No Contact Support Thread. Post here instead of contacting your ex.

[Chronotrgr]

I don't know why you text me this morning over a laptop bag that I left there, there's not much I can do until my kid goes home later on tonight, so I'm sorry but I can't pick it up, throw it away if it bugs you so much.

 

The part that got me though was the part when you said you can have nothing to do with me anymore, except maybe friends one day because you feel uneasy, why did you have to tell me that?, I already knew the score, I saw it long before you actually threw me out.

 

I have tried so hard to put the past behind us in the relationship and move on, but there wasn't much I could possibly do when you was never at home to possibly give me the time of the day.

 

I missed you and staying silent through all that really hurt me, it was torture but I didn't want to lose you by rocking the boat and saying something that you might have taken the wrong way.

 

I only asked for and needed your time and your affection, there's really nothing more to it, I just needed that effort from you, no matter how much I practically begged and pleaded you wouldn't give me that and if you couldn't give me that then we couldn't possibly move forward or be close the way that you wanted to be.

 

I miss you, I didn't want this, but what choice did I have?, if I had hovered around you and tried to change your mind, that would have made you mad.

 

I can't stand this distance, at times its far more than I can possibly take, I feel like breaking down and crying most of the time because that's what you meant to me after all of this time.

 

I don't know what it feels like on the other side of the fence but I hope that pain will surface for you, at least then, I'll know that I meant something to you.

[Draper]

It's hard to believe that it has now been nearly 4 months since we've seen or spoken to each other. I thought I would be past this by now, but then again I never really saw myself as someone who could be hurt like this until you came along.

 

On one hand I'm glad you never made an effort to contact me, to wish me a happy birthday or see if I'm okay, but on another it does sting. The last thing you said was that you were sorry and that I deserve better - still not sure what that cryptic **** was supposed to mean. All I said in reply was that after everything I've done for you I thought I at least deserved honesty but that I wouldn't bother you anymore. You never replied, but I am proud that I stuck to me word and haven't made any effort to see or speak to you since.

 

I still spend time wondering what happened, whether your depression became too much or the medication you were on took a toll or you just lost the feelings you once had - but I suppose it doesn't matter. I guess I just found it hard to believe that I could be so close to you and your whole family one day, sleeping in the same bed and saying we love each other, and then in a matter of days you don't even want to speak. I'll never understand how you did that after all that I've done for and been through with you.

 

In any case, this is the way it is now and I know that. If you ever showed up at my door, I'm not sure what I would say to you. I don't want to feel anything for you especially after everything the way you treated me in the end but, god, it's hard to forget someone who once meant so much even after all that.

 

I wonder if you ever hurt the way I do, or miss the way things used to be. I suppose if you did, you probably would have made an effort to tell me that by now though. You told me when you left that you still cared about me, that you saw a future with me, and just needed to figure yourself out. Evidently every action you took after that said the opposite though, and it's simply a tested a fact that actions speak louder than words. I guess I just wish you had enough respect for me to be straight with me, as you know full well that I was always straight with you.

 

It matters not though, maybe one day you'll see what you threw a way. Maybe you already do. Either way, I have to tell myself that even if you came back tomorrow it would be too late. I spent our whole relationship taking care of you, and now I need to take care of myself by believing that I'm better off without you regardless of what my heart says.

[Cora]

I'm tired of crying for you, but the tears won't stop. Memories of you still flood my mind and I can't turn them off. Yesterday I was fine...today I'm dying inside.

 

Truth is I miss you so damn much and crave for the closure you can't seem to give me. After all we've been through how could you do this to me? How could you leave me like this with no goodbye, no reason whatsoever? Did you have no respect for me at all?

 

We had so many long discussions and even though it was difficult for you, you finally began to open up to me about your life. You told me how much it hurt you to watch your buddy who you were in the marine corps with, fight his battle with cancer. I saw the pain in your eyes when you spoke of him and knew you'd do anything for him. So please tell me how someone with so much compassion in his heart leave someone in such a cruel manner?

 

I know that you are a decent respectable man...a true hero for defending our country and you always will be in my book. Which makes me wonder how you could do something like this? The only explanation I can come up with is that I didn't mean anything to you and that hurts. ? Still, the least you could have done was give me a simple goodbye. Why didn't you tell me you were not happy? How come you couldn't tell me I wasn't enough? I understand those are difficult words to express, but would have spared me a lot of pain. So no I'll never understand why things had to happen this way, because honestly they didn't.

 

I'm heartbroken beyond belief and pray you'll never have to experience this pain.

 

Goodbye my lover... Goodbye my friend...you have been the one... You have been the one for me.

[K2z]

I'm 46. But like the film American Beauty, I'm gonna stop giving a f**k and take a break I think.

 

I'm gonna go home for a while and plant a garden. Live with Mom. Sort out our household and estate affairs. Plan a walk across Scotland. Take pictures. Make timelapses of the garden growing. Maybe get a grunt job in the kitchen, if they will take me.

 

And maybe I will start a blog, "Forgetting K." Our names both start with K. So I need to forget you, and I need to forget in large part myself. Part of me died when you got married. This has been the longest god damned funeral in the world.

 

I want to feel again. I want to be a participant in life again. I want to stop being an abandoned, alcohol dependent head case. I want to stop wondering if you are thinking about me. I wish I could just vomit you up onto the sidewalk and walk away from the puddle. But I will need to detox slowly and carefully.

[five2nine]

It's been about six weeks since we last talked to each other. I'm sure you only remember the annoying way I last behaved in front of you. I still think about you every day when I wake up and when I go to sleep. I don't know why. I keep praying to God to please make it stop but nothing has changed about that. It's obvious you don't really care about me since you didn't send me a Christmas present like you promised you still would.

 

You probably have a new girlfriend by now. And I don't blame you...I wouldn't pick me either. It's hard and I wish I could forget about you. I don't know why I can't. I wonder if you think about me at all or miss me. I'm way too scared to even message you. If we're not meant to be I hope we never talk again. I keep telling myself if we're meant to be it will work out in time. I feel better for that moment. But I still can't stop thinking about you and I hate it.

 

You probably hate me. Or even worse, think nothing of me. Indifferent to me.

 

I'm sick of thinking about you.

[Chronotrgr]

I'm not a bad person, I need to stop feeling like one just because we broke up, I take full responsibility for my part in that, I acknowledged my issues a long time a go, I tried so hard for you to put things right, I can only ever apologise for the ways in which I acted out at times, it's sad but there's nothing more I can possibly do.

 

I feel now that I need to recognise who I am, how and why I said things I didn't mean and did the opposite of what I really wanted to do, these are serious issues for me that I'm pretty tangled up in, I feel like I have many different sides to me that have appeared for one reason or another over the years, maybe I fear of having no control, or maybe I fear of being hurt, maybe I'm just scared to be vulnerable, either way something definitely triggers these sides to me and I need to get to the bottom of it and figure out why, and how I can change that so that I'm the person that I want and need to be.

 

In the state of mind I'm in right now, I could easily heap all the blame for the break up on to myself but I must not forget the parts you played as well, parts that I forgive you for and parts I wish to put behind me but you played your part all the same and I need to remember that as I'm moving on with my life, I don't wish to hold grudges and I don't want to live in the past, I want to be the kind, loving and forgiving person that I have always been and not the bitter uptight person at times that you've seen.

 

I'll stand my ground, I'll speak what I feel, I'll say what I mean and I won't act irrational out of fear anymore, I accept your reason for wanting to go separate ways, I could never agree it was what was best but it's what you want so I'll never bother you again.

[Chronotrgr]

I don't know what my Dad would think of me now, he taught me to be happy on my own a long time a go, I learned to find happiness in simplicity, I learned to cherish my own company, and yet, I became dependant on you, as if my life would have no meaning if you weren't in it, I should feel ashamed of myself for forgetting these values, because when he died, I held them so close to my heart, it was the only thing that got me through his death, every tiny step of the way, I need to somehow deal with these feelings and get myself back to that point in time when I was completely content with my own company.

 

I honestly felt like I could be happy alone for the rest of my life before you became a part of it, I let myself down and lost faith in myself, I need to rebuild on that and find the strength to move on, that's going to be difficult to do because I honestly thought I'd found my soul mate in you and I loved being by your side, because of how much we meant to each other and how close we was, I think you'll always hold a candle in my heart, I think I need to accept now that the only path I can walk down is a path that I walk down alone, you was my world, at least for a little whole, please look after yourself and whenever you feel low on self worth, remember there's somebody from long a go who cherished you more than you could ever know.

[Thatmixedotaku]

God, your smile...your laugh...you kill me. How can you be so happy when i am so miserable ? I hate you so damn much....i wish i could cleanse my mind of you,i wish i could be indifferent

[Rum]

This is my first post lol better than callng the devil

[LostInNC]

I miss us and I would give anything to have had this not happen

[TunaCat]

I didn't hear from you on Christmas.

 

I didn't hear from you today, my birthday.

 

Today it hit me, for REAL that you will more than likely never be a part of my life again.

 

And, surprisingly, I'm okay with that.

 

I fell in love with you, and I KNOW I can fall in love again.

[K2z]

My teerak,

 

Come back. Just leave now. I will put you on a business class ticket to this city.

 

You married another guy.. You were confused. There will be some explaining to the parents and sisters.

 

I am the man who is meant to be with you. You knew it but doubt crept in.

 

Let's resurrect, reilluminate, revive.

 

I love you so much. All is forgiven. Looking forward just babies, gardens, dinners, and trips.

 

I would give my heart, lungs, and liver to ensure you are safe and happy.

 

K2

[Draper]

You know, you really do make me sick at this point. I have no illusions about you coming back, I know your gone and Im coming to terms with that but truthfully i want to vomit when I think of you and what you did. How could I be played for such a fool, and completely humiliated by you?

 

I found out yesterday that you moved in with him just 2 months after dumping me. Which leads me to believe this was going on long before you actually left. It's truly disgusting that you looked me in the eye and said you wanted a future with me the day you left. Its cruel, and you had no reason to lie to my face like that. Further, you went on about how it wasn't about someone else. I should have listened to my gut all along as it was telling me that you were full of ****.

 

I know I dodged a bullet here but that doesn't make it any easier, it still hurts to feel like i meant so little to you that you could do all of this. You're terrible and im sure your family and friends are wondering what the hell is wrong with you.

[Chronotrgr]

It's dawning on me more and more that this is quits and that's it, It's painful but if I can deal with this feeling and accept it early on then maybe the rest of the way will be a little bit easier, I hope.

 

I can't tell you I'm not crushed and disappointed, I was hoping you'd realise what you had and I was hoping you would have fought for it, but let's be honest, you haven't felt for me what I feel for you for a long time have you?.

 

I should have known this, after all, you used to love spending time with me, but after a while, you stopped, you didn't care to have that time with me anymore, you stopped opening up to me, you didn't look at me with the same sparkle anymore, I think a part of me saw this but chose to overlook it subconsciously, hoping that if I left it alone, it would go away rather than mention it and inevitably lose everything.

 

I won't go in to the hurtful stuff, it just doesn't bare thinking about anymore, but I tried to put the distant past behind me didn't I?, because I meant what I said when we got back together that it would be a fresh start, sadly I don't think you had it in to do the same.

 

I want you to know that I love you, I miss you, I would have done anything for you just like I always have, I would have forgiven you for anything, just like I always did, there is nobody else for me, just like there never could have been, I have always been loyal to you from the day that I met you and now I choose to be loyal to you still, after all, what's the point in trying to meet somebody else if your all that I want and all that I need?.

 

I'm hurt, I wake up feeling devastated everyday, which is why I've focused on forgiveness and keeping the negative feelings away, what good does thinking about stuff like that do for me?, nothing, just more heart ache on top of what's already too unbearable.

 

I intend on being alone now and I intend on being content with that decision, I don't think I could be happy alone as much as I was happy with you but it's definitely second best and if that's all I've got left then that's good enough to get by, it's time to start accepting my new lifestyle and attempting to embrace it.

 

I really did cherish you, the thought of your life being meant for somebody else is soul destroying but I can't change that can I?, I'm not God and I know more than most after I've had my heart broke in the past that when a woman's mind is made up, it's engraved on a tombstone, so I know better than to reach out and try.

 

I need to accept that this is over, your not going to come back for me, I need to snuff out any hope in my heart and in my mind of you reaching out, because it isn't going to happen, I don't hate you for that, I couldn't possibly hate you even if I I tried really hard.

 

Thankyou for the memories, I'll always hold them close, thankyou for being there for me and thankyou for helping me when I needed you the most, you was the most sweetest beautiful woman I could have ever dreamt up, I love you, goodnight my darling.

[StrangerThanFiction]

Hey dude, it's been just about 7 months since we broke up. I realized today that I haven't thought of you once in the past few weeks. Well, besides today obviously, lol. Totally blew my mind, to be honest.

 

I would've figured that for sure I would've at least thought of you on Christmas and that I would've considered sending you a "Merry Christmas" text, but not once did you cross my mind. When I thought about you today and realized you hadn't sent me one either it...didn't bother me in the slightest! There was no shot of pain at the thought of being forgotten by you, or longing for you, or missing you. There was no wondering what you were doing or who you were with or if you were happy.

 

In fact, today I concluded that I felt more emotion over using my spiffy new coffee maker for the first time than I've felt for you in general over the last few months! Hot damn is it a great coffee maker!

 

It really is amazing how healing can just sneak up on you like that, eh? I actually had to really think about how long we have been broken up for because I stopped keeping track months ago without even noticing. I never imagined I could feel so completely...indifferent towards you so soon after the end of our turbulent 7 year relationship, but I think that's due in large part to feeling emotionally healthy again for the first time in at the very least 7 years.

 

I am happy being single for the time being. I need that freedom more than I need someone in my life in the boyfriend capacity right now. Especially after seeing some of my friends' incredibly complicated and downright miserable relationships lol.

 

I'd rather be single and happy and, yes, a little lonely sometimes than complacent but miserable in a relationship.

[Hls923]

Well today is New Year's eve...... Been five days of no contact. shattered my heart eight days ago-three days before Christmas, telling me you met somebody and you have a "connection ". What about all the times you told me you want to grow old with me, what about telling my daughter that you wanted to marry me?? What happened to that connection? The honeymoon phase does not last forever, S, if you keep chasing that, you will have a lifetime full of short-term meaningless relationships. I really did want to spend the rest of our lives together--but you want to throw away a year and a half for some new woman who shows up in your building. She is newly divorced, has the same progressive disease as you, and is 13 years younger than you .......do you really think she would be in it for the long haul????? You think the grass is greener, because a young woman thinks you're cute and funny--but it won't last and you'll be sorry.

And yet I still sit here hoping you'll contact me and tell me it was all just a horrible mistake. You texted on Christmas- 3 days after breaking up with me- wanting to bring me my Christmas gift, and asked again the next day when I contacted you. Telling me you think I'm going to love it and really want to give it to me. Don't you understand that all I ever wanted was for us to be together.???? If that is not going to happen, then I don't want anything from you. A gift to remind me of you, remind me that you're gone???? No thanks!!! Even if you do call or text, I don't even know what I would say----just the thought of talking to you and hearing again "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, but I didn't want to lie to you" kills me. I don't know if I can ever get over that---you chose the chance to date someone you met 3 weeks ago over the 18 months we spent together......how can I not take that personally???

[seekingpeaceinlove]

You don't now how much I want to see you but I have to protect my heart. The heart that you broke time and time again. You telling me that you miss me makes my heart pang but doesn't move me anymore. You still don't get it. It's been 3 months and I guess you still think you feel that did nothing wrong.

 

As much as I need physical affection and crave the sexual chemistry we had...I don't want to get sucked into "us" again. I know if I saw you, hugged you, kissed you, and we made love...it would be so hard to hold my heart together when I've been trying so hard to heal.

 

I'm proud of the progress I've made and I don't want to ruin that. I love you still but I have to start loving myself first. I put you first in our relationship and I won't do that anymore...I can't.

 

I want to see you ..badly... but I just can't.

[Chronotrgr]

Happy new year, I hope your having fun where ever you are, I never did get on board with Christmas and new year in the past but I was looking forward to spending it this time with you, it's such a shame that we spent it apart, I won't forget that for as long as I live, it has been the worst holiday season I can remember.

 

I was reading over some of our old emails, I didn't even realise that the way I felt now was the exact same as how I felt in the beginning, I was never a priority, you was never there to comfort me when you hurt me, you wasn't there through anything, something always came first, and that something was never me, I was always left out in the cold, something to go back to once you'd had your fun elsewhere, contrary to what you say, I mean nothing to you based on your actions or lack of.

 

I'm in tears tonight on my own, I've been finding it so hard to cope, you sent me a simple "happy new year" I was probably nothing more than a thread of texts to send to everybody, that's all I'm worth to you huh?.

 

I'm going to pick myself up from this though, don't you worry about that, I'll stand again and I'll make a new life for myself, I will be the person I used to be, the person who was happiest alone, I didn't need anybody, I didn't depend on anybody, I didn't love nobody but myself.

 

I don't think I could face a relationship again after this, not for a few years at least, you've ran me in to the ground and what I need now more than anything else is some peace and quiet and some time to recover.

 

You won't hear from me again, if you should contact me, I'll look the other way, if you should tell me you need me, I'll look the other way, if you should say you want me back, I'll look the other way, you get my point?, there's no going back after this pain you've caused me, I let it slide too many times, It's clear as day that you will never change, at least not for me anyway.

 

So what did I learn from this experience?, what can I take away from it?, I learned that you shouldn't have to ask somebody to spend time with you, you shouldn't have to ask somebody to care and be there for you, you shouldn't have to ask somebody to prioritise you, if this ain't natural in your relationship then you should walk away because having to ask for all of that, it's degrading in every sense of the word and as a good person I didn't deserve that.

 

I've learned that I'm a strong good willed person, I forgave you every time, I fought for you whenever you ran away from me irrationally, I was always there to protect you and look after you, I stood by you even as you hammered in the final coffin nails of our time together, I'm proud of myself for that.

 

You have emotionally beat me down in every single way and you've remained a cold hearted person throughout, you'll have nothing to do with me now and if you ever find compassion within yourself you'll figure out why.

[Hls923]

Well it's almost 8 o'clock on New Year's eve. I sit here wondering if you have plans to go out. Are you going to the M's? Is there a party in your building? Are you spending it with her? Last year you and I spend the evening together. A nice quiet night just the two of us. I thought we would have many many more to share,--who knew that just one short year later I would be sitting here alone hoping that you'll text, but praying that you won't. I know I should just stop even thinking about you, because as long as you live in the same building as her I could never let you back into my life even if you wanted to be. If you were to move back to Su****d, and invite me to come along, perhaps maybe - if I saw the love in your eyes again. But that is just wishful thinking at this point. My heart is broken and I am trying to just MoveOn. Happy new year S, I hope 2016 brings you all that you wish for in health, life, and love.

[Cora]

Well darling, it's New Year's Eve. This same time last year we were on our second date. I remember it so fondly as if it were yesterday. You took me out to dinner. You looked so dashing all dressed up and you smelled really nice too. We talked about our favorite movies, music, our families and we had a few laughs. You always did know how to make me laugh. I could have gazed into your beautiful blue eyes all night. You always made me feel so comfortable and at ease around you. After dinner you walked me out to my car and as I turned to face you, your hand cupped my cheek and you pulled me close. Your lips touched mine and my heart fluttered! That was our first kiss. You took me by surprise. You wished me a happy new year and told me to drive safe.

 

You probably have long forgotten about that night I'm sure. For me though, it was the most magical night of my life and I'll cherish it forever. Tonight I will not get a New Years kiss from you...I won't ever get to kiss you again. Instead you will be spending New Years with her, taking her to dinner, kissing her goodnight. It breaks my heart my love. What a difference a year makes. You were always so sweet and good to me. Always concerned about my feelings, always checking to see if I made it home safely, cooking me dinner, being so tender with your touch and never letting a night go by without saying goodnight. So I don't understand how you can turn so cold in an instant. Forgetting me and moving on so easily as if I never existed.

 

Do you even have a heart? Because you tore mine apart. I don't understand at all and never will. I thought I meant something to you. I was wrong. I feel so disposable. Why do I sit here and cry over someone who does not want me? Someone who vanished without a trace. With no rhyme, reason or goodbye. You didn't even respect me enough to tell me to my face you were done. No closure whatsoever. All those months holding out hope, waiting patiently to hear from you again. Sending you get well cards when you said you were sick when all the while you were busy doting on your new love. How do you think that made me feel? Pretty ****ty I must say. My heart still aches for you. I feel so hallow and empty inside. This time last year I was so full of life. Well I don't know that person anymore. She died the day you left me.

 

Despite it all, I have forgiven you. Tonight's just hard, not only because it's New Year's Eve, but also because it was the night of our first kiss. I miss you so damn much it hurts. I feel sick. I'm starting to forget how you look, the sound of your voice and the little quirky gestures you'd make. That makes me sad! I'll never get to be in your arms again, I'll never get to look into those beautiful eyes again, I'll never get another phone call or text from you, never hear your laugh again or see your smile. But I'll be ok. I may be all alone this New Year's Eve, but I have to look towards the future and hope that 2016 has better things in store for me.

 

So good night my darling and happy new year to you! May it bring you much love, peace and happiness! May you never have to feel this pain or struggle with the things your heart wants, but cannot have. May you never shed a tear over a lost love or broken heart. May you never know the torture of true heartache and unrequited love. I only want the best for you because I love you and I've been there and know how it feels to really hurt. If you are happy then I'm happy for you. I have to set you free. This hurts me so to do, but this is the end for us.

 

Love always and forever,

Cora

[Thatmixedotaku]

I hate you. I wish i would never have to see you again. You are heartless, i wish one day you feel a fraction of what i feel now . I honestly do .

[Hls923]

Well I survived New Year's eve. I slept quite well surprisingly. I did get a text shortly after midnight- although it was not you like I hoped it would be. It's now shortly after noon time, and I'm wondering if I will hear from you at all today. On the one hand it is your responsibility to reach out to me - you broke up with me. However our last communication was when you asked if you could bring me my Christmas gift, and I told you wasn't a good idea right now.

 

Should I text you? Are you hoping to hear from me? Are you still interested in dating that girl? Have you already gone on a date? It's been about a week and a half since you broke it off with me because you had interest in her…… My brain is still reeling from the shock of it all. I never thought you would do something like that to me. You always swore that you were different.

 

I know that your disease causes a lot of mood swings and sometimes impulsive behavior, but you should've come to your senses by now and taken the steps to make it right, if you really do love me like you said you did all of those times. A week before you broke up with me, we were lying in your bed and you were holding me and telling me how perfect it was.

 

I really cannot reach out to you today, I just can't. My heart is too fragile, and I would be shattered if I received anything but an overwhelmingly positive response from you. Unfortunately my heart is still too raw to even take that risk. Why why why won't you call me right now and tell me it was all just a horrible mistake and you love me and you need me and you're moving back into your house and you want me to come with you……

 

I love you so much and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. It wasn't that long ago that you said you felt the same way towards me. life is hard.......

Edited January 1, 2016 by Hls923

[Hls923]

I stopped by your parents house yesterday to visit, perhaps maybe to get some closure and end the year and not look back. I don't really know why. I love your parents to death, and they loved me, and it just sucks that your stupid decision has to affect so many peoples lives.

 

They were not home when I stopped, so I just left a note at the door. I know they park in the garage so I don't even know if they got my note, or will it be you that gets it since you visit them every day. Will you call me or text me when you see the note?

 

I need to stop looking at your Facebook, too. All I can see is your cover photos and your profile pictures, but it's just false hope that your cover photos for the last four days have received no likes or comments from this new girl. But I know she has been online because I have seen that she has liked things from other people.

 

I really have to stop obsessing over all of this and stop checking up, I need to just walk away and not look back. This is not healthy for me.....

[Draper]

Well, it's a new year. The last year I experienced both the best and the worst times of my life. The best of course were meeting you, falling for you, and being so damn happy with you. The worst, well, those came when you broke my heart. When you cheated, when you lied, when you used mental illness as an excuse, when you became all of the things that you said you never were.

 

I remember once when we first started dating you asked me if I saw a future with you, to which I said yes. I asked you the same question and you said yes. You seemed so happy when I said yes. Throughout the relationship, I always thought you were just as attached if not more so than me. You were the first to drop the 'i love you' bomb, you were the one who wanted to move in together, and these things you said about us and forever and marriage, I never expected it that day you tore my heart out.

 

It really sucks that you're not that person anymore, or I suppose never were. I don't know what happened, or where I went wrong but I've spent the past months asking myself what was wrong with me to cause you drop me like that and move on so quick. Especially when I found out you moved in with him not even 2 months after ending things with me - that killed me, and all I've been able to ask myself since is 'why'. Is he somehow better than me, or did you just get bored?

 

I guess when all is said is gone, it won't matter. Regardless of your reasons for not choosing me, it's become more than clear to me that I should never have chosen you. I'm telling myself and starting to believe that you did me a favour by leaving. The bullet was dodged. Why would I want to be with someone capable of leaving like you did, dropping me out of nowhere and instantly moving on to the new guy? Or who cheated, lied, and disrespected me.

 

I don't know where to go from here, but I do know where to not to go and that is anywhere you are. I don't know if things will work out with your new guy, a part of feels like it won't but I try not to care. Regardless, though, I hope you never come back to me, for your own sake. I still care and feel for you just as I always did, but I no longer trust or respect you enough to be with you. I also no long disrespect myself enough to be with you, because I know I deserve better than the **** you've put me through. You said it yourself; 'you deserve to be treated a hell of a lot better than this'.

[Hls923]

I was extremely weak and stupid tonight, and I texted you after six days of no contact. The message did not deliver. That could only mean that 1.) your phone was not on, or 2.) you blocked me.

 

Why would you have blocked me when our last communication was not even in anger? You asked again if you could bring me the Christmas gift you got for me, and I said "I don't think it's a good idea right now "and you said "I understand "

 

I am ashamed of myself for breaking no contact and texting you, and humiliated thinking that you may have blocked me. Next time I have the urge to reach out to you, I just have to remember how I felt tonight when I saw that the message did not deliver…… Why the hell do I keep doing this to myself? I have got to just let you go……