No Contact Support Thread. Post here instead of contacting your ex.

[2BGoodAgain]

19 hours ago, scooby-philly said:

As I have had to re-learn and re-teach myself in the past 6 months, especially the past 2 as I dipped into depression and moodiness and a lack of focus not from the breakup but from the larger "threads" of my life becoming clear - 99% of the time other people don't think about us. And they most definitely don't know everything about us. If you learn to love yourself you will exude that and attract others. Now, some of them will not love themselves, but you'll be able to pick up on that and then decide if you want that or want to find someone healthy and loving.

Remember, everything we think about what our lives, relationships, careers, finances, homes, etc., should be like - comes from our family, our friends, the media, and even the subconscious thoughts we have. You can recondition yourself and always reminder yourself - what you see in others is only your perception. Look at how many miserable people there are, how many miserable relationships there are, and how many things you can list and be thankful for. Trust me, I know it's not easy.

 

And congrats on pushing yourself forward! I need to get back to working out every day M-F this week so I can drop the 20-25lbs I want and need to drop!

in terms of working out, we all have diff body types, metabolism, etc...but a common theme to follow.

strength training #1 priority to burn calories then cardio for stamina/cardiovascular health, etc.

what you eat matters.... obviously eating wholesome, unprocessed food is prob key,... but how much calories you take in matters a good majority of weight loss.

don't starve yourself... 1300(ish) calories per day, and your body doesn't think ur starving yourself and puts everything into fat build mode.... but these days, it's so easy to hit 2000 calories in one meal. it's insane how much calories are in foods. lol.

good luck!

[scooby-philly]

50 minutes ago, 2BGoodAgain said:

in terms of working out, we all have diff body types, metabolism, etc...but a common theme to follow.

strength training #1 priority to burn calories then cardio for stamina/cardiovascular health, etc.

what you eat matters.... obviously eating wholesome, unprocessed food is prob key,... but how much calories you take in matters a good majority of weight loss.

don't starve yourself... 1300(ish) calories per day, and your body doesn't think ur starving yourself and puts everything into fat build mode.... but these days, it's so easy to hit 2000 calories in one meal. it's insane how much calories are in foods. lol.

good luck!

Yeppers - 2x a week lifting; 3x a week cardio. Trying to eat better....and eat less!

[2BGoodAgain]

37 minutes ago, scooby-philly said:

Yeppers - 2x a week lifting; 3x a week cardio. Trying to eat better....and eat less!

good luck to you Scooby... i and many here are on the same journey with you.

i even saw this hot chick at the gym looking my way... then realized brad pitt was accepting some award on the screen behind me. ah well.

[scooby-philly]

1 hour ago, 2BGoodAgain said:

good luck to you Scooby... i and many here are on the same journey with you.

i even saw this hot chick at the gym looking my way... then realized brad pitt was accepting some award on the screen behind me. ah well.

Yeah - i mean, I'm not obese and my legs are good from walking. Just have to and want to lose the gut. Plus, i'm 38 now and my family has a history of high triglycerides (spelling?) - so I need to get into better habits for the long haul. 

[Legatus]

Interesting.. So you asked me if I'm coming to the city this weekend. I say yes and suddenly you "moved things around" to go out on all 3 nights I'll be there. I have to say I was glad when you had said that  on Saturday the boxing is more important rather than dancing. 

I know that you're still under the impression that we are "friends". Not that I ever had any say in this haha   To be honest I am so glad that even though I still catch myself wanting to talk to you, I actually don't feel the need to do so. There's no anxiety about my trip. Maybe a little because if anything, you might try to trip me a bit. Will it be because I seem happy that I left and you'll take it personally? Or because I will just enjoy dancing because this trip is for me? Who knows. Whatever happens, happens.

I had a dream about you tonight. Can't remember a lot but we actually managed to  talk about all the little issues we have faced and resolve them. Future? Parallel universe? Wishful thinking?

One thing I'm learning is that the resolution is not necessary. The last goodbye was quite stressful for you but I still think you needed it. This time is not only about me enjoying time with my friends but also go back to the beginning. To be the person you met, before everything changed. If you remember me I want you to remember me at my best. Before you changed it.

[andytuotuo]

Hi, 

how are you? Hope things are well. 
 

What’s new?

[Legatus]

This has been exactly the weekend we needed. Almost 20h of dancing and mostly with you. I think I got a lot done in those three weeks we were apart. I worked on my co-dependency, I focused on myself, and the results were amazing. I didn't need to talk too much about how I miss you etc. Everything was said during dancing. You asked me when I'm coming back. I could be back tomorrow if you asked but you won't and, at the same time, I'm glad I didn't answer this question like that. It would be going back to dependency all over. 

I was angry that you downgraded us to friends few months back without me having a say. I was right to be angry but I didn't express it the way I should have. Now, with a clear head, I think it's exactly what we need. Neither of us was ready to be in relationship, perhaps even to date. We are more than friends. You know it, I know it, and I think after the weekend our lips know it too. But we live in different countries and that's okay. You never know what universe can bring, I always have a tiny hope in me but it won't stop me from living and meeting other people, like it used to in the past. 

I had a little speech to say at the end but in the end I didn't. I'm happy I didn't. There was no me trying to manipulate events, make you feel things, everything happened naturally, and I think this goodbye was the one we both wanted. 

Thank you

[Realitysux]

I'm really sorry. I kind of took over this forum. I'm telling you to get lost but then i am writing about my depression and probably making you feel bad for me. I mean seriously J, I emailed you and then you tried to help me because you read and listened to me, then I confused you too with my behavior. It is very selfish 

[crazycanuck86]

When we last spoke I was drunk, angry, and had a lot of mixed feelings about everything. I know I said a lot of things that were both hurtful to you and confusing for you...for that I am sorry. 

I know you just want me to forget everything and let the past be the past, and for us to be friends...and  I do too; but the issues with that is if I do that and let you back into my life who is to say that you won't treat me like you did before....I just can't trust you again....not after the going through the whole lather rinse, repeat  of both of our mistakes twice in the same year. 

I will apologize one day for my end on everything...but after that I'm standing by my decision to walk away from everything....I have to, I need to so I can focus on my life. 

[Realitysux]

I hope you get sick and die 

[Realitysux]

I'm only moving on because you told me too! You told me to move on and you didn't want to be held onto so I'm trying not to hold on... BUT... if you ever change your mind

[scooby-philly]

6.5 months. I'll wake up on vacation and it will be 7 months. I thought I was doing better. Well, I know I am, but this is a momentary relapse. Why? I know you were too young for me. You were too young and inexperienced for a real relationship. I told you several times, but couldn't tell it to my heart/inner child - you needed to leave home. You needed to get out from your parents, make your own decisions, learn to grow up and not be babied, figure yourself and life out. I guess I am sad and angry at you but I should be just as angry at myself - for staying. For staying when you showed no real sign of telling your parents about us. Or at least your sister. For staying when you threatened me with abandonment regularly. And picked fights and ruined parts of two different vacations and on my birthday! When we did something YOU wanted to do! I should be mad at myself for staying when you threatened to harm yourself regularly. I should be mad at myself for staying when you acted like you actually did anything to make the relationship work. Who drove 2 hours one way every time? Who changed their work schedule and stopped living life to make sure we could spend time together? Who was there for you when your grandmothers got sick, your aunt died, your GPA dropped? Who? I am learning to be gentle with myself and to love myself and give myself time to grieve. Was I in love with a version of you I built up in my head and not the real you? Was I in love but also co-dependent? Was I just in love with the person you could be, the person you didn't feel comfortable with, the person you hid away from the world? I wasn't even this heartbroken (length or depth) with my ex-fiancee who dumped me 5 days before the wedding. I miss you. It wasn't all that bad. You were my wifey, my snooglelyboo. You were the first person I was totally open with - who made me feel safe to not only be myself, but to also share the pain, the shame, and fears, the everything I had been carrying with my throughout life. But....I should also be mad at you. You dumped me via IM and Text hours after sending me another cartoon from that series we loved, touting how your bf had "super powers". Really? And within 5 days your back on sites/apps looking for something casual? Okay - rant over. I am not a bad man. I am a good man. I stayed, ignoring the red flags so the split and the subsequent pain and depression were my fault as much as yours. At one point maybe I'll wish you the best. But even at this point, there's still anger there. I hope you get run over by a bus. Better yet, I hope you continue to be fake, shallow, selfish, afraid of letting anyone in, sleeping with anyone who will give you attention, spreading your legs for older men with $. I hope you fall in love and your parents don't like him so he leaves after you refuse to fight for him and you get your heartbroken. 

[homecoming]

To be honest, I don’t know why or how you became so angry with me. I completely understand that you might have been annoyed, or worried about the day being ruined. What wasn’t acceptable though was you deciding to shout at me in front of people – even though they were YOUR family and this probably felt OK to you, it was humiliating for me and extremely painful and traumatic. I have had panic attacks regularly since that happened, and still don’t understand how someone who was claiming to connect with me, who would spend all their time with me and tell me how much they liked me would turn on me in a split second, and end things between us. 

 

It didn’t feel real at all, and still doesn’t. You refuse to talk to me, and avoid me. This has been incredibly hurtful and difficult to understand and to process, especially as I have to see you often. You have not said a word to me after telling me we could “start fresh” the last time we spoke. I don’t know why you have stopped talking to me, and I have no idea how you feel about me; do you hate me? Do you feel anything? Maybe you feel nothing. I don’t know. 

 

All I wanted from you was some kind of answer as to why you chose to act in that way, and instead didn’t just talk to me in private later on. I would have been totally willing to listen to you and how you felt, but once you began shouting at me I was just heartbroken and confused. And then you threatened me with the police, I just can’t… like if you had done that, I could have been arrested and then what? That was just unreal. 

 

I don’t hate you or think you’re a bad person. I just don’t know why you’d want to do that to someone that loved you. I miss you every day but I understand you just don’t want to be with me, and that’s OK. I just wish you’d told me you didn’t want to be with me in a different way, and not like that. I enjoyed being around your family as I told you often. I would never have done anything to hurt them or you. I am not really a bad person, I try to treat people well and as I’d like to be treated. 

 

It doesn’t look like you’re going to talk to me again, and that’s fine. I think I need to move on, to heal from that, and to accept what happened. I’m sorry if there is anything I have said or done that’s caused you pain, I wouldn’t have intended to cause that. I loved and cared about you very much. 

 

I hope all goes well for you now that uni has finished. Take care of yourself x

[Legatus]

Okay, I think you're close to breaking the line of a nice guy. It's nice that you sent me a message checking if I'm alive, considering they just announced the state of emergency in Spain but I don't think it was out of concern. Curiosity? Some guilt? I responded because that's who I am. I don't mind giving people acknowledgment of their message to me, asking about how they are and what's been happening. But of course you have to ignore me.

Well I didn't say anything this time but next time I need to take care of myself. So next message won't be on this forum but it will go to you. To stop breadcrumbing. That if you want to have a conversation then please, by all means, talk to me, but otherwise I don't need these pointless messages. Don't insult my intelligence by saying how you don't have time or are bad at managing relationships. I can see you talking on our group chat at any time of day. 

That's it. I don't mind being nice et cetera, but at one point I need to stop talking about being more assertive and actually doing it. Even if it means that the image of me in your head will be tarnished. 

We finally had the goodbye you wanted a month ago and I didn't even have expectations of you talking to me afterwords. But 1-2 messages every week and then I respond and you ignore. If you're not aware of these games you play then you really do need help. It won't come from me. I can't fix you, I don't want to. Only you can do it but I can't and don't want to be part of those games. I'm better than this.

Edited March 14, 2020 by Legatus

[Realitysux]

I'm doing okay when I'm out of the house but not when I'm in my house? Bad memories? I don't know but I can't even stand cleaning it and it could use a good cleaning. I'm sitting in bed but I can't get up and clean it. Should I just accept I'm a temporary slob? Maybe im just a slob and I should focus on finding other slobs in my life. 

[Realitysux]

I want to forget he existed. 

[Sinful]

I honestly have NOTHING to say to my ex. Not after what she did to me. There's so much I wish I could've said to her face, but I never got the opportunity before she walked out of my life and into the arms of another. She's not worthy enough for me to even waste my breath on! This is why going NC has been so easy for me. I have no desire to contact or speak to her ever again...

But I still miss her so damn much 😭 

 

[Realitysux]

I just send him emails! I feel worse but what I'm saying isn't rocket science for f*** sake 

[Legatus]

It was quite a surprise when you called me on Saturday.. just hours before I was thinking why can't I just call you to chat like I do with other people. But we talked for 30 minutes, no drama, no asking why, just chatting about our lives. It was amazing to see you. I wanted to tell you I missed you, few times, but in the end there was no need. Just to see you, hear your voice, making sure you're keeping safe, was enough. 

I know it's your way of keeping touch, even though when we message, half of my messages get ignored. I got used to that and have no anxiety over it anymore. Seems like you want me in your life a little bit, in your own way. For now I'm okay with it but I'm a lot more aware of myself now. If I feel the need to cut this, you'll just have to deal with your anger.

[Will87]

My heart is broken, I cannot eat or sleep. I can still see him with his hands on you, i love you I hate you.

how could you betray me like this 

[scooby-philly]

I don't miss you. It's been over 7 months and finally - I don't miss you. Yes, I think about you constantly - but that's my inner child/little dude just refusing to remember the bad times, the times you threatened to abandonment, the times you acted so immature, the times I knew I needed to walk away because you didn't have the courage to live your life, tell your parents, the low self-esteem, and the threats of self-harm. BUt...he will eventually let go of you. I'm not forcing him because I know it has to happen on its own. I can feel the hand slowly letting you go. The depression is still there - but it's just residual pain of being truly vulnerable, truly thinking I found someone compatible, truly trying my best and putting 115% effort in, all to have it blow up in my face, and the realization that because of my childhood, I've stuck with people even when my gut said - nah - this isn't it - friendships, romantic partners, family, etc. It's been great being able to just chill and relax and let myself heal, let myself dream again about what I want out of life and in my future. I offered you a mature, open, honest, loving, affectionate, kind, and supportive adult relationship and well, you were just too young. That's my bad for not knowing better. But I won't make the same mistake twice. Or at least, I pray I don't. I miss me - I miss the person who wasn't afraid of speaking out, trying new things, going new places, meeting new people, etc. SOmetimes parts of that person comes back in drips and drabs. Hoping by the end of the year into next year, that person will be back 100% of the time.

[Realitysux]

@Beachead. Routine isn't too good right now. With society shut down, I've been online and reading this guy's bull s*** and it really gets to me since I went through so much with them all previously. It's a real dick move to come back at me. It's drives me insane!! I pick myself up with work. He is telling me to go back to school and get a new job which really bothers me that he has comments. A lot of people don't want to see women start off in the trades but we're so meticulous that we can do better work then a lot of the men do. I'm not a competitive person but I'm enjoying the work. I love the no bull s***, go to work, do your job and come home. I have to work on my home life. I'm looking forward to society again. Not to mention that I love the people I work with. It's just me and one other guy right now and we have a great time. He shows me tricks of the trade and I'm learning a lot from him too. 

Edited April 1, 2020 by Realitysux

[Realitysux]

@Beachead my head is such a mess now and especially since there are real people involved and he messed with my Facebook so I have no one to socialize with at all and I feel like the biggest loser on the planet. These guys really came down on my life hard and stroked all my pain with their fingers. My tools are unorganized and I had ten minutes to get ready for work. I'm going to sign in then I have to swing by home depot to pick some stuff up. 

Edited April 1, 2020 by Realitysux

[Realitysux]

Not coping well. Work is rough and I'm just really messed up today and hate being in this situation but I did warn him 

[Realitysux]

Why is it so painful to let go? I'm trying to tell myself that I lost in this and that I need to stop thinking about him and contacting him too! He didn't want to talk to me. I blocked all his friends and currently I'm starting fresh without any friends. It's better that way and I'll hopefully look back at this in 6 months from now in a better place.