LilMama1097 Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 Well, I am once again starting over with NC. HE'S MADE IT IMPOSSIBLE on me. He always wants to text, TAKE ME ON DATES, talk on the phone on his lunch breaks, have lunch together, gets upset and hurt when I don't respond YET he doesn't want to BE IN A RELATIONSHIP!!! I can't handle these games anymore. He's emotionally torturing me and I'm losing my strength and self respect and I'm so confused!!! Cheers to NC and sticking with it this time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hls923 Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 (edited) Well, I tried again this morning and the text delivered. I don't know what happened last night, but I just couldn't accept the fact that you would have blocked me. We had a short exchange of texts and that was that. I'm glad you responded, but now I miss you and I want to keep talking. Today is the 5th cover photo that the new girl hasn't liked or commented......I want to ask so badly what the status is. But does it even matter? You chose someone else over me. Someone you just met held more value to you than the 1 1/2 yrs we spent together....... my heart still hurts. ...... Edited January 3, 2016 by Hls923 Link to post Share on other sites
Hls923 Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 (edited) I miss you so much today. I want so badly to know that you miss me too. I won't ask, though, I'm too afraid of the answer. If one day you realize that maybe there is no forgetting a woman like me… then I hope you have the courage to do something about it. Because it's never too late to change the ending of the story. It's never too late to make what could have been a reality. And it's never too late to change your mind. Edited January 3, 2016 by Hls923 Link to post Share on other sites
anonymousbear00101100 Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 I hung out with ***** today. He said "Hey are you and ******** still dating?" I said "No we haven't been for a while now." He said "Oh okay good because on Halloween I saw her flirting with my friend hard core, and they were texting later." You told me he was some guy in a mutual group of friends and he happened to message you on Facebook later that night. You said you shot him down immediately. I'm starting to think you came on to him and gave him your number while we were still dating, flirted with him that whole week, and broke up with me at the end of it. Three hours prior to that we were having sex and you told me you loved me to the moon and back. It's been two months and I had been doing so well for so long. All of a sudden, these past two days, you popped back into my head. I haven't written one of these to you in so long and I thought I was free, but looks like I'm back to square one. I'm just so angry and hurt. I thought I had deleted all the pictures of you from my phone. Three screen shots of your texts still remained though. How can someone who loved me so much and had such a willingness to try so hard just give up when it got a little difficult. You're a ****ing joke kid. I know how great of a person you could be, but you aren't because of your inability to be passionate or dedicated to anything. You need to grow up seriously. I don't hate you. I just can't believe you would do that to me. I never should have dated you. You were so flirty before we started dating and it drove me away. And when I stopped showing interest you came back. I should have stayed as far away from you as possible because I knew the trouble and heartbreak you would cause me. The worst part is that I know how much we had loved each other at one point, and I still will always be glad I dated you. You were such a good person and yet so destructive at the same time. I loved you and I hate you and I miss you so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Hls923 Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 What is bothering me the most today is that somebody else is getting my "good morning, beautiful" text. I miss that. And the little texts throughout the day, the phone call when I get out of work, and the "sweet dreams" text before we go to bed at night. I am so pissed at you for screwing this up...... Link to post Share on other sites
five2nine Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 I feel really lonely today and it's difficult to keep NC. I really want to e-mail him. I'm not close to doing it out of fear but I am still here wishing he would contact me. It hasn't been a full 2 months yet since we last talked but it feels like things ended recently! I still think about him multiple times every...single....day. When does the madness end... I hate it Link to post Share on other sites
K2z Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 There will never be a day when I don't ache for you and love you. I feel so betrayed by you. When did the betrayal start? I am so sick and tired of conducting my own little CSI inquiry in my head. The big thing to do would be to wish you happiness but I am not there. I wish you regret. You settled for something else. I was a replaceable Lego block. My francophone friend said "elle t'a pris pour un con." She played you for an idiot. So you did. I am a broken hearted idiot. Proud of yourself? Secure in your Disney coach? Link to post Share on other sites
spoonsha Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 I am on the same boat. I had to request him NOT to contact me so many times and sometimes he broke it the next day... And the worst thing is we are working at the same company, it's too convenient for him to stop by and say hello. Anyway, today is my 4th day of NC, and when I came to office this morning, there was a chocolate laying on my desk...I already knew who put there, but I didn't ask or say anything. To be honest, when I saw the chocolate this morning, I felt sweet for a little bit, then I felt sad and angry, all these mixed feelings... Link to post Share on other sites
spoonsha Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 Well, I am once again starting over with NC. HE'S MADE IT IMPOSSIBLE on me. He always wants to text, TAKE ME ON DATES, talk on the phone on his lunch breaks, have lunch together, gets upset and hurt when I don't respond YET he doesn't want to BE IN A RELATIONSHIP!!! I can't handle these games anymore. He's emotionally torturing me and I'm losing my strength and self respect and I'm so confused!!! Cheers to NC and sticking with it this time. I am on the same boat. I had to request him NOT to contact me so many times and sometimes he broke it the next day... And the worst thing is we are working at the same company, it's too convenient for him to stop by and say hello. Anyway, today is my 4th day of NC, and when I came to office this morning, there was a chocolate laying on my desk...I already knew who put there, but I didn't ask or say anything. To be honest, when I saw the chocolate this morning, I felt sweet for a little bit, then I felt sad and angry, all these mixed feelings... Link to post Share on other sites
Hls923 Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) Feeling angry today. How could you value a "maybe" with someone you barely know, over the year and a half we spent together?? You want to chase that "high", but it will never last---every relationship eventually develops into a deep meaningful connection, or it "dies"........the honeymoon phase NEVER lasts forever. You are 50 years old with a progressive disease----what makes you think a 30 something, newly divorced woman with the same condtion who lives in your building, wants to make time for a much older man in worse shape than her??? You are fooling yourself!!! She may have flirted a little and thought you were handsome, but she doesn't want you forever-----and you threw us away for that????? I noticed that of the 7 cover photos you have posted on FB in the last week--she has liked/commented on ZERO!!!! But she HAS liked and commented on posts of others!!!! HAHAHA---I hope it crushes your fragile little ego!!!! And I also saw that she had an AWESOME New Years Eve with another couple, and another guy, as the 4 of them were tagged in the post---did you see that? I hope so!!!!!!!!!! You are soooooooo stupid, S., I would have done anything for you, and I would have married you----liked you said you wanted MANY times......... I almost feel sorry for you, almost!! it's pretty pathetic, actually. You will be lonely and ALONE!!!!! Edited January 5, 2016 by Hls923 Link to post Share on other sites
DrMario Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 Sadly I couldn't change your mind, you pin pointed me as the root of your depression and anxiety and cut me out entirely, I was there for you all along and hopefully you'll see that some day. Link to post Share on other sites
Cora Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 I heard a song tonight...It was the same song that was playing in my car as I was driving home from our first date. I was on cloud nine that night...over the moon with joy. I did not know such happiness could exist. So many reminders of you as of late. I break down and cry for no reason at all at the most inappropriate times now. I'm doing better than I was...the pain isn't so fresh anymore you know? It still hurts like hell though. You look so happy with her. She's really beautiful. I wish I could see you one last time...just for a moment so I could look you right in the eyes and ask you why? Why did you leave me? Why did you lie about it? Why did a respectable man like yourself not respect me enough to tell me the truth and give me the courtesy of a goodbye? My God I loved you so much and would have done anything for you!! You shattered my heart into a million pieces and crushed my soul. I will never forget you or what you did. I forgive you, but I'll never forget... I'm all out of love...I'm so lost without you... Link to post Share on other sites
K2z Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 Hell is having nothing possible to say, and all the desire in the world to say something anyway. The drama of our love, and of our separation, bleeds away by the day. The banality sets in. You are happy and average with another man. I walk around like a ghost. I go through the motions, but it is all a weak mimicry of the life I should have seized with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Salina Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 I will let go of you. I've been in more pain than you care to realize. You've moved on quite happily and I'm left in the dirt. I will let go of you, as sad as it makes me, because I need to take care of myself. There is a lot I wish I could say to you. You hurt me a lot more than you know and I wish I could just tell you everything but it's not going to happen, you're probably thinking I'm an overly emotional idiot. There are times in my mind when I just can't stand you and times when I wish we could make it work again somehow. I'll let go of you though, I'm coming to a point where I need to say, I'm done with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Hls923 Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 What the hell is wrong with me?? Two nights ago I dreamt that I was getting married. In fairness, I never saw the groom was in my dream…… But I can just imagine. Then last night I had a dream that I was pregnant. WTF!! I am 43 years old! Why am I having these dreams????? of course I wake up immediately thinking of you, wishing and hoping that today is the day you reach out to me and tell me that you are dumb and you're sorry and you will do whatever it takes to get me back. But then reality sets in and I listen to my brain telling me that it's really best if I never hear from you again !!! When will it all just go away???? Link to post Share on other sites
Hls923 Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 I want so badly to ask you if you miss me, do you think about me, are you regretting your decision? I hope it is not your pride that is keeping you away......if you feel like you made the wrong choice in letting me go, please, please, please reach out to me?.......the longer this goes on, the more I feel like it's the end forever....... It breaks my heart. You made this decision for yourself, never taking into account the fact that I became part of your family---I miss your parents, C., J., The girls, K., even G!!!! You made a very selfish and impulsive decision, and many are affected. Link to post Share on other sites
StrangerThanFiction Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 Well well well, isn't this an unexpected turn of events. Link to post Share on other sites
Hls923 Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 (edited) Do you even miss me at all????? WTF, this sucks!!!!! I am so angry and frustrated with myself because I still keep checking my phone hoping to see a text from you......... Edited January 7, 2016 by Hls923 Add more info Link to post Share on other sites
Hls923 Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 (edited) You did not change your cover photo yesterday. I hope everything is all right. You change your cover photo every single day…… I know I shouldn't look, and I know that I will probably end up seeing something that will break my heart, but right now it just gives me false hope because I have not seen anything relating to her. .... My God, why won't you reach out to me??? I miss you so goddamn much it's ridiculous. It is now been six days since NC....... Update--- I just saw that you changed your cover photo. It is the picture that you always put when you are contemplating life, and feeling at your lowest. You explained it to me in detail at one point in time. You posted it many times when you and I were having problems,. In my heart I am hoping that it is posted because you're missing me, but could it possibly be that things are not going well with the new girl, And you are sad because of her? Either way, I guess it doesn't matter, because we are not together… It makes me feel slightly evil that I am actually kind of happy that you posted this, because I know that it means that you are sad. Does that make me a horrible person?! Edited January 8, 2016 by Hls923 Link to post Share on other sites
Hls923 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Well, I broke no contact yesterday and we texted a a bit. My last text did not deliver---- found out today that last night was your first date with this new girl.. I had a nice visit with your parents today, and they are extremely pissed off at you. They agree that you are being incredibly stupid right now, and you will regret your decision, and you and I belong together. They also told me that you never really brought girls home to them, I was one of only about 3 or 4 in the year and a half we were together is the longest you've been with anyone by far. I told her how many times you said you wanted to marry me, and I wanted the same......you are soooooooo dumb!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
StrangerThanFiction Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 Dude. Why are you contacting me again? First off, we haven't had any form of contact since the BU 8 months ago, which I was very content with. Second, you do remember we ended on really bad terms, right? Well, because I'm bored right now I've come up with a few theories on why you've decided to reach out. 1)Are things going a bit stale between you and the woman you cheated on me with and then subsequently left me for? Looking to see if I'm willing to hop back on that busted old roller coaster and spice that flagging relationship up with a dash of ironic betrayal? 2)Did you guys break up and now you're fearing your own mortality as a single man so you thought you'd come back to the woman (me) who had always taken you back in the past? The good ol' comfy shoe, right? 3)You've fallen on hard times again and since I always took care of you in the past, no matter how badly you treated me, you think I'll always be there to do so. 4)You're life is wonderful and you want to rub it in. 5)You feel guilty for how you treated me. 6)You realized what you willfully gave up and how awesome I am and want me back My response to any and all of those? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! No. I may be wrong on all counts as to why you're contacting me again, but the bottom line is that whatever your reason for doing so doesn't matter. I just don't care about what's happening in your life anymore and the feelings I had for you are long gone. If you would've contacted me when I was still vulnerable and raw, say, within the first 2-3 months after BU, it might've been a different story, but thankfully you didn't. You made your choices and there's no taking them back. A saying about making beds and lying in them comes to mind. Whatever your reason for contacting me, just know that when I said goodbye that final time I meant it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
K2z Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 I wish you so much unhappiness. I'm so sorry but I do. People will say it's not love if I wish you misery. But I want you to know deeply, in your heart, what a bad decision you made. I'm so bitterly angry at you... and this is just another angle of deepest love that I still hold for you. I can/will never see or speak to you again. My heart is a smoldering bomb crater, nearly two months after you married another man... and yet you occupy my mind as if you were going to walk through the door in two minutes. You were deceptive and cruel, but I cannot stop thinking about you. It is so exhausting. I sometimes truly wish I could just lie down, close my eyes, and drift away for good. Everyone, everywhere, everything feels like a mockery. A brittle and fragile candy replica of reality, destined to snap or melt at the slightest pressure. I truly hate my life without you, and I hate myself for creating the conditions that led you to exit my life. I do not know what it will take to scrub you out of my heart. To scrub the pictures of your wedding out of my brain. It seems there is not enough time in three lives to get over you in the usual manner. Link to post Share on other sites
Hls923 Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 Today I'm coming from a place of gratitude. I'm very thankful. I want to thank you for letting me go. In spite of the fact that you broke my heart and shattered my dreams of the future. Dreams that you put into my head, dreams that you wanted us to share. I still sit here with a broken heart, but I really do have to thank you. You said that you had feelings for someone else, and you wanted to pursue that with her. Thank you for not cheating, for being honest and upfront, even though it made me feel worthless that you could throw away our 1.5 years for someone that you had just sparked an interest in. What a tragedy it would've been if you stayed with me, knowing that your feelings for me have changed. What a sad future we would have had if we had stayed together when you "love me, but are not in love with me "…… I never ever want to spend a minute with anyone who is with me out of a sense of guilt or obligation. I really did love you, S., I still love you… But I am glad that you have stepped out of my life, giving me the chance to find someone who will truly, truly mean it when they say that they want to spend the rest of their life with me. Every day I have thought that perhaps if I heard from you today, we could make it better. Every day I would rationalize that to myself. But honestly, to be tossed aside for someone you met three weeks ago, after all we've been through, makes me sick to my stomach, and I don't know if I could ever really trust if you said you wanted us to be together....... My heart hurts----a lot. But still I must thank you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hls923 Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 Why the hell am I missing you so much today?? Please just get out of my freaking head!!!!!! I am so angry at myself for missing you even a little bit..... Link to post Share on other sites
K2z Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 I love you and I miss you so very much. All is forgiven. Divorce that guy. Come back. I'll figure out how to explain to my family and friends. I love you. I surrender. Be in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
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