No Contact Support Thread. Post here instead of contacting your ex.

[smellysocksuni]

Hey,

 

I think it's almost time to let you go, isn't it? I have been holding on to you for a long time. Since I met you, since you told me how scared you were to be involved with someone. I thought I could show you that there was nothing to be scared of. You know, I waited for you for months. You did come back, but I had to wait months for you.

 

I couldn't believe it when we started dating, it was like all my Christmases had come at once. Then I slowly realised that you had issues I couldn't deal with, and it hurt. You broke things off twice, every time things got too close for you. This, I learned, is how you are. This is something you've been doing since I've known you - pushing and pulling. You told me during the last break up that you would never pull me back again.

 

You know, I've loved you more than I ever have loved anyone. It is so painful to love someone who disappears for months at a time, and who doesn't seem to think this is a problem. I have wanted you in my life consistently, and you could never do it. Our time together at uni will be coming to an end soon, and I know I'll never see you again. Do you understand how much that hurts? That we could have had more time together, but you have disappeared again? Do you understand that? Do you even care? I am having to grieve someone who's still alive, who I'm going to have to say goodbye to, even though all I want to do is call you, be with you.

 

I have waited for you. I have always been here for you whenever you came back from your self-imposed exiles, but it can't happen again. I have to detach myself from you now. I will always love you but this is way too damaging, and I need consistent love. I wish I knew what it would take to get you to stop doing this - perhaps it's that you just don't care about me enough. I don't know what I'm going to do. I miss you more than I could really express with words. But you can't 'do' feelings, so I can't tell you anything. Not that it would matter, anyway.

[MATTYD]

Hi all

 

Fantastic idea for a thread. Please see my post in the Abuse section, 'speaking up about my ex girlfriend' my username MATTYD.

 

If you do read my thread you will be thinking 'are you f**king stupid. Why on earth would you want to contact her!'

 

Well don't worry I remain strong and shan't. Basically she was quite abusive towards me and already with another guy who she was lining up' Someone from uni.

 

That absolutely kills. That she's cast me aside without a second thought soooooo fast. Happy with this new guy, shagging etc. Just like in the beginning with me. She has a habit of not being on her own for long.

 

Anyway as what I felt was genuine in the relationship I deeply miss her still. Want to contact but really there is no point and it shows weakness. Never felt loss/grief like this though. Sometimes hard to stay strong.

 

Matt

[Realitysux]

I am so mad and I want to scream so here I am screaming.

Aaaaaaah. I can't believe what you did to me. I said I didn't hate you but after I hit send I felt I hated you. I hate you

[Rayce]

It's still hard... I find myself wanting to break NC everyday now. How am I to stay strong when you are invading my head space so much? I have so many questions... Why? Why? Why? I want to know why?

[Limiya]

So I guess this is it? You've made your mind up and you won't change it.

I never though you would do this. Although I have to admit I've been sensing it a bit.

 

 

What can I do to change your mind?

How can I push the clock back a month or 2?

I know what you are looking for. I know what you want.

I want the same. I really do. And i'm ready.

I'm ready now.

But i'm too late.

 

 

It has taken this wake up call to open my eyes.

I've been keeping my heart hidden from you for way too long, because I didn't want it to break.

But it's broken anyway. It didn't work. And i'm going to suffer for it.

 

 

So many things came up and gave me an excuse to not move us forward in the relationship. Obstacles that were easily fixed, but I just didn't want to take the risk.

Now I don't have the option.

You have taken the decision into your own hands and I am blindsided by it.

Please please think about what I said to you. Think about my suggestions. Maybe just sleep on it a bit more?

Please don't end this just yet.

I don't think I can cope without you. I don't know if I can go through this again.

 

 

I keep checking my phone. It's not healthy for me. I know I have to go NC.

But I don't want to. I want you to know how I feel. I feel like the filter has been ripped off and i'm unloading.

 

 

But you've asked me to respect your decision. I want to.

But every cell in m body is screaming at me to run to you and cry and beg and lose all my dignity.

 

 

I wish I could change things. I am so sorry honey.

I hope she looks after you and makes you happy. I hope you find in her everything you ever wanted.

Because you deserve it.

I love you to the moon and back.

[Limiya]

You are further away each time I speak to you.

More distant, more cold.

I hate myself for having messaged you. For having chased you and not accepting this reality.

 

 

It's a process, I know. Eventually I will accept it. I will have to.

My heart physically hurts.

I have only been in work half an hour this morning and I've spent most of it in the bathroom on the floor just bawling my eyes out.

I've had to confess to my friends that i'm not doing very good.

I really really didn't expect to feel this bad.

 

 

I really never realised how much I loved you. I brought all this on myself.

If I had confessed to you my feelings sooner, I would be in a different situation. We would be together, doing our best to care for one another.

Now I've ruined that chance, and for some unknown reason, my brain keeps pushing me to ruin it more and more.

 

 

It's like I have to go into nuclear mode and destroy any last hope of you ever wanting to speak to me again.

It's just reacting on emotions and not my head. I wish I could contain it and control it.

 

 

I sat outside your house in my car and just cried. 3 hours I ****ing sat there.

Why??? I know it won't achieve anything. I know you have a new girlfriend. It will make no difference, but I can't relax at home and for some reason sitting in my car, outside the house made that pain a little less sharp.

I can't do that anymore. You didn't know I was there. That's not the point.

I am turning into one of those people who can't let go, who clings and chases someone who doesn't want to be with them.

 

 

I just want my heart to hurt less, to stop killing me. I'm just reacting to the pain and i'm sorry.

I'm sorry I pushed you away, and i'm sorry i'm making it worse.

 

 

I think I need to be locked in a dark room and someone take the key or something.

I'm going out of my mind.

[MeadowFlower]

You used to call me lovely lady, ha! What fu*king s*it that is now.

[Limiya]

When will I accept it's over between us?

How can I make it easier to do it?

I wish I felt nothing, I wish I didn't care.

 

 

Please cuqui, please call me. Text me. Tell me you miss me and you made a mistake.

Please wipe away my tears. My heart is in pieces and it feels like only you can put them back.

I don't think I can continue feeling like this.

Everything you said to me on the phone was right. It all made sense, but I love you. I still love you and I don't care about reasons and I don't care about compatibility. I just want you.

[Limiya]

I managed to hold it together for a few hours after work. I had to see my parents and they don't know anything about this.

It was a struggle but all i thought about was you.

I cant take the physical and emotional pain im in.

I just want it to go away.

I want you back.

I know you don't want me at all.

I am lucky my dad has my car, because i can't drive to your house now.

But I'm house bound, where you used to visit me.

I miss you so much.

I cant walk tonyours because you're too far.

The bus is long and expensive and how would i get home?

You would only be at hers anyway.

[Yellowteacup]

We've had many hellos and goodbyes over the past few years. I told you I had separated from my partner in order for us to see each other again. Here we are after 7 months and I've ghosted you completely and imposed no contact. Your phone number and email have been blocked. All of pictures of you and us have been deleted from my work PC and cell phone.

I had to do this my way and for good this time.

[Limiya]

I managed to sleep a few hours. Some blissful sleep to give my mind a break from thinking about you.

 

I woke up this morning and for a brief moment i felt peaceful. Then I remembered at my heart stopped. Everything came crashing down all over again.

 

You pulled the rug from under my feet and I am on the floor not able to get back up.

 

I know i had doubts but I'm over that now. My mind is clear, but so is yours.

 

Please call me. Text me. Anything to hear that voice again.

 

I miss you.

[Logo]

I'm starting to understand why you did what you did. But I'm having a hard time forgiving you. It was so hurtful. You cared more about yourself than about anything or anyone else.

[Limiya]

I don't want to be your plan B.

It's the only way I can talk myself out of doing stupid things.

Why did you give me a 6 month option or getting in contact?

That hurt me a lot. Please don't say things like that to someone.

If we are over, then I never want to see or speak to you again.

I don't want you to contact me in 6 months to see how i'm doing and see if I still am pining for your or anything.

I don't want to give you that satisfaction.

 

 

I want to be with you as a couple or not at all. You have chosen to move forward with someone else.

I am trying to accept that and move on.

You telling me that maybe we can get in contact in 6 months and see what happens is just giving me false hope and I can't handle that.

 

 

I thought you knew better than that. There was nothing I could say to make you change your mind. You are adamant.

I like that about you, that when you make decisions, you stick to them.

I am sure she makes you feel good and gives you what I couldn't.

 

 

I am doing my best to cope and not call you, or message you.

Now I've removed you from everything, it should be a bit easier to show restraint.

I'm not sure how i'll feel once I get my car back though.

 

 

Still love you. Still miss you.

Still want to see you and talk to you.

 

 

Your Ita.

[Limiya]

I wasn't expecting you to call me last night. But you were right. We needed to talk about things. It's obvious I'm not coping very well.

 

I know you insisted you don't have a new girlfriend, but i know you are seeing someone. It hurts either way.

 

I know I didn't keep my dignity on the phone, but we managed to talk more in depth about both of our feelings.

I felt like this time you were listening to what i had to say.

I wanted to convince you to change your mind, to let us try once again.

You had moments where you hesitated, but ultimately kept your resolve. I love that about you. How you can be so emotionally strong.

 

You seem to think we can be friends and if we are meant to be in the future then so be it.

I can't rely on that, or wait on it.

I will try to move forward as best i can.

 

We ended on the phone with 'I love yous' and left it there.

I feel a little more able to breathe since then. I'm not as broken as i have been the past several days.

 

I've cleaned the house thoroughly and it's helped to clear my mind. Now i will move onto exercises to continue with my plan.

 

I am giving you freedom to move forward now.

Im setting you free.

I will still love you. Always.

[Realitysux]

@Limiya....

 

Yikes!! Saying he'll contact you down the road is brutal. I'd say leave and I'll contact you in 6 months if I decide I still want to be with you and then do not contact him and move on. It doesn't seem like it right now but you do move on and waiting for him will only stop you from finding a good solid partner to share a life with. I'd be thinking about all the things you want out of life and try to find someone to support that.

Edited June 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Limiya]

Yikes!! QUOTE]

 

 

Thanks,

I appreciate the advice.

Today I will mark in the calendar my NC going forwards.

I haven't been able to accept it's over, so I've been messaging him on occasion and he's just always too nice to ignore me. But the responses hurt more, because they are short and cold.

 

 

I have to move on I think. I don't have the patience to try techniques or games to win my ex back, and honestly if he really doesn't want this, then I need to try to let him go.

 

 

Today is day 1.

Let the withdrawals begin.

((cries))

[JoeSimone68]

I'm approaching a month of no contact. Only recently have I been having jabs and pangs to reach out. Why now? Should it not be subsiding?

[Limiya]

My love,

I'm still struggling without you.

I meant what I said on Friday. I still stand by that.

I hope you know im serious.

I am ready. I wish I wasn't too late.

 

I love you so much

Xxxx

[Limiya]

Love, I meant what I said about the keys. They're yours.

I know you were tempted. I could hear it in your voice.

 

But I guess ultimately you wouldn't feel nice having to let down the new girl by telling her you want to go back to your ex.

Plus you don't want to miss what you could have with her and you already know me inside and out so why come back right?

 

This is why it's futile for me to fight for you. Futile for me to pursue you, even though you probably find it flattering.

She's there to hold your hand so it's easier.

It's going to take me time and pain but ultimately I am going to close the door. There will be no going back.

 

If it doesn't work out with her, don't think you can come sulking back to me.

I don't want to be 2nd best.

[Limiya]

I managed to resist contacting you for a few days. Since Monday.

Now it's Friday, and i'm starting to feel weak again.

I haven't responded to your breadcrumbs, because they are just breadcrumbs.

 

 

I am still thinking of you every day. Today is particularly hard because I keep wondering what you're doing. I know your routine so well.

I don't want to make myself crazy, and I know later I will want to contact you somehow or see you.

I must not do that. I must make other plans.

Yesterday was my birthday and you sent me a text wishing me happy birthday.

I haven't responded. I want to. I want to speak to you.

But what would I say? How would I say it?

It didn't even require a response. There was no question in there.

I know you probably sent that to me to be nice and it's the right thing to do.

But why put a kissing emoji?

I know it's common and lots of people use it but it makes me read into it.

 

 

I have to be strong. Luckily tomorrow I am busy do I should be ok.

I honestly don't know how to handle it if you ever contact me.

The anxiety is constant, and I hate it.

 

 

I still miss you.

XX

[MeadowFlower]

You are my enemy.

[KissingFire]

Hello, long time no speak.

 

Stop coming into the shop by my house. I will not feel intimidated. I am not afraid of you anymore. I hold my head high.

 

After nearly 6 months of therapy, I am no longer scared.

 

Whispers through the grapevine have told me that you're looking worse than ever. Was it too much effort to dress up nicely and drive 45 minutes from where you now live in hopes you'd see me? I'd almost be flattered if I didn't firmly remember what a monster you are.

 

I recently got back from travelling with my boyfriend. We spent 3 weeks driving across Europe and it was the time of our lives. I have never smiled so much in my life. We've now booked a weeks vacation with his family and I'm so excited! Last night he took my ring finger and kissed it and promised me that one day that finger would be his. I've never known happiness like this. I've never met a man who I genuinely want to father my children.

 

In some warped way, I hope you're happy. I hope the woman you left me for is your dream girl and that you have found peace with her. I hope you stayed in therapy.

 

You leaving me when you did was the best thing you've ever done for me. My boyfriend is everything you are not. He is a million times the man you will ever be. I love him with all my heart and soul. I've never been more certain of anything in my life. I scoffed when people said "When you know, you know."

 

And I do know.

[Realitysux]

I can't believe I'm going to do this but here it goes.

I've been a complete wreck all week. I have been so misserable and Moody throughout the days just dragging myself through the work days. I've been angry and although my co-workers say I have a reason to be angry, you are all I've been talking about. I met with you for dinner for our son and I WILL co to ue to support that relationship because he is ready and needs it at this time in his life. I am angry that you moved on and had 4 other children and two different mothers including 1 wife. I'm mad that you said I was strong when I told you that it was difficult at this time. I'm mad that you called me chubby even though you said it in a way that made me laugh. I am mad that I remembered all the reasons why I liked you in the first place and why our son will like you now. You are full of life and fun to be around. You work hard and spend your money when you are around us and we all know I like that. I started to write this and now I dont want to write anymore but I'll post it because while I'm being honest, it kills two birds with one stone!

[Limiya]

Darling,

I'm not coping very well without you.

I saw you Sunday and you kissed me a lot, with passion.

But that wasn enough, because she is at your house right now, with you.

I saw you both holding hands last night.

Walking into your house as if you have known each other forever.

 

 

I sent you a spew of messages, completely losing my dignity. I know you've seen them, you haven't gone to work.

You're both loved up and holed up together in there.

Why lie to me?

I can't get you out of my mind at all.

You consume my every thought and it kills me.

 

I know it's too late. But I still have so many things i want to say to you.

I need you to block my number.

To make it impossible for me to contact you anymore.

 

I love you so much and I miss you.

[MINAKO]

I love you so much. I know I will see you again when I return in September, but this summer has been slow roasting me. I miss you terribly. I have never love anyone this deeply, or felt so comfortable like this before. It is too bad we met at the worst time. It is so difficult to communicate when we are a whole country away and are busy, especially with how we often translate texts the wrong way. And, it is not like we are together yet or anything, so I need to get a grip and keep my emotions in check. It is pretty much embarrassing that I am already head over heels while we are still truly getting to know each other. I know you tell me things like "you're mine" when you drink on video calls but really, it cannot possibly mean anything when we have not discuss this yet in person.

 

But unfortunately despite all of this, I love you. With all of my heart, sadly. And sadly because I know it's not normal to fall this quickly for someone. You, on the other hand, are normal and keeping your cool about everything, pacing yourself, like any other normal person would. But me? I am basically in love. How dangerous of me, to have allow myself to fall so deep without even realizing. But now that I realize it, it is too late and I have already fallen so hard for you.

 

I decided therefore, to not message you anymore, or at least, very rarely (for my own sanity in trying to protect my heart and emotions) until I am back. I know you will probably be hurt, at least a little, but I also know I will be hurting far more.

 

I just cannot freaking believe myself. I am a rational, academia-focused individual with logical thoughts and solutions, and yet here I am, having completely lost my mind over you in such a short time span. I have never been in love like this before. Again, how dangerous. How foolish of me to have accidentally put you on a pedestal in my mind without even noticing. But, again, it is too late. I love you. I miss you like hell, babe. It hurts a lot some nights. Tonight I am fine, but eventually there will be time where I feel upset again and miss you more and more.

 

When we meet again when I am back home, I will ask you what you want out of this, something like that. I can only hope you will say you want the same things, but you see, hope is a dangerous thing for a person like me. Because it means some sort of positive expectation, and if you end up telling me that you do not want anything serious, I will probably crumble inside and a part of me will die. That sounds dramatic, but I have already felt extremely harmful emotions when I have felt alone and missed you too much. I have cry my eyes out, I have cursed you out in my mind, cursed myself out too, gotten high just to not feel these things anymore, things that I have never done in my life ever before. Things I believe I would never do. I crossed so many lines for myself.

 

Thank goodness that you do not know any of this at all. You have absolutely no clue that I feel this deeply. Thank goodness I have not done anything drastic in your presence. In your mind, I am completely chill with everything. If only you knew how deeply in love I already am - good thing you do not know! You would probably believe I have lost my mind (which I have ).

 

The good thing is that I finally realized my behaviour is not normal, and I have to fix it. Due to my hard times and difficult and abusive people in my life, it is the first time I met someone who made me feel so happy to be alive, and so I accidentally fell in love so fast without even knowing. But again, I decided to not message you until I can find my grip. I have to better myself and learn to be confident again. I will work on myself a lot. As much as I can. And then I will see you again.

 

This is all saddening, especially if it does not work out, but nonetheless, I miss you each day. If this cannot work, then I believe I will miss you forever.

 

Remember when you kissed me a million times before I left? That is how I feel, knowing I will just miss you like hell.

Edited July 8, 2019 by MINAKO