divegrl Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 What happened divegrl, if you don't mind me asking? Is there a thread somewhere on it? Cheers Yeah if you click on my user name, it's the only thread I've started. I don't think I've laid out the full story. Maybe one day. It's pretty sh**ty. Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 Ex: So you get hit on a lot? Me: Yeah? Ex: I'm gonna put a ring on you, so no one touches you again. You f**ked up. Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 I wrote out this whole journal to you but it got deleted. In short, everything happens for a reason. Everything is as it should be. Thank you for being in my life. Thank you for teaching me the lessons I could have only learned from you. You taught me more by leaving then you could have taught me by staying. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Babe Tonight is really painful for me. Tonight we had rsvp'ed for a private event as a couple. And now you're gone. No I did not go with someone else nor did I go alone. I was at home and made our favorite bacon wrapped shrimp with veggies. How did it all end so fast? Where ever you are, I hope you're happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Happy 27th birthday. I hope it's fun and great; I hope it's terrible and lonely. I hope you're having sex with someone new or old. I hope you're thinking about f*cking me. After today, I can fully let you go. Made it through all those holidays during which you said you didn't want to talk to me.. gave it one quick contact, just to have you ignore me. Yes, I remember your birthday, and no, of course I'm not going to reach out. I got the message already. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 I saw you looked at me on ******** a job related social media site you will see that I looked back at you. I wish you had stayed and got that terminal degree. You say online you wonder why professors don't work in industry I wonder why anyone would want to work in a cubicle. If you could call me and communicate directly and honestly I could marry you someday soon. After the way things went you'd need to make yourself vulnerable to me saying no. I can't ever contact you. Link to post Share on other sites
not-again Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Had another sleepless night, knowing that I won't see you sleeping next to me when I wake up. Just be open and honest with me. After 6 years you won't even fight for what we had, it seems so easy for you to break up with me, that really hurts. It's sad but I really hope you will become a distant memory, it hurts too much. You were my number one priority, now I've realised it's me. I need to look after myself, it's hard but I know be it a month or a year, I'll get there. Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 The urge to contact my ex is so strong right now. But what will it get me? A temporary high and then I'll start over at square 1? No thank you. A painful on/off relationship with someone I know is not right for me? No thank you. For the first time since we've broken up, I have a whole day alone with no plans and the loneliness is killing me. But this is something I need to fix. Something I need to work on. My friend said, write down what makes you happy and do it. Yoga, meditation, reading. Just keep moving forward and don't get stuck. You can do this. You're stronger then you realize. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StrangerThanFiction Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 I don't understand why I'm having so hard a time letting you go. We were only together for 6 months and I see now that our "relationship" was not much more than a summer fling, at least to you. Despite all the things you said about having a future together you were never really serious about us as I found out through other people after we broke up. Why can't I see it like that? Why am I still feeling so much loss? Why can't I let you go as easily as you did me? In the logical part of my mind I knew that we never would've made it in the long run. If I'm honest with myself, I knew it for months before we broke up. Our personalities, upbringings, and values clashed and if we would've continued on together it would've inevitably ended and probably in a much worse way then it did. You're a compulsive liar and cheater, never being satisfied with what you have so you always had an eye out for something more. You were selfish and controlling. I remember that one time when you were drunk and told me that it bothered you that I was so independent. You told me that all the other girls you had been with had relied on you for financial support and you "looking after them". When you were with me, and even after we broke up, you were always asking me for money and I paid for nearly everything. How dare you try to make me feel like I was less of a woman for being self sufficient and not needing you to do every little thing for me, you f***ing hypocrite. Then there were all the "rules". I wasn't allowed to spend the night at my friends' places. If it was a male friend I could completely understand that, and I wouldnt've done that anyway, but you said it was inappropriate for me to even stay over at my female friends' places! Then there was the rule that I must answer the phone immediately every time you called. If I didn't you would keep calling me again and again until I did. At the time I mistakenly felt that this showed you cared because no other guy I dated had ever been like that. Now I see that all of this was born out of your insecurities and you projecting the fact that you were cheating on me onto me. Then there were all the arguments and power games. I see them for what they are now. As soon as you realized you "had" me, that sweet guy you pretended to be and who I fell in love with disappeared and you became someone who used my feelings for you to mess with my head and keep me desperate for your affection. God, why didn't I listen to my gut and pay attention to all the red flags? I had seen them all before in past relationships with other men and it always ended just like this, but I wanted to believe you were different and after you telling me so many times that I was acting crazy I believed that I was just overthinking things and being paranoid. I need to listen to myself and my own intuition instead of allowing myself to be gaslighted. After seeing all this, you'd think I'd be able to let you go with no problems. But here I am still a little heartbroken and not wanting to believe that you never loved me. My logical mind knows the truth but my heart doesn't want to accept it quite yet. I know given time that I will come to acceptance but I'm angry at myself that I can't think myself to that point. I'm angry that this relationship meant something to me when it, and I, meant nothing to you. I'm angry that once again instead of being someone who a man wanted to spend the rest of their life with I was nothing more than a time filler. I feel used and I hate that I'm allowing someone else to make me question my worth as a person and as a woman. I don't believe that I'm a weak person, but this situation has me questioning that, and that makes me angry too. I'm trying to figure out what I have to do to let this go. I believe that letting go is something that you consciously have to decide to do instead of passively waiting for it to happen. Yeah, time is a factor in it as well I suppose, but I believe that you have to choose to do so. I wish I knew what I was hanging on to because after rereading this there doesn't seem to be anything positive to be so hung up on. I obviously don't want to let you go yet for some reason. I wish I knew what it was. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
not-again Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 I hate waking up in the morning and realise that's you're not by my side. Knowing that I can no longer look forward to finishing work so I can come home and be with you. My heart is breaking knowing that I'll be coming home to an empty apartment. Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Dear Ex I now know why you would always be several strides ahead of me. It used to make me so upset and insecure. Do you not want to walk with me because there are other girls you're after? I now know this is a classic trait of an avoidant attachment type ( I really hate labeling people, but this is the best way to express my feelings). You were settting boundaries emotionally and physically. Many of your characteristics matched avoidants perfectly. This has helped me understand our relationship and break up so much better. Thank you to those who recommended I read attached. It makes so much sense now? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 If you are willing to look at another persons behavior toward you as a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves rather than a statement about your value as a person, then you will, over a period of time cease to react at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Dear Ex I now know why you would always be several strides ahead of me. It used to make me so upset and insecure. Do you not want to walk with me because there are other girls you're after? I now know this is a classic trait of an avoidant attachment type ( I really hate labeling people, but this is the best way to express my feelings). You were settting boundaries emotionally and physically. Many of your characteristics matched avoidants perfectly. This has helped me understand our relationship and break up so much better. Thank you to those who recommended I read attached. It makes so much sense now? Doesn't it?? It's so crazy how accurate it is. Im so glad to be able to avoid these types in the future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
layla21 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Are you happy? Are you happy with the girl you kind of left me for? Is she the one who can make you happy? The worst question of all which I hate myself for even thinking about - is she better than me? I hope you are though, yet I still hope you are not. I hope you are missing and regretting letting go of me without discussion any solution. I hope it eats you up inside at some point. I hope you will be devasteded by the time you might realize. Those are all the terrible and bitter feelings I still have, I feel terrible as a person but I know I am not going to let it change me in the long run. This may just be a way to vent without really meaning it deep down. I am aware the feelings I still have for you will completely subside soon, and when the time comes the hatred, agony, hurt, bitterness, nostalgia will be gone. I hope indifference will replace all of these because at this point, I will be certain that I am no longer in love with you. Yet, I am still a caring and emphathetic person and I will always care for you - but my priorities will be different as I completely lost respect and trust in you. Ultimately, I wont let this breakup change me negatively but rather take it as a life lesson, respecting and loving myself more, and move on with all I've got for the my next. Link to post Share on other sites
Glenfiddich Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 (edited) Today should of been a special day for us but you decides a month ago that i would not be part of it anymore... I still don't understand why... but the more I think about it the more i realise you used me in the last year, if you would of stayed with the other guy you would not pf accomplish everything you did in the last year... i was there for you I supported you, encourage you in everything you did and today when it was suppose to pay off for our couple it's that other guy that will have the joy to be with you to enjoy your success and fo foward There is so many things I'd like to tell you, I'd kike to tell you exactly what I think of you, what kind of person i think you are, but unfortunately at one point I loves you with all my heart, and there's a still a part me that still love you although it's starting to fade, and because inloved you so much I can't tell everything i think of you, but maybe i should do like the other guy and tell that's what he did 2 years ago and you are back with him... Edited January 23, 2017 by Glenfiddich Link to post Share on other sites
StrangerThanFiction Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 I've really missed you these last few days. Maybe it's because of the general depression I've gone into over thinking about where my life is going and the lingering sadness over the ending of our relationship is just an afterthought? I don't know. I've just had really strong urges to reach out to you to talk. I just feel so lost. But I know that talking to you won't fix anything, it would only make it worse. But the urge is still there. I've been seriously considering joining the military. It's always been a thought in the back of my head ever since I was a little girl and recently I've been talking to some friends who have joined and they've said it was the best decision they ever made. It gave them purpose, discipline and structure. Lord knows I'm sorely lacking in all of the above right now. I know that this is a decision one can't make overnight, and especially not with the way I'm feeling right now, but the option is there for deeper consideration when I do reach a better place. I just feel like the world is crashing down on me and I need something to hold onto. Something that might offer a way out and some sort of future. I don't know what to do right now. Everything feels so meaningless and empty and that scares me more than I can say. I don't feel like there is a possibility for me to be truly happy in the future. I don't know if me feeling like this has anything to do with us, or the lack thereof of us more accurately, or if this is just a chemical imbalance that I should seek professional help for. I just don't know where it's coming from. I feel useless and worthless and a drag on the people I care about so I've been isolating myself. I know, that's the worst thing I can do but the thought of having to interact with people right now just feels exhausting. Hopefully when I wake up tomorrow I'll feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
Ash_cad Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 (edited) Dear Ex what a mess! why do I even think of you when I dont even want you back or know nothing about you for the last couple of months! Do I miss you ? not really I do miss what we had I would say a year ago when we moved over seas together I miss the love and the emails and the chats. I dont know the new person that emerged after the break up in may 2016. Things looked up when we started talking back in September then we both took flight to meet in Vegas for 5 days.. had good times but we didnt touch the same its like we were putting an act and trying too hard. covering it up with alcohol but it was well worth it to know it will not work the way it was. followed by bed crumbs and petty mesgs and fights in December. and finally the final cut before Christmas. I know 8 days ago you sent a petty mesg and you got on my nerves and made me answer it then you blocked me! the usual i sent an angry email after that. but I promise you this time you will never hear from me again. I took down all my social media profiles so I wont check on you. you are blocked everywhere but I know you can reach me if you wanted to. I know I cant hide from you even when Im living all the way in the middle east you seem you can get to my head from 11000 miles away! You showed me what real pain feels like, you showed me true love, you showed me hurt, you showed me lies! crazy and toxic but I still loved you and hoped you will change one day. you changed for a while and that what made me fall in love but it seems was an act or I was just blind to see it. meh who cares. Anyway thats it im going strict NC on everything I will never fall again for anything no matter what. thats a promise. and mark my word your honeymoon phase will be over sooner than later I dont know if you are with someone else now I dont know what you doing but you will notice the difference. you will see me and search me in every man and you will never find me I can promise you that. I know you will be back I know you will ask me to reconcile like last time and I fell for it and took a flight for 12 hours just to see you. but again i needed it .. gave me the best feeling in the world ... that It wasnt me it was you! I have so many questions but guess what I know you will not give me the right answers all going to be lies so why should I ? I feel good that im losing that attachment I feel like a million dollars and yes I moved on and I will get over you. I told you I will do it and I did .. Edited January 24, 2017 by Ash_cad Link to post Share on other sites
layla21 Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Damn, yesterday I went to the gym to distract myself and who popped into my mind? Yes, you. I was thinking about how we both were so motivated and even had an IG together. However, this nostalgic moment didnt hold long. It came to my mind how you ruined everything I have set up for us in order to connect and reconnect emotionally in the LDR. Everything. I invested so much and I feel like you have never really appreciated my efforts. Ask yourself, have you ever come up with one single thing? No. Wow, realizing this kind of show me how incompatible we were, still this is what drew us to one another. I still miss you. I do but to some extent, this even might be for the better. I hope time will show me everything more clearly. Link to post Share on other sites
jennifernyc84 Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 I keep thinking what I could have done differently. What I could have done in the beginning to make you love me before you met her. I am trying to let you go but it's ripping my heart out. I can't imagine ever loving anyone else. I am barely eating or sleeping and it kills me to know you're just living your life perfectly fine. All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy but all you've done for me is hurt me. Don't you care? I miss you so much that the anger I felt so strongly is almost completly gone. I need to just hear your voice. I need you here telling me you still love me at least one more time. I'd give anything to have you here right now. My day to day consist of fighting my feelings to call you. I don't even have a picture of us together 2 Link to post Share on other sites
countryfeedback Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 You tore my life apart like a hurricane. The chaotic mix of both of our codependent personalities and the silence really did a number on both of us. You're still playing the blame game but me cutting any connection to you is past due. If you want to isolate yourself in that dark mindstate that's on you, I won't be playing your games anymore and no, you have nothing to offer me so leave me alone. It's over Link to post Share on other sites
TheSwanGirl Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 1 year since you left. 1 year of heartbreak. Moving on, but not there yet. I still miss you. After all this time. Link to post Share on other sites
ainoviere Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 In my innocent and hopeful way I believed there was something there worth investing in and fighting for. I believed it could work and the distance was not impossible and could be closed. But it requires investment, compromise, communication and, most importantly, two people. Two ready people whose feelings and attachment are strong enough that they want to make it work. I’m sorry about the way it ended, so abruptly. At the time I didn't even realise it was a break up. I waited for you to contact me but that was it. I thought about reaching out countless times but what could I have said? I had obviously turned you off in some way. Having had time to reflect I feel that my level of investment was too intense for you, but I was just going off what I felt and the information I had at the time. And now it just seems too awkward. It was so difficult to detach, and even now I can’t honestly say I’ve detached from you 100%, but to cling, plead or beg would have only been about soothing my own fears and anxieties and not respecting your space. For my part, this experience has made me aware of my anxiety and internal fears and I am working on them. I am working on myself to be a person who knows her worth, respects herself and others, does not project unmet needs onto others, sets boundaries and knows and goes after what she wants. For this reason alone I’m glad we met and I got to experience this. Thank you for the experience. I felt what we had at one point was truly special, and this will stay with me always. Stay well and I hope you achieve your (retirement and other) dreams one day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgeWP93 Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 'Very mature' that's all I want to say. I added her friend on Snapchat last week because I wanted to ask her what went wrong, I had given her plenty of advice before but she just replied 'very mature' and 'childish don't you think' probably was but after she liked and unliked an instagram post about my demented grandad, I want to dish some out back to her. Link to post Share on other sites
lounat Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 I don't want to think about you. I don't want to feel sad about losing you. I don't want to give you that kind of privilege. But I'm only human. What kind of heart doesn't look back? right. (your heart probably lol) I'm so tired of having this constant ache in my chest. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. All I can think of is how could you do this to another person? I feel like I don't know you. You've probably forgotten about me. You're probably so relieved that I'm finally out of your life. I was only someone who loved and cared about you. I wanted the best for you. All I wanted was for you to be honest with me. You couldn't even do that. You decided to ignore me and lied to me. If you think withholding the truth from me would make me hurt less, you are so wrong. What you did, sent me through a spiral of confusion and more pain than I could ever imagine. You saw how broken I was the last time we saw each other and you could still lie to my face. Amazing. When you decided to work on that island, I didn't stop you because I knew that was what you wanted. I was sad but I tried to make it work. I knew that guy was into you and I guess you reciprocated his feelings earlier on. I was not there with you the whole time. I guess I trusted you more than you deserved and loved you way too much. I shouldn't have ignored the feelings in my gut about you messing with some other guy. You never changed. You will probably cheat on this guy too. But hey, good luck with the engagement. Just 3 months after we broke up . I'm not an idiot. You did not just meet this "new guy" a month ago. I'm moving soon. I don't have to worry about bumping into you for a while. I should hate you but I can't seem to find that ability in my heart. I am only disappointed and I feel so betrayed. Very disappointed. I thought I'd have some good memories to keep, but even those are now distorted. I can't even tell which part is real anymore. Please don't do this to anyone again. It's selfish, hurtful and cruel. Link to post Share on other sites
Crystal1111 Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 Goodnight baby. I really wish you were holding me right now. I love you! XOXO Link to post Share on other sites
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