No Contact Support Thread. Post here instead of contacting your ex.

[LOSINGHOPE113]

all i want is an apology, just one little sorry. i want you to acknowledge what you did to me, as if you cant see it, surely you know, i know deep down that you probably didn't mean to treat me like it, unless i am completely wrong about you and maybe i am, alot of people have told me you were just using me while you were here and maybe there right maybe i am blind to your ways, i know what i did but i have apologised too many times and what you did to me was 10 times worse that what i did to you, i put an end to it, i couldn't take it anymore you beat me down and made me feel absolutely worthless i had to take control of me. how did you change, just how, you made me feel like i didn't even matter in your life anymore, i gave you everything and you just kept pushing and pushing me away, i have every reason to be over you any sane person would of been months ago, any sane person would of been years ago, they wouldn't of stuck around as long as i did, but oh yeah "you dont want to be with anyone that wouldn't" remember saying that to me, do you know how that made me feel? as if anyone could of just been next to you, anyone could of replaced me, it could of been ANYONE, ANYONE, NOT ME just some other random guy could of took my place at that minute, you made me feel worthless, no acknowledgement of everything i did for you, god i want you out of my mind, you just wore away at me for so long but how were you also so good for so long at the beginning, that the use i miss, the old you that i KNEW loved me so so much, what changed because i didn't, just say your sorry, i know you wont, it'll never come and i hope that one day i wont care anymore. i just always ask myself, does she realise what she did to me, what do you even tell people about me, i have so many questions but i need to put this to bed because i'll never know.

[Fever of love]

Here we go again, Sundays are always the worst. Its been almost 3 months now, and I don't think I've stopped thinking about you for a single moment.

 

Not that you care, youre busy boffing some dork.

[Fever of love]

Family fun day.

 

Its been going on for so long now, I can see a definite cycle- and Sundays are the worst. Thats not to say that Monday to Saturday are not bad too though.

 

I miss you so badly still. Its not really fading, or diminishing in anyway in intensity. The best I can say is that it comes in waves, and that although when a wave does hit, it hits every bit as hard as it did before, maybe they are hitting less often now.

 

When the sun shines in the window at dinner time, I miss you really badly. Its obviously some Pavlovian conditioning thing, in that the association with you cooking, makes me very aware of your absence. I can look after and cook for myself perfectly well, it's not that- but I miss you so much.

 

I always think of you being happy, and thats the thing that hurts. That way you smiled at me, made me glow like the redi-brek guy. The idea of you smiling that smile up at someone else, or cooking for someone else on this beautiful rainy/sunny day, just really confuses me.

 

Don't you miss me? I suppose not, you got someone new to occupy your thoughts. But baby we have been through so much... those memories are as much a part of you as they are a part of me, how can you just delete 22 years of our your life like that?

 

What we had was special, spectacular- we were lucky to find each other, and to have what we did. And now youre off boffing some dork like 3 months later?

 

I cant even bear to see you now. I cant process or get it in any context or order, my mind been spinning like a wheel in mud for nearly 3 months.

[SayAnything]

It's my fault; I won't cut off all avenues. Not yet. I was the one who broke up with you exactly a year ago...and the second I get back online you contact me again. All those gorgeous words, making me think...well. Anyway. No more of that right now.

 

Things are great at my job but terrible with my family, only you don't know that, do you? We were chatting; then you got distant and went "out of town." So instead of another major discussion and break (yuck), I am just not around. I'm with friends, too busy to talk, or to see you. I just don't have it in me to have another definitive ending with you. Not with what's going on with my family.

 

Of course you finally messaged me. I knew you would and it's what I get for not cutting off all channels. But it was a boring message about how awesome your trip was and almost hurt me more to read it than if you hadn't even sent it. My friends say to try not to devote any energy to you because of the family thing, because I'm seeing everything so dark that I will just end up doing something dramatic. I'm listening to them. You haven't even asked me why I'm quieter than normal. You haven't even noticed.

 

And then this nice guy came along - that's the weird part. I was minding my own business standing in line, and this guy comes along to chat me up. I never usually respond when guys do this but he was cute and something wouldn't let me turn him down. He recognized the brewery on my shirt because he'd done business with them before. I ended up giving him my number - yeah, another thing I don't do. We had mutual friends and I decided, why not? Where are you, even? With some friends I don't even know. You told me they were all guys, which was just a weird thing to say. Why the hell shouldn't I go out with a cute guy who had the nerve to ask me out? It's more than you've done in two weeks...

 

I just don't want this guy to get hurt because I'm still not over you. My friends will kill me if I don't go on this date. Enough already, they say! You deserve this guy! I just wish my heart was in it and I don't want to fake it. But they are right; I deserve better and I don't want to turn down someone who wants to take me out when you aren't even there.

 

I hate that I'm moving back to our home town but that part couldn't be avoided due to the family stuff (that you still don't know about). I had to explain it had nothing to do with you - just said there's stuff going on with my family. No details because you don't deserve them. So I'll just let you secretly think that I'm moving back because of you, because I know that's what you think. As if the world revolves around you. Believe me, I am not looking forward to seeing you at the bars. We'll have to deal with it like adults.

 

Doing this because I want to hold myself accountable, not get weak and send you a "hey, how are you?" message when it's Wednesday and I haven't heard a word from you. I am glad i responded that i had a wonderful, fun-filled weekend. It was almost true. You won't know anything different because I won't let you.

[dodoli]

Did not relax for second last 3 weeks. Today was 3rd week you left me. This period was all about you and you did not try. You know how much i would try if you said simply "Sorry" yet you did not care. Too tired to give us another go. Simply just could say sorry and don't talk to your damn ex for 2 weeks till i come there. You kept told me "just a friend". You twisted every important thing. Blamed me for being a person i choose to be for this relationship to work out becasue of long distance. I swallow every **** you told me last two months. Yet i was ready to fight for us. Simple word "sorry". I gave us everthing i could. I told him introduce me with your ex. He is your f riend eventually. You kept say "it would be weird." I tried everything i could to make it work even all the red flags you gave me. Always ****ing always you came up with some excuse.

 

2 days ago you told me "You told me that you don't trust me anymore last week before we break up". I said "I was scared to lose you." I have this stupid gut feeling you know and i can't ****ing believe that i can't trust you even after your attitude when our relationship was dying slowly. I still ****ing trust you. This is what you built in me. I still ****ing trust your word. This is why i can't let you go. Even all those red flags. I ****ing trust you and it kills me so much. If i can't get over it, or simply get better. It is all because of this "trust" you put in me.

 

Then i think over again. Again and again. Who spend hours(40) playing games with their ex and talking. "Just a game" it was for you but i was hurting.

 

I probably could ****ing take everything you know. 2 months ago you told me your ex added you on facebook. I said "Oh how is he?"

1 month ago. You asked me "do we want same future?" and blamed me for "making you stay at home more". How unfair you were to me. How ****ing unfair. How could you forget we wanted to have this relationship. I was not ****ing home potato before you but i loved you *******. I ****ing loved you. I wanted to be there to support you so and myself so we would be happy. I was not the person i was today then but loved you so much.

 

And that was the least heartbreaking thing you told me when our relationship was dying but yeah. You just wanted to be alone because you were going rough time in your life. Rough time. We gone through rougher times together. Everything was actually going perfect this time except in our minds. You got in your school. A major you would say "never" 1 year ago. I graduated i was going to start make money. I was going to help you in university. We were going to go throuh **** together as couple like we did for years.

 

We were getting there. To live together. To marry next year like we talked 6 months ago.

 

But had to end.

 

I want to hate you because you stopped fighthing for us but i can't hate you. Even all that pain you caused. You still blamed me 2 days ago. I can't hate you. I want to talk **** about you but i can't.

 

I still ****ing love you and i just hope you will meet someone better than me and have that healthy relationship you wanted in future.

 

I don't have any regrets. I know my mistakes. I never cheated on you 6 years ago but i know that you can't know that yet i don't have any regret. I asked you second chance and you gave me then. I lived my years to honor that. I don't have any regret. I did my best to gain your trust again. So yeah have that healthy relationship in future.

 

I loved you ****ing so much.

 

Today though i spent 30 minutes without thinking about us or you. It was good. I'm happy for myself. Wish i could share my happiness with you but i can't anymore. I can't call you when i feel so bad because not that you would wanna hear me or give me advice but because i can't handle letting you go. I know you would be there to my friend and support me. It just hurts that i can't tell you anymore that i love you. Nothing else. Maybe not even my broken heart. Just i can't share my heart with you anymore. It is killing me but i can't share it anymore.

 

I'm sorry for every tears you spilled because of me. I'm deeply sorry. Wish i was better person. Better friend. Better soulmate. Better just better. Better lover. Better at understand what you go through now.

 

I gave everything i could give for us and for you.

 

Make your dreams come true. Dream about new dreams. Hang on to them. And make them true too.

 

Farewell 7 years of friendship.

Edited September 11, 2017 by dodoli

[dodoli]

i hate myself for putting this much meaning to our relationship. I hate myself

for believe in each other and for us this much. I hate myself for believing us.

I thought we could solve everything.

 

I hate it. I hate how i can't do anything anymore. Can't focus my stuff. Can't focus my work,

can't focus my school or anything. We were supposed to do it together because you got in same

school which you did not even think before. We were supposed to do these things together.

We were supposed to chase our dreams together. It hurts so ****ing much that i have to let go everything.

You want to be friends. I can't. You said i don't wanna give you false hopes if it will end up hurting you more.

You still don't know what the **** is going on. It would not be like this if you cared little bit about me. It would be

a lot cleaner. Even after break up. I don't know what i should expect from myself anymore. I hate myself so much.

I ****ing feel like total fail.

 

Thought a lot. Did i put too much meaning in our relationship. I blamed myself for being dependent but what the hell

it was almost 7 years. People make plans their future together and people get dependent to these plans because isn t it what

long term relationship is. I don't know. Maybe everything i thought was wrong. I don't know how to move on.

Sick of thinking. Sick of feeling okay. Sick of thinking killing myself. I feel total failure. It is not about you. It is about me

I'm so tired and can't do ****.

 

Have truly happy life.

[LOSINGHOPE113]

I hope you enjoy your holiday, sorry im not there with you, but i dont think you wanted me there, do you remember all the times i had to ask you if you actually wanted me there with you, i dont think you did, its so painful that your still going, anyway have fun.

[Fever of love]

3 months down the line.

 

I gave myself this period of time to grieve, because I beleived that after about 3 months, its starts becoming ridiculous to hope. It is ridiculos, isnt it? But that was 22 years of our lives, and you act like you can afford to just crumple it up and throw it away like it was rubbish. The same way you chucked all our small papers in the bin, like they were nothing either.

 

I loved you. I thought you loved me too. I was 'in love' with you up until the very ast days. Every day was valentines day in our house, I found it endlessly fascinating to be just be with you. I loved looking at you.

 

But after a certain period of time, you stop becoming the hurt partner, and start becoming the crazy ex, if you still hope. Am I seriously meant to tolerate seeing you and him around, and just shake his hand, like the 'best man won?' No, aint going to happen...

 

I am so hurt. You act like it's my problem, like everythings my problem. You been so unbeleivably nasty, I really don't know what youre going to do next. As correctly predicted by this board, you introduced the idea that you had met someone around the 4-6 weeks mark. Only we both know he's not so new. You cheated on me, betrayed my turst.

 

I can't see you. I don't want to see either of your faces again. Its distrbing and surreal to me that you wuld do this, I seriously think there's something wrong with you. Normal people have a concience, a failsafe mechanims that stops them breaking hearts of the people they love. Maybe you jus dont love me, and never did. And as for this a**hole_ by his very first act, he's shown he's not a decent bloke, because decent blokes do not whisper in the ear of other men's wifes. He's never going to trust you either, because he knows you broke the code too.

 

But yeah, youve always been hormonally led. And now we're in this messed up situation, as I predicted. No doubt you have feelings for him, youre infatuated, as B said the last time. Youre a woman in her 40s, who still hasnt learned the life lesson that sex generates affection.

 

We were togethre for 22 years, and you did love me- I saw your eyes, your smile, and thats what hurts so much. We had something worth saving, worth fighting for- but you rushed straight into this a**holes arms, and gave us zero time for reflection. And now there's no way back, what a stupid waste of a life. What a stupid waste of my life- youre making executive descisons that affect us both, and yet you just dismiss my thoughts and feelings as no more than 'selfishness.'

 

Now you think we can both go to this club and stand 20 feet away from each other, pretend we dont know each other, and 'have fun'?

 

Again, I think theres somehting wrong with you. You really feel nothing, and you have zero understanding of what Ive been struggling with for 3 moths now.

 

But I still love you. How could I not? To not love you, would be to not love my own life, and all the amazing things that have happened between us. I wanted the relationship to continue, because I believed in it. We had a serious serious love affair babe, it's devastating to think you're with someone else. It really breaks my heart, can't describe the overwhelming mixture of hurt, love, missing you, anger and sadness.

 

And yet now- I don't know where you live, I don't know your phone number. I don't know who you are. This is killing me, its by far the worst experience of my life.

Edited September 17, 2017 by Fever of love

[clist8511]

I miss waking up and seeing a message from you. I miss talking to you on your lunch break. I miss you calling me on your way home.

 

I wish I could just tell you that I loved you and that you'd say it back. You've said so many different things that I don't even know what you're feeling about me, anymore. I wish I could feel what you're feeling so I KNOW. So I know whether you still care about me, or whether you don't at all.

 

I want to contact you later tonight, when you're in from work. But what would I even say? Everything I've already said? Will you get angry with me? Will you block me, again? All I want is your love. Why can't I have it?

 

I don't even want to go back to uni because I won't be able to talk to you about my day, or ask you for advice or input on something because you've already been to that uni (stupid, I know).

 

I don't even want to watch the TV because you're not there on the sofa with me, on your side, smoking out the window.

 

You see, even if I were to send you this, you wouldn't react. You'd just give me a very blunt, non-emotional answer. I feel like screaming most of the time; "Why can't you understand how much I'm feeling?!! Why won't you just take me back!?!?" It's horrible. Frustrating.

Edited September 19, 2017 by clist8511

[galamoosh]

I miss your face. I miss your expressions. I miss your laugh.

[CeciliaCylara]

DON’T GO BACK

 

FACT: He didn’t love you as much as you loved him. He was too embarrassed of you to even tell his parents for OVER TWO YEARS!!! He didn’t appreciate you, no matter how much you tried to show it. The conversations, the gifts, the dedication. He still left you.

 

He’s selfish and immature, at 32 years old. He hasn’t gotten his **** together yet. He’s still a child in a man’s body. He’s unstable as ****. He wanted to break up to take time to fix himself, but he still wanted someone around to comfort him… AND IT’S NOT YOU, THE PERSON WHO WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR HIM. He threw away three years of your relationship, your love, for someone else. Don’t waste any more of your time because he’s still sick and he chooses not to get better.

 

He introduced his new gf in WEEKS, while it took you YEARS!!! He doesn’t care about you. He has no respect for you or your feelings. He should feel guilty, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t care about how hurt you feel. He was happy to flaunt his new gf at you, even though weeks before he was saying he still loved you and wanted to earn you back. He’s SELFISH AND FULL OF ****. He didn’t stand up for you.

 

Why would you want someone who was too afraid to show that he loves you? He’s weak. You need a man, not a spineless boy. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be shown love. He has shown to NOT love you. His words mean nothing. He wanted to go, so let him go. Make him feel the consequences of his decision. Screw trying to reconnect with him. He has to work for you! He’s messed up in the head. He’s depressed. It’s why he had so many failed relationships and still living in a tiny room as a grown ass man.

 

He’s the one who has to change. You can’t do anything to fix him, so don’t even try. You don’t even want to take him back as he is now. You deserve better. He doesn’t deserve you. If he really loved you, he would have stayed with you. He would have fought to be with you. He didn’t because he’s sick. He will never love you the same way while he is. It’s not fair for him to say he loves you but doesn’t want a relationship with you. It’s selfish and you didn’t spend two and a half years with him just to take that. Never accept that from him.

 

It hurts, but you can learn to laugh at his crazy shenanigans and not let them get to you again. Don’t wait for him. Thank him for the good memories and the lessons you learned. And holy crap, be thankful you didn’t have sex or married this dude.

 

Love yourself first and someone will show up to show you the same amount of love. You don’t have to prove anything. You were loving. You cared. You were loyal. You were respectful. You weren’t the one who gave up. You were the one he let get away.

 

You were nothing short of an amazing partner and any guy would be lucky to have you. You will meet someone who will appreciate you for who you are and what you have to give. He will be proud of saying he loves you. You are the PRIZE!

 

NEVER CONTACT HIM AGAIN

Edited September 22, 2017 by CeciliaCylara

[EthanSPK]

Hoy soñé con vos.

 

No recuerdo exactamente qué fue lo que soñé, pero estabas ahí. No sé si te extraño, o extraño la idea de quién solías ser. Lo único que sé es que ambos cambiamos mucho, y no sirve de nada llorar sobre la leche derramada.

 

Sólo quiero decir que estoy haciendo lo posible por mejorar. Pero es difícil cuando mi cuerpo no acompaña a mi mente: estuve durmiendo todo el día, sólo me levanté para comer un sandwich y luego me acosté de nuevo. No sé si soy un holgazán, un indisciplinado o hay algo más detrás de todo esto.

 

También soñé que discutía con papá. ¿No te pasa lo mismo? ¿Nunca discutís con tus padres? A mí se me hizo costumbre.

 

Decime, ¿vamos a ser igual de desastrosos por siempre? ¿O vamos a mejorar?

[Frostedflake]

Love or loved?

I can't place a tense to the dull drum in my chest anymore.

It's either we're living this earthquake or these are the warning signs of the disaster to come. No casualty yet to direct me one way or the other.. but I know I will be the next to die.

 

Figuratively (always figuratively) and just like everything I saw in you.

Every inhibition you watered with alcohol. Every upturned nose success you buried in construction dust.

The uprooting and the destruction of us.

I don't know why I keep making your drug habits rich with poetry when they cost me.. everything.

[EthanSPK]

Damn, I'm starting to miss you. Do you know how much I want to message you right now? I need to know how are you.

 

I miss how good you made me feel back then, why can't I find someone who makes me feel the same?

[Fever of love]

I need this thread right now, again.

 

Its been months now, and I cannot stop thinking about you. This 'pain' is the most excruciating thing I have experienced in my 50-odd years. I'm a grown man, who has become as confused as a teenage boy. Why do we even use the word 'pain'? for this combination of psychological distress and disappointment? Because it is the most appropriate word.

 

It hurts worth than every tooth in your head having toothache simultaneously, and is similarly inescapable. When you are in toothache pain, you can think of nothing else, it dominates your consciousness.

 

Similarly, this heartbreak overrides all other thoughts or activities, it's always there, whether as a slow thud of sadness at the back of my mind, or an overwhelming torrent of confusion and longing to make it right with you, as I feel now.

 

Of course there's no going back. I had this exact nightmare the first morning you were gone, where I was going round asking everybody where you were, if they had seen you, before I woke up by screaming.

 

Now, I'm living the nightmare, and I can't shout myself awake.

 

I believed in our love. I thought we were special. I am so hurt that the woman I believed to be my life-love, can do this and feel nothing.

 

I miss you. I love you. I hate you.

 

Trying that on for size, I don't hate you. I'm an idiot because I'm still in love with you, but I don't want you to known that.

[SunsetWay]

After this last go around with you, I have no love left for you. In fact, all I feel about you now is disgust. I finally am wondering what I have ever seen in you! You resemble nothing of the man that I idealized you to be. You may be a man but you certainly are not a good one.

[toomanyquestions123]

Can I stop missing the nice him? Can i stop dreaming about him? Can i stop missing the feeling i had with him? Why i cant remember how cruel he was with me? How he left my country in the most heartless way i could have ever imagined. 2 days before the brutal leave, you showed 0 signs for breaking up. You were so much in love with me. We went to a getaway in the mountains & i am not stupid, i can notice someone who is planning to breakup. You were not. How could you take a decision so fast? You know the damage you did to me? Trusting someone, letting someone into your life but the other person disappointing you so hard you just stay traumatized for months. We were planning to get married, to spend a lifetime together !! Was it my fault for this breakup ? am i the one to blame? If i didnt break into his room that night would we have been still together now ? I thought you are the nice guy i was waiting all my life to meet but the way you broke up with me was not nice. I want to move on, i want to feel nothing towards you, to think about you and feel nothing !!!

[Alamo657]

I knew you would send a message, eventually, that you would apologize, in order to forgive yourself.

I guess if you had to wait 2 years for that, it means you're going trough some rough time yourself and realize what it means to be left alone without closure.

In those moments your empathy is suddenly multiplied, i should know about that !

 

"Everything that comes before the word but is horsepoo", and you HAD to put a "but" right after your apology, to justify your own shortcomings.

A good heartfelt apology doesn't need an explanation. As usual, you're not being (entirely) honest, you're only twisting the words to satisfy your own selfish ends.

 

Girl, i know most of what you did behind my back; just because you may fool the idiots who want inside your body parts, doesn't mean i'm one of the fools.

 

I will not grace you with the answer you want, i will not be that man you pity who was eagerly waiting a sign from you, i will not give you any control over me, i will not give you ANYTHING, just like you denied me all about you, i will not be the good guy who send you off with a pat on the back, wishing you good luck in your shady endehavors with other men, as if it didn't matter after all.

 

It did matter, and it still matters to me. And that's why we won't be talking about anything for the rest of our lives.

[clist8511]

The problem with you is you're just not a kind person. You blame me for your empathy-less behaviour, but the fact is that you're just devoid of it. You are a mean person. A horrible person. An awful person who needs to learn how to treat other people with respect.

[clist8511]

I always expected kindness from you, but you were never able to genuinely provide it. I am confused as to why my emotions and thoughts are still tied to you, as I know you don't care about me - and more than that, you're just a horrible woman.

 

I became used to the way you treated me - your resentment at things I'd 'done' to you or the way I was 'too intense' - but it wasn't me, it was you. You're abusive. I know this because I've been talking to another woman I met, we're just friends but she's incredibly kind and warm and sweet and whenever I exhibit kindness towards her she says thank you, that she appreciates it, and it almost makes me cry.

 

It makes me cry because for so long I believed I was the problem in our relationship, but it was you. You're abusive and you didn't treat me with any respect or care and you didn't love me properly. You hurt me and manipulated me and did and said things to hurt me - you'd argue that you were 'there' for me and you did this and that... yes, you did. But that doesn't excuse the abuse.

 

Speaking to that woman makes me feel so upset sometimes because I just wish you could have been like that. I wish you could see the conversations. She talks to me with such kindness that at one point I even said to her how kind I thought she was and she seemed surprised. You've damaged me to the point that I now think normal kindness is something to thank someone for.

 

As I'm writing this I'm crying because I myself am such a kind person and you could never appreciate it or see it. You just took advantage of it, shouted at me, blamed me, played mind games with me, hurt me. That's not love.

 

I don't even wish you any ill will anymore. I hope you and that guy do get together. I'm glad you won't be around to hurt me anymore. I don't want you in my life. You don't deserve to be in it.

[clist8511]

I used to think you were amazing, that you were better than everyone in my past who had hurt me - but the truth is, you're the worst of all of them. What is it that has happened within you to want to treat someone else so cruelly? Because the problem certainly isn't me - it's you. I have always approached you with respect and tried my best to adhere to your wishes. It isn't you that's been broken up with, it isn't you that's been continually rejected and blocked, it isn't you that's been cut out of someone's life, it isn't me that's run off with someone else immediately after.

 

Why do you keep acting like I've done something to you? I haven't. Why did you always treat me so cruelly? Why are you so devoid of compassion and care? What is wrong with your heart? Why can't you see what you're doing? Why doesn't your moral compass kick in and say, you know what, this person is hurting because of me; let me stop hurting them and try and be compassionate for ten minutes?

 

How can it be that the person I loved for almost three years can treat me as if I never existed to them? I'm beginning to think it's because I was never truly loved by you. Love doesn't disappear overnight so perhaps what you felt wasn't love, at all. Who knows what it was, but I know love and love doesn't disappear.

[CindyC86]

Is it normal to long for someone this much? Every morning I wake up to a different dream of you, searching for you, missing you, wanting you. I love you still so much. I try to rationalize, and tell myself I've just idealized the **** out of you, but there are memories, feelings deep in my body that betray me. I know we aren't meant to be together. I know you loved me in only a limited capacity, but I am so in love I don't even care. I initiated the breakup in an effort at self preservation because I knew to continue on could destroy me. I feel like a heroin addict. I feel a goddamned Sisyphus every day, just barely making it to the next controlled stop. Why do I want to give up everything for you.

 

I wish you'd tried to win me back. I wish you'd tried to make it up to me. I guess in the end, you didn't love me enough for me, and I had some semblance of self respect and dignity, but I'm struggling with this roller coaster of emotions. I'm finding it hard to acknowledge that I made the right decision. I wish to reach out to you. I'm displaying psychotic thoughts, like wanting to call and hang up to hear your voice; checking your work and friends' posts, ... I was never like this. I have never felt this way about someone. I feel weak and starved for you.

 

Despite living in different countries and knowing I may never see you again, I still anticipate our next meeting. I wonder how you are, if you're missing me anywhere as much as I am grieving for and missing you. I wonder if you've truly turned the corner. Maybe you're just fine, but I am just feeling crushed and broken here.

 

Mornings are the worst. One monumental day at a time.

[Frostedflake]

How do you remember me? As a picture or as the last word?

 

It bothers me you still have our honeymoon pictures on your profile. I even tell myself, 'what a stupid thing to be mad about..'

I know it's because of control. Because I don't feel like those smiling faces reflect the Hell you put me through shortly after. These pictures are not the same ones that are stacked in my mind.. so why should you get to display the happy ones for peace of yours?

[Teany3]

I'm never going to hear from you again.

 

I hate that. And I hate the feeling in my stomach that is associated with the truth of that statement.

 

It was a thought and feeling that echoed in my head today. Almost stopped me in my tracks today. I literally (literally) had to shake my head to get you out of there today.

 

That voice. Your voice. SMH. F..k.

 

Hard day and week for some reason.

 

The summertime was a little lighter but it's something about the fall and winter that gets the mind going and the memories flowing again.

 

I'm all alone. Again. I hate that. That's the part that I hate the most. All the people I know have a dating life. I can barely get men to approach me. My life has never been like that. It just hasn't. I can't even have a proper "rebound" from this situation to post about.

 

So I'm here alone again. I have friends, job, financial security, etc. I know it. I know it. And I know all about Oprah and Maya and feeling successful alone.

 

But it's moments like this. A Saturday evening. Chilly but not cold. And I am here with these f..king thoughts of you. I have no choice but to acknowledge them and feel them.

 

How do they do it? Just move the f..k on. Incredible. I'm just not built like that I guess.

 

I fuc.ing hate that. That's the hardest part.

 

You just moved the f..k on.

 

My dating life is a mess.

 

I wish I could just forget you.

 

This love sh.t is for the birds.

Edited October 21, 2017 by Teany3

[Gezalmem]

Look, I am trying so hard to just leave you alone but this never stops. I've quit smoking for good, I've started seeing a therapist, I've tried break up forums, support groups, removing you from social media, even prayer for gods sake and it just doesn't stop. I can't hold down food, I can't sleep through the night; you are in all of my dreams...

 

I broke up with you because I spent all of my time and money on goddamn weed and it left me with none to give to you. Literally the worst mistake I've ever made in 18 years of living, to the point that I don't ever want to touch another substance again. If I hurt you half this bad then I can't even put into words how sorry I am. I get that nothing I say can fix what I did to you; it was so indescribably ****ty. I just don't know what to do anymore