No Contact Support Thread. Post here instead of contacting your ex.

[heartbrokenlady]

I want so much to message you, check you're ok, because I'm pretty sure you're alone today. It breaks my heart that the daughter you allowed to split us up, is too selfish to see your sacrifice and make more room for you in her life. Leaving her father alone at Christmas, while sponging on him the rest of the year. You're crazy to keep coming up for it.

 

It's been months but I'm still heartbroken. I know the pain will end eventually, but it's taking so long. When will I begin to feel better?

 

Anyway. I'm thinking of you today. I hope you're well. I miss you. I wish I was with you. XxX

[Fever of love]

Yeah I miss you and the sweet days of our love. What a nightmare the last 6 months have been. How quickly you have replaced me.

[Jsos91]

Merry Christmas

 

As hard as it is for me to admit, it wasnt the same without you this year.

 

I don’t want you back, but I wish we never would’ve ended up here in the first place.

[TheOnlyOne73]

2.5 months since I left you, and 2 months of no contact. Not a word from either of us; 3 years gone in the blink of an eye. I will never talk to you again, if I can help it. I have debated blocking you on WhatsApp recently because I don't want to be lured into your trap again or into the disappointment cycle of being with you. I've already blocked your number so you can't text or call me via the traditional route. I don't want to have to talk to you again or to be confronted with the situation where you have contacted me and I need to ignore it (which will probably never happen).

 

I guess I didn't mean enough for you to even contact me today. So much for loving me, if you truly loved me you wouldn't have been able to stay away this long. It's been eight weeks. You've always been incredibly selfish, and today is continued proof of that, and that I made the right decision.

 

I cried two days ago for the first time in a while because I realised it's dead. I realised it is well and truly over. I was doing so well until this past week, but I've started thinking about you more because it's Christmas. You said you were miserable without me in those 2 weeks we spoke after the break-up. It must have been a lie; along with all the other lies you fed me. I've realised I couldn't possibly let you into my life again in the future, and that you have lost all right to hear how I am doing, not that you care. You can't just fall back on me again to make yourself feel better.

 

I hope you know that you'll never see or hear from me again, we are definitely over. I need to put you in the past now and move forward with the life you didn't particularly care to stay in. Goodbye, D*****.

[wishyouneverleft]

Its Christmas, you should have been in my arms, nestled against my chest after eating dinner and binge watching your favorite show. You telling me your plans of conquering your career. I can't bear to think how you could have used me. I refuse to think you gave up your virginity to me just to get it out of the way for future suitors. I believe what we had was special. I can't break NC, I'm with someone now. You're my first true love and I'm realizing now that this is going to take longer than expected to get over you. I refuse to allow myself to want you again. I will fight this urge tooth and nail. You don't deserve me, and I'm loyal to the partner I'm with now. You don't deserve this level of love I have for you, the level of driven compassion. I accept this is my karma, to finally fall in love with someone who completely did what I did to women in my late teens/early 20's. I changed, I vowed never to do it and I was single for YEARS, I was scared to hurt another woman again and then in 2016, I started to date again and thinking God has rewarded me for truly committing to change after meeting you... I get proven wrong. I will ALWAYS love you. There is no doubting these feelings I have for you, I wish I could scream it to the world.

 

The love I had for you transcended anything I've ever and currently feel for any woman. I felt for the first time I had a partner. Someone I could face this world with side by side. Someone that understood the struggle, someone that understood what its like to go against the grain, and finally, someone that understood ME.

 

I was always loyal, devoted, and honest about my feelings.

 

I just can't believe I'm closing 2017 without you. I'm honestly having a hard time processing this. Where did I go wrong 8 days before you were supposed to come to me back in the summer? We swore to each other our love and committed to standing by each other's side no matter what. Did that mean anything to you? No one understands what I'm going through around me, and others simply can't know.

 

I want you in my past.

[Beachead]

When you stood there in front of me, looking me in the eyes and blurted out you love me, I was scared to death. Because I believed you. After everything I went through in my past, I believed you. You told me to trust you..to have faith in people. I did. Then you went back to him. There was no break in between. You just hopped right back to him. Promised him never to speak to me again. It didn't even matter to you that you'd never see or talk to me again. Didn't matter what you had promised me. Didn't matter what we shared. You threw it away because it was worth sacrificing.

 

And now, because of you, I suffered through my recovery from my surgery alone. I suffered on your birthday. I suffered on mine. I suffered today and the holidays. I'll suffer on Valentines day. I've been suffering since the day we ended. All because you were selfish, reckless. But you? ..you got to go back to his arms. You get to be happy. The breakup didn't even hurt you did it? Had your little temper tantrum over him and had a rebound to teach him a lesson. Showed him what life would be like without you, got the job done, and you two got back together. Made a complete fool out of me.

 

So no, I don't have good feelings towards you. I don't wish you well. I don't care about being noble or good. I hope the both of you fail. I hope the both of you experience the kind of loss and heartache I've been forced to feel most my life because of people like you and I hope it hurts real bad. You deserve it.

Edited December 26, 2017 by Beachead

[rosegold]

It's almost new years again. New years of 2015 you were with me. New years of 2016 you were with my friend... This new years, you're with someone else.

 

**** the both of you. **** you for dating my friend and **** her for getting with you. I know you cheated on her, and I feel like she deserved it! Karma gets you back, always. That's what happens when you get with your friend's ex boyfriend, when you get with someone you KNOW your friend still has feelings for. What the **** is wrong with you? And what is it about me that makes you both feel like it's okay to treat me this way?"

 

Both of you are ****ing cowards. Can't even look me in my eye. You lost a friend over a guy that was no good, he cheated on you and I don't even feel bad at all!

 

I don't understand why I still check yall's social medias. I don't understand why I am still so mad. I deserve an apology from the both of you, and not that half assed **** my ex friend decided to give me. It hurts to know that both of you didn't give a single ****, that you both just got together and just **** what I feel. I am still so hurt and I don't know why.

 

As my ex, you are still on my mind. It hurts me so much to think of you sharing moments like you did with me, with her. I can't even think about it for too long before I get sad. It makes my stomach upset. EVEN STILL. I always thought that we would find our way back to each other. That one day you'd realize that I am the one. But maybe I am not the one. Maybe you really don't care about me and its so hard for me to accept that. When I see you in pubic you avoid me, you can't look me in my eye. You're a coward. Both of you are. And she has already gotten her karma and I can't wait until you get yours.

[wishyouneverleft]

I don't know why but it feels this pain teters back and fourth. Almost 5 months after the breakup and I still think about you, the traumatic end where you completely back track on everything you said. The mixed feelings of anger, self-loathing, mourning, and yes love. I truly hope your karma has end results that will remind you of me. My relative that defended you and even threatened to cut me off if I hurt you is dead to me. I cut her off last week and made it pretty clear she's to stay out of my way when we're in the same room. She didn't take it well. People take my kindness for weakness until I stop turning the other cheek.

[flooded]

I am so mad, so sad, and so hurt. I still love you.

 

I should have protected my heart and told you to slow down. But I loved it, it was so flattering. You, gorgeous and charming and smart and funny and fun. I believed everything you told me, like I'm the most beautiful thing you've ever seen, that with me you've met your match, that you wanted to marry me, live with me. I believed you when you said you love me.

 

We had so much fun, so many adventures. Every time we got together we covered so much ground. I saw you cry, you saw me cry. God I miss the sex. I really miss it, I miss your body, I miss the way you'd force me to snuggle for so long at night (remember I'd call you the snuggle nazi?).

 

I haven't heard from you since Christmas Day. I wonder if you're thinking about me. I'm already worried that I'm going to run into you, as we live in such a small town. But I'm trying to accept that my life no longer has you in it, trying to think about you without emotion. It is not easy.

 

Thank you for showing me that what I really need in my life is to figure out how to be single. How to be happily alone. I've been in relationships like this before, where I end up trying to appease my unappeasable lover, and that is what happened with us, too. Because for all of your good qualities, there were just as many bad ones: dominating, selfish, possessive, jealous, DRUNK.

 

I hope you're able to maintain your sobriety and heal. I wish you well. I miss you.

[wishyouneverleft]

I am so mad, so sad, and so hurt. I still love you.

 

I should have protected my heart and told you to slow down. But I loved it, it was so flattering. You, gorgeous and charming and smart and funny and fun. I believed everything you told me, like I'm the most beautiful thing you've ever seen, that with me you've met your match, that you wanted to marry me, live with me. I believed you when you said you love me.

 

We had so much fun, so many adventures. Every time we got together we covered so much ground. I saw you cry, you saw me cry. God I miss the sex. I really miss it, I miss your body, I miss the way you'd force me to snuggle for so long at night (remember I'd call you the snuggle nazi?).

 

I haven't heard from you since Christmas Day. I wonder if you're thinking about me. I'm already worried that I'm going to run into you, as we live in such a small town. But I'm trying to accept that my life no longer has you in it, trying to think about you without emotion. It is not easy.

 

Thank you for showing me that what I really need in my life is to figure out how to be single. How to be happily alone. I've been in relationships like this before, where I end up trying to appease my unappeasable lover, and that is what happened with us, too. Because for all of your good qualities, there were just as many bad ones: dominating, selfish, possessive, jealous, DRUNK.

 

I hope you're able to maintain your sobriety and heal. I wish you well. I miss you.

 

 

You just described the same experience with my ex, minus the drunk part. You're not lone, bud. Hang in there.

[flooded]

Today's kind of difficult. I keep hoping he'll text or call. He texted Christmas "Merry Christmas. I hope you're having a perfect morning."

 

Wtf? Why do I feel like this is mindf***ery?? Why do I care at all????

 

We have a mutual friend in a relationship that's serious. I'm having fantasies of going to friend's wedding looking like a million bucks - and seeing him there. I know NC is for my healing but is it so bad I want to make him feel rejected, make him feel the pain I'm feeling?

 

The thing is, I'm sure he's not thinking about me at all. I'm sure he's not missing me at all! He's one of these guys who's left a trail of broken hearts wherever he's gone - and all of these girls would jump at the chance to be with him (or just sleep with him, probably) again.

 

Ugh. UGH! I just wish I could erase him from my memory, or go back in time to when he tried to get together and shut him down then. I had no idea I would fall so hard, so fast, and that the pain would be so deep.

 

I've made it eight days and I wont give in, but dammit it's not easy.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Believe me, I am not the best person for advice on this matter as I broken every NC rule there is. I have managed to get something out of it and I do feel better than earlier, but it is brutal.

 

Today is my birthday and having a great day! BUT, I am still waiting for my ex to wish me a 'happy birthday!' WTF?! I do admit, I am more ambivalent than anything else, but it would be nice, no? I did lambaste her the other day and called her on her BS and arrogance, so this may explain why no email. Again, I am the wrong person to give advice right now.

 

A part of me hopes that she has now, FINALLY, surrendered to NC. I will not be contacting her again. We'll see....

[Beachead]

I'm never going to hear from you again am I? I get it.

 

Don't say sorry. I don't need your pity. I don't need an explanation. I need the powers that be should he/she/they/it exist, to show me why I was denied what I always wanted while you and others like you get to live your life exactly as you wanted and still be upset about it? I wish I could see karma in action. Or a freakin miracle that beyond what little I was able to build with my own two hands, life could throw me a bone and give me a break.

 

But that isn't going to happen is it? I'm going to have to keep doing this sh*t alone aren't I?

 

Sounds fair. Lets see how far I get in this desert without a drop of water. I'm sure I'll survive..

[heartbrokenlady]

Believe me, I am not the best person for advice on this matter as I broken every NC rule there is. I have managed to get something out of it and I do feel better than earlier, but it is brutal.

 

Today is my birthday and having a great day! BUT, I am still waiting for my ex to wish me a 'happy birthday!' WTF?! I do admit, I am more ambivalent than anything else, but it would be nice, no? I did lambaste her the other day and called her on her BS and arrogance, so this may explain why no email. Again, I am the wrong person to give advice right now.

 

A part of me hopes that she has now, FINALLY, surrendered to NC. I will not be contacting her again. We'll see....

 

 

Please share how you've broken NC. I've been pathetic with it, longest I've managed is 9 days. I'd like to know I'm not the only one.

[Jimmy3858]

Today isn’t easy at all. I know I should of slowed us down in the relationship, but everything felt so perfect. We talked about getting married, having children, buying that cool looking grey house down in the nice part of town. I miss holding you at night, and waking up to all of your amazing kisses and fun talks. The fun times we had going out to eat and drinking. This still seems so surreal. Although I’m not going to contact you, I still miss “us”.

[Beachead]

Please share how you've broken NC. I've been pathetic with it, longest I've managed is 9 days. I'd like to know I'm not the only one.

 

I broke NC 5 weeks after starting. The break up happened around the first week of August, 5 months ago. We continued to talk a little for a few weeks until she told me couldn't anymore out of respect to her ex/new boyfriend. I stopped talking after that. 3 weeks later she sent an email about a job link. I ignored it but the seed was planted in my head nonetheless. I was trying to protect myself and honor her wishes but ignoring the email made me feel so crappy. Took me two weeks before I finally broke and called her and left a voicemail. So yea, that was 5 weeks after. She ignored it. I then wrote a message about how I was okay and would be okay with time and wished her well. And that I didn't respond to her email out of respect for her relationship with her ex. She ignored that also. I pushed some more because at this point I lost all respect for myself and didn't care. Asked her why she was ignoring me. She said "I'm sorry (Insert my name), but I promised him I wouldn't have contact with you. Hope you understand." That was all.

 

Felt my heart snap in two. Felt my brain go numb. The pain of it all and accumulated damage most certainly contributed to my losing my new job at the time. I've been out of it for months licking my wounds and trying to jump start myself. It's been 3 months of NC since I broke. She didn't contact me on my birthday or the holidays. Not that I expected her to..but deep down inside had hoped.

 

So, I've been there. I know what it feels like to feel reduced to absolute unimportance.

Edited December 30, 2017 by Beachead

[flooded]

Please share how you've broken NC. I've been pathetic with it, longest I've managed is 9 days. I'd like to know I'm not the only one.

 

Ugh. I managed nine days today too, then broke it on a whim to share legitimately important news via text. I should have left it there but he called, so then I called, then he called and I took it. D'oh!

[heartbrokenlady]

Ugh. I managed nine days today too, then broke it on a whim to share legitimately important news via text. I should have left it there but he called, so then I called, then he called and I took it. D'oh!

 

Thank you! I know it's weak of me but it does make me feel better, knowing I'm not the only one.

[flooded]

Thank you! I know it's weak of me but it does make me feel better, knowing I'm not the only one.

 

You're not weak - nine days is a lot! I'm frankly shocked at how very difficult it is. The only thing that seems to work for me is staying busy - as busy as possible - and talking with friends.

[JFReyes]

Happy New Year J. !

[flooded]

I think I posted this upthread, but here's an overview of my post-break up conduct and contact and events:

 

November 24 - Ex broke up with me; NC 11/24-12/1

December 1 - Showed up at his house unannounced; spent night together

December 2/3 - Saw ex intermittently because we had a mutual friend in town (mutual friend I could throttle for introducing us!); NC 12/4-12/8

December 8 - Showed up at his house unannounced again, we hung out but did not spend the night; NC 12/9-12/13

December 13 - Ex sent bread crumb text; we were in touch with me initiating through 12/17

December 17 - Ex came over as "friend," we ended up sleeping together

December 18 - Ran into ex, he gave me a gift he'd gotten me for Christmas

December 19 - I get farewell text and missed call from ex, do not reply

December 20 - I find out I'm pregnant

December 21 - Tell ex; he does not take the news well; 12/22-12/30 NC

December 25 - Ex texts for the holiday

December 28 - Have a miscarriage

December 30 - Tell ex the news via text. He calls, which I screen, then I call back five hours later. He calls back shortly thereafter and we talk. I end the conversation, he says he'll be in touch soon and tells me when he'll be back in town.

 

Loathe though I am to admit it, I totally agree that contact set me back in terms of healing and moving on. Even though I was cool on the phone, and cut the chat short, I just feel like I am making a fool of myself by being available in any way to him.

 

I am in love with him and I miss him terribly. The stupid part of myself would be happy to settle for a FWB arrangement with him, just to have contact with him and to see him. But I'm in a much, much more vulnerable place than him. I know it wouldn't be fair to myself. But I just can't quit him.

 

It hasn't been forty-eight hours and I miss him terribly, I just hope he reaches out again soon for my ego. I know I shouldn't care and I should block him, but I'm being a fool.

[flooded]

Wow, I was doing so well until I texted him Saturday. I was on a roll - nine days - starting to feel so confident about moving on and forgetting his a**. I texted him the info I thought he should know. Should have ignored his call. I did - for five hours! Then called him back. UGH!!!!! I'm going crazy. I have every contact and contact time he's initiated over the past five weeks memorized. I'm obsessed. And I'm kind of pissed that he texted me a merry Christmas but nothing for New Years.

 

Please please God make me forget him, make me move on, make me focus on something, anything else. I am going sooooko crazy thinking about this fool, hoping he'll contact me, and feel I can't quite bring myself to block him.

 

Meanwhile I have real life issues I need to be focusing on: starting classes again, job leads, my CHILDREN. And I'm hung up on a skinny, emotionally unavailable commitment-phone alcoholic with mommy issues. SMH - at myself!

[flooded]

I'm remembering things tat hurt, or just piss me off. One night he stormed out because I told him I had slept with a friend (female, once, when we were teens) who had started dating our mutual friend and was coming to visit. We fought on the phone and he said I shouldn't have any contact with anyone at all that I had ever slept with. In theory I get it, but we're talking a couple of girlfriends whom I had slept with once 15-20 years ago.

 

Meanwhile, he was in constant contact with his ex (ours was a rebound relationship, though it felt like a lot more to me), for reasons I won't go into here. He would then give me a hard time for being in touch with my ex - a guy I have two kids with and am divorcing. Really? Sorry dude, not the same as an ex-girlfriend.

 

Every night when we were falling asleep he would ask "Do you love me?" Over and over and over again, I would have to keep saying yes, yes, I love you, I promise.

 

There was one night soon before we broke up that he ended up staying out really late - was supposed to be by at eight or so. That night he had promised he'd only hung out with his colleague and colleague's wife, and a really old lady barfly who flirted with him. Fine. However, since the break up I found he he played pool with the colleague, the wife, and this really cute local girl. He had promised me there were no other girls there! Grrr.

 

Finally, also soon before we broke up, I broke into his Vm (not cool I know) and heard a super flirtatious message from a girl Anna. I confronted him about it and he admitte to calling her - she's a girl he'd slept with on an excavation.

 

Random late night musings. Getting pissed off. The hypocrisy, man.

[Jimmy3858]

So everyday that goes by its becoming easier and easier to let go of your narcissistic crazy ass. To think I actually wanted to marry you is crazy as hell because you’re mentally incapable of even loving like a damn pet. I’m forever grateful that you came into my life and showed me that WOMEN like you do exist, because you’re a big ol piece of ****. But, I forgive you and I forgive myself for letting it get to that point. It’s been one week of NC and everyday I’m getting better and better. You wanted me to wallow in self pity, right? But look here ya crazy ass lady, I’m not gonna do that.

 

I’m gonna have a badass life without you in it, and no longer will I let you use me to fill your ego. Enjoy life without me, because I’ll never get caught back in that crazy web of yours.

[wishyouneverleft]

I really hope you realize what you've done. I truly hope you wake up one day and realize it isn't the "Sex and the City" world you think we live in. People are not objects, building true deep emotional connections and severing them because you get bored isn't a norm, and true commitment requires sacrifice, not just words.

 

I truly hope one day you feel it all. Whether it be by realizing what you've done to me, or the next guy.

 

You honestly don't know how much damage you've done to me and my family. People were disowned after you did what you did. And your family stealing, your relative being brought up on charges, I'm starting to understand when people say, "You almost dodged a bullet".

 

You honestly don't know how much I loved you. You were my first to actually get that emotionally intimate. I was about to give up so much to make our situation work, and you throw it all away for what? For another man? For GIGS? I'll never know the truth, and I accept that. I just want this pain to be over. You don't deserve this place in my heart that you'll always have. I've never been in love like this before, I never thought it would cause so much pain and leave such a scar.

 

I know I pushed you away far enough now. After my cousin told you to F'off, I think you got the hint. You're used to men chasing and you obviously thought I was going to beg, but for what?! I gave you everything I could in the current state I'm in, I can't offer any more. If that wasn't enough to at least fight for us, to at least TALK, then I can't be in your life now, and when you see what you've missed out on because of your lack of patience, I won't let you back at that time either.

 

The trauma I have is how could you do this to me? To completely change to a person I didn't recognize in the end? To act so cold? To end it without a single attempt to make things work? I know my final e-mail put you in your place, otherwise you wouldn't of tried to reach out by the only medium you weren't blocked months later. You saw I wasn't those men you're used to courting that will be begging for your affection. But like I said, I can't let you back. I stop myself from thinking back because the memories are distorted. There are times my mind tells me, "well if you did this, she would still be around", but then I remind myself other events that I'm starting to forget to completely see the whole picture. So I just stop myself from spiraling down those holes.

 

After catching a glimpse of your whole family, and seeing what I was walking into, the uphill battle because I was different and got to where I am by different means. I definitely dodged a bullet.

 

I don't want to talk to you ever again, I know your type, I know how the convo would go, and I just don't want to go through that pain. To hear you completely contradict the things you said in the past, play it off, and justify your actions without admitting your wrong doing. Completely feel you completely emotionally detached, I can't. I'll always turn the other way when I see you, ignore every plead to talk to me, and I'll do it at any cost. I just have to guard you from my heart. I don't know how you did it the first time, but I'll be damned if I open that door again... "Fool me once...", you know how the saying goes.

Edited January 3, 2018 by wishyouneverleft