No Contact Support Thread. Post here instead of contacting your ex.

[lhgirl]

Today's feelings:

 

When people show you who they are, believe them.

 

Stop looking for happiness in the place you lost it.

[Beachead]

Is there justice for the heartbroken? Will I ever see it?

[maybejune]

After knowing he has done me so wrong, I am still missing him. Fortunately, this week has been much better than December, I am not fine, but I haven't had anxiety panic lately.

 

I watched some movies this week, and I related to them.

 

• The Big Sick
  
  

The top review on Amazon quoted a line from main character:

Can you imagine a world in which we end up together?

She was crying to him after found out he has been on blind dates with women his family chose for him, and kept his collection of their pictures in a cigar box. That led to the fact that HE NEVER MENTIONED HER TO HIS FAMILY BECAUSE SHE IS WHITE (he is from Pakistan).

I know I am too sensitive to this, but I can't help crying to the scene that she was kept as a secret.

No, he never had that thought, or it wasn't with me.

 

• if i were you
  
  

This one doesn't get impressive scores on rating sites, but I like it.

When she saw her husband was cheating on her with a younger woman in a bakery, she called him and pretended to confirm when he will be home at night. He replied, LATE.

So

familiar. It's the word, LATE, to avoid exact time and leave plenty room to do shady things. It's

LATE

,

so

I couldn't meet him when he made it back from 'business trip' .

 

I am such a fool. I know I am and was nothing to him, he has not thought about me since even a while before BU, I still feel hurt. I know it doesn't make sense to say he owns me, but he does own me, my heart. He made me think I wasn't good enough, but actually I remember the first time I met my girl friend's family, they liked me and were surprised I am single.

 

To him: You are an idiot.

Edited February 15, 2018 by maybejune

[clist8511]

I don’t know what I am supposed to do or how I am supposed to get over you. It is really upsetting and painful that this is even happening, when all I want to do is see you and do something as normal as watch a film with you.

 

I miss you so much and it is really hard, because I can’t even call you or message you and I look like a stalker if I message you again - no one wants their ex to keep contacting them. I don't want to be the subject of a conversation between you and a possible new partner or you and your family.

 

I feel so alone and lost and the progress I think I’m making is really really slow. I try to stay as busy as I can but I miss you and I wish this would stop hurting.

[Realitysux]

I didn't deserve to be treated so horribly and to be disrespected by so many people when this wasn't their business. When I look back, I am disgusted by some of the comments and treatment. I can accept what you want out of your life partner but to try to force university on me without even respecting my finances or capability at this time in my life to dedicate that much time to school. I don't think it's a lack of motivation but in life, we have bills to pay. I am hurt, but by others who had to have a say on a situation that was none of their business. Your telling me to get a life.. knowing your day isn't affected, I am pushing through with the pain I'm left with. I am not successful but your behavior didn't help me at all. If you can live with yourself, if everyone can accept the pain they caused me, I can't allow that to make me feel like garbage. I'm working on rebuilding my dignity after all that. You could have handled this differently but you didn't have to because you didn't care. You let alL of your friends give me the harsh reality while you were off with her.

[Beachead]

The days just pass by and I don't feel much of anything. It's all a blur. I smile here, feel momentarily happy there but then I come home in the night and I lie in my bed and I still think of you and her and everyone that once meant something to me and then I feel it..how tired I am.

 

Next morning, I get back up, it's a new day, and I fight on.

Edited February 18, 2018 by Beachead

[Realitysux]

What did you gain out of this?

[Realitysux]

It's been a while and I am still hurting. I alter from anger to shock sometimes that everything transpired and I haven't even wrote my story on this forum yet. I keep reading the advice and some is hurtful because it's the reality. I have to find someone else and I know this, but the timing has to be right, and more importantly I do. So in the mean time, It's a tough pill to swallow.

 

 

This morning was a rough morning in general. The weather, my schedule, I sometimes feel so exhausted and frustrated. I asked myself what am I working towards, what do I want and I know the answer, although it's to personal to share. Even with you to be honest.

The truth is, in these painful and difficult moments, you don't suffer. You have it much easier with a women who also has it much easier and you stated it yourself through your friends (I assume they were not lying) that my appearance was to awful and I wasn't even capable. That is a painful thing to hear and a cruel thing to be said but you said it and you meant it.

They said it, they meant it. So on days like today when it's difficult, I have a reminder of your happiness and maybe that's why I haven't let this go yet. I hope I can forget about this all and move forward to my own happiness without your memory in it.

[Beachead]

Pain tonight. I miss you. No..I miss who I wanted you to be. Missing ghosts. 6 and a half months now and thoughts still keep me company at night. There's nothing anyone can do or say. If I want heaven or hell in my future, it's all up to me. Still though, I wish sometimes that it wasn't all what it ended up being. Just a dude, working through it all.

Edited February 22, 2018 by Beachead

[Stillhopeful86]

This is my first post and it is going to be a bit of a long one, so I apologize.

 

This is day one of no contact. I am 24 weeks pregnant, so this is going to be ridiculously difficult. Who am I kidding, this would be difficult even if I wasn't pregnant. We were only together for a few months before I found out I was pregnant. We fell really hard for each other and even though we always intended to keep things casual, it wasn't long before you told me you loved me and that you have never felt this way before.

 

Shortly after I told you that I was pregnant you started pulling away, you stopped telling me you loved me and stopped complimenting me, but you still invited me over to hang out with you, you were still kissing me, holding my hand, and sleeping with me. After several weeks I confronted you about the change and you told me you didn't know why, but your feelings for me had changed. You told me you stopped saying sweet things to not lead me on, but we both knew you still were.

 

We never really broke up, our "relationship" just lingered in this undefined state that seemed to suit you, but destroyed me. I hung out with you last weekend and talked to you about how I will always want you to be a part of your daughter's life, regardless of what happens, and I let you know that I started casually dating. I am treating that talk as our break up, maybe in 30 days you will figure your sh*t out, and maybe you will never figure it out, but for now I am tired of you using me as your girlfriend/emotional support animal whenever it is convenient for you. I am going to focus on ME and getting everything ready for our daughter's arrival.

 

I will probably be posting a lot over the next few weeks, I am still in love with him and it feels impossible to ignore him, but I need to do this. Thank you!

[Realitysux]

One day I won't feel anything and I get it in waves but right now I hate you. I hope she dumps you and you feel horrible for months until then i just hate you.

[NomiMalone]

I can't believe it's been 6 weeks since I last saw you. I still can't believe it's all come to this. I still wish I could wake up to find that the last 6 weeks have been a bad dream, and I'd open my eyes to find you next to me, in our bed. My life since I left you has been mostly sadness, pain, loneliness and most of all, disappointment. All it would've taken for me to stay, was a promise from you that you'd try. It makes me so sad that you're not capable of doing even that. Our relationship did not end due to a lack of love. There was plenty of that. And that was the saddest part in all of this. xx

[YNWA]

This morning, 26 days NC, had been rough. Since about a week ago things have been so much better and I’m making so much progress...but I wake up wondering about all the what if’s....what if things had gone slower...if we had stayed friends longer and gotten to know each other over time instead of rushing into everything...but with the connection we had it almost seemed impossible, especially since it was what I had been looking for, for so long...and you needed to heal, but fell into a familiar pattern of leading on a guy for emotional support, to get over the long term ex, and the emotionally draining 8 month rebound right after....

 

Our timing was just all wrong...things ended so well and we both understood that you weren’t emotionally ready for a relationship....but my mind wonders, since I said we should take time and space to unwind...and never responded back to your text thanking me for understanding....am I supposed to break NC at some point to try down the road....or do I need to just let this all go...I miss what we had, and it almost makes it harder the fact that it all ended on such good terms and there’s not really anything negative I can think about to help me get over it....apart from bad timing....I miss you so much....and it’s crazy thinking about how you have no idea how hurt I was when we had to stop talking..,the tears that I wept in pain and that you have no idea how much I truly like and care about you....but I know that’s not fair on you, and you aren’t in the right place to hear any of that after all you’ve been through...and I’m old enough to understand that....I just hope you know that I count each one of these 26 days since we last spoke, and I don’t talk or contact you because I care about you...not because I’ve forgotten you and moved on like I never cared at all

[StrangerThanFiction]

I need to block you on FB. I know this. I hate that goddamned site when it comes to breakups because it makes exes so accessible. With my last ex it took me weeks to finally block him and then sometimes I would weaken and unblock him and look him up again. Every time I did it made things worse. With you I know it will be even harder. We live in the same city and have a bunch of mutual friends. I knew it was a mistake getting together with you even before we made it official, but did I listen to my gut? Obviously not and here I am. I know you're out sleeping around already. Hell, pretty sure you were sleeping around even when we were together. That's just you. You crave the validation you get from women wanting you. Fine. Have fun.

 

I wanted a real relationship. I tried to not make the mistakes I've made in the past by being open and honest with you. Oh you must've been laughing inside the whole while because all you wanted was someone to party with and screw. I'm sorry, but I've lived that lifestyle and I'm over it. I don't need to drink or do drugs to have a good time or run away from myself as I believe you also use it for. I think you have a lot of self loathing that you try to cover up with drugs, alcohol, and sex. Here's an honesty bomb for ya, living that way does not make you a rockstar. It makes you a washed up, no future 35yr old. There's a reason your body is falling apart. Grow up.

 

I was willing to put full effort into us. You could barely muster anything at all. You couldn't even tell me you cared about me. As soon as the choice came down to partying or me you made the choice to party without a second thought. I won't tolerate being treated like second tier garbage by you or anyone and even though the last thing I wanted to do was break up, I had no choice. If I wouldn't have that would've set the precedent that I'm okay with it and damn rights you would've done it again. It came down to a choice between a broken trust relationship and my self respect. I'm not the same woman I was when I allowed a guy to continuously steal from me, cheat on me, lie to me, and hit me. I've come so far as a person since then that I absolutely refuse to take one step back down that slippery slope. You want someone who's like you and has the same priorities. Well dearie, enjoy having meaningless chaotic relationship after meaningless chaotic relationship until the day your body finally gives up on you.

 

I know I can't honestly say I'm in NC until I finally block you from my life via FB, but I WILL get there.

[Stillhopeful86]

It's been three days, you have been texting me a few times a day. I'm sad because I miss you and you were my best friend, I always want to tell you first when something happens, but I know that I'm just hurting myself when I reach out to you. I felt bad because you seemed worried about me in your messages, but then again if you were really worried you would call. I'm surprised and disappointed that your haven't called. Maybe I'm doing you a favor by ignoring you.

[Beachead]

This one is just for me.

 

It's been nearly 7 months.

 

Yet, it's been irritatingly, embarrassingly hard these days. I don't know why the recent set back. Perhaps it's the fact that the lack of contact between us has continued as long as it has and as the time passes on, the strengthening of the fact that it is over. Hope does take a long time to go away. I've always known it. That last drop of it..so stubborn it is. With the difficulty comes the temptation to break the silence and reach out...

 

But then my head stops me and reminds me..

 

Leave it be

Edited March 2, 2018 by Beachead

[NomiMalone]

I hate you for what you did to me. I hate you for your complete lack of empathy. I hate you for not ever having asked if I needed help, or money. I hate you for not having offered to pay back your debt to me. You are a loser. Don't ever f***ing contact me again with your lame, "how are things with you?" texts.

[NomiMalone]

Good luck finding a woman who'll tolerate the waitresses and receptionists, the creep shots, the massages, the money problems and the crazy anger.

[NomiMalone]

Now that things have come to an end, random memories from the beginning are coming painfully back to me. Do you remember the walk on the beach after you took me to dinner at XXXXXXXX for our second date ever? How on the rocks you'd pulled me close to you and kissed me for what seemed like forever and told me you were happy to take things slow? It totally breaks my heart that one day you'll do that for someone else.

[NomiMalone]

How did things ever get to how they were when we broke up?

[Mac0908]

It's funny. Just as I'm finding myself more healed than I've ever been in the 1.5 months of No Contact, NOW the thought creeps into my head. The thought of me possibly sending her a Happy Birthday text in a few weeks. See, things ended on a bit of a sour note between us, and even though it was somewhat justified (my original thread is in Breaking Up) that has really always bothered me in some way.

 

We had this amazing (albeit short) time together and now I feel like we both have black clouds over each other when we think of one another. I wonder what she would say if I sent that text. In my heart I know she'd be happy. Anything else after, I'm unsure, but if nothing else it would still be nice to have some form of closure. See, she dumped me, and I know that means she should technically be the one to reach out, but it wasn't as cut and dry as that. She left me for a long term ex that came back to her that she needed to see things through with. She wasn't over him. She was dumped just before she met me. I was a rebound gone too far and I was beyond devastated and hurt like never before. Then she came back, told me she really did develop genuine feelings for me but told me she couldn't REALLY come back bc she feels she ruined everything and would feel too much pressure. I told her I understood but she then went push/pull on me which I didn't like. Wanted to keep me on a back burner until perhaps she was good and ready. My heart was already a mess.

 

Eventually I went kind of cold on her after I found her back on a DATING site which hurt terribly. She was THAT scared of hurting me again that she'd rather go out with strangers? My therapist told me the sudden online dating move was likely an "Escape" for her, and nobody in her mindset would be really ready to seriously date again. She was a troubled monkey brancher, I know that. "Confused" is what she would tell me. She was just so wrong in so many areas, yet was never actually malicious to me. She eventually deleted our pics from her social media and then I deleted her altogether about a week later.

Edited March 14, 2018 by Mac0908

[Mac0908]

This one is just for me.

 

It's been nearly 7 months.

 

Yet, it's been irritatingly, embarrassingly hard these days. I don't know why the recent set back. Perhaps it's the fact that the lack of contact between us has continued as long as it has and as the time passes on, the strengthening of the fact that it is over. Hope does take a long time to go away. I've always known it. That last drop of it..so stubborn it is. With the difficulty comes the temptation to break the silence and reach out...

 

But then my head stops me and reminds me..

 

Leave it be

 

You could never ever reach out anyway as long as she is with this guy, so it should be easy to sweep those feelings away.

[maybejune]

because I ask myself to stop checking on your social media, and delete my facebook so I won't even 'accidentally' search you there. I know where you used to live, and I don't go anywhere close, so I won't run into you.

 

But sometimes, I feel so sad, so bad about my ****ty life, I miss having someone by my side. I only briefly had your support, and that had been rooted in my stubborn head.

 

I know you were hiding things from me, I don't know what exactly but nothing good. I was so stupid to believe you without a doubt.

[Zonxry]

https://youtu.be/ovbGnyPX7vo

[JFReyes]

J,

 

I was surprised that I forgot our 15-year anniversary yesterday, when in fact it is our 5th year post BU. I forgot both. I'm doing fine; I hope so are you.