No Contact Support Thread. Post here instead of contacting your ex.

[Cupid's Puppet]

Happy birthday wacko. You're probably having birthday sex with some new girl . I wish I could stop thinking about you.

[loststarsx]

You emailed me a short 2 sentence line, after blocking me everywhere for the last few days. I did not think I would hear from you. You said sorry for not calling and that you hoped I was ok. I guess this is just your way of washing your hands or just throw me a breadcrumb. Hearing from you really upset me, I am trying to cope. I had dreamed you would contact me, but not like this. I experience all of these emotions and I realized that I need to completely block you out, if this is all you will ever give me. It's taking every ounce of self control to not talk to you. Mostly, it's only because I cannot bare to start NC again and leave it to where I am still begging. You were so cold and honestly, I don't need you to tell me anything else that will hurt me. I think you've been talking to someone else, but, I guess, this is how you are coping. I type this being generally hopeless and unsure. However, this has to fuel me. I know I will toss and turn tonight as I ponder whether or not my lack of reply will change anything in the grand scheme of things. You know that I love you, but you know, I don't want to be the only one that is stuck in love. I want to apologize for my mistakes and for us to make sense of this. Deep down, I know it can work, but if you have decided to sever this and send me six feet under, I can't expect to get apples out of oranges. Except, I will......until I grow.

[Madd_hatter]

I can’t sleep again. Every time I try to close my eyes your face enters my mind. It’s so exhausting. I can’t remember who I am anymore. I don’t even remember the things I used to like doing. I miss you so much. I miss your voice saying my name. I miss you looking into my eyes. I miss you smiling at me. I miss your corny jokes. I miss you. Everyone is telling me it’s time to move on. I can’t seem to get myself to do that. I don’t want to. I can’t leave you in my past. It’s too painful. Please, I’m begging you, you’re the only one who can help.

 

I need you so much you’ll never know.

[Chassit]

I miss you so much, please come back

[Logo]

I hope that my posting in this thread wonÂ’t turn into an unhealthy habit after so many months.

 

I went out tonight with my friends; I had to drive through your part of town to meet them at a new place theyÂ’ve picked.

 

 

It reminded me of all those times we drove down that same road, including the time you made some hurtful comments. I should have dropped you off at your place and left you for good. Now I know how worthless your apologies are.

 

 

I tried to mingle and talk to a couple of women. But after a few minutes they made excuses and politely walked away.

 

 

I saw couples hugging and kissing each other and it reminded me of how good it felt when we were together. But that word has lost its meaning now.

 

 

Later in the evening a new friend asked me some questions about my relationships and I brought up my relationship with you. I told him how we met and how we hit it off.

 

 

Feeling disappointed and lonely, during my drive home I thought about stopping by, ringing the bell hoping youÂ’d be in. But it was just a fantasy, a what if. I canÂ’t forget what you did. I donÂ’t know if I can fully forgive you. IÂ’ve tried rationalizing it by telling myself that you just didnÂ’t know any better. But youÂ’re an adult, with responsibilities and commitments. You made a choice. And that decision is on you.

 

 

My memories about us are fading. I used to remember details, now IÂ’d have to sit down for an hour or two to jog my memory. On occasion I would hear a word, see an image or smell a scent that might remind me of you. But the past has passed. I even found myself driving by that place where we used to go for walks. It reminded me of the passionate look in your eyes.

 

 

But youÂ’re a dangerous person. You destroy relationships and destroy whatÂ’s good in your life. And you manipulate and lie so that everything goes your way, not everything or every time, but you have an obsession with your feelings of inferiority. So much so that resentment and punishment is the way you interact with those around you.

 

 

That last time I saw you, i wanted to tell you that you needed to seek professional help. But I honestly didnÂ’t care and I didnÂ’t want to come across as resentful. I hated what you did. Your betrayal made me angry. But I wasnÂ’t going to give you the satisfaction to see me in pain. In a way, it was a relief because I was exhausted, tired of your silly games. I also walked away knowing that I tried to do everything within my power to keep the relationship healthy and stable.

 

 

 

 

I donÂ’t know when or if IÂ’ll meet a person who will make me feel like you made me feel when we first started dating. You turned out to be someone else completely, anyway. So thatÂ’s a moot point.

 

 

 

 

When we started dating, it felt effortless. Everything was exciting and fun. These days when I go on a date, I feel nothing.

 

 

But I refuse to give you any lasting power over me. YouÂ’re irrelevant to me now. I feel indifferent toward you. Even when I think of fond memories I still donÂ’t know who it was I was with at the time. Was it the innocent, harmless looking version of you, or the one I got to know later on? I donÂ’t know. I had fun at the time. That much I know. I donÂ’t think much about what was real and what wasnÂ’t. IÂ’ve tried doing that, but itÂ’s a vicious cycle and a futile effort.

 

 

The only thing I miss are those moments of pure serenity and happiness that I felt early on when I was with you. YouÂ’re one out of a few billion. There must be others there who will not destroy a good relationship when they are in one.

 

 

I wonder if you have the capacity to feel guilt or shame for what you did. Somehow I doubt you do. Perhaps you never will.

[I_ambroken]

I wish I could fast forward the time. It's been 2 months since the last time

I saw you and talked to you and still hurting me that you chose the girl you meet in chat only over our 14 years of relationship. I know you're happy and at peace right now. I know that you will no longer come back and it's killing me.

Do you still remember me or misses me?

Because I do missed you terribly, I know it sounds pathetic but this is How I feel.

I hope that moving on is just one snap of a finger.

[Chassit]

N-

 

 

I am filled with wrath, rage and hatred tonight. I can't even sleep again. What difference does it make, when I do I dream about you.

 

 

I hate you so much for what you did to me. HOW COULD YO DO THIS TO ME? After all these years and everything we have been through. At least come get the rest of your ****, don't make me throw your trash away. Like you have been disrespectful enough! You won't even tell me why or what I did! I ****ING HATE YOU!

[aminae7]

N-

 

 

I am filled with wrath, rage and hatred tonight. I can't even sleep again. What difference does it make, when I do I dream about you.

 

 

I hate you so much for what you did to me. HOW COULD YO DO THIS TO ME? After all these years and everything we have been through. At least come get the rest of your ****, don't make me throw your trash away. Like you have been disrespectful enough! You won't even tell me why or what I did! I ****ING HATE YOU!

 

I really want to social media my ex or text him but I will of course REFRAIN!!!

[Madd_hatter]

I’m not mad at you. I’m so hurt. You’ve been hurting me since I was 13 and I’ve wasted countless tears on you. So many, you don’t even know. You never knew what I was going through. You’re such a good person though. I don’t care what anyone says, you’re the greatest guy I’ve ever met and my heart is in so many pieces without you.

 

I’ll never be happy unless it’s with you. I really don’t believe I’ll ever stop loving you. It’s impossible. The only way I’ll stop loving you is if you just stopped being you. I love everything about you.

 

I know you’re happy with her and I want you to be happy but I’ll never ever get over you. If you could just get over someone you love whenever you feel like it, then it was never love at all. I love you so much it’s all I feel inside of me. There’s nothing else. It’s all I think of. You’re all I think of. There are times when I think I’m getting stronger but those times scare me even more because I feel like I’ve totally lost you so I begin to feel even worse.

 

There’s no relief. There’s no remedy. There’s no cure. There is no coping. I’m nothing without you. I can’t be anything without you. I can’t stop crying. I cry so much that I feel sick.

 

Do you ever think of me??? Do I cross your mind? Do you know how I feel? Can you see or feel what I’m going through? I bet you do. It’s so obvious and I try to hide it, but it’s no use. I love you. I’ve always love you since I even knew what love was. It’s painful to have to let you go.

 

I just want to hold you and kiss and touch you. It’s heartbreaking to be without you.

[DontBreakEven]

I’m both at a loss of words for you, and yet have so very much to say. Maybe my loss of words is due to the fact that I never really felt safe enough to have words for you, and when I did, they didn’t really make any sort of dent. When I was in your town and we finally discussed the fact that you ghosted me all summer, and I told you how much I didn’t appreciate how it was handled, you just agreed and said you wouldn’t have appreciated it either. No apology, and no explanation. Just in agreement.

 

So, I guess that’s why some of these things I want to tell you, I know I wouldn’t even want to if I actually got the chance, because, what’s the point? But, I will try.

 

The first couple times you screwed me over, I gave you a pass because you were going through a rough time in your life, and we hadn’t even met yet. But, this time we had met, you had stayed with me for days, and YOU were the one who was driving everything that was happening. I didn’t finally really start going with it and believing it until I got on a damn plane to see you.

 

I’m extremely angry and hurt because you dropped this all literally at the height of it. Things were going well. We were literally at the height of things with us, going into the final trip. Like I get that your ex emailed you or whatever, but considering the point we had gotten to, how could you just so abruptly end it without even so much as saying some parting emotional words. Do you even have emotional words within you? I don’t get it. Again, just like the first time, no closure.

[Madd_hatter]

I’m begging you to get out of my head. If you don’t love me then please stop haunting me. I can’t do this anymore. I’m going insane.

 

Please let me stop loving you. I want my life back. I’m not happy. I’m not me anymore. You’ve destroyed me.

 

I wish you’d feel for 5 seconds what I feel 24/7.

 

I want to be normal again.

 

Jason I love you so much I can’t breathe. Let me let go

[NotADayGoesBy]

Today I miss you and long for you so much I can hardly stand it. We see each other Weekly at work, but this is month 3 of no personal contact. Today I wanted so badly to go see you, to talk to you in your office like we used to. I wanted to tell you how much I miss you and still feel for you even though you don’t care about me that way—you are over it. I thought you weren’t here today so when I saw your office door open, I felt sick, and hyperventilated trying to stop myself from going to you.

 

Feeling for you is not only wrong but stupid; you are not the man I thought and hoped you were. I would give anything to get you out of my head and heart. I hate that feeling for you has reduced me to a weak, emotional shell of a person I don’t even recognize.

[loststarsx]

I am a fool. I let my anxiety and attachment problems cloud my judgment. You told me that you love me and wish we could start over, with a clean slate. What about her? You're back to ignoring me. I thought I made myself clear when I declined friendship. I was afraid if I did not reply things would be completely over forever. However, after crying during my walk, I realize that I am an idiot and don't have control with what happens. I know you are confused, because even though we had our issues, you know you will never find a connection like ours. You deleted me. It's going to be week 4 now and I have to stop. I feel like I am becoming stronger, but I don't recognize myself anymore. I can't stay in limbo any longer. I want to desperately tell you to make up your mind, but we are on life support. "Under the milky way" by: The Church is currently my go to tune. I want to blame you for playing games, but I am the lovesick puppy readily accepting crumbs. Back to staring at my phone and trying to diminish these obsessive thoughts. F U and your games.

 

****** If you read this and are wondering if you should break NC because you think your ex is trying to fix things, don't. Honestly, you're going to set yourself back and pick at your scabs. If like me, you're an anxious type, read this 20 times because it's going to be exactly how you feel.

[NotADayGoesBy]

I was doing better but today I am back to wanting to cry. I miss you so very much tonight. I’m angry that others can hang with you and talk and be your friend but I no longer can. I keep telling myself I am better off, it’s my ego that longs for you so deeply, and that you are now nothing but a guy I work with. I want to believe it but it’s so hard. I’m angry at myself for pining for you because really, you aren’t worth it. Not a terrible person, but a flawed one who is like everyone else—nothing special. So why doesn’t it feel that way? Why can’t I see you for who you are? Why do my feelings prevent me, when you have clearly moved on and don’t need me and have someone else?

[Mavrick009]

...since you left. Without a goodbye. You just stopped answering the phone. Then got on a plane. And flew back home. I thought we were friends, at least. You're the one that kept saying "I Love You". Why? If all you were going to do was leave without a word. Did I ever mean anything to you more than a comfort at work? You meant so much to me, and I feel like I never got to really tell you that. One-to-one, in person, in a way that I could finally show you that, "thank you for loving me." (If you even ever really did...)

 

Your team's playing tonight in the World Series, and I can't even watch because it reminds me too much of you. You're probably watching it with him, and that hurts too. I want to root for your team, and text you "Good Luck" and after any big play, and have us be friends like we did when we first started. But you probably won't answer, because you didn't 6 months ago, why would you now? I really like playoff baseball, and it's the World Series, for Christ sakes. And I can't watch it because of thoughts of you. I kind of hate you for that.

 

My life's spinning out of control in every direction. It's not your fault, per se, but I wish I could talk to you about it. Or hold your hand. Or hug you tightly. Because I still miss your hug and the sound of your voice, and the calm that it would give me that "everything would be alright." You were my North Star in that building. I don't have that safety anymore. I haven't since you left. Things have gotten worse, and I don't want to spew it in a public forum. But I do want to tell you. Who am I kidding? You probably don't even care. I probably don't even cross your mind. And yet, you are always on mine. Get out of my head, I've heard others say... and I feel the same way. But you won't leave, and it's always at the best/worst times that you pop up. It's like you remind me of Happy. You remind me of Calm. You remind me of Safety. You remind me of love. And all of that is lies now.

 

I really need to talk to someone close. I thought we were that once. Even those times that I didn't want to let myself believe, you came and sweetly touched me or had kind words of encouragement. And it was always at the right moment. Like you had some kind of ESP that made it uncanny. I don't know why. Heck, I didn't try to question it then. I just appreciated it... maybe more than you'll ever know.

[just1looking2]

I am reading and absorbing all this input about NC.

Because men are inherently "fixers" i think the strong impulse is to take action..Can some women provide insight into what NC DOES for them, assuming they are trying to sort things out (N/C for people moving on is very clear) It seams it is harder for men who still care to let things simmer

 

I see these posts about weeks and months, and for me I struggle with days. I know its habit and it will wear off but feelings are strong magnets.

 

Just rambling thoughts

Edited October 27, 2018 by just1looking2

[KissingFire]

5 days of NC and I blow it by texting you tonight. You looked at it and didn't reply. Ouch.

 

I mean, I know we broke up on Tuesday but geeze, I didn't think you cared so little. I asked if you were around... I had it in my head that you missed me too and would come and pick me up and we could drink too much and laugh a lot in your bedroom like old times.

 

When we split, you said you were thinking about someone else, which broke me. I think too much. Who is she? How long have you felt like this? Are you with her right now? Are you happy? Do you seriously not miss me at all?

 

You really don't know what you've got till it's gone.

I was selfish and went travelling without you and now you don't care about me at all.

 

Gutted.

Lesson learned...

[Chassit]

After your message last week, I wanted to respond and tell you how much I miss you, how much I love you, how much I still need you. Instead you were met with my silence. I am so sorry. I have to do this for me. You asked me to leave you alone, so I I have. I will never heal if I keep in touch and I cannot be your friend.

 

I miss you and I love you.

[KissingFire]

You keep checking out my snapchat story... Why? Why are you doing this? I go through phases where I want to block you, I do it, then unblock you because I'm a damn fool and I want you to see that I'm doing fine.

 

Not that you care really, you're STILL at whoever's house you're at. How sad am I? Constantly and obsessively checking out your location like some sort of freak. I wasn't this needy when we were together!!! I always gave you your space and let you see whoever you wanted, because I trusted you. Loyalty was one of your only good traits.

 

Maybe it's a friend, maybe its the girl you talked about liking, either way, you never spent that long with me. I can't remember the last time we spent the weekend together and maybe that's my fault again. Work and family came first...

 

I can't stop thinking about what you said about wanting that girl. How she was "running circles" in your head. How you put that snap up for everyone to see and how humiliated I was. I know I wasn't great when I went away and dammit, I should have called you more and I'm sorry. It crushes me every single time. I've stayed busy and worked all damn day but the night comes and I'm lonely again.

 

You said some horrible things to me in our 3 years, but nothing has ever compared to this.

 

I can only hope I'm looking at this through rose-tinted glasses and that one day I'll believe everyone telling me that I deserve better.

Edited October 28, 2018 by KissingFire

[NotADayGoesBy]

I know I need to stop coming here, because by pouring out my feelings in an almost love-letter like fashion, I am perpetuating the romanticized fiction I've created around you. In this alternate, romantic universe I've created the unspoken assumption is that you come back to me in the end and everything resolves; or we continue to long for each other from afar, thus continuing the relationship without really continuing it.

 

The reality is that it's not a romance novel, that it really is over for you and should be for me; that the worst thing in the world for me would be for you to come back and say you changed your mind. I know this. And yet letting go has been so very hard. I guess I am not wanting to give up the fantasy of you. Because then it's back to my real life that is not filled with exciting moments of seeing you, sharing with you, and feeling wanted by you. It's just regular life accompanied by its regular, mundane problems. It's hard to let go of, and makes me sad to think my life will not have any more of those moments.

[justinje]

I'm only writing this to say I think this is a mistake. You told me once you wanted a guy who would chase after you when you left. Here I am torn, because as much as I want to do that, when you say something like your feelings have changed, and I'm left wondering if you really love me then it may be better if I didn't.

 

 

But what I really don't understand, is we took this time to really look and see within ourselves what the issues were so that we could try to get past them. We both did that, I think pretty accurately diagnosed what the issues were, but then suddenly you don't want to try to get past them.

 

 

The distance sucks, I know, I'm in it too. And the lack of seeing each other lately doesn't make it easier. A big part of me thinks if I hadn't canceled the trip to DC this past weekend we would have come to a different conclusion. BUT, after all this time we're 6-7 months away from being much closer, to the point where seeing each other every weekend or the majority in a month is feasible. We'd be on the same level as Corey and Rachel.

 

 

You said you wanted a guy who would chase after you.......two weeks ago I did, I thought back to the times you chased after me and I swallowed my pride and chased after you because I think we're worth it. Here, I'm trying to again, maybe not as gung ho because of some of what you said. But if there's even a 5% chance of getting that girl who drove out to MO because she was scared we were ending back I have to try.

 

 

We have problems, yes. I don't think they're insurmountable, and I certainly don't think they're worth giving up how I feel when I lay next to you at night. But I can't make that call by myself.

 

 

So here I am, I let you in that day you left my apt because I knew how happy you made me. I melted when you drove to MO because I knew how much I wanted to spend time with you. And I came to your house two weeks ago because I didn't want to believe you had given up on us. And so, here I am again, maybe for the last time. But here I am.

[Dissapointing]

It’s been over 4 months and I wish to God it would get easier fast. I have an email that the OW’s spouse sent me when he found out telling me exactly how he felt about me. It was brutal. I read this email every time I get close to reaching out to her. I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to keep reading this long term but for now, it helps me to remember the immediate carnage from our EA.

[KissingFire]

I hate that I have to defend you to everyone who tells me to just move on. Three years of my life I spent with you, and for what? You were so different, you were everything I didn't want, and yet we just ... Slotted together? I remember the first time I clapped eyes on you and all I could think was "Troublemaker... But damn, he's cute." And was I right? Of course I was right.

 

We lost our baby a few months after making it official. God, we would have been awful parents at the time. Neither of us knew I was even miscarrying until the hospital confirmed it and we were both just in shock considering we'd been careful. We hadn't even told each other that we loved each other at this point, even though I knew I loved you pretty soon. You cried, and I cried and we both mourned the loss of something neither of us wanted, yet somehow it was a moment that connected us. We named him even though it was too early to determine any sort of infant-like qualities, and after you held my hand through the agony and stroked my forehead in hospital, we burnt that box with our little sack of cells in it and we hardly spoke about him again. That was our little thing that we created that would never be. Maybe that was divine intervention stepping in, though I never was one to believe in religion. Who knows? Maybe we would have done alright with him. He would have turned two this year.

 

I miss you. I don't think you're missing me. You wanted to be a single man in his early twenties with no responsibilities, and I can't even blame you.

 

Scrap that, I miss the good times.

 

And we did have good times, didn't we? God how we laughed together. I swear you are the only soul to walk this earth that just got me. I have hundreds of videos of us on my phone of us goofing off. I am not strong enough to delete them yet. I will be... Just not yet.

 

I loved you.

 

I still love you.

 

Do you deserve that from me after all you did? No. Of course not. And I hope you'll stay in therapy. I know your messed up childhood doesn't excuse you hurting me, but I was probably the only person who understood you, just like you knew me better than I knew myself. You called me out on all my crap, you told me when I was acting out, and you knew when I was lying. How did you do that? How did you always know my own thoughts and feelings better than I did. How infuriating.

 

I miss you deeply. Maybe I am a domestic abuse victim that's stuck in a cycle and will look at this post one day and scoff, but for now, I'm a real person. I'm a real human being with real love for someone who is damaged. And in this moment, I love you and I miss you. People say you walking away from me is the only good thing you've ever done for me.

 

I hope one day I can say the same.

Edited October 29, 2018 by KissingFire

[justinje]

I think this is a mistake. When I think of the things your listed, the problems, identifying them was the first step in moving past them. I identified problems too that I didn't even get to share. Knowing, finally, what the sources for all these things are will make it possible to heal them, I have no doubt of that. And the distance, I never thought it could work, you provide me wrong. And Now, here, we're on the brink of that changing too. We'd have far more opportunities to see each other in the next few months than we have in the last few, and in 5-7 months I'll be moving closer one way or another and you'll be seeing me all the time. I don't understand you not wanting to try, when you were the hard driver, I think that hurts the most. But I have to think there's a large part of you that still does. The girl who called me Tuesday just to say she thought we could get through this. The conversations we've had lately focus on some of the challenges to get past. That's not why I'm here, I'm here because the benefit of not facing those challenges is not worth losing waking up next to you. Not worth talking to your thoughout the day. Not worth hearing your crazy work stories. Not worth our political conversations. Not worth our inside jokes (toots)......it's not worth losing this (PIC).

 

 

 

 

 

 

I kept hoping to get a message from you saying you wanted to talk again. I thought maybe last Sunday there'd be a knock on my door like there was before. That never came, and that's okay. But I know you did those things, I know how many times you told me how happy I make you. Saying that you wanted to get past the fights for the good times.....you saw that as negative but it isn't. It shows the good times are that good. It had a bad after effect of us not dealing head on with some of these, but now that we can do that.....then all that will be left is the good.

I think ending this now would be running out on a beautiful relationship that I know a lot of other people envied. And while I could show up at your door (I'll actually be in the area this weekend), I decided to send this message. Not to the girl I talked to the last two weeks. But to the girl who burned her arm in my apartment 2 years ago.....the girl I couldn't help but ask out as she was screaming at the Cubs......the girl who ran with me at 5am to see the sunrise at the Lincoln Memorial. That's the girl I'm writing this too.

[justinje]

I think you were right two weeks ago to say we needed to think about ourselves. I think that hit the nail on the head. That was the thing that was going to get us back into the light. And I know we could, not think, know we could. Everything you said I think was right, but then at the end you said you didn't think it would work out.

 

 

We were there, we had reached the starting line with a clear path to getting over this hump. But you didn't want to start. Or you were scared to start.

 

 

I think we should start. I want to start. Do you?