No Contact Support Thread. Post here instead of contacting your ex.

[Chronotrgr]

I really miss the old post here instead of contacting your ex thread, more people seemed to post on that one, hopefully this thread will get on a roll at some point.

 

I'm finding it hard to stick with any kind of decision I'm trying to make at the moment, I haven't contacted you since I left on Thursday, that's not exactly very easy, the last thing I said to you before I left was "don't expect anything between us anymore", that to me was my way of ending things, that's the first time I've ever done that, so what does that mean?, was it in retaliation for being kicked out again?, was it out of feeling hurt?, or did I really mean that?, I just can't figure myself out.

 

I don't intend on contacting you, even if I feel low and want you to take that away, I don't even really know if I want you, I don't know if it could work after living together for so long to live apart yet remain together, I don't think it should have ever come to that, which tells me whatever we have at least on your part isn't strong enough to last the long haul.

 

Last time I found myself back in my old bedroom when you broke up with me and kicked me out, I fought for you, I was desperate, I was crying, shaking, trying to reach out for another shot at what we had, this time I just feel deflated and I don't have the energy left to fight anymore, mostly because I don't know what or who I'm even fighting for, I don't even feel like I love you anymore.

 

I can honestly say I didn't put a foot wrong these last 3 months, I just had that feeling you was picking at me to find any excuse to send me packing again, yet I was still doing everything for you and your kid, trying to do right by the two of you despite you not even trying to do right by me, you are a self entitled person, it's really obnoxious, you make a problem out of everything and demand your own way over everything, I wasn't even allowed to store my bike when I left because you made a problem out of everything, in fairness you didn't give me any time to prepare, you didn't think or care about anything like that.

 

I don't know what to do anymore, at the moment I'm not really sure I know what I can do, I feel dizzy and out of it, partially because of stress and partially because I'm still trying to get over the flu, you've really run me in to the ground these past few months, I really don't want to go back to that, you've been horrible and it's all been unprovoked, I've never walked away from anyone before so I don't really know how to go about anything.

 

All I can think of for now is to concentrate on my health and focus on starting over again by myself, which means you being out of the picture once and for all, I have deserved a whole lot more than I've been given since knowing you, I've been shat on an awful lot, I've freed myself from the shackles of your authority, I need to remember that and to keep going forward.

[superdub]

I got confirmation you were looking for me this week online.

 

It was confusing.

 

Still not looking for you. Still not going to contact you in any fashion.

 

My head is full of what ifs. It's weird.

Edited December 5, 2015 by superdub
a misplaced apostrophe

[Tone Loc]

I really miss the old post here instead of contacting your ex thread, more people seemed to post on that one, hopefully this thread will get on a roll at some point.

 

I'm finding it hard to stick with any kind of decision I'm trying to make at the moment, I haven't contacted you since I left on Thursday, that's not exactly very easy, the last thing I said to you before I left was "don't expect anything between us anymore", that to me was my way of ending things, that's the first time I've ever done that, so what does that mean?, was it in retaliation for being kicked out again?, was it out of feeling hurt?, or did I really mean that?, I just can't figure myself out.

 

I don't intend on contacting you, even if I feel low and want you to take that away, I don't even really know if I want you, I don't know if it could work after living together for so long to live apart yet remain together, I don't think it should have ever come to that, which tells me whatever we have at least on your part isn't strong enough to last the long haul.

 

Last time I found myself back in my old bedroom when you broke up with me and kicked me out, I fought for you, I was desperate, I was crying, shaking, trying to reach out for another shot at what we had, this time I just feel deflated and I don't have the energy left to fight anymore, mostly because I don't know what or who I'm even fighting for, I don't even feel like I love you anymore.

 

I can honestly say I didn't put a foot wrong these last 3 months, I just had that feeling you was picking at me to find any excuse to send me packing again, yet I was still doing everything for you and your kid, trying to do right by the two of you despite you not even trying to do right by me, you are a self entitled person, it's really obnoxious, you make a problem out of everything and demand your own way over everything, I wasn't even allowed to store my bike when I left because you made a problem out of everything, in fairness you didn't give me any time to prepare, you didn't think or care about anything like that.

 

I don't know what to do anymore, at the moment I'm not really sure I know what I can do, I feel dizzy and out of it, partially because of stress and partially because I'm still trying to get over the flu, you've really run me in to the ground these past few months, I really don't want to go back to that, you've been horrible and it's all been unprovoked, I've never walked away from anyone before so I don't really know how to go about anything.

 

All I can think of for now is to concentrate on my health and focus on starting over again by myself, which means you being out of the picture once and for all, I have deserved a whole lot more than I've been given since knowing you, I've been shat on an awful lot, I've freed myself from the shackles of your authority, I need to remember that and to keep going forward.

 

Do you know what happened to the previous thread?

[artnoveau]

Its the weekend, so I guess that there is a pretty good chance, that you have gone to prague to **** her brains out and be in love with her.

You are so very good at being in love with someone while they are not threatening your freedom.

Her being five hours away from you helps, I guess.

But the thought of you being with her hurts so much.

Its the only thing that keeps me away from you - the chance of being hurt even more when I find out that you actually are with her.

But I wanted to go to the bus station. To sit there and wait and make sure that you are never gonna board that bus, because you are throwing so much away. You are throwing away the only person that actually gets who you are and how you are and who tries to adapt and make it work nevertheless.

The only person who understands your problem.

The only person who is stupid enough to want kids with you, despite knowing you are gonna cheat on her, hurt her, leave her.

The person that wants to give on your brown eyes, your clever mind and this stupid third nipple.

God, why can't you accept me the way I am. I have accepted your imperfections and always made it about how we got along.

We got along great.

That is what you are not understanding:

that this is actually love.

The caring, the getting along, the not fighting, the feeling of safety. Love should never be anything but safe. Life itself is exciting enough and partnership is about giving each other the strength to live it to the fullest.

But what you have come to know as love is as destructive, as it is passionate.

And since I was never a danger to our relationship - would never have cheated on you or left you - you needed to find something wrong with it.

 

You never had a problem with the sex with had. You choose to have one.

It might not have been perfect, but through all that staying - which you did for yourself, don't try to tell me otherwise - you never tried to make things work. You never tried to change the things that were wrong with you, you never told about what you disliked. That is why you never gave this thing with us a chance.

You just sat down and waited and went along, hoping a miracle would happen and what you found fault with would go away without you mentioning it and thus without me knowing about it. Things never change without communication.

And I think you never wanted it to change. You alway liked the idea of having a way out. But you were also too chicken to be on your own.

Which is why you can finally take this way out - because now you have her and she doesn't feel like a threat, because she doesn't love you yet and she doesn't want you to love her back yet.

[smellysocksuni]

It hurts that I have been banished to your past. It hurts that you regard your current partner as the best thing to ever happen to you, and seemingly that no-one before matters. I introduced you to my family. We lived together! And now it's like we have never known each other. I am still trying to comprehend this utter rejection by you. Still. Almost a year later. You don't care. Any time I try to talk to you about the way I'm feeling, I'm just told that I am being negative and that I am supposed to leave you alone. I have to deal with these feelings every single day, and I don't know when they will go away. You have left me, and it still hurts me to this day.

[Skullheart]

That’s what I really want to know. I want to know how to forget someone that you love with a passion but they don’t even care about you. I just want to know. how do you drop these feeling?

 

I’m so tired of waking up and instantly having you on my mind, I’m tired of having you plague my mind 24/7, I’m tired of reliving old memories, I wish I could get over this as quickly as you did but no, here I am, ****ing 2 or something months after, still fighting ****ing tears.

 

I’m glad you got a new number, who knows when I would have called you in my depression or drunken stupor. I avoid your fb at all cost because it’s almost like suicide looking at that damn picture.

 

I want this to be over.

 

I want to forget you.

 

But I can’t, I’m still here, still in ****ing love with you.

[Chronotrgr]

It's officially day 5 of no contact, I just want to get to that point where I'm no longer counting the days, I think this is the longest I've ever been without talking to you, it's been hard, coping with the flu, adjusting to being back at my mother's house for a little while, trying to deal with missing you.

 

I can't doubt my decision though, whatever happens, I will not reach out, you wanted to stay together despite kicking me out, but I couldn't do that, you set a lot of boundaries and dictated to me what I could and couldn't do, but more than that the ways which you treated me the last few weeks I was there, it was appalling, it was disgusting, it was cold, heartless and cruel, it brought back old times when you thought it was okay to treat me like that, it was never okay, it still isn't okay and I made a stand for myself and told myself I was worth more than that.

 

I don't want to go in to it, I'm old enough and experienced enough now to know what going down that path does to you, it postpones healing, it wraps you up in feelings of upset and distress, in general, it makes you a bitter person, you've said and done some nasty thing's, but that was in the moment, I don't truly believe that is your true nature, I don't forgive you and parts of me will have to live with how you've treated me but I'm not the kind of person anymore who lives my life holding grudges.

 

I have chose to let this slide, and to look at the bright side of this, I am free, no more walking on egg shells, no more drama from your life, no more being woken up every hour by your kid and being driven up the wall with his behaviour, just me me me me me time, and nothing but, no more stress, and yet, it's so sad because at our best, none of that bothered me, not a little, not at all, because I would have always stood by you and I never would have thought the best way to get through our problems was to constantly detatch, that's no way to keep somebody you love close to your heart.

 

I made you my top priority but I was never that to you, I made all the time in the world for you but you didn't give me that time back in return, things like this should come easy but it's been so hard, now I have to reset my priorities, I'm priority number 1, my son is priority number 1.1, looking for a new place to live and settle in to, priority number 2, looking after my grandparents priority number 3, I have too many people depending on me to simply fold and fall apart, If your wondering why I ended it and haven't contacted you, that is why, because I've let these people down before from feeling distressed from you.

 

My dad always taught me to be happy on my own, to find peace with myself and to find happiness in the littlest things, he was right, he might be dead and gone but his will carries on and I'll make him proud of me by moving on from this with my dignity and pride in tact.

[xpaperxcutx]

I keep breaking NC, but it's only because you keep posting on CL and looking for someone to be with all the while you are still with the girl you left me for.

 

 

What cruelty you have done to the bothof us.

 

 

You said you forgave me a long time ago, but still find it hard to forget a lot of my faults in the past.

 

 

I still see my therapist,and have been getting help to become a better person. Yet, at the same time, I am depressed as hell over losing you.

 

 

 

 

I never blamed you. I was hurt in the beginning but now I feel more numb at losing you. My future is more uncertain because I no longer have the promise of marriage from you. You took that away and gave it to her. Yet, here you are, cheating on her after you left.

I followed one of my friends advice to block you on my phone and email. But I already know that you will never contact me regardless. You left me before, and despite how devastating that was for me, you nevertheless came back. This second time, you made your choice to permanently depart.

 

 

I hope I can move on from you.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

I got a text from you that I thought I had been wanting to read..you text me that you think about me every single day. When we broke up you were so angry, thought nothing of our history...I honestly thought you hated me. I was hurt that you could drop me the way you did. Overall, we were both clearly not content with the relationship and the break up had been brewing for some time.

 

After everything I've been thorough with you, I thought I would feel satisfaction knowing that I wasn't the only one suffering and that you did indeed care about me.

 

Instead, I cried like a baby.

 

I know we don't work well together but we both care deeply for each other. That's the hardest part. Letting go and moving on from someone you still love. There's not much more to say or think about as we've already been through this once before.

 

I wanted so badly to tell you that I missed you..that I wish I would kiss and hug you again but I didn't. I won't get pulled back back in only to have my heart torn apart again. I don't blame you either...you and I both weren't getting what we needed from each other.

 

My heart is heavy today but I am still marching on...I don't have a choice.

Edited December 7, 2015 by seekingpeaceinlove

[Chronotrgr]

I don't know why I feel so guilty today, I had to contact you to arrange to pick up the rest of my stuff, why did you have to tell me you loved me, missed me, that you was sorry?, I ended it for a good reason, because there was no way back from the pain you was causing, you told me we couldn't live together because it wasn't working, you've done this a few times before and you always regretted it, I can honestly say I did nothing these past few months, but more than that, you've done nothing, you was never home, we needed time together and a whole lot of effort to get to that point where we wanted to be, I couldn't do that alone could I?, but on the days that we had the chance to do all that, you left me hanging, I was the one person every single time that it was okay to let down, I was insulting myself by hanging in there for you, but then you insulted me by blaming me for the fact things hadn't moved forward and the fact that I was quiet and looked depressed, I felt meaningless and insignificant, as small as an ant, it took a lot for me to end it, even if it was out of upset, but clearly it was the right choice, there's no way back from this, and I can't fight for someone anymore who is too busy and wrapped up in herself to fight back for me, I have my stuff now and I don't intend on contacting you again, I have no reason to, I tried all that abd you can't blame me for leaving.

[Harradin]

I had to sit next to you today for the photos, it wasn't as bad as I was expecting as I kept myself distracted. I noticed in the fun photo you decided to stand in front of me.

 

When we went to go have drinks after, I was asked to invite J, the girl I'm seeing as a couple of friends wanted to meet her. So I invited her, when she was here I noticed that you kept glancing over at us and trying to distract yourself. I finally saw for myself that you were jealous, like you were when I got with J the first time.

 

Now I've seen it, I finally can prove that I was right, you did like me the whole time. So S, you screwed yourself over when you rejected me and lied to me about how you considered me a "close friend."

 

You're too late, I really like J and I want to keep seeing her.

[Chronotrgr]

You confuse me, just what on earth is it that you want from me?, your contacting me now trying to be close as if nothing has happened, we aren't together, I don't want to talk things through, you'd only have me taking the blame for the things that you have done, and say I was to take on board your idea of "we can be together but not live together" what happens when I disagree with your boundaries for the "new" relationship again?, are you going to flip out, start screeching at me and push me away?, that's what happened last time and that was the final push that it took to walk away from you.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not angry at you, I can't say I'm not upset though, I'm destroyed, I'm washed out, just emotionally and physically exhausted, I can't agree to what it is that you want, your not willing to compromise, we can't go forward from here.

[K2z]

You say that you “will never forget” me in your life. And that is supposed to be some kind of comfort to me, while you are raising some other man’s family?

 

In point of fact, forgetting me is exactly what I would like you to do. Because I am going to forget you. It may not happen today, or tomorrow, but I am going to erase you. I honestly wish I had never met you in the first place. I have disposed of all your photos, everything you ever gave me, everything you ever wrote me. The Thai silks and the Thai hand candle will all go to someone else. I have burned the piece of paper on which you wrote “ran khun ka” and the little passport photo of you that used to be on my computer monitor.

 

If I live to be 120 years old, my heart will never process how you could lie to and betray me so easily. And so I will erase you. Don’t offer me your comfort that you will never forget me. Instead, forget me completely. Put every thing, and thought, and memory, of me into a big pile in the middle of the yard and burn it black.

 

I will consider myself a living Buddha when I reach that day that I no longer have any memory of who you are or having tied up my life with you.

[Skullheart]

Here I am again, sitting alone on a Friday night, resisting the urge to send you a message of how much I love you and miss you but you wouldn't care. You would just say sorry and act like I was nothing.

 

I miss spending every weekend with you, I miss staying up till 4 in the morning with you in my arms. All of these memories are now becoming fantasies, the more time I spend away from you, the more I crave you.

 

Why couldn't you have tried to make things work with me? Why? You left me so broken and hurt but all I want is to have you back, to love you again.

 

I miss you and love you so much Cass

[seekingpeaceinlove]

I miss you. You've hurt me so much but I can't stop loving you. I don't know when my heart and my mind will reconcile and I'll finally move on from you but until then, know that you are special to me.

 

I wish you could have been the one..but it seems like the odds were stacked against us from the beginning.

 

All I can think about lately is the good memories we had. There were so many moments when we were together that I would look into your eyes and tears would well up in mine. I loved you so much it would bring tears. I loved taking care of you. I loved loving you...and I never stopped.

 

(Sigh) This is so hard.

Edited December 12, 2015 by seekingpeaceinlove

[JoelBarish]

Yawn. Don't even bother.

 

Listen, a long time ago I wanted you back. I don't anymore. I miss what I had with you but it would never be the same at this point. I adored you. You were the apple of my eye. I could never look at you that way again. I wish I could say that bothers me but it really doesnt--I'm long past caring.

 

Every few months or whatever you seem to get me stuck in your head and reach out to me. Well you're just going to have to live with that. Good luck

[Harradin]

Hi S,

 

I'm feeling a bit vulnerable today, not sure why.

 

I noticed you glancing at me last night, I was with J as you know. It could have been you, you had 2 months S.

 

I'm getting more and more attracted to J by the day, and my feelings for you are slipping away day by day.

[Chronotrgr]

I don't want to be with you, your lucky I have been so calm and collected about everything, sometimes you send me nice messages and come across apologetic, but tonight you send me messages attempting to make me feel guilt for things I should feel no guilt for, your really trying to warp my sense of reality on how things played out, shame on you.

 

I love you but your too emotionally and mentally unstable to maintain a healthy relationship with, you switch back and forth and it makes me question everything, a few weeks a go we had a really nice run of days together then you pull away from me suddenly, I feel upset and out of nowhere you distance yourself from me, I get upset and then you tell me i forced it, I was pushy, you weren't ready for such a nice set of days together, too soon, then tell me I was only after sex, you pull stupid stunt's like this and expect all to be well and forgiven when you feel alright again, you have no idea what damage hearing all that does to me.

 

My patience has ran out, as a band I used to listen to a lot used to sing "you had nine lives and one by one you chewed em up, your final coffin nail's been driven far too much" basically, your our of second chances, you can't mess someone round to the extent that you have and still expect the world.

[na49]

I got your email.

 

First of all, what the hell will meeting face to face do? So you can tell me you "don't feel the same way" in person, and effectively ruin my holiday? I shouldn't believe anything that comes out of your mouth. You are constantly changing your mind about things.

 

You really have some nerve. I know that you think offering friendship is just you being a "good person", and I'm the one being difficult for ignoring you, and not accepting it. I'm sorry for not being your gay best friend, who will be there for you like I was when we were together. You don't want me? You don't get me at all. You don't get the convenient parts of me that you like, and ignore the rest. You have me believing I'm sh*t, and yet you insist on reaching out to me every few months.

 

You also have a lot of nerve telling me that you have a lot of places to turn, and aren't just turning to me because you have nowhere else to go. Who are you anyway? You miss talking to me? All of the dude's your probably f*cking have ears. Talk to them. You can never stop talking anyway. They probably feel like cutting their ears off after listening to you yammer on for so long about nothing. If you have guys crawling all over you, go have them be your friend? Oh, they probably only want to f*ck you before kicking your @ss to the curb. I don't feel sorry for you at all. I don't know why you feel like you can treat me this way, and the worst part is you have no idea that it's hurting me.

 

Also F*CK YOU for saying that you don't regret either person after me. I don't mind if you don't regret them. but why include that in your email? Just to shove it in my face? Who was the email about? Your feelings about me, or updating me on your dating life, and how you dated two screwballs?

 

I don't believe you at all when you say I still mean something to you.

[K2z]

My heart is destroyed. My life is pale mimicry without you in it.

 

How you could marry someone else within such a short time, I will never process in my heart. Towards the end you must have really hated my for the pain I caused you.

 

The ghost of you in my life haunts me every minute of the day. The absence of any knowledge of where you are, what you are doing, and how you are feeling is a gigantic desert wasteland in my chest.

 

I'm not sure I can climb out of this hole.

[Chronotrgr]

I'm glad I resisted temptation, I was very close to replying to your stream of messages last night, I was very upset about how you was portraying me and spinning situations, but this is what you do, your the master of spin, even though I'm upset and have every right to be, you somehow turn it around so your upset and I'm the one who should be apologising, I don't know how you do it, it's messed up how much that's worked out for you in our relationship, you left me scratching my head for days wondering why I had apologised for something you said or did.

 

You are ruthless and over the top, watching those message's flood in, it reminded me of times I just told you to please stop because it's not like that or I'm not like that, but you wouldn't, you'd keep on going knowing you was hurting me, and then, you wouldn't talk to me for days on end, you'd do your damage and leave, and I honestly don't remember a time you ever reached out to genuinely apologise, it's like you have no ability to feel remorse.

 

I fought for you for a long time, even when I wasn't at fault and you was the one who had wronged, I had to fight because you never did, even now you don't fight for me, your reaching out to fight against me, and now your frustrated because your losing the grip you had on me, and let me tell you, I won't be controlled anymore, I don't deserve the abuse I've had off you.

 

I wish you'd get help, your clearly hysterical looking at you now from the outside, you have deep rooted issues, I've never known someone to cause so many problems for herself and worst of all, it gets dumped on everyone else, but it's hard to help you, your fragile ego is critical of everything, be it suggestions or criticism, you take it too heart every time, I can't even joke around to cheer you up because that will be taken the wrong way and held against me as well.

 

I tried my hardest to please you, even at the cost of my own happiness but nothing was good enough for you, I'd have to wonder who could be enough for you because I'm definitely the best of a bad bunch, I gave you chance after chance after chance, I went through hell fighting my better judgement, I lost my self worth, but this time I've truly had enough, I'm washed out and I need to rest, ans hopefully now that I've cut off every avenue of contact I can do just that.

[K2z]

I am so sorry.

 

I am so sorry, I misunderstood my priorities in life.

 

I would give anything to go back.

 

You, and a family, and a future. I was distracted by everything else in the world.

 

God help me. I am a fool. My God, comfort me in my hour of need.

[Chronotrgr]

I feel depressed today, I just don't sleep too well these days, I was dreaming of you from the beginning of the relationship, you weren't perfect by any stretch of the imagination, the situation was up side down but back then you genuinely wanted to spend time with me, you fought for the relationship through the bad times, you didn't want to be away from me and you showed me that you loved me through your actions, you showed me that you cared through your actions.

 

What happened?, somewhere down the line I feel like I got shelved, I became less and less of a priority, suddenly the relationship came to a stand still, you weren't around anymore, you stopped talking to me, you stopped replying to my messages when you weren't around, suddenly I didn't matter anymore, no matter what went on in my life, whether I needed your helping hand, or just someone to talk and open up to, you wouldn't reach out.

 

Thinking back on this, I can't help but cry, and I'm not ashamed to come out and say that, there is nothing more painful to me than the feeling of being taken for granted, forgotten and not cared about, discarded like garbage.

[Cappycorny]

Wow. This looks like a good thread for me to live in. Posted my woes for the first time today about writing a text to a guy I wrote saying I have to pull away here. I know my limits of what I can and can't tolerate. But geez I want to write already. I can't. I won't. And he won't write back I know it. I'm sad and tempted.

[Cappycorny]

I feel depressed today, I just don't sleep too well these days, I was dreaming of you from the beginning of the relationship, you weren't perfect by any stretch of the imagination, the situation was up side down but back then you genuinely wanted to spend time with me, you fought for the relationship through the bad times, you didn't want to be away from me and you showed me that you loved me through your actions, you showed me that you cared through your actions.

 

What happened?, somewhere down the line I feel like I got shelved, I became less and less of a priority, suddenly the relationship came to a stand still, you weren't around anymore, you stopped talking to me, you stopped replying to my messages when you weren't around, suddenly I didn't matter anymore, no matter what went on in my life, whether I needed your helping hand, or just someone to talk and open up to, you wouldn't reach out.

 

Thinking back on this, I can't help but cry, and I'm not ashamed to come out and say that, there is nothing more painful to me than the feeling of being taken for granted, forgotten and not cared about, discarded like garbage.

 

 

Omg thanks for this. It sounds like something I could have written.