Should I expect my spouse to earn more?

[IrinaM]

10 hours ago, Jeepers85 said:

I'm getting despondent about the prospects for her career taking-off - we've now been prioritising her career for almost twenty years and she's still on an entry-level income.

^^^this just doesn't make sense. I'm trying to figure out how this is possible. I don't want to ask invasive questions, but does she sell MLM products, or cars, or real estate? these are a few of the things I can think of that advertise "unlimited earning potential" but don't deliver on that in reality. (no offense to anyone who does those things, and yes I know that there are some people who make money at these jobs).

Realistically, if she has been at this job for 20 years and still at an entry-level income, then her career will never take off. The path she is on hasn't taken her anywhere. So if nothing changes, then nothing changes.

I can't figure out who would love their job so much that they don't care about $$$. I love my job, but I charge good money and every now and then I raise my rates (when I feel I have upped my skill set). That's why I mentioned selling mlm products, because these environments tend to be cult-like, and there are people who stick with them through extreme poverty just to be among their people.

[poppyfields]

8 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

If I were to guess, I would say you are unhappy that your spouse is basically passive and unmotivated, that she lacks the drive and ambition and passion for life you would want in a partner. The career/money issue is only a hint of the problem. You're grabbing at it, but the problem goes way way deeper. 

My guess is that you don't feel really stimulated by your spouse. You certainly don't feel inspired by your spouse.

I sense you have no admiration for your spouse.

ALL of this^^ but you forgot one - OP you don't respect your wife, that's very obvious.

Because she hasn't asked or rather demanded a salary increase in 20 years - which is actually unheard of as most companies give annual performance reviews with at least a cost of living increase - you don’t respect her and view her as weak. 

Everything else, the housework etc is just background noise masking this lack of respect and lack of admiration..

That said, something sounds terribly OFF.  

Are you certain she has received no salary increases in 20 years?  Again, this sounds terribly off and frankly not buying it. 

Do you see her paychecks?  Could she have another private account somewhere where she's stashing the money?

If she has direct deposit could she have arranged with her employer to split her pay between the two accounts? 

The fact she actually wants to work such long hours away from you and your family is a huge problem as well...

Could she be having an affair? 

Sorry to be interjecting such negatives but none of this makes any logical sense.

Especially her claiming no salary increase in 20 years, that's just unheard of.

She shouldn't even have to ask, it's standard protocol for most legitimate companies and if men doing the same job have received annual performance reviews and raises and/or earning more generally, then she is being discriminated against which is against the law and she should sue them.

Assuming you're in the U.S., you didn't state where you reside. 

 

 

 

 

Edited August 7, 2022 by poppyfields

[Els]

The OP says that her salary is still "entry level", not that it has literally never increased. I think he's talking about salary increases that go above and beyond the usual "keep up with inflation" increases that everyone gets (including entry level pay).

I don't know which companies you guys work for that give raises without employees even having to ask, but in the ones I've been in, if you don't ask for a raise you aren't going to be getting one (again, barring the usual blanket increase). I don't work in finance, but friends who do work in finance have said that it's very much a "squeaky wheel gets the grease" environment.

[salparadise]

11 hours ago, poppyfields said:

That said, something sounds terribly OFF. Are you certain she has received no salary increases in 20 years?  Again, this sounds terribly off and frankly not buying it. 

 

2 hours ago, Elswyth said:

The OP says that her salary is still "entry level", not that it has literally never increased. I think he's talking about salary increases that go above and beyond the usual "keep up with inflation" increases that everyone gets (including entry level pay).

^^ True. I was going to point that out too.

We really need to know the business type and her level of responsibility and competency do more than speculate. Let's say for example that she's a receptionist or admin assistant. Most companies simply aren't going to pay much for that job no matter how long you've been there, and they don't expect anyone to stay very long.

People typically move to a position of greater responsibility within a company, take another job elsewhere, go back to school, etc. to move up the scale. Many companies give raises for performance, but it's always incremental. What they're not going to do is pay more than they have to for certain types of positions that anyone could fill. If she is content to stay in such a job for decades, then it's understandable, in one sense, that she's still at entry-level salary.

Ultimately, it's her responsibility to get herself into a position with some upward mobility. You can't expect employers to look out for your interest, even where people are well-compensated the employer is doing so because they need you not because they're nice. If they can buy you cheap, they will. You have to increase your value and demand what you're worth. We all know this. 

It's also why labor unions and child labor laws exist. Talk about some interesting history. The story of the West Virginia coal fields in the early 20th century, and the struggle to establish the unions is pretty amazing. The fundamental interests haven't changed.

 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

What type of work does she do, OP?

[Lisa]

Thread closed as OP's profile is no longer active