No Contact Support Thread. Post here instead of contacting your ex.

[Frostedflake]

I see you, alright? It's weird the things you make public and the things you keep private. Mainly, the "-with *drug dealers name*" statuses. I was already told you were using again. Did you expect me to reach out? I won't.

[Jsos91]

Hey M,

 

Well, what was supposed to be our wedding day came and went just like any other day. I know I haven't once told you I miss you or that a part of my heart is still yours since we ended but, I do, and it is. I haven't seen your face, or heard your voice in almost 3 months and the feeling is unbelievable. You're truly starting to fade, I can hardly remember your laugh at this point.

 

It was quite an emotional day for me, I kept looking at the clock and thinking about what we were supposed to be doing at that time. I had images of you walking down the aisle towards me looking radiant, probably crying because thats definitely who you are. You would have looked so beautiful, M, because you always do. I would've just kept thinking about how lucky I was and how much I looked forward to sharing this adventure with you. Those were thoughts I had almost everyday I spent with you, and I'm so glad I did. I never took you for granted and I always took a moment in my day to appreciate finding someone like you. I have no regrets and I truly did give you my all, I held nothing back. I know these thoughts are probably pretty morbid seeing as the wedding day never happened and you spent it across the world but, they were thoughts I had nonetheless. I think another thing thats hard for me is picturing you sharing a wedding day with someone else now, which will happen someday. I just always thought I was your forever and now I need to accept that I was simply a stepping stone for you on your way to happiness.

 

J

[Fever of love]

It really doesnt get any easier does it? Its been 2 months now, and at first I thought I was going mad- the sleeplessness, the anxiety attacks, and the visits to the doctor.

 

We were together 22 years, and shes was gone in a whirlwind with no explanation.

 

finding this forum has been a great help this week, I wish i had found it 8 weeks ago, although I could barely read back then, looking back. I am getting better.

 

i wonder why some/most people just move on, and yet a sizable proportion, like all of us here, seem to really bond, and find 'moving on' incredibly difficult.

 

I cant stop thinking about her, and yes, putting her on a pedestal. Its been so f*ecking difficult, i try to remember her many, many issues, but that doesnt really matter when you miss and love someone. I was more than comfortable with her issues.

 

Like most of us here, I though my relationship was good, and the whole thing took me by surprise. Shock might be a better description though. And then all the stages of greif- bargaining, depression, more bargaining, acceptance? Not so much, its still difficult to take in.

 

Really cant think about anything at all but her, its starting to drive even myself crazy now.

[JFReyes]

It really doesnt get any easier does it? Its been 2 months now, and at first I thought I was going mad- the sleeplessness, the anxiety attacks, and the visits to the doctor.

 

We were together 22 years, and shes was gone in a whirlwind with no explanation.

 

finding this forum has been a great help this week, I wish i had found it 8 weeks ago, although I could barely read back then, looking back. I am getting better.

 

i wonder why some/most people just move on, and yet a sizable proportion, like all of us here, seem to really bond, and find 'moving on' incredibly difficult.

 

I cant stop thinking about her, and yes, putting her on a pedestal. Its been so f*ecking difficult, i try to remember her many, many issues, but that doesnt really matter when you miss and love someone. I was more than comfortable with her issues.

 

Like most of us here, I though my relationship was good, and the whole thing took me by surprise. Shock might be a better description though. And then all the stages of greif- bargaining, depression, more bargaining, acceptance? Not so much, its still difficult to take in.

 

Really cant think about anything at all but her, its starting to drive even myself crazy now.

 

In my experience, it does get easier to handle as time goes on, but perhaps not at the pace we'd like. The important thing is to be patient and keeping busy, as idle thoughts lead to remembering the past. I wish you success.

[mossycup]

I found this book incredibly helpful for healing from a sudden break up and the fallout. https://www.amazon.ca/Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Surviving-Recovering/dp/0425273539

 

I highly recommend it for anyone who is heartbroken. It's very validating and gives concrete ways to cope.

 

It is notably focused on rejection, and really validates how different the pain of rejection is from say the pain of a loved one dying. Both are valid, but the book notes how our culture really gives a lot more support to the bereaved than the rejected, and this book is a way to remedy that, to find deep support and validation for how awful it is to be abandoned by someone that you love/loved and trusted.

[clist8511]

"Thank you for leaving me when

I needed you most.

You led me to myself.

You led me to needing my own heart.

You led me to my voice." - Najwa Zebian

Edited August 22, 2017 by clist8511

[clist8511]

You really think you're someone special, don't you?

 

The joke's on you. I'm a much nicer, loyal, caring, empathetic, compassionate, loving, funny, intelligent, and more beautiful inside and out than you could ever hope to be.

[Fever of love]

In my experience, it does get easier to handle as time goes on, but perhaps not at the pace we'd like. The important thing is to be patient and keeping busy, as idle thoughts lead to remembering the past. I wish you success.

 

Appreciate your comment. One day at a time. Todays been bad, cannot stop idealisng her. Already worried about christmas and new year coming up- 6 months away!

 

Unbelievable, a real haunted head of an experience.

[trustyourself]

Its been six weeks since we last had contact...

 

And I am having a terrible day. I dont even know why. She has been on my mind all day

 

I feel anxious and I miss her so much. Even after everything she has done to me.

 

I feel like day one again. Why is this happening?

 

The urge to call her is there, but I know I can't do that, and I wont.

 

I thought I had started to heal, but today has hit my like a lightning bolt.

 

I hate her. I love her. I miss her.

 

I just want these horrible feelings and emotions to be gone.

[JFReyes]

Appreciate your comment. One day at a time. Todays been bad, cannot stop idealisng her. Already worried about christmas and new year coming up- 6 months away!

 

Unbelievable, a real haunted head of an experience.

 

One day at a time is good. I can understand the idealisation because of the long relationship; I struggled with that (although mine lasted 10 years) but it's doable. I'd suggest to not worry about Christmas and New Year, but rather enjoy making plans for some activity you always wanted to do by yourself but weren't able.

[Frostedflake]

I hope they make you happy. That's what I'll say.

[clist8511]

I have spent so long reading about people who are BPD, people who are emotionally abusive... but deep down, somewhere inside me, I keep hoping that all of these things are wrong, that you actually DID love me and that you DO miss me now that we're not talking. The worst part is that the evidence shows that you don't feel either of those things.

 

I've kept the last set of messages you sent me, because I have a tendency to forget just how cruel and cold you can be. I really opened up to you in so many ways, in that conversation. All you did was tell me off for keeping you awake, despite the fact that you were already awake when I messaged you. I don't know why I keep pretending that you were some lovely person, because you weren't.

 

I went to see a domestic abuse advocate a couple of days ago. While I went there with examples of the abuse, I learnt that you'd abused me emotionally in many ways I hadn't even thought about or noticed. Always displaying yourself with rifles; I didn't even know that was a thing. Reinforcing internalized homophobia, too - the way you'd always talk about being LGBT as if it was something hideous, despite the fact that you were engaging in an LGBT relationship with me. Stopping me from attending Prides, and making it VERY clear you weren't happy that I'd gone. You abused my trust in so many ways.

 

I had to complete an exercise that listed all the ways you were abusive and afterwards I felt so betrayed and humiliated. Nothing you said was real, nothing you did was genuine. You faked it all, and you abused me. While this is a 'contact your ex' thread, I really wish I could tell you all of this for real. You have no idea how much you've broken me down and how sad I feel. I thought you loved me, but you didn't. I don't know what you felt, but it wasn't love.

 

I hope that I start to feel better, soon. I just want to forget you. You don't deserve any of my feelings, my time, my effort.

[clist8511]

You have no way of contacting me. You can't email me, you can't message me. You don't know where I've moved to.

 

I wonder if this makes you feel anything. I've become so paranoid that you're with someone else - that you and he are sleeping together all the time. That you're enjoying the honeymoon period with him while I'm left to sift through all of this. While I have to go and sit in therapy and in domestic abuse offices. While I have to feel like a victim, when all I wanted was to be loved by you. You did the total opposite; you've destroyed me. I have to do so much work to even get back to normal. You have no idea, and you think you can get irritated because I might have messaged you at 11pm - at least that's all you have to deal with, huh? You don't have any emotional pr psychological scars. You aren't walking around constantly torn between feelings of betrayal, love, pain, anger, confusion. You can get into a new relationship just like that - I can't. I don't want to, now. I don't trust anyone not to hurt me. It's your fault. You.

 

The worst thing is no matter how I try and phrase these things to you, you'd always reply with "I can't deal with this right now" or "I don't want to talk anymore" yet you are the one who's caused all of this. How on Earth can you leave me like this? I still don't understand. I feel like I've wasted almost three years on you. You've just gone. And you don't care. You might say you do, but your actions speak way louder than anything you've said.

 

I will never come back to you in any form. I never want to be friends with you. I never want to see you or talk to you ever again. If you're waiting for me to slip up and contact you again, it is never going to happen. You're never going to feel the buzz of being in control of me ever again.

[Fever of love]

This is a nightmare with no end in sight.

 

22 years gone in the blink of an eye. you wont even talk to me , or tell me why.

 

I really cannot cope, it's like every molecule of my DNA is popping like popcorn in a pan- I feel so uncomfortable, havent been able to stop thinking about you in almost 9 weeks now.

 

Forget that- havent stopped thinking about you in 22 years. Youve always known I loved you, that I wasnt kidding- how on earth could you do this?

 

I am suffering the worst experience of y life over this breakup. What a peculiar experience/pain. Definitely worse than any physical pain, this sensation just completely wipes out your motivation to do anything at all.

[Fever of love]

Hen just come round and see me. This 2 months the longest Ive not saw you in 22 years, and I'm burning up just as much as ever.

 

When you used to go to Denmark, you understood that I missed you like hell after a week, and was desperate to see you home and in my bed. I still cant sleep without you there, my subconscious has still not got the message. I wake up and have a half second of shock that youre not sleeping beside me, followed by the sinking realsisation as I remember.

 

Ive been through so many diffrent frames of mind, from trying to tell myself that my pain and anxiety must mean I was ill, to finally accepting/remembering that I basically feel the same as ever about you. Its impossible to turn these feelings off. I do believe in love, that I'm bonded to you.

 

Youre not bonded to me anymore though- how did you find out how to do that? Its like youre a different person, youre so cold.

 

The way you chucked all our papers and ittle love notes from all of our days together in the bin like that... how did you find the heartlessness to do that? It was new, ive never saw you like that.

 

Right now I would forgive you anything though. Youre my only family, my beloved wife.

[Fever of love]

Im apparently gonna be spamming this thread today, the urge to write to you is so strong.

 

How the heck did this happen? Its been 9 weeks, and unlike most of the guys on LS I'm not absolutely committed to No Contact. I wish youd phone, I wish youd reply to my messages. I absolutely burn to see you, I miss you so badly.

 

I genuinely strongly believe in our love- not only that my love for you is the most powerful emotion I've ever experienced in life, but that you were sincere when you said you loved me too. I saw your eyes in the moonlight, ah god baby, how can you do this? Thats 22 years of our lives, how can you let it all go sour?

 

Just come home

[Jsos91]

My god the dating world sucks, why on earth did you send me back out here?

[Jsos91]

I'm missing you right now, so much. I feel like I've been at war with myself the last couple of days.. I know you're getting back/have gotten back from Sri Lanka now but the weird thing is that I don't care. I thought you coming back would change things for me and I was worried that I would go back to before you left when I was constantly wondering if I should message you. I have zero desire to reach out and I don't feel like I'm waiting around for a message from you that I know will most likely not be coming in the near future. It changes nothing, were still broken up and I'm aware that were broken beyond repair at this point, so what does it matter that you're 15 mins away instead of across the world? I know I miss you, but I know that I miss the old you.. the mask that you wore through our relationship before you showed how you really felt. Its so confusing to miss something but to know that if it offered itself back into your life, you would deny it. I don't understand this feeling and I don't really know how to deal with it.. things felt so much more black and white before. I would list reasons you weren't good for me and why we were toxic like I was trying to convince myself. I knew I was weak and that if you came back I'd probably accept you. Now I think I've finally won myself over, these damn memories though, they haunt me.. all of the good times and good things seep back into my brain and sabotage me. One part of me thinking how bad she was and how ****ty a lot of our relationship was, I was a shell of myself by the end of it. The other part of me thinking about how I should've been married by now and how my life was supposed to be coming together finally; all of the amazing memories over the last 2 years and good things about us. I know the first part is going to win out eventually, its inevitable. I think I'm always going to miss you though, you'll always have a piece of me.

[Frostedflake]

I still pray for you every night. I wish that didn't sound so "better than thou" or pompous. Trust me, there's so many prayers I make for me too (and this relentless heartbreak.) I even pray for S because I think good partners make us better people when we have that support to fall back on. Perhaps we're more giving with our love and attention because we get it back at the end of the day.

 

Truth is, it was never that you weren't a good person.

You just weren't good to me..

[Rogo]

I know your with someone. I know now looking back it all kinda makes sense. Why you broke up with me the way you did. A vague text message out of the blue. I am a wreck and you are all happy having a friend who is toxic and had a lot to do with what you have done to me. That is what I believe and know to be true. Have fun with whatever your doing. And I hope (know) you will realize you made a mistake. What you left behind. It just hurts knowing I'm in pain and you could care less. I know your listening to the wrong people. And not listening to yourself. I do believe that is part of it. I hope you realize that. And hope

You realize that before I move on. And at the same time hope I'm over you and it's too late for reconciliation. I hate the way you threw me out like a piece of trash cause you think someone else will be better. You know it won't. You know I was so good to you. You know there's nothing better. And I know there is nothing better. Carma will kick you and I hope soon.

 

Very angry and confused.

[Eve_02]

My head hurts. A constant dull ache like it is searching for remnants of you in my mind. Searching for the parts that were happy or fun and that may bring you back.

But you don't want to come back. And I'm better off without you.

Yet the dull ache roars.

 

Ive said so many of the things I needed to say to you, you laughed in my face like I was crazy. You deflect lies. Nothing sticks to you.

 

I wonder if you are thinking of me. If you notice the silence. It's likely you notice, not so much that you care. You have a harem to keep you occupied, one less is merely an opening not a loss.

 

I look forward to healing. To regaining self esteem. To feeling complete instead of empty and anxious.

 

I hope this is goodbye. I hope I can be strong this time.

 

I don't want you back.

[LOSINGHOPE113]

I have so much i need to get off of my chest so this is going to be a long post, i wish i could send it to you, i wish that you could know just how much you've hurt me, these are all the things that i wanted to tell you during the relationship but was too scared, i'm hoping in writing this i will finally be able to move on for good.

 

I don't think you even understand what you did to me, i don't think you understand how you made me feel in the end. I spent every day trying to love you but you just kept pushing me away i had to fight so hard for your love and that was so wrong, it's horrible thinking back to the person that you were for the first year/year and a half of the relationship i don't even recognise you to the person you became towards the end, how can you change like that i just don't understand how you can go from telling me how much you loved me to not even saying it back to me, how you couldn't even go 2 days without seeing me and telling me how much you missed me and not letting me go cuddling me to death to being absolutely fine with only seeing me once every 3 weeks and not telling me you missed me and giving me the most pathetic hug in the world. IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. i saw a picture of you the other day from about 7 months into the relationship, we were shopping for a dress for your sisters wedding, i just started at the photo of you not even recognising you then to who you were at the end, its messed me up so much why did you do this to me. I think back to the first holiday we went on together compared to our second not even a year later and i just cant comprehend the difference, the first one i knew how much you loved me, i knew how much you cared, you were so sweet, you were amazing, but the second it was honestly like you didnt care one bit about me, same scenario about your and my sisters wedding its so painful looking back, its asif i had 2 relationships one with the old amazing you and one with the new horrible you.

 

Alex came in the way of us so much, i always knew that you'd choose her over me it was obvious and it was horrible, when she wasn't there you wanted to see me and i couldn't get you off the phone but as soon as you were with each other it was like you forgot i existed, i understand that shes your best friend but how horrible is it that you would choose her over me every single time, and you know what she wouldn't do that for you, now shes got a bf i bet she isnt sacking him off for you, why did you do it to me just why, i was the best person to you and you just pushed me out. i mean i offered you a house! and you said no because you were moving in with her! will she move in with you now that shes in a relationship?? and how can you even say that you "wanted a life with me" when i offered it you said no and REFUSED to talk about it, just straight out "no were not talking about that" i was pinned down, i wanted to push you to talk but i know that it would just end up in you kicking me out so it just wasn't worth it. i couldn't bring anything up, anything i wanted to talk about you just have a go at me about i couldn't be right, id bring up a problem and suddenly it was all my fault and my opinion didn't matter! i had no voice. i am so ****ed now i dont even know how to think for my self, my sister said to me that i didn't realise that for over 2 years you made all the decisions for me, i cant believe you controlled me in the way you did and i didn't even notice.

 

you say that you loved me, but do you want to know the bottom line, YOU SIMPLY DO NOT TREAT SOMEONE YOU "LOVE" IN THE WAY THAT YOU TREATED ME. i lived in fear, i was scared to ring you sometimes because i didn't know what mood you'd be in, i would always ask myself, but what have i actually done wrong??? you'd sit there on facetime to me not saying anything in such an arse with me for seemingly no reason at all, alex would walk by and you'd be the happiest person ever to her for a few seconds turn back to me and be so cold again, i just dont understand it. I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG, all i did was love you, i would of done anything and i mean anything for you. i tell you that you wont find one like me again.

 

Oh and i've just remembered that you family holiday i was suppose to go on is next week, the problem is i cant remember if its on the friday or saturday, well on the saturday im flying from the same airport at around the same time god i hope your flight is on the friday.

 

How did you change, why did you change, you ****ing ruined me.

[dodoli]

Damn hard. 18 days ago she broke up. Wanted to remain friends. She was texting me casual stuff once a week. I could not handle it. Yesterday told her "We can t be friends when i feel like this. I still love you." She wrote something back "I understand wont write you again. I love you too. Hope you make your dreams come true" Then i could not resist and wrote her back. Lets talk over things. She called me but said i don't think it would work out." I said i respect your decision. Because one of the reasons of our break up she was stressed about her school and i could not handle it. We pushed each other. She pulled the trigger 18 days ago. I would beg more but i don't want to put more stress on her. I care about her even she hurt me like hell. I want to write i want to try more but i m so scared of rejection and cause more stress on her. I want to say i wanna try more. I wil lbe more understanding. But the problem is she hurt me so much last 1 month. It is hard. In the end of that convo we cried a lot when i said "We can t be friends now" And left friendship just like that. She left relationship. I left friendship. It hurts so much. I miss our dreams, past, everything. I miss her face. I miss to make her laugh. I miss her eyes. Damn hell.

 

"If i did not know you, if you did not act like complete stranger last 1 month after 7 years i would be begging now. I would doing everything i can do to get you back i'm maybe coward or maybe deep inside i finished this relationship aswell. Just know that i'm wishing single sign from you to try my best for us again. Just small sign. You know how much i would try for that single sign. You know me the best. You know i would not give up on us. You know that i would give this world to be support you while you go through that much. Just give me a sign to follow you again. Even it would lead me worse devastation i would try to make things work again. "

Edited September 7, 2017 by dodoli

[Eve_02]

I think about the nothingness.

 

You aren't blocked. Just on 'ignore'. So I can see if you text. If you remember that I'm out there. But you haven't. Nothing.

 

You have a Friday girl. Why would you think about me when it's Friday.

 

I'm trying to feel the silence. No text. But I won't let me. So much of me holds onto hope. Hope that you'll reach out.

 

But I know that I'm nothing.

 

Into the nothing, please leave me be.

[SayAnything]

So I let you back in. You were insistent, begging, even. I had you blocked, but the second I unblocked, it happened (funny how you really COULD have gotten a hold of me all those months...you just chose not to).

 

But all those months, I never stopped loving you. Not even for a second. Not even when I fully believed I would never see you again...it was like grieving the loss of someone who had died. I couldn't hate you as much as I tried. True love is funny like that; you just can't choose who you fall in love with when it's that real. Too bad love is no guarantee of success. Too bad timing really is a thing.

 

Of course, I found out but not from you: you ran straight back to her after I broke up with you. As if you never left...in fact, I think you didn't. I think you two stayed in touch the whole time, constantly. "As friends." And guess what? Surprise, surprise, you realized it wasn't working with her this time around - it never had. You and I just fell in love way too soon, you hadn't even fully split with her. It's no wonder things with us didn't work. In the end, all the love in the world won't overcome your own internal unhappiness with yourself.

 

I confronted you, and you admitted it. "She had cancer and I helped her through it." Okay, but isn't that the definition of codependency? And she clearly thinks it's much, MUCH more than that by her Facebook posts...

 

You said, "I never stopped thinking about your or loving you, not even for a second." Really? What are you so freaking scared of?

 

So here we are, stupidly I still agreed to meet up with you. I saw the love in your eyes. Why are you still choosing unhappiness over me? Why are you so willing to settle for "comfort" and "sexless friendship" (strangely, I do believe that part; when we first met as friends years ago, you told me your wife at the time had refused to have sex with you for a year. You weren't even trying to remotely get me in bed when we first hung out in that group, so I knew it was true when you told me you weren't attracted to her anymore). You're so screwed up.

 

Then again, so am I. I'm standing right here. Why aren't you fighting for this? We both know this love is real. We both feel it so incredibly strongly that we do nothing but stare in each other's eyes every time we meet...you just melt and you even tear up. I see it and I feel it too, but you are too scared. You even said, "I'm afraid you'll just leave me again." There are no guarantees, my friend. Why are you doing everything in your power to ensure that it's my only option?

 

This weekend, identical to the one a year ago where you didn't bother to tell me you're going out of town with friends. The final straw, the reason we broke up. We're not dating so I guess you can do what you want. Silly me for hoping we'd see each other...and it's why I'm here. I'm not going to be around next weekend when you want to hang out, even for an hour. I'm not on your schedule. I need to stay away from you.

 

I never responded to your last text last night, telling me to have a "great weekend." As if we were buddies. You seem just fine. Thank God I acted like I was totally fine. It's time for me to get there again. It's time for me to realize I never should have unblocked you on that day in March, figuring you'd moved on from me. I should have stayed NC. You probably would have figured things out for yourself, come to me when more time had passed and maybe our stars would have aligned.

 

Instead, I broke NC, and like countless stories before mine, it didn't work. So here I am again, Day One. Luckily, I move in two weeks. Not so luckily, it happens to be in your neighborhood (this is PURE coincidence, since I had no clue where you'd moved when I found my new place!).

 

I hope this makes me stay strong. I'll need it for the next few weeks. You're on your stupid vacation so you won't reach out. When you do, I'll be gentle but will inform you I'm "too busy" to hang out. I will go from there, one baby step at a time. It has to be this way. This isn't my choice.