No Contact Support Thread. Post here instead of contacting your ex.

[Kelley]

I wish you well and I'm doing good. I'm no longer that broken woman crying and heartbroken. The one that couldn't sleep, was suffering with so much anxiety I had a panic attack. My life is full of positive people, hobbies and peace. I'm more me again and I like it. I know you changed me in a lot of ways and I will always appreciate our time together. I wish you well and I hope you find peace too.

[DarrenB]

I hope he was worth it.

[healthyhopes]

happy birthday. I hope one day i forget the date.

 

Walking towards the future, with much love/hate/ambivalence,

 

healthyhopes.

 

PS. I know we wont contact or see each other ever again, but please don't forget me. You were one of my closest friends and the brief intersection that we had shook up my life.

[Sunnymae]

Probably the hardest part about this break up is that I would text you every night, I would text you in the afternoon, I would text you in the morning. The texting back-and-forth that we did and now I just write my feelings here on love shack. Now I realize how one sided our relationship was. I have free tickets to a concert but I guess I'll have to invite someone else. I know I'll enjoy myself a lot more with this person even though I miss you, I really shouldn't miss you, you were not very nice to me. You always kept me waiting for you to respond to my text, you ignored me. I feel like such a fool. It's been 6 months now it doesn't hurt anymore, but I still miss you. How pitiful I feel. I hopeI stop missing you soon.

[broken-hearted89]

My boyfriend whom we lived together for 8 months just broke up with me last week, and I miss him terribly. I am 27 years old, and he is 41 (I know there is an age gap but we get along perfectly and I prefer mature me than men my age). We met eight months ago and I was a total mess back then. We started being friends and he admitted that he was married and that he had two daughters. He said he was separated from his wife for three months now, and they both live in different cities. He told me all about his failed marriage and what a disaster it was. He explained how crazy she was and how she used to drive him insane all the time, screaming and shouting for no apparent reason, cursing him, always belittling and insulting him because he lives in her house (her job gives her free accommodation), driving their daughter away from him, and ultimately kicking him out of the house. At the beginning, I found all that hard to believe, since I know all divorced or separated couple speak bad of each other, but it proved true, and worse as I've witnessed myself.

 

One thing lead to another and he confessed that he liked me. We dated for a few days, and around that time I had a huge fight with my best friend/room-mate at the time and she kicked me out of her house. I had to leave the country anyways and re-enter to renew my visa and I had just started a new job, but I had no idea where I’d stay when I came back, and that’s when he offered me his place. I travelled and we stayed in touch, and after I came back things really developed and we fell head over heels. We were both going through some really bad stuff at the time, family, financial, debts, work problems, and I believe that’s what made our bond grow even deeper. We were there for each other and fully supported one another. We had so many things in common, loved each other’s company so much that even when we were apart those 9 hours at work, we deeply missed each other. We were basically each other’s best friend, room-mate, and lover all in one. When he told me he loved me that was one of the best moments of my life.

 

On the other hand, nothing is perfect. His previous marriage was poisoning our lives bit by bit. His ex was giving him so much problems that it was affecting him badly, and taking a toll on our relationship. She would still curse at him for no reason, asking him to pick up the girls so he can see them for a few hours (we lived two hours away from her at the time) and stand him up, and finally she filed for divorce, and asked for child support. That was devastating to him, as he was already paying for everything for his daughters, and didn’t wanna be dragged into court, and wanted to settle things peacefully. She would go to his place of work when he wasn’t there and tell his boss and say that he doesn’t support his children. One day he took his daughters to a hotel nearby and she showed up there unannounced and hit him (yes, hit him!) bearing in mind she didn’t even know about us.

A few days after that incident, while he was dropping his kids at her place, she told him that she still loved him and that she was gonna drop the charges! When he got home and told me that we both laughed and I told him there’s no way you would even consider that. He later went on to shock me and say that he doesn’t know what to do, and that even though he doesn’t love her, and never loved her for that matter (they had an arranged for marriage and knew each other for a month before getting married) but he would do anything for his daughters to see them happy. He said he would never pick me or anyone over his daughters, and he would rather be miserable than see them suffer. I was shocked, he went from “I hate her and cannot wait to divorce her” to “I might consider it.” I tried explaining that it was way better for his daughters to have divorced parents than those who hate each other and repeatedly insult each other, but he said that was a decision he needed to make without any influence from my side.

We didn’t talk for two days, he explained to me that since our lease was coming to an end in a week, it’s better if we both lived separately. He said there were many reasons for his decision, first that he was having big financial trouble (that was true) and couldn’t afford to rent a new place so he would just crash with a friend and he said he would help me and pay for a room for me which I refused of course. At that time, I wasn’t paying for rent, but I was paying for many other things, bills, groceries, and I l gave him some money and didn’t ask for it back.

 

Second, he said that he has been feeling guilty because he is a bit religious and it’s against our religion to have pre-marital sex or live together. He said he has been thinking about this since we moved in together but he loved me too much and got attached so he just suppressed it. Third, that I was over-whelming him lately always interfering with his relationship with his ex and that he needed to deal with that on his own. Needless to say, I was devastated. I cried for the first time in front of him and just couldn’t hold back. He hugged me and said it was for the best and that didn’t mean the end for our relationship, we would just be living apart but we will see each other all the time.

 

I finally accepted it, but days went by and he came to me and said that one of his friends have agreed to rent him his apartment for a cheap price so we can both move there. So we moved there and split the rent since I just started a new job (that was our third place to live in 8 months). We continued living together like this argument never happened, but I could tell something was missing, he was less attentive, and less romantic and I felt like I needed to make an effort to get his attention. I figured this was normal, our honeymoon period has ended. But it was more than that.

So two weeks ago, his friend called him and told him that we needed to move out in 10 days as he is selling the apartment, so again we needed to move. So we began searching together for a new place to move. Few days later as we were sitting together having coffee after work just chatting, he again brought up us living separately after our lease ended. He said it was for my own good, because we lived far from my place of work, and he didn’t feel like he’s taking care of me dragging me around from apartment to another. I told him that didn’t bother me at all. He again said all the former reasons, about religion, money, and the fact that he is feeling like he is wasting my time because he is unable to make a deeper commitment to me by promising when we could get married. I again told him that I am not looking to get married at the moment and that I loved him and that was enough. He said that he felt I deserved better and that it was time for me to find someone better without all his baggage. I was deeply hurt by what he said, I cried, and he cried four times that day for the first time in front of me, and he is not the emotional or sensitive type at all. I thought he was breaking up with me but he said he wasn’t. He said he loved me too much, and that he isn’t showing me one quarter of his love because something is holding him back, he said he didn’t even know how much he loved him till this moment. He hugged me tight and we slept after hours of arguing. Next morning he needed to go on a business trip for two days, and we didn’t talk for those two days. When he came back home, I was gone.

 

I packed just a couple of outfits for work and stayed in a hotel for two days and didn’t answer his calls or texts. He came to pick me up the second day from work, but again I ignored him. He sent me a text that day asking me to come home, and that he has packed his things and will stay with a friend, so the house is empty and I can go back. I answered that I didn’t want him to leave, and that I was coming the next day, and that I wanted to talk to him and that I missed him.

I gathered all rationality and tried to be as calm as possible at the beginning. I told him that our love meant so much to me, and that it isn’t tied to us staying together, and if living separately is what it takes, I’ll do it. I told him that there were only two things that mattered. The first if that he loved me, he without hesitation said yes, and the second was if he wanted to continue in this relationship with me. And that’s when he said some of the worst words I had ever heard. He said: I cannot continue in this relationship with you. “I want to” but “I cannot”. He said that he loved me way too much but again listed same reasons “religion, money..” and told me that he feels like this is not fair to his daughters. He said that he is extremely happy with me but has accepted the fact that he will never be happy. He said that he feels sorry for his daughters and it breaks his heart each time he goes to see them. I asked if I was keeping him away from them, he said no, but he is unable to “love them”. I don’t even know what that means. He again said that he is afraid that he might be wasting my time, and that he wouldn’t forgive himself if in a few years, he’s unable to marry me. I didn’t again say I wasn’t thinking about marriage and that we should live in the moment, I was more decisive and told him that if he thinks that we won’t ever get married, then it’s better that we are breaking up.

 

In a moment of anger he said that he didn’t wanna get married again, then He said he doesn’t even know if he would ever get married again, and if he does of course it would be to me. But he just doesn’t know when so he doesn’t wanna string me along. I told him I loved him and I would wait for him if he wants me to and if he loved me. But he said he loved me way too much and is doing this for me. I told him that he wasn’t scarifying anything for me because I am the one telling him if we wont get married, then we cant be together, and that he is breaking up with me because he doesn’t wanna get married to me. I broke down, and I started crying, and he cried a river too. I told him that he didn’t love me as much as I love him, he said that I was hurting him by what I was saying, I said that if he really loved me he would fight for me, he said it doesn’t always work that way.

For a few moments, he was the one crying and I was trying to calm his down. He kept saying how much he loved me and wanted me in his life, and didn’t wanna lose me. I said we couldn’t be friends and that it would be too hard for me. He said we didn’t have to be friends. I told him if you don’t want a friendship or a relationship, then what do you want? He said I could call it whatever I wanted to call it but that he couldn’t imagine a life without me.

 

That was last Thursday, we slept for a couple of hours that night from exhaustion and the continuous crying. Next morning, we tried to lay off the crying and just enjoy each other’s company that last day. I still couldn’t help it and broke down, that evening he took me out to the movies because he said he wanted me to clear my mind and have some fun. We went out and did have fun, and when we went back home later that night, we just went to sleep for the last time together. He cried and I didn’t. He tried to make a move, but I refused, we just made out so passionately and so intimately that although we didn’t have sex it was our best night together. Next morning, he had to leave early to go to an important meeting. That was our goodbye, it was BRUTAL, we cried, reminisced, and he begged me not cut contact with him and to even tell me where I was gonna stay but I refused. He kissed me and told me he loved me, but that he would respect my decision if I didn’t wanna speak to him. I asked him not to forget about me, and asked him if he thought it was possible that we could meet some day by chance in a year or two, and get back together. He said of course it was possible. We hugged so tightly and he left.

 

Needless to say I was devastated, but I had to pack and leave before he came. I did pack but over-slept because I was exhausted and then he surprisingly came back at mid-night. I had mixed feelings, I was happy to see him but upset because I didn’t wanna go through all that agonizing heart-ache again saying goodbye one more time. He told him me he had a feeling that I wasn’t gone yet and wanted to see me. I tried not to speak to him much that night and I went to sleep on the couch. Next morning he had to leave for work before me and I broke down again, he asked me to be strong and that it tears him apart when I cry. He said that he wanted to see me yesterday that’s why he came but he was afraid it would be hard to say goodbye again so he asked me not to cry. Then he cried himself. He told me that yesterday morning when we said goodbye was like, and I quote “someone ripped his chest open, and tear it slowly apart with their hand

After he left, I wrote him a letter telling him how much I loved him and that if he ever reconsider that I would take him in a heartbeat. I reminded him of all our good times and how perfect we were for each other. I also left him a flash drive with all pictures we had together Then I left.

 

That was last Sunday. It still hurts so bad. We haven’t talked since, as I asked him not to contact me in order to get over him. We haven’t blocked each other from anything, but he deleted my number (since I could not see his profile picture and status on WhatsApp). I know we are meant for each other, we get along so well, we never fight, and we love each other so much.

 

Sometimes I feel that he left me in order to get back with his ex for his daughters. I don’t know what to think, but I feel like he still loves me. I want him back, he is the love of my life. I never felt so much harmony and complete with someone. I hope he is missing me now and hasn’t forgotten about me. I want him back and I miss him so much. We both don’t have anyone else here as we are both expats, we were each other’s world. Thing is, and I am not saying my break-up is unique or anything, but we didn’t break-up because we were incompatible, fought, or grew bored of each other, cheated or stopped loving one another. We broke up while we were still in love, and he admitted that he can’t even remember a time where I upset him, hurt him, or where I was anything but the perfect girlfriend. And that he was extremely happy with me.

 

I miss him, and I want him back. I feel like if he saw me moving on like all relationship experts say, he wouldn’t be angry or want me back, I think it would relieve him since he told me that he loved me too much and wanted me to be happy. Do you think I have a chance of getting back with him? And if so, how? I am dying inside!

[Kelley]

I saw you in town this evening but you didn't see me. It's so sad how lovers become strangers, but this is the way it has to be for me to keep moving on. You looked as handsome as ever and my heart skipped a few beats. I thought about you when I was driving home all the good memories coming to mind. I then told myself why we are not together! You are not the first thing on my mind when I wake anymore, I don't wonder if you are thinking of me but today I did when I saw you. Tomorrow is another day and I'm sure it will go back to you being someone that I used to know!

[Baileylovesloki]

Texting and harassing your ex is demeaning to yourself.

It empowers them and devalues you.

6 months I've been healing and improving myself and I feel and look great.

Started dealing with my ex cause of work. Had no choice. I did what I had to do to get in and out of there with little contact.

So... any contact brings up old feelings.... at least that's what I sold to myself!

Sold it to myself like a fool... ex is smiling and staring into my eyes.... staring deep.... so I'm like oh she s being nice..... ex starts looking run down depressed and not good... ex is staring deep into my eyes.. deep with a painful look .... big brown eyes looking hurt and longing to talk. She was suffering!!!! This is what her eyes said with out a doubt!

This is what they said because this is what she wanted to communicate!

Problem is it was a trick. I asked "do you need to talk"? She replied "do you need to talk?" Than she said "why do you think we need to talk". Than she came to me and asked " why did you ask if I needed to talk"

So I explained why. Asked what was up !!! Bad idea. !! She claims she s suing me for my house !!!

Awe!!! Don't be a dumb ass like me. Our ex s want our power and they want payback for what ever pain there feeling!!!

I fell for this again!!! Shame on me. Learn from me !

Be careful people it's a dangerous game... good thing I've healed enough so that I'm not destroyed bye this !

Edited November 16, 2016 by Baileylovesloki

[toastytiger]

How can you break up with someone in such a painful way, and then string them along for seven months while dating another woman? Who are you??

 

I am so exhausted.

 

I am going to free myself

[VeveCakes]

I'm struggling today. It's been a while since I last talked to you and you were pretending to want me again. As much as I want to text you and tell you how much you mean to me I know I can't. I just can't repeat this cycle anymore. I don't know what's going on with you. You are all over the place and I worry about you. I want you to know that I do love you and I maybe some day I will see you again. Maybe when you are older and mature enough to understand just how much I truly cared. I don't know why you had such an impact on my life, but you did. Now you're gone and it's all I can think about.

[Vernd423]

It's been just over a week since we broke up. I haven't gone a day without trying to contact him and I know now, after a phone call last night, that the only way for me to heal is through NC.

 

It kills me inside to know everything is gone, everything we worked for. We planned our lives together down to very details and now it's all gone. I can't help but feel empty. I can't help but defend him when people talk down about him. I want so badly for him to feel the way I do, but at the same time I hope he never feels this same pain. Talking to other people about the entire situation helps, but it makes me feel like a bother in everyone else's lives. I'm tired of crying everyday. I can't eat, sleeping has become difficult, and I have absolutely no motivation with anything in my life right now. I just want the pain to be over and I want to be happy but I know I'll never truly be happy without him. The part I hate the most, I'm not even mad at him for hurting me, I just feel pain, no anger. All I want is for him to be happy and it hurts that it isn't me that makes him happy anymore.

 

Another thing that is bothering me is what was said in the phone call. He claimed he was never himself when he was with me and that I was making this harder on myself than I had to. He was my best friend. The one I told everything to. This week I found out I had received a position I've been wanting for a while, and the one person I wanted to tell, I couldn't. I know we'll never be together again and I think thats what's hurting the most. I've never felt more alone...

Edited November 20, 2016 by Vernd423

[picnicinthepark]

J,

 

It's been 2 months since you ended things and a month since I saw/spoke to you you last. I wish there wasn't this distance between us and that we could have worked things out. I'm trying to move on and figure out my new life but it's very hard when you are on my mind everyday. I still wake up in the middle of the night from dreaming of you. I hope your new job is fulfilling and that you're doing well. I miss everything about you and I hope that you're happy.

 

Work is very busy and I don't have time for myself most days -- I'm beginning to understand what you went/are going through. I'm learning a lot and I think my career is heading in the right direction. I like the people I work with and I'm trying to make new friends and meet new people. I'm trying to go back to the gym but it's hard after a long day of work and the shorter days. I haven't had much of an appetite lately and I should take better care of myself. My nephew is 5 months old now. Do you remember meeting him when he was only a few weeks old? He's so big now and brings a smile to my face whenever I see him. I'm trying to hold onto the little joys in life right now but I know that things will get better.

 

I knew from the beginning that us being together was going to be difficult, but I was hopeful -- we were hopeful. Things began to fall into place, but as reality set in, it became more clear to me that it would be difficult to close the gap in the near future. I wish I was able to let you in and tell you everything. My insecurities, my dreams, my fears, etc. My unresolved intimacy issues from my past relationships prevented me from opening up to you because I was afraid. Looking back there were so many times that I wish I could have held your face, looked you straight into your beautiful dark eyes, and tell you how much I loved you. Even though we never told each other, I know that we both knew.

 

I never meant to hurt you near the end. We had great times together and I will never forget them -- I hope you won't either. I wish you nothing but the best in your new life and I know that you are going to be great. I will always care for you and I will always love you. I'm disappointed that things didn't work out between us but I'm so happy that we were a part of each other's lives.

 

Until we meet again,

 

M

[VeveCakes]

We spoke last night for what I can only assume is the last time ever. In the end I asked you to tell me point blank yes or no if you want me out of your life forever and you couldn't bother to reply. You have no idea how much that hurt, but then again you don't care either. I don't know why I thought you cared...maybe it was all those times you reached out to me and pretended you did. But this is it for good. I give up and wish you all the best. But you're not going to get it...cause that was me.

[Logo]

..................................

[Kayley]

Last night I broke down over a damn photograph.... I actually cried so much I physically hurt.

 

Seeing his pictures hasn't bothered me since the break up. I don't know why it suddenly killed me.

[Kayley]

Being no contact when he isn't even trying to contact...it makes me feel like I'm being a bit of an idiot.

 

Other people are saying they are NC because their ex is messaging them &a they're ignoring etc. I haven't heard a word from my ex since I went NC around 24 days ago (not properly keeping track anymore). That was 8 days after the break up &I any contact initiated in that time was by me.

 

It seems so silly to say I'm NC when he isn't even attempting to contact me.

 

Also makes me feel like I obviously meant nothing at all to him.

[VeveCakes]

Being no contact when he isn't even trying to contact...it makes me feel like I'm being a bit of an idiot.

 

Other people are saying they are NC because their ex is messaging them &a they're ignoring etc. I haven't heard a word from my ex since I went NC around 24 days ago (not properly keeping track anymore). That was 8 days after the break up &I any contact initiated in that time was by me.

 

It seems so silly to say I'm NC when he isn't even attempting to contact me.

 

Also makes me feel like I obviously meant nothing at all to him.

 

part of NC is also blocking the person so you dont know if they are trying to reach out. This takes away that pain you are feeling right now...but also prevents slip ups if they do reach out. *hugs*

[Kayley]

part of NC is also blocking the person so you dont know if they are trying to reach out. This takes away that pain you are feeling right now...but also prevents slip ups if they do reach out. *hugs*

 

I'm just not strong enough to block him. I removed him from facebook & snapchat but I can't bring myself to block him. I don't know why because I know he isn't going to contact but it's like...I just can't block him &I not know if he does.

[VeveCakes]

I'm just not strong enough to block him. I removed him from facebook & snapchat but I can't bring myself to block him. I don't know why because I know he isn't going to contact but it's like...I just can't block him &I not know if he does.

 

What will you do if he does reach out?

[Kayley]

I honestly don't know. Right now, I'm feeling strong so I'd say I wouldn't answer. However, when I'm feeling weaker I don't know. I know I wouldn't answer in a hurry if I did answer though because in my weaker moments it had crossed my mind &I I still think I'd take time & think before acting. I think I want validation that I meant something to him more than anything else, which is screwed up I kno.

[VeveCakes]

I honestly don't know. Right now, I'm feeling strong so I'd say I wouldn't answer. However, when I'm feeling weaker I don't know. I know I wouldn't answer in a hurry if I did answer though because in my weaker moments it had crossed my mind &I I still think I'd take time & think before acting. I think I want validation that I meant something to him more than anything else, which is screwed up I kno.

 

Coming from someone who has been there done that....dragged the pain out for three months. The best thing to do is block him now and leave it at that. I know how hard it is, I couldn't do it myself. I did then would unblock and back and forth but trust me, it made moving on 100 times harder.

[Kayley]

I honestly don't imagine hearing from him anyway, it's been over a month since the break up & 24 days NC. I think if I was going to hear from him I would have by now.

[Kayley]

I just saw something on facebook which would be exactly the kind of thing I'd usually have tagged you in. Happened a few times this week but this is the first time it's really bothered me. I just miss you so much & I know it's hugely my fault that I lost you. I wish I could have a do-over or we could just talk. We don't even need to start again I just miss talking to you so much. I'd take casual communication at this point. I just can't do this!

[sorano]

Bella

 

I remember that one night we were watching tv on my bed. You were on your phone and you told me, " I have never looked at so many wedding dresses and rings before." I turned and looked at you and said, " well, thats a good sign. Keep looking and let me know what you like." I turned back to the tv and smiled. I felt like a king. Do you remember that night?

 

I wish I can go back to that night just so I can feel that love again. see you again and hold you. I just wanted everything to work out and be ok. I don't know what went wrong but you left me. My dreams of having a family, getting married, are gone.

 

You had a man that would have given his all. A man that would have walked a thousand miles just to give you a kiss. I would have been your protector. I would have listened to you when in need. If you needed help, I would be there. But instead, you let that man go.

 

I would have given you the universe. But knowing what I know now, you would still have rejected it.

 

Good bye bella. Maybe we will cross paths in the future or in heaven.

[Kayley]

I miss you so much, I just want to hear from you. 4 weeks on Sunday since I went nc and you've made no effort to contact me. Don't you care at all?

[Kelley]

I went out on my first date last night. I never thought I would get to the point where I would get over things and feel ready but I did. I hope you are happier these days, and I'm glad I didn't give you another chance. I have a clean slate with someone new. It could be the guy from last night or someone I have yet to meet, but I'm looking forward to loving and trusting again, you haven't robbed me of that.