RyanO1991 Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 I can't take it anymore. I feel like calling her and talking to her, maybe even meeting up one last time. I feel the same. But we mustn't. It will only set us back. Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 I feel the same. But we mustn't. It will only set us back. I'm just wondering if it's possible for us to admit our mistakes so that we can get on with life and let the time we spent together count for something. I don't know if she feels the same. For all I know she could very well feel relieved now. Link to post Share on other sites
RyanO1991 Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 I'm just wondering if it's possible for us to admit our mistakes so that we can get on with life and let the time we spent together count for something. I don't know if she feels the same. For all I know she could very well feel relieved now. I tried this right after we broke up, but it just left me with more questions and unsolved frustrations. It's tempting to talk about it but, for me, I know that it will never help. Link to post Share on other sites
evanop Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 I wish you were here with me right now. I wish we could lie in bed together and hold each other, like we used to. Be there for each other and support each other. Kiss and feel your warmth. The last time I saw you, I felt as if everything is going to be okay. Little did I know that two weeks later you would change your mind. I miss kissing you. I miss everything about you, even the annoying stuff. I wish you would call me right now and tell me you changed your mind and you want to be back together right now. Because you love me too. I know you do. You just need to figure your **** out, I know, babe! I love you so much! Link to post Share on other sites
opal101 Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 27 days NC now......Its getting harder!?!?!? I thought it would get easier cant stop thinking about all what went on....how angry I feel at being treated so badly...... Link to post Share on other sites
Blastoplast Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 I miss you so much, your laugh, your energy, your smile... But then I think about how you strung me along for over 4 months, when in the back of your mind you were having doubts about us (for whatever reason). I don't think we were perfect, by any means. But in so many ways we were, which just makes me more frustrated than sad. I'm perfectly happy being on my own, but so much happier with you - I'm sure you feel the same way. Still miss you even through this frustration, hope you're doing well. I love you so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Kelley Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 I'm really missing you today, I miss my best friend. Even though you betrayed me and moved on. I miss talking to you, so much so say! But of course I can't and won't, another day and another step away from you. I'm looking forward to the day when I no longer love and miss you ... Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 Thankyou for taking absolutely no time at all to explain your sudden actions towards me, and to justify your abandonment of which you had bestowed onto me. I appreciate that and the way you and your parents especially handled the situation (sarcasm). Nevertheless, I still hope you're okay. I hope you're focusing on your grades and studies as you should, and you don't continue falling into the wrong crowds of which you had done so often in the past. You know better, well atleast you should do. When yourself and your parents feel ready for you to look for someone else to be compatible with, I hope you give them time and adoration. I certainly hope you don't treat them how you had treated me. With time comes growth, with growth comes experience. Apply this and avoid making someone else as unhappy in an intimate r/s as you did with me. Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 I miss you, I hope that you're feeling good today and not doing anything wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Kelley Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 I didn't miss you today, I actually felt strong (apart from the lack of sleep)! Even though NC is really difficult there is peace in the silence. I have my self respect back and I'm moving on. I hope that she makes you happy, because if you ever regret it or try and get in touch, I won't be here, you have lost me forever. You have made your bed and all that .... Link to post Share on other sites
RyanO1991 Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 (edited) I feel like a ball in a pinball machine. Sometimes I bounce to fine, then sad, then angry, then worthless, then confident. I can't believe I spent so much time blaming myself after you projected the blame on me, especially now that I understand you've cheated on me and used me as a scapegoat to convince yourself you're in the right. I know I had my faults. Even though I addressed them and showed you, you never bothered to contact me. What the hell happened to you? I don't know how I feel about you. I just know that NC is really hard at the moment but I have too much dignity and too clear a head to consider getting in touch. Most importantly, I know you don't have the strength to be honest with yourself, let alone me. After all, it's easier to blame me and walk away than admit how horrifically you've behaved and how you failed us. And yet if you contacted me and said you wanted to work on things, I would find it hard to say no. Especially if you showed me conviction. But all my family and friends who have met you have said the same thing - they never really liked you and always thought I deserved better. So as hard as it may be, no is the only answer. By your own admission, even though you're older than me, I was always the most mature person in the relationship. Enough time has passed to realise I'm happy by myself and I know who I am, which means that when the right person comes along, I know I'm in the right place to make a new start. Edited October 12, 2016 by RyanO1991 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 Goodnight sweetheart. Sleep well. :( 1 Link to post Share on other sites
K2z Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 It has been one full year, almost, since you married someone else, and the photos went up, and my soul got scooped out with a cold metal spoon. If I live to be 110 years old, I don't think my heart will ever recover from those pictures. I'm not sure I want any relationship any more. I'm old. I think I can die alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kelley Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 I woke up strong today. Then I had a bad day at work, and you were the person I wanted to talk to, it was your arms that I wanted to be in, my face laying on your chest. You always made me feel better and safe. I now know I will never be in those arms again and it hurts. But I will be OK, I will learn to live without you, like you have learned to live without me. Tomorrow is another day, time will heal eventually ... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BevGB Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 It's only day 2 and I'm a complete mess. I've been back and forth between tears and anger. I hated you for about 5 minutes then I spent the rest of the day wanting you back. I know my chances of you coming back are very slim but I can't seem to just let it go. I really hope you begin to feel my absence in your life but I fear it will not really affect you at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Kelley Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 I miss you, the old you when we faced the world together, when you truely loved me. It wasn't meant to be and even though you lied and strung me along I do hope you are happy and you are OK. I forgive you but I'm moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
BevGB Posted October 15, 2016 Share Posted October 15, 2016 Day 3. Other than losing my dad this is the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. I just wish you would come back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RyanO1991 Posted October 15, 2016 Share Posted October 15, 2016 (edited) I think you'd really like the new me. I'm still me, but I'm more confident and I communicate more. I'm honest and upfront about my feelings and I'm there when my friends need me. I miss waking up next to you and seeing you sleep contendedly, kissing your forehead and getting your cup of tea and breakfast ready to bring up once you're awake. I even miss coming into your flat to that pile of washing up in your sink and ploughing through it, knowing it's one less chore for you to worry about. I miss you sitting in the passenger seat, staring at me with a smile. I miss sitting on the floor while you're on the sofa and massaging your feet. I miss giving you those back rubs when I see you're stressed. I miss seeing you blush when I whisper something naughty in your ear. I miss falling asleep on your lap and feeling your hands through my hair. I miss the painful pang I felt on a Sunday night, knowing I wouldn't get to see you until Thursday night. I miss getting you your favourite chocolate, some roses or something I know you'll like just to surprise you. I miss telling you "I love you" everyday, whether it's by text or face-to-face. But I know I'll find these things again with someone else. Edited October 15, 2016 by RyanO1991 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RyanO1991 Posted October 15, 2016 Share Posted October 15, 2016 Day 3. Other than losing my dad this is the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. I just wish you would come back. Hang on in there. Whatever the best outcome is, NC is the best way. Link to post Share on other sites
Osmium13 Posted October 15, 2016 Share Posted October 15, 2016 Helpful people giving advice isn't what I need right now. Nobody knows what's going on in my head, the way I think or see things. I'm not your average person, with average views, on what the average life experience should be. If that wasn't bad enough, I broke my own rules. I initiated contact. Why I had that sudden urge to talk to you I don't know, but in a way it made it better. And worse. Sitting here now, my thoughts are still of you. I daydream of how it could be, before the normal dose of reality brings me down again. I think back to the catalyst of all of this; such a simple act, but one that shone a beam of light into the dark mystery of your being. I saw something beautiful that drew me to the edge - and I fell off. Climbing back up is taking some effort... Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted October 15, 2016 Share Posted October 15, 2016 I feel like a ball in a pinball machine. I feel the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted October 15, 2016 Share Posted October 15, 2016 I think you'd really like the new me. I'm still me, but I'm more confident and I communicate more. I'm honest and upfront about my feelings and I'm there when my friends need me. I miss waking up next to you and seeing you sleep contendedly, kissing your forehead and getting your cup of tea and breakfast ready to bring up once you're awake. I even miss coming into your flat to that pile of washing up in your sink and ploughing through it, knowing it's one less chore for you to worry about. I miss you sitting in the passenger seat, staring at me with a smile. I miss sitting on the floor while you're on the sofa and massaging your feet. I miss giving you those back rubs when I see you're stressed. I miss seeing you blush when I whisper something naughty in your ear. I miss falling asleep on your lap and feeling your hands through my hair. I miss the painful pang I felt on a Sunday night, knowing I wouldn't get to see you until Thursday night. I miss getting you your favourite chocolate, some roses or something I know you'll like just to surprise you. I miss telling you "I love you" everyday, whether it's by text or face-to-face. But I know I'll find these things again with someone else. I miss that very first moment when we somehow opened our eyes in the morning at the same time, as if synced by a clock, and we looked into each others' eyes. And then we smiled and our lips came closer to touch the others'. What a wonderful feeling. I wish I could forget what you've become, what you've done. Link to post Share on other sites
K2z Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 Day 3. Other than losing my dad this is the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. I just wish you would come back. The broken heart experience is a total emotional hijack of the brain. It's a nightmare, but if you can have a mustard seed of faith that this particular period is a crazy temporary haunted house then you have a place to plant your feet. One thing that I found crucial was volunteering. Help some people that really need and appreciate it. Use some elbow grease. Tire yourself out. It's a nice short run thing to do. The longer run is a script you write for yourself. One thing to reflect on: You are not the pain. You are the awareness of the pain. Behind the pain is a quiet, tranquil awareness. It knows what is important and right, and good in this world, but it being shouted down by your pain. Wait and trust your inner better self. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kelley Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 I miss you. I know you don't miss me, I know you don't care anymore, but I do. I typed it into my phone and sat looking at it for a few minutes then deleted it. My heart aches, but I still have some self respect. Why would I show you I'm feeling weak, when you are strong. Almost 2 weeks NC after you told me you were now in a relationship with her. I never thought I would be able to do it, but I did and I will continue on the path of healing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BevGB Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 Your first breadcrumb came today. I didn't respond. My heart is completely broken. I hate everything about this. I just want you to work through whatever is holding you back and come back to me. I want so badly to hate you just so this would be easier but I love you and I hate seeing you like this. Please work through your issues. Even if you don't come back to me just please do it for yourself so you can be happy again. Link to post Share on other sites
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