No Contact Support Thread. Post here instead of contacting your ex.

[loststarsx]

My ex from two years ago randomly called me before Thanksgiving, I got a bunch of things off my chest. I resisted the urge to troll him, although I wish I would have just rickrolled him instead.

 

 

Hey rat:

You called from a new number, how bold to even assume I wanted to talk. You showed me you are still the same cheating clown from yore. Even to this you act like you have some claim on me, demanding things of me, even though you left to your next deployment without a goodbye. You took advantage of my loyalty and love. Just like the latest one. You abused me physically and emotionally. I asked you why you even saved my number and how many lives you have tangled up since mine. Hearing your voice brought me back to being 23 and intoxicated by love. I did remember all the times I'd run up to you and you'd twirl me around. You made me cry the first time I told you that I loved you. At least you appreciated the times I cooked you feasts. I lost so much because of you and ended up in a state I despised. How I drowned you out with tequila and another toxic relationship. You told me I sounded sexy and you know, I always did like your voice as well. You were the bad boy, the douche, and I was the naive fallen angel. You text spammed me and called twice. I have not figured out whether or not I regret taking your phone call. You were at the airport of my hometown. I sincerely doubt you had good intentions, but you know, like I told you, I used to know you once. We made small talk, I called you a douche five times. I am embarrassed that this conversation was rehearsed in the mirror several times. So, I was like "if not now, when?"

 

I still think you're a narcissist and I highly doubt the ink is dry. I briefly thought of the life I could have led with you if you never screwed me over in every regard, or rather, the future that you faked. It was the Twilight Zone for me. Still reeling from utter delirium from my current breakup. I guess in a way, I am grateful that you called. During the throes of our on and off relationship and all the pain you caused, the lies I drank, the fog I was lost in, I never thought I would get over you. I remembered all the times I drove to see you at base, how stupid I was, how I ironed your uniform, was happy to wear your dog tags, all of your guns, vapes, and how you worked on your cars instead of paying attention to me. When I talked to you, I didn't feel anything. I do miss the times I was in your car and you'd race with your friends. I felt really alive. Nothing beat eating greasy burgers after speeding with you. Years later, I struggle with knowing whether or not I loved you or if it was the trauma bond. Likely both. You brought up the time we had the hottest sex of of our lives in a secret place and the movie that was playing. I won't lie, that's honestly all I miss. You mumbled that you missed me. I think you wanted forgiveness or more supply. You wanted pictures and to know if I was seeing someone.

 

I wish you would have called a year ago, when I was in love with the man I believed was better than you. Only, I found someone worse. You were an ******* until the very end and at least you stayed true to that. I hope you don't move to the city I am possibly moving to this summer. One of the only true things you ever told me was to listen to X and stop getting hurt. I think back to our last interaction, what you fuggin did to me that night. How I was shaking in the bathtub after, and you got in and I held you. I cried on your shoulder blade and I tugged on your ear. I think that's why I hated showers with my current ex. You took the innocence I had. Nothing should surprise me anymore, but I guess, really, it's strange to have spoken again. True to your feeble minded and selfish nature, you did not even apologize. I walked away and did not look back from you. I need to remember that now.

 

It's funny, though. I used to look at you like a love sick puppy, I took you back 4 times, even though you were a serial cheater, liar, abuser, user, and all around terrible human. You were never worth the second glance I gave you before I hopped on the subway. I'm glad your son is doing well, though. I was always sad I did not get to meet him. Also, F U C K you for ever involving me in the sick twisted games with your ex. I bet you still have the nice wooden watch I got you for your birthday and the bottle opener keychain with the coordinates of the country where we met. All in all, the people I am close to were also in shock you reached out. I hope you've at least made it to E-5 status. Bye rat, "take care".

Edited November 24, 2018 by loststarsx

[KissingFire]

Day 31 of NC.

 

I dreamed of you last night which was weird. It kind of threw me off as I woke up, you were saying sorry to me in my dream and begging to take me back. I was adamant and told you no. I told you you had three chances and blew them each time. I wonder if I'd be strong enough to tell you that should that dream ever come true? I'd like to think so.

 

Things with the MAN I'm dating are going so well. And yes, he's a man, not a little man-child like you. He's talking about trips away next year with me and taking me to a hotel overnight to see the Christmas markets. How lovely is that?! I don't remember the last nice thing you planned for me. You'd complain if I wanted to do anything that didn't involve staying in bed so you could smoke your weed. I am so excited to see where this goes. He doesn't have to be high 24/7 around me like you did. It's taking a lot to get used to to be honest. I don't have to worry about booking a room with a balcony so you could smoke. I don't have to worry about you taking your drugs inside hotel property. I don't have to worry about anything.

 

Maybe my mum was right. You leaving me was the best thing you ever did for me because it's opened my eyes to a man who is so much more than you in every way possible.

 

Take care of yourself. I still love and care for you, how could I not after three years, but I'm starting to see the bigger picture. You are not husband material, let alone father or even partner material at all. You may be happy with the girl you left me with for a while but she'll get sick of the weed soon just like I did. You'll never love anyone as much as you love your drugs.

[Chassit]

Hey,

 

I am really sad and lonely today. I miss you so much and I know you want nothing to do with me. I just don't feel like I have anything left to live for. I am getting another bunny, maybe another pet will help. I don't know. I feel so worthless and discarded, I wish you would just come back. I miss you

[maybejune]

As much as I expected it happens sooner right after the BU, things were so ****ed up, and I haven't moved yet, but been living in the same city with you for over a year. I tried every way I can to distract myself, to go meet people, to go on trips, but you are always in my mind at the end of the day. It has been so long and we had no mutual friend, so I don't know about you anymore, I don't know how great your life has been since I was out of your life and out of sight as you wish, at least you're living the life you want and I am just suffering what was supposed to be in front of me...

 

I was chatting with friends about our lives, none of us had easy lives both personally and careerwise. Some choose to have busier jobs, some like myself just never had the opportunity to do what we like and good at. I know you won't understand after having a smooth successful career. I hope I had known the circumstance better two years ago and dropped out the dating market, so I wouldn't get hurt. -- my therapist said I had always been trying to avoid getting hurt by not having a relationship, yeah, I am still afraid of being vulnerable in a relationship.

 

In the past week, when I look at my calendar, I had the urge to see you for the last time before I go. Don't worry, it won't happen, I read enough here and know that meeting you will take a huge emotional toll on me -- you won't care anymore but find annoying.

[khalessi]

no contact is so hard

[KissingFire]

I don't miss you most days, but every now and then I think of you. I kind of thought you'd have contacted me by now, but I'm glad you haven't.

 

It's your birthday soon. I won't message. I won't call. It'll set me back.

 

Things are going amazing for me. The man I'm dating has booked time off to celebrate my birthday with me, and he's spending Christmas with my family. It's still so weird to think that if you hadn't have left me and broken my heart I'd never have met him. Now I can't imagine life without him. He treats me so well. He listens to me. He sings along with me to the radio. He doesn't have to be on drugs constantly. He actually enjoys spending time with me.

 

It's way too soon to say the L word, but my whole family love him already. I think I might be able to let myself fall soon. He's honestly perfect for me.

 

Take care of yourself. You won't have me this year for your birthday, spoiling you and treating you and baking for you just because I could. It sounds bitter but I hope you miss me, if not at all, then on that day at least.

[Madd_hatter]

Oh god I miss you and would give almost anything to be near you right now. I don’t think you’ll ever know how much I really love you. It must me like heaven being your wife. I can’t imagine how happy she must be. Does she realize what she has? Does she take it for granted? Does she know how much I’d give up to be in her shoes?

 

Life’s so not fair. It would’ve been way too easy for me to end up with you, right? I’ve wanted you so long I don’t remember a time when I didn’t. She comes along in what seems like no time at all and swipes you up. I wish it was me.

 

What did I do wrong? Why couldn’t I make you love me? I would’ve done anything for you. Why couldn’t you see that? You really hurt me Jason, more than anyone ever has. I’m not mad at you. I could never be mad at you for very long.

 

I know I’ll never love anyone like I love you. It’s impossible. A love like this is a once in a lifetime. I know I’ll never feel this way again. I’ll always keep you in my heart. I’ll never forget the times we did have. No one can take that away. I know you remember them. It was us. It was you and me. It’s still us. I’m still me. Please don’t forget that. Please don’t forget me. I need you to not forget me.

 

Jason,.. with all my heart and soul... I truly love you. You’re a wonderful person and I’m grateful to have had the chance to spend my childhood with you. Please don’t forget about us.

 

I’ll never love anyone ever again... you’ll always have my heart. I promise.

[KissingFire]

Day 44 of NC.

 

Has it really been that long? I still remember the way you looked at me as I got out of your car. The very last thing you said to me was that you loved me. Why? Why did you say that? It haunts me. You've probably moved in with the woman you've left me for already. Wouldn't even surprise me if you got her pregnant.

 

I cried for you today. I cried because the man I'm dating is so loving and gentle with me when all I'm used to is arguments. Anger. You breaking things and tearing furniture and my clothes apart. I cried because I am a little bit lost without you. I don't know how to live or love without you, without having to walk on eggshells. I have to stop myself from going crazy sometimes, I really do. I do not miss you. I miss the man I knew you could have been if you just gave up the drugs. I miss your humour. Your floppy brown hair. But I do not miss the monster that you are. The one that spat at me, that broke my things, the one who swore at me and called me fat and ugly. I do not miss him at all.

 

My therapist mentioned "trauma bond" so I need to do some research into that. This new man I'm dating doesn't know anything about what you did to me. No one but me and my therapist knows. I don't even have the heart to tell my parents. Knowing they bought birthday presents for a man who threatened to kill their daughter with a knife because she wouldn't have sex with him would probably change our relationship dynamics forever. I do not want to be seen as a victim.

 

I am baffled and deeply confused as to why I thought of you so much today. Things are going wonderfully for me. I hope it's just because your birthday is coming up and It's throwing me off guard a little. Last year I arranged to stay in a hotel and bought you over £200 worth of clothes. You nearly killed me that night in that hotel, just because I spilt water on you, and I still stayed with you. Still stayed loyal to you. Still wanted a better life for you. What does that make me? The mind boggles.

 

Hopefully once your birthday has been and gone, these ridiculous thoughts of you will fade once again. I cannot let thoughts of you and what we had ruin what could be a great thing with me and the guy I'm dating. I will not let you ruin my life anymore.

[Chassit]

I will never stop hating you. I have been trying but I know I cannot. Not after what you did to me. I will never forgive you. Go die in a fire you cunt!

[Krakenbrz]

I have loved you since the day you accepted to be my girlfriend , you’ve been the best thing I have ever had in my whole life , as much as I want to deny it , you still to this day make my jaw drop, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen , to me. You were perfect , i loved everysingle bits of you , even the fact you were stubborn as much as I was , i’ve never had a greater relationship with someone than with you , you’ve been my #1 girl since that day and even today , it does break my hard that we have to part ways for a while , I believe that we could’ve been as strong as anything , our love was something else (in a good way) . You were my cowgirl , and I was your little cheesy boy . I loved you from the bottom of my heart . We had much more in common than you think we did dear.

From Disney to our humor . I will miss those amazing nights with you , from watching funny online videos to making love (drunk or not) those were the nights . I will also miss those days we playfought and the little sounds you did when you were forcing against me , those little faces you were making , those eyebrows that were always speaking the truth ! Everything about you , made my heart grow fonder of you , i even loved the fact that you left the lights on everytime , that you left the door unlocked everytime , I will cherish every moments I had with you , wish I could create more .

 

I would relive every second I had with you a hundred times ,

 

I truly loved you so much .

 

I believe in second chances , hopefully you do aswell.

[toomanyquestions123]

I know we dated only for 2 months and i know i did not fall in love with you, but i caught genuine feelings for you. I believed you when you told me you finally found me and you re so delighted you are with me. I believed you when you said people change and you wanted me beside him to be the best version of him, i believed you when you told me you know my worth and you will never hurt me, i believed you when you passionately kissed me and told me you never felt this way before, i believed you when you told me the least you are thinking about is sleeping with me that's why you never even tried to.

 

What were those ? Were you lying to my face ? Did you mean them ? Why did you say all this crap if the very next day you would tell me you were about to cheat on me and I m better off without you ? Why did you say you love me ? Why you were such a sweet person if this is not the real you?

 

It's been 14 days of NC, we dated for 2 months so i still have 16 days to dwell on you. I was happy before you, i was single healing from how my ex-fiancé brutally broke my heart and i let you in, told you how hurt i was and you were so empathetic and told me im not him and i will never hurt you because you finally found me. I know deep inside you re mentally unstable, you re emotionally unavailable but why did you have to exploit my purity and kindness? Was i your lab rat to know if you can be in a healthy relationship ?

 

Did you get back into the ex you couldnt stop hating on ? did you meet someone new ? Or was it really that you were about to sleep with someone when i was abroad and you hated yourself for that?

 

Why i cant let go of a 2 months relationship?

[Rayce]

I am new here.... I am going through a really hard time. I recently lost my job about a month ago and then just week I blew up a relationship with a man that I still very much love and went into full nc. I learned that he was using the music videos I was creating with his music to catfish unsuspecting women all over the world using a fake fb account. When I saw the post were he was pretending to be a 31 (he is 59) year old music producer from North Hollywood... trying to convince some young hot 19 year old kid from Brazil to come see him so he could take her to Disneyland and show her the sights... I just lost it.... completely utterly lost it. I vented via IM to him before logging off and going full nc. I am so weak I had to deactivate all my social media and turn off my phone in order to do this. It been a week and I am still feeling like I can't turn the phone on or look at facebook… at some point I am going to have to turn my phone on but I don't want to see the messages he sent me or didn't send me after my blow up. Feeling so much pain and anger... uggg… I don't like how I handled this. I wish I could of been more mature. I am most upset with how he was able to make me so jealous that I blew up and lost control by venting my anger via IM.

Edited December 14, 2018 by Rayce

[KissingFire]

Happy Birthday.

 

I won't send you a text or contact you, I'm moving on with my life and it would set me back. I wonder if you've thought about me at all though, I wonder if you think I'll text you. I'll never know.

 

For what it's worth, have a great day, though I know you probably won't. You'll get high, complain about your family who do nothing but try for you, and then that'll be that. Maybe you'll go see the girl you're seeing and she'll make you feel special. Who knows? Who cares? Surprisingly, not me.

 

Things are going great with the guy I'm dating. We're making it official soon, well at least I hope we are. We've talked about it and he told me he would ask me soon and kissed me. His parents love me. It's weird that I've spent more time with his family in the past month than I ever did with yours.

 

You will wake up one day and regret leaving me. A strong, independent, beautiful woman who is travelling the world and has an amazing career who loved you unconditionally and would have been with you your whole life, and you will sit there and think about what you've lost. You told me as you left me that you wish you'd met me in a few years. Well, tough. You won't get me in a few years. I'll be long gone.

 

Your name will be a distant memory, and maybe I'll be able to look back on the good times and smile, instead of looking on the bad and recoiling in horror that I let you hurt me time and time again.

 

Take care of yourself. I don't wish bad upon you, even though I should after everything you've said and done. That's how I know what I felt for you was real, but it's also how I know that I'm moving on with my life.

[Rayce]

I woke up in a panic this morning... angry at myself for getting so jealous and blowing up my relationship. Now I am the one feeling as if I over reacted. I loved making the music videos for you. I never knew I was so creative and was so excited to be exploring something so new and fulfilling. so your friends and family could enjoy your music and it shouldn't bother me what you do with the videos... I was shocked to learn that you were using them to promote your fake fb account story line of being a music producer. It never occurred to me that you were using the music videos as a front for hooking up with young women from other countries.

[maybejune]

I have so much going on right now, and unconsciously I told YOU my thoughts and concerns silently in my head, and of course, I can't expect any reply. I'm so lonely, but I have to deal with it. I shouldn't reach you, because we broke up, and I wouldn't bother you because you said you weren't sure about we being together. I just miss having someone close and possibly someone to count on -- I know you won't take care of me if I am in trouble, that's why things had to end. The whole world had turned against me since we started to date.

 

I read something about depression, sometimes I wonder if you were going through it. I can't think too much about you, I have to force myself to stop making excuses for you, I shouldn't even relate anything to you. I am the loser because I gave you my heart. I don't know how long it will take for me to put my heart back. I really want to have a stable relationship, not necessarily marriage, but someone to share life with. I try not to put you in such picture, because it only makes me sad -- you didn't want me to be with you...

 

I hate holidays. I hate people celebrating their milestones.

[Rayce]

I made it through another day of nc! It so friggen hard but I know this is the right thing to do! I was driving around town doing errand the tears were running down my cheeks. Before I went nc… I had my choices for 2019 job search down to 3 places... either stay here, move to where you are or move to where my son is... and boom just like that 2 of the choices are gone...

 

I talked to my son last night about moving from the west coast to the southeast coast by him. His response was... no closer than 500 miles! That was last night! I was so hurt.... so hurt. He said he and his new wife didn't want me to think that their friends were my friends so it would be better if I lived at least a day's drive from them.

 

Today I got my severance package so I deposited it into my account... wow... I walked out of the bank and sat in my car I got from my dad last year when he died and just cried... I looked at my balance and believe it or not 2018 is going to go down on the record as the best I have ever had! I not only did I reached my annual financial goals but I also reached my overall lifetime financial goal this year for the 1st time... and on my own! The bonus… on top of all that I am getting a super long vacation to end the year.

 

I miss you but I know I am doing the right thing. I hope someday you can forgive me for being jealous and blowing us up... but the circumstances of our lives are not favorable for us and I am tried of fake... I need real.

Edited December 18, 2018 by Rayce

[Rayce]

wishing you peace

Edited December 18, 2018 by Rayce

[Rayce]

I woke up crying again today... Christmas is just around the corner and I finished your new video the day before I started nc… I was going to give it to you for Christmas...

[NomiMalone]

Well I guess this is it.

 

Your silence has said a thousand words. And although your silence has been like a knife twisted through my heart, I choose to think that I’m glad I got to say what I’d said, that you can take away with you the nice words, and the knowledge of how much you mean to me. I hope that for you, it lessens the grief of moving on.

 

For me, I choose to remember your words from when you last reached out to me, for I know that those words were real.

 

There’s no such thing as perfect closure, and so I’m grateful that I did get what I got. For me, that is enough.

[KissingFire]

Thank you for leaving me.

 

Thank you for giving me the chance to meet someone who cherishes me in the way I deserve to be cherished.

 

Thank you for breaking my heart and allowing me to fall into the arms of a man who adores me. Who loves spending time with me. Who helps me when I'm having a problem. Who drops everything to see me. Who makes me feel like a goddess.

 

Thank you for letting me go. You knew I'd never have left you, and you knew I deserved better.

 

Well, now I've found better. I've found a man who I cannot stop thinking about. Who drove out of his way to see extravagant Christmas lights in the town just to see me smile, and yes, I caught him staring at me while I was staring at the lights... Who made me a cup of tea in bed because I looked so content and he didn't want to wake me. Who kisses me so tenderly and gently. Who took me to the shops last minute amongst all the chaos just because I wanted him there with me. Who sings along to goofy music in the car. Who went to the cinema with me today just because my favourite actor is in a new film.

 

You would never have done anything like that with me, and even if you had, you'd have complained the entire time and made it a miserable experience. You sucked the joy out of me last Christmas. Now I'm more excited for it than I have been in years.

 

Thank you for allowing me to find someone who can love me the way I love back. You were never enough for me and you knew it.

 

I wish you well. I loved you so very much, but I'm glad you've done this to me now and not a few years down the line with kids or marriage involved.

 

Thank you for setting me free.

Even after everything you did to me, I wish nothing but the best for you.

I hope you lay off the drugs and prove everyone wrong, kiddo.

I hope that one day you show people the side of you I saw. I know the kind of man you can be, you just need to sort your anger issues out. I believed in you, maybe being with someone else will make you believe it as well.

Some would say I'm too nice for even thinking this after some of the things you said and did to me, but what does holding onto poison do for anyone? I caught a glimmer of the person you could become every now and then, and I really do hope you strive for greatness.

 

All the best,

Your Bilbo.

xxx

Edited December 21, 2018 by KissingFire

[Emilia]

I've had the weirdest year of my life. the weirdest, hands down.

It seems to have worked out ok (the year is not over yet) and it hasn't caused any negativity in my life but jesus man.

I'm pleased you have an interesting job though. Should lead to a decent career too.

[JFReyes]

Merry Christmas, J!

[Madd_hatter]

After all this time my heart still jumps when I see you. They say time heals all wounds but all it has done for me is make me miss you more. I was doing ok. Not great, but ok. But then I saw you for a split second and it set me back what took me months to get past.

 

The dreams have started again. I dreamt of you all night long. We were married with a newborn baby girl, we were holding her and hugging and kissing each other. In another dream we were laughing and having lunch at a buffet.

 

I miss you so much. I still want you so so badly. I’d do anything to have you here with me right now. Not sure how I’m supposed to get over you when even if I don’t think of or see you I still dream of you and that hurts even worse because in those dreams we’re embracing, touching, kissing,.. it’s so overwhelming.

 

Oh Jason you’re the only one I’ll ever love. My heart is so broken. I’ll never be ok. I’ll never get over you. I need you. I need you so much it hurts.

 

I love you with all my heart, with all my soul, with every fiber of my being, more than you’ll ever know.

[nolanola]

Even though I know it's for the best that you don't contact me for Christmas, there was a part of me that wanted you to. I guess to prove that I still matter to you? Even though my logical brain knows that a Christmas message doesn't mean much.

I feel so discarded by you. It feels like you never cared. You said you still care, how could you treat me like this? If you care about someone, you don't want to hurt them.

I hope someday I won't think about you anymore. I still want to see you, which is crazy because you don't deserve my love, my thoughts, or my respect. It's very hard to stop myself from looking at things online, to see what you are doing or what you might be doing with her. Somedays it's all I can do to stop myself. But I'm at 8 weeks almost now and I can't see myself going back unless I know I wouldn't care about what I saw. And I can't imagine that day.

I keep thinking about whether we will ever see each other again. And I hate wasting my time wondering about what if. It's so useless, but still I do it.

[brokenheart4ever]

hey you... wow long time no talk, 3 months already since you destroyed me, threw me under the bus and acted like you never knew me for the past 12 years. All those promises to never leave me, all those promises that we would be together forever no matter what, those were lies right? the past 12 years was a lie right? You saw me lose my father, lose my doggies, lose so much and you left me during the holidays, not even an apology. I cry myself to bed every night, I cry myself so much everyday. What hurts the most is i found out your already chatting with others on the app we use to talk on. so looking for a fun younger replacement? Thats what hurts the most, so its more important for you to find a replacement then at least give me closure, it shows me who you are inside. no wonder. no wonder you are where you are today. just so you know, i loved you so freakin' much that i decided to help your son, i found out one of your sons was homeless and starving, did not have money, so i sent him some money. if only you knew how much i loved you. i hope you are happy and find another one who makes you happy. i was just one of you puppets, as the other ones were..should have known.