No Contact Support Thread. Post here instead of contacting your ex.

[Little-Wolf]

My "best" female friend has let me down again. I drop everything for her, I take her ridiculous drunk phonecalls at 1AM and I put up with her BS and attention seeking ways because I feel like she's the only friend I have left anymore.

 

I'm sat here crying because I honestly don't have any good friends at all and it's so isolating. You were my best friend and the person I loved and supported the most, and now you're gone, I'm all alone.

 

I'm missing you terribly tonight. I'm home alone and ordering pizza and I wish with every fibre of my being that you were here so I wouldn't feel so lonely. We used to love our evenings in like this. God I'm crying so much. The delivery guy is gonna' think I'm a mess.

 

:(:(

[fieldoflavender]

Friends totally get bored of us especially if they have their own boyfriends etc. And to be fair, no one really wants to hear about all this or be around a mopey person.

 

Have to be strong for yourself. Hang in there.

[Little-Wolf]

Friends totally get bored of us especially if they have their own boyfriends etc. And to be fair, no one really wants to hear about all this or be around a mopey person.

 

Have to be strong for yourself. Hang in there.

 

When she did have a BF, she ditched me completely. It was only when he broke up with her that she came running back. Perhaps I'm guilty of the same thing? I don't even know anymore.

 

I have eaten enough to feed an entire neighbourhood and am heading to bed. My eyes are bleary from crying and the longer I'm awake, the more I want to contact him.

 

Thank you for such sweet words. This forum is a blessing. x

[fieldoflavender]

Yeah people do that. They are selfish. You should get some rest, it'll help. My eyes are swollen from crying today too.

 

I want to contact him too. You know - if it'll help him, I don't even care what he thinks. That's how much I loved.

 

But I don't really want a reconciliation so maybe it's worse if I do? I don't even know. Thanks for the support too =)

[Little-Wolf]

I miss you.

 

I feel as the weeks go on, I'm missing you more now than ever.

 

I had two missed calls from an unknown number this morning and my heart skipped a beat, wondering if it was you. How sad is that? I know it wasn't but I would give anything to hear your voice and see your face right now.

 

I'm getting healthier, I'm doing great things... I'm car shopping and raising money for charity and going out with friends but I feel dead inside. Like none of it matters because you're not here to share these great things and experiences with me. Every day I have people tell me I deserved better but they don't get to decide who I loved with every fiber of my being. I believed in you so much. I've never been so happy, so comofortable, so sexual and so deleriously in love with someone as I was with you. You had your problems, and I know we couldn't get back together until you sort them, but the thought of you being young and free and single... You said yourself you never had any problems getting women. You were three years younger than me but had slept with far more people than I had!

 

I guess it was your charm... How tall and masculine you were with your floppy brown hair and blue eyes and strong arms that could pick me up as though I was light as a feather. I'll never forget the moment we met because I remember seeing you and thinking "He's cute, but he's out of bounds. He's got that bad boy aura about him and he'll break your damn heart." I can't believe after all these years, my first instinct was right.

 

"I can't tell if I just dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life."

[smellysocksuni]

I've been NC with you for a good couple of years, now. It feels weird writing that, it doesn't feel like years at all. I am still extremely angry with you for the way you hurt me, and the way in which you went on to find happiness immediately with that person. My life hasn't returned to normal since you left. I have been in another unhappy relationship, plagued with depression and isolation and feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem. I didn't have any of these problems before I met you. I wish you knew how much you messed things up for me, but at the same time I'm glad you don't know - that would only make you feel even more important. I hate you. I wish I was indifferent, but I still hate you. Sometimes I miss you and want to talk to you - after all, it wasn't my decision to end the relationship and I was fine with things. I liked you, I found you funny and interesting - I loved you. I guess you didn't think I was good enough, huh?

[FixItCris]

What pisses me off, is this whole "situation" was supposed to be whatever makes it easier for the both of us.

It's not.

It's whatever makes it easier for you and your conscience.

I don't factor in anywhere.* Easier for me doesn't include your ex coming around every damn weekend.

I realise we are not I a relationship and I can't have any issues with who you see or who comes round.

What I did think is that there was still some respect there. Obviously I was wrong, if you had any respect for me you would have thought about how I'd feel.* How would you feel if I had my ex coming round to help me do things we had talked about doing, that you were more than happy to help with? And then if I thought you were being stupid for the way that made you feel?*

The biggest thing is you didn't even think for a second how uncomfortable this was for me, yet I'm expected to do anything to make this easier for you.

[vickyp]

I've been nc with you on and off for a few mths. I was doing go good with nc till you decide to call me. I wish I never texted you asking what you wanted. All I got was an ear full again of you calling me a loser a c### and other names. I was feeling so good till that day and haven't been happy since. I hate you for saying we were going to get married talked about our future and you leave me me over a stupid argument. I hate you for letting me trust you I hate you for letting down my guard and I hate you for all your lies. I hate you for thinking everything is my fault and I hate you for taking my heart and breaking it like I meant nothing to you. I hate you for causing. Me such pain. Such heart ache. You never appreciated me, and next time around with the next person I hope your pain stings 20 times more then mine does. I hate you

[fieldoflavender]

I'm upset you won't let me move on. I really want to move on. Why can't we just let each other go peacefully? I just want to preserve some good memories. I am hoping you will come to your senses, but I think after this week, I don't really want to say anything to you anymore.

[hcedrick]

I have so many mixed feelings about you.

 

Sometimes, I feel guilt. Because I have expressed all my feelings toward you, someone I trusted like no other and didn't think at the time that this would repel you. I feel guilt because I'm a competitive person and you know it. I want to be the best at everything, and if I can't even be the best with my own girl then I feel like nothing.

 

Sometimes, I feel angry. Angry at you, for having sex with that dude I hate and it destroyed what was left of our soon to be 5 year relationship. I feel disgusted to think about you and him. You were everything to me, I was your first boyfriend, I took your virginity. To think that another man had sexual pleasure with you disgusts me.

 

Sometimes, I feel comprehensive. I knew you never had the chance to try something new in your life and that is why I can't be mad at you forever. The grass seemed greener and you went to see it and it's ok. You left me for a flashier guy than me, who appears to have more money, more confidence, a better shape and more popular. However...

 

Love is not all about the looks. I made so many efforts in the past few months surrounding the break-up, so many sacrifices just to get to a level you had wanted me before. Maybe I was late, but hell, I gave my heart to it. I may be slower than others in some points in my life but all I needed is time. You told me once you wanted to live in the fast lane and that I was to slow. But I know inside my heart that no other man could love you like I do.

 

I know deep down in my heart, that I could forgive you if you took the time someday, to write me if you ever feel like it. I don't want to feel like I have wasted 5 years of my life. I loved you so much and still do. I wanted to buy a house with you and everything.

 

I should just be happy...be happy for you because now you seem so happy without me. You seem free. You looked like someone who enjoys freedom so much right now. I can't be mad at you for that. You seem to be happier without me than with me. I never wanted to put chains around you.

 

This may be the last message I ever write here. I dream about you every night.

[Little-Wolf]

I needed you this week and you weren't there.

 

You've stopped coming on Whatsapp. Thoughts of you spending time with another girl make my heart hurt and I have to dismiss them because I can't imagine it. I don't think you would... You work so much, I just can't picture you speaking to anyone right now.

 

Your Nan keeps liking everything on my FB. It's kinda sweet, and weird at the same time. I miss her. I hope she's doing okay.

 

Every night I want to ring you and hear your voice. 23 days of NC and I feel like I'm withering away. I feel like an addict. I feel I'm never going to recover. I always want more... Just one more kiss, just one more touch, just one more laugh...

 

I would have spent the rest of my life with you.

Edited July 14, 2017 by Little-Wolf

[countryfeedback]

Even my friends can see how bad you affected me. Why do I feel bad that they called you out last night and made you leave, I really shouldn't. You knew I was going to be there then you play stupid and tell your new boyfriend I'm stalking you? You need psychiatric help!

[BrokenHeartedMan89]

It's been over a year since my whole world changed.

 

You changed it.

 

I wish I could tell you how.

[Little-Wolf]

I miss having your arms wrapped around me at night.

 

I sometimes wonder if you're thinking of me. Then I start to wonder if you've found someone else. You not using social media is a blessing and a curse, because while I don't stalk them (pointless because I know you dont use FB, snapchat, Whatsapp, etc) I would die for a little bit of information. It's been nearly a month since I last saw your face and I can't help but wonder how you are and what you're up to.

 

Are you staying away from the drugs? I really hope so. I'm sad you loved them more than you loved me. You are so much better than the monster they turn you into.

 

I suppose ignorance is bliss, hm?

[Ronnys93]

I've been doing really well. We've definitely gone with no contact for almost a month now and I've been moving on and trying to start dating and meeting people again. I feel a lot better. Seeing his name on facebook doesn't bother me anymore, it just is what it is.

[Little-Wolf]

Day 27 of No Contact.

 

I hope for the day when I no longer count.

I hope for a day when every buzz on my phone doesn't send me into a frenzy because I think it's you.

I pray for a day when your face doesn't haunt every dream I have.

 

Everyone thinks I have a great life, but I'm lost and lonely. What was all my hard work for if I have no one to share it with? No one to celebrate with? No one to run to when times get hard...

 

Today has been a bad day.

[fieldoflavender]

Hang in there little wolf - you should be proud of yourself, you don't need him. You can do it - you are a strong person and you will get through this. We have to learn that you need to stay afloat and never stop rowing just because someone else is rowing - once they stop, your boat will tip over and you will drown - but not if you can row yourself..

 

People will come and go in our lives - you are so young, I am almost 10 years older, and I really hope you find someone worthy before you get to my age and I am sure you will. You are a very kind person and someone who deserves you will find you. In the meantime, make yourself strong. I wish someone told me this years ago when I was going through my major heartbreak. And hence this one is going by easier. People may be special for a specific point in our lives, but there are other people. And we need someone who will be special for good, not just when it's convenient to do so.

 

Hang in there. It will all pass.

[Little-Wolf]

Hang in there little wolf - you should be proud of yourself, you don't need him. You can do it - you are a strong person and you will get through this. We have to learn that you need to stay afloat and never stop rowing just because someone else is rowing - once they stop, your boat will tip over and you will drown - but not if you can row yourself..

 

People will come and go in our lives - you are so young, I am almost 10 years older, and I really hope you find someone worthy before you get to my age and I am sure you will. You are a very kind person and someone who deserves you will find you. In the meantime, make yourself strong. I wish someone told me this years ago when I was going through my major heartbreak. And hence this one is going by easier. People may be special for a specific point in our lives, but there are other people. And we need someone who will be special for good, not just when it's convenient to do so.

 

Hang in there. It will all pass.

 

Thank you so much, FieldsofLavender.

 

I really needed to hear this today.

 

I feel like sometimes I'm not so young haha, I turn 24 this year! I thought I'd be married and with children by now, but as my mother says, it's a different world we live in these days.

 

I definitely do think I'm kind and a sweet, gentle person. When I love, I dedicate absolutely everything to that person, so when they leave, I'm a shell of my former self. I mentioned on another post but I got some new makeup and clothes in the mail today and it's made me so happy. It's made me so confident and actually eager to get out of the house. Baby steps, right?

 

I'm so proud of myself some days. I'm 23, about to graduate with a business degree and I'm self-employeed with a great weekend job which I'll be leaving soon to become a full time writer. But then other days I feel like I have no real friends, the relationship with my mother is turbulent and I feel like the world is against me. I guess that's normal.

 

I have such a habit of waffling on, haha! It's the writer in me. I get paid very good money to write romance stories would you bloody believe! Talk about rubbing salt in my own wounds.

 

Oh well. Fictional men are almost always 100% better anyway!

Edited July 19, 2017 by Little-Wolf

[gardenbear]

Hello all and thank you for this thread.

 

I wonder how much different no contact and just healing in general would be if I didn't have the Internet or a cell phone.

 

I am trying to move on without a man in my life but he still contacts me. We met when he was separated from his wife. She didn't want to be with him for 7 years and for the last two years lived in a different home than him. She kept saying she wanted a divorce but he didn't. He said that he had finally decided to move on and that's when we met. We fell in love with eachother and dated for 3 months and then he tells me she moved herself back into their house withou even speaking to him. He said he didn't know what to do... that he loved me so much.

I told him I would not be am other woman to him and that it seemed like he wasn't actually ready to move on if his wife came back into the picture.

Well we tried to remain friends and I wanted to keep this professional for work related purposes but he would often try to flirt, say he missed me, talk about how lonely he was, how bad his wife was treating him, etc.

I felt bad for him and I told him it didn't feel right for him to share so much and that it was hard for me to hear his say that he missed me in his life in that way. I was trying to move on but couldnt. I tried no contact for a month I felt like I was making progress but we started to talk again and he did the same thing again. It was my fault too...

I told him, after he sent an email to me about how things are with his wife (without me asking) and explained how things aren't so well and he called her a basket case and that she was acting crazy, I told him I could not be "friends" anymore.

I understand that he needs a real friend that he can openly share with but its not me. It shouldnt be an old partner who still isn't healed and a person he doesn't still flirt with! Ugh, that's one of the things that bothers me so much is that he will comment on my looks and act like he wants me....

Anyway when he got the message that I don't want to hear from him anymore he texts me back that I have changed his life for the better and that he will be there for me when I want to talk or message him again AND that he will probably check in woth me now and then amd that I am free to let it be or write back if I so wish to. I didnt respond. Two days later he text me goodnight and yesterday he emailed me a picture of himself and said hello. What the heck??

I haven't responded.... maybe he will get it one day?

[fieldoflavender]

Block this person from your life - they can not have their cake and eat it too. Just like how my ex fiancé told me he wanted me to continue using his presents and to let him know about how things were with me etc (when he wasn't completely filled with hatred), but now I think we both recognize that stuff is not possible. Not when you've caused that level of hurt to someone or never even apologized for the things you do.

 

People can make mistakes, but they need to distance, recognize, and apologize. Then I can let them back in my life (not as a romantic partner) but as someone who I once cared about deeply and even if they're not the best person for me, it's not like I don't care about them. But only if they take responsibility for their own actions, which he has failed to do, and in that case, there is no more - I've pretty much completely written him out of my life. I've deleted every electronic trace of him, and the physical stuff I've been too busy but getting on my way of getting rid of.

 

I hope you guys will all do the same. Whether we can completely erase them out of our hearts is different - we need to be kind and give ourselves time. And most of all - forgive not for them, but for us. We need to move on. And move forward. Time will heal.

[fieldoflavender]

The other thing is - we always wonder if we will find better - that's not the question I am asking myself. I don't know if I will find "better" and sure, other men could be worse. But at the end of the day, I know even if he did do some nice/good things and made me happy at times, overall I was not happy. And being alone, I am not necessarily content (it would be nice to have someone you really care about), but I am glad to be in a better place overall. We can't just remember the good things, we have to remember the terrible times - because they are also representative of the person. And even after break-up, they are loud and clear - and in some ways worse. Sometimes we act out when we are with someone, because we think we can make it up to them later. But when someone treats you like crap when they have broken up with you - that's very telling of their true character.

 

So my heart has hardened for this person. Not for all men, there are still good people out there, but this particular person and his messed up family - it has hardened. And the door has closed. And I am trying to move on and meet new people. Start off slow of course, but I'm confident things will get better with time and once I get all his physical crap out of my life and there i absolutely no more reason for contact, he'll be one day just a fragment of my life that once was.

[gardenbear]

Block this person from your life - they can not have their cake and eat it too. Just like how my ex fiancé told me he wanted me to continue using his presents and to let him know about how things were with me etc (when he wasn't completely filled with hatred), but now I think we both recognize that stuff is not possible. Not when you've caused that level of hurt to someone or never even apologized for the things you do.

 

People can make mistakes, but they need to distance, recognize, and apologize. Then I can let them back in my life (not as a romantic partner) but as someone who I once cared about deeply and even if they're not the best person for me, it's not like I don't care about them. But only if they take responsibility for their own actions, which he has failed to do, and in that case, there is no more - I've pretty much completely written him out of my life. I've deleted every electronic trace of him, and the physical stuff I've been too busy but getting on my way of getting rid of.

 

I hope you guys will all do the same. Whether we can completely erase them out of our hearts is different - we need to be kind and give ourselves time. And most of all - forgive not for them, but for us. We need to move on. And move forward. Time will heal.

 

Thank you field of lavender for sharing this with me. I fell so hard for this man when I met him and thought highly of him. I thought that in order to be the way he is, the kind of work he does, he's gotta have such a huge heart. He also treated me very nice when we dated. It has been hard to see him be the way he is towards me... as if he doesn't understand how he hurts me even though I am telling him. I also see the mistake I made by falling for his words that he cared and missed me and so on and so forth instead of putting more weight on his actions and his choice to continue to flirt and over share after I asked him to please stop. Actions do speak louder than words... even when asking politely. Maybe he will "hear" me now when I say with my actions that I don't want to be in contact anymore.

Thank you again, Field of lavender, for sharing your story. I wish you strength and I send you a big hug. Take care, dear soul.

[Little-Wolf]

Day 31.

 

I still miss you, a lot. Although the rose tinted glasses are slowly losing their appeal.

 

Whenever I feel truly sad, I try and remember how nasty you were towards the end. You called me every name under the sun, and I stood there, staring at you like a deer in headlights, absolutely crushed that you'd be so cruel to someone you said you loved only hours before.

 

I should have left you then.

I should have walked out and never looked back, but I didn't.

 

What I was willing to put up with just to stay with you is not right. As much as I hate this break up, and as much as I miss you dearly, I know I need this time to become stronger. I let you get away with pretty much everything with no consequence because you knew I'd never leave you.

 

I will not put up with abusive sh*t like that again.

 

While you do not sit in the same boat as my monster of a first boyfriend, you were starting to wonder into that territory with the swearing, the overreacting, the constant walking on eggshells around you....

 

I will not be a victim again.

[fieldoflavender]

Hang in there guys - I'm sure people around us are saying we are doing better. Lots of people say I am getting my spunk and confidence better. I will NOT be vulnerable anymore. I did bad things during the relationship because of how upset I was - not because I am a bad person and at the VERY least, I apologized for them genuinely. Except others used that against me to hurt me more.

 

That's okay - I will be a better person than them. It takes a big person to say "I'm sorry" and I'm glad I did. Even if it was to some people who don't at the very least deserve it - but I'm glad I did.

 

And never again will I compromise my happiness ever again. If I'm crying most days of the month - I will trust my gut instincts that some thing is wrong. And unless we work to fix it - then I should walk away. I can always walk away - I should remember that for the rest of my life. The price to pay for learning this lesson was too high.

 

And while it's seductive and nice that people say beautiful things and promise you nice things - those are only things. At the end of the day, I don't want to be controlled. One's independence is priceless.

[Frostedflake]

I let her take a peek at my writing. She said, "so much love."

It shocked me because my writing never measured love for me. There were many things I seemed to write after the fact. Still, they were kind of like OG timestamps, you know.. before we had Facebook to remind us. It just measured distance. Like all the change I didn't fathom when it was happening thrown at me in bulk. It wasn't love. But hurt I tried to make into reason.

 

I uhm, deleted my extra Facebook. The one I made to look at your profile because I won't unblock you. With it gone I lost the feeling to even look because it would've taken too much time to make another. Because it made sense to make that account when the hurt was fresh but now it feels like going out of my way to do it again. I hope that means progress and not laziness. I just don't have the energy to do anything that doesn't make me better. And judging your drug induced decomposition or the rehearsed crap I'd say that ranges from hateful to indifferent if you called isn't vining me up over top these walls any faster.