  What can I do to fix things?  How can WE get this back on track?”  Or is that too much to ask of a partner these days?

I believe in forgiveness with the caveat that it doesn't happen again.   While I agree that actions on one day do not define anyone, if those actions keep happening, then it's not just one day and it does start to define the behaviour of that person.   Considering that his behaviour is repeated, and delivered to different people, I would imaging that him not seeking forgiveness is because he believes his behaviour was perfectly acceptable.  And if he finds it acceptable, he's not going to change.

You ask if it's reasonable to find a partner who treats you with respect, kindness, empathy, loyalty and love- and heartfelt communication.  I think that having all traits is a lot to expect of one person.  At the risk of gendering behaviour (which I really hate doing), I think that among women, it's our female friends who generally deliver the empathy and heartfelt communication.   For instance, my partner is loyal, kind, loves and respects me and we're a great match.  But his sense of empathy isn't strong and nor is his heartfelt communication.  But that's OK because, as you say, nobody is perfect and he meets all my other needs. 

And for what it's worth, I can't begin imagining him (or any person who hasn't dived into the realm of conflict resolution techniques) saying “I’m so sorry for the way I’ve acted and how I’ve hurt you.  What can I do to fix things?  How can WE get this back on track?”.  While it would be lovely to hear after conflict, it's not how regular people generally speak.   

I know you're at pains to express that none of us are perfect, and I fully agree with you.  But what you describe wanting in a partner is seeking near perfection.   I suggest that you prioritise which traits mean most to you.  And consider that if someone treats you with much respect and love, you won't be needing them to do lots of conflict resolution

 

 

[Getbackup]

Yeah it's not a mantra I live by.  What I took away from that is you need to find someone who is willing to learn to love you in the way you need to be loved. No different than learning how to sexually satisfy your partner. For context, our love languages synced up, so we had that in spades. But the ability to be in a healthy relationship requires your ability to be open to your partners perspective.  

Emotional support goes both ways, so shutting a partner down is not a healthy (nor kind) way to act.  I said above, "I don't expect perfection from my partner.  I'm certainly not."  Relationships take work.  We didn’t need to be perfect- just committed to growing together.

Btw- I have an amazing tribe of women who have known me my entire life. And we lift each other up and always have each others back.  I’m very, very blessed in that way.  So I have that going for me .  I don’t want to make excuses for him and yet, I know I sound like I’m defending him over and over here.  That says something for the person he is.  But he does have a sharp judgement to him and he readily admits it.  I 100% agree with you about how he probably thinks this is okay. And doesn’t see an issue with it.  He has made no attempt to mend the relationship (or apologize) since everything came to a head.  And that right there, is the opposite of what I need in a partner.  A willingness to say, "I’m sorry" does not come easy for him.  I think he views it as a sign of weakness vs an opportunity to repair hurts.

All I can say is that it feels awful being on the receiving end of it.  And after everything I’ve just been through over summer, my heart can’t take it.  I agree- no partner is proficient in every single area.  I'm not.  If I had to choose, perhaps empathy is his least developed trait.  But I will ponder which traits are the most important for me going forward.  I think that’s good advice.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Getbackup said:

, all I needed was HIM.  His support.  For him to listen.  

The best thing you can do is see a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Get some tests done  Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

Some of the sacrificing and expecting specifics in return is not healthy. Being a martyr diminishes self respect and tries to exact a specific exchange, but unbeknownst to them. Never give what you don't want to or for a hidden expectation.. 

Dating and relationships are not therapy. It's much better to learn to compartmentalize and differentiate between a partnership and someone having to listen hopelessly to things that you, not they, should be doing something about.

Edited August 8, 2022 by Wiseman2

[Getbackup]

Listening to your partner does not equate “to therapy”.  It’s a pretty basic attribute of every secure relationship.There’s no martyrdom or hidden expectations going on here.  

Hearing about someone’s day is a normal exchange between couples. It’s but one way healthy partners connect. [ ] 

Edited August 8, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Getbackup said:

He has made no attempt to mend the relationship (or apologize) since everything came to a head.  And that right there, is the opposite of what I need in a partner. 

What, exactly, came to a head that caused this argument?

[basil67]

19 hours ago, Getbackup said:

Yeah it's not a mantra I live by.  What I took away from that is you need to find someone who is willing to learn to love you in the way you need to be loved. No different than learning how to sexually satisfy your partner. For context, our love languages synced up, so we had that in spades. But the ability to be in a healthy relationship requires your ability to be open to your partners perspective.  

Emotional support goes both ways, so shutting a partner down is not a healthy (nor kind) way to act.  I said above, "I don't expect perfection from my partner.  I'm certainly not."  Relationships take work.  We didn’t need to be perfect- just committed to growing together.

Btw- I have an amazing tribe of women who have known me my entire life. And we lift each other up and always have each others back.  I’m very, very blessed in that way.  So I have that going for me .  I don’t want to make excuses for him and yet, I know I sound like I’m defending him over and over here.  That says something for the person he is.  But he does have a sharp judgement to him and he readily admits it.  I 100% agree with you about how he probably thinks this is okay. And doesn’t see an issue with it.  He has made no attempt to mend the relationship (or apologize) since everything came to a head.  And that right there, is the opposite of what I need in a partner.  A willingness to say, "I’m sorry" does not come easy for him.  I think he views it as a sign of weakness vs an opportunity to repair hurts.

All I can say is that it feels awful being on the receiving end of it.  And after everything I’ve just been through over summer, my heart can’t take it.  I agree- no partner is proficient in every single area.  I'm not.  If I had to choose, perhaps empathy is his least developed trait.  But I will ponder which traits are the most important for me going forward.  I think that’s good advice.

With respect to loving someone the way they want to be loved (or sexually satisfying them), this is great if you're tweaking small things in an already satisfying relationship to take it up a notch.  But it's not going to work if the couple already have extreme differences in emotional (or sexual) style.  What you're talking about are very large changes to his personality.  You sound quite emotionally evolved and he sounds emotionally neanderthal.  He's loving you the best he can in his way, but it's not the kind of love you want or need.  

To be clear, I wouldn't stand for the kind of treatment this man gives you, so I'm not suggesting that "loving you the best he can" should be near good enough.  I think you could find happiness if you are with a man who already ticks most of your boxes and only small changes from each of you are needed.

[Getbackup]

11 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

What, exactly, came to a head that caused this argument?

This is a long answer, and it may seem like I’m rambling again but bear with me….

I’m sure you’re all familiar with John Gottman.  But are you familiar with offers and blocks?  He put couples in a room and observed them.  He watched them and how they communicated with one another.  He can detect who will get divorced with something like 90% accuracy rate.  And what he noticed was that with successful couples, what is happening between two people are "offers".  These are the couples that enjoy each other (it doesn’t mean they don’t fight) but they continually give and return offers.  There are offers, offer returns and blocks.  Whenever you return an offer you are saying, “Yes I am enjoying this conversation with you and I’m gonna run with you on this.”  Whenever you block, that's when you are saying, “I am ceasing this communication and sending out a block”.  

An example of offers and blocks would be, “I’m really feeling like pad Thai tonight.”

A block would be like, “Gross. I hate pad Thai and I’m not hungry.”

An offer return would be like, “Great, I would love to take you out for pad Thai tonight.”

An expanded offer return engages the person in conversation.  “I really feel like Pad Thai tonight.”  “You know what, I was really craving coconut curry”.  “Great.  Let’s order in tonight.”

The third is when communication gets to be more code like.

I think women (generally) vent more than men.  And women like to vent more to their men. Men vent all the time- it’s just a little bit different. And I’m speaking generally, but I do think that when one speaks generally, they are speaking to 80% of the group. As a woman, I understand.  We just like to get s*** off our chest.  We don’t like to hold it in.  It’s too much. Whereas men like to internalize more.  Again, generalizations but some truth to it.

So a vent, can be an offer in disguise. Example: “Mark really annoyed me today.  He asked me to pick him up lunch again for the second day in a row.  And it was too much”. 

Here is a block.  “You know you shouldn’t really be so negative.  Like it’s not a big deal.  Can you stop complaining?”

Here is an offer return.  “You seemed stressed.  Can I give you a back rub?  Or can I rub your hand?”

A more involved offer return. “You know you’re a very accommodating, nice person and he probably thought you wouldn’t mind doing that.  Because you are such a lovely person.  And when a person is really generous and accommodating, they sometimes bear the offer of running errands for family.”

Another example of a block would be “I really don’t want to listen to this right now.”

How many times are we offering and blocking ourselves? It happens all the time in our relationships.  When you block an offer, you cut the flow of energy.  And you cut the connection between you and your partner.  Everyone wants to feel important in their partners eyes.  Deep down, everyone wants to be loved and give love.  So blocking is extremely destructive and that's what research concluded.

That was the gist of what happened between us. Me opening up.  He blocked.  And when I extended an “offer” again, “I need a partner who cares to listen about my day too.”  He took it further with another block, doubling down in a really mean, ego filled way.  That’s the sharp sense of judgement I referenced above.  

That’s not healthy.  That’s shutting down your partner.

So yeah, it’s something everyone is guilty of.  We all have experienced this and/or done this in our relationships.  It happens in all relationships.  Looking back, as each of these situations would unfold, I should have identified these patterns and sat him down.  See if he was on board to practice communicating with “offers” and less “blocks”.  But he made it emphatically clear that he wanted to be the leader of our relationship.  Hindsight is 20/20, right?

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to see my part in all of this.  I got all of this from a relationship coach and I think it resonates with the situation that played out. The key is, how do you grow with your partner and develop more “offers” and experience less “blocks”?  By being aware?  By being mindful of how you interact with one another?  By actively checking in with your partner and figuring out how to communicate in a heartfelt way?  Which = work

There is no greater detector of who you are as a person, than the quality of how you treat the people you love.  I’m committed to doing my personal work and improving my communication skills.  So I’m asking myself, “What’s my role in this?  What did I learn in this relationship?  What patterns were there?  Where are my blindspots and what could I have done differently?”

I’m a work in progress.  And maybe that’s the greatest take away here.  That I’m still honing my deepest, most intimate relationships.  And that I need a partner willing to meet me where I’m at.  Willing to love me and grow with me.  Willing to make the commitment to wrestle through the challenging times and remember all the beautiful things about each other.  Because there is- and there was- a lot to love, in both of us.  Relationships take work.  Both people need to be committed.  Be patient with one another.  Be kind.  Make more “offers” etc.  There is no other place where the opportunity for spiritual growth is so profound than in your relationships.  And with him, I experienced a massive amount of growth.  Our relationship didn't need to end over this.  But it takes both partners actively listening, actively working and actively loving to mend our relationship.  I have no control over his behavior- only mine.

He's a good man.  Albeit, no different than all of us.  Afraid of being hurt,  Afraid of not feeling enough. Ironically, in my eyes, he was enough.  He was my best friend and I truly loved him.  But maybe he didn't know that.  Or believe that.  Or feel that.  All I needed was to be heard.  Listened to.  Connected with and not shut down.  I spent my entire marriage fighting to be heard.  I never wanted that with us.  And he knew that.

All I can do is forgive, work hard on myself and continue to grow.

And grow I will do.

P.S.  Re-reading this before posting has finally made me start to cry...

 

[basil67]

As a talker, I can relate to all this sharing stuff and what I have found is that there has got to be compromise to make it work.   While it's good to have a partner or friend who listens, it's also important to realise that it can be really unpleasant being with someone who has too many complaints. 

In my experience, I'd complain about work.  Hubby would listen a number of times, but it would get to a point where he'd say something to the effect of "You're complaining about this a lot. Perhaps you need to change jobs, or work out some way to manage your stress over what's going on".   He effectively communicated that I've done more than unloading than he can manage and I'm becoming annoying....and so I choose to respect that and now pull myself up if I start complaining too much.

Taking it further, I also learned to manage my worries better.  I've learned that we can keep stuff to ourselves and work out small issues without dumping on others.  I've learned share my worries around so that I don't unburden all on one person.   My husband might hear a little bit.  My best friend might hear a little bit.  My sister might hear a little bit.   If there was even more that needed to be shared, I'd get a therapist so that they can get the lion's share and I don't annoy everyone with my woes.  

In the case of being annoyed with Mark asking me to get his lunches two days in a row, I would view it as so trivial that it does not need to be verbalised, let alone receive comfort for.  But if I had a genuinely crap day with significant things going wrong,  I could simply say "I'm so glad to be home, I had a really crap day" and this may (should) result in either them asking what happened....or a back rub....or both.  

Or in my TLDR version, it's good to be able to complain to a partner, but don't abuse the privilege. 

And I'm glad you had a cry.  It's part of the process ❤️

Edited August 9, 2022 by basil67

[basil67]

I wanted to add, I hope you don't perceive me as being argumentative.  Thing is, I can see many things about this guy which I would be unable to tolerate.  But I'm also seeing things in your own expectations where it may be that you're asking too much.   I'm throwing out different thoughts with the view that there could be middle ground for the two of you.   But I also don't want to see you settle terribly.  

[Getbackup]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

I've learned share my worries around so that I don't unburden all on one person.   My husband might hear a little bit.  My best friend might hear a little bit.  My sister might hear a little bit.   If there was even more that needed to be shared, I'd get a therapist so that they can get the lion's share and I don't annoy everyone with my woes.  

I'm the same way. I have amazing lifelong female friends who are there always there for me.  I reach out to family, to my closest friends and I resumed therapy for precisely that reason: my emotional health is my responsibility.  He has his own life and we've barely had the opportunity to see each other all summer. I think that's a contributing factor: the lack of quality time.

** And you don't come across as argumentative at all.  I hate the word "expectations" because in this relationship, I honestly had only one.  That he would be the leader as he set that expectation- not me.  But yes, I work hard in my relationships and generally speaking, those I have dated/been attracted to fall into that same category.  

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Getbackup said:

 That was the gist of what happened between us. Me opening up.  He blocked.  And when I extended an “offer” again, “I need a partner who cares to listen about my day too.”  

Interestingly, you never answered the question of how long you were dating, what the argument and breakup were about. Instead you went on to an academic discussion of martial therapy theories.  That is also an example of a "block". It's doubtful things ended because he failed to ask how your day went. When you reflect on what the real reasons are, eventually it will come down to incompatibilities.

[Getbackup]

15 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Interestingly, you never answered the question of how long you were dating, what the argument and breakup were about.

Did someone ask how long we were dating?  Can you point that out?  I must have missed it. 

And I’ve explained how we things came to a head by the lack of support.  It wasn’t an argument.  There was no fighting/yelling etc.