KissingFire Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 Hey you. I'm starting to believe I'm a masochist. I unblocked you from snapchat and you viewed all my snaps of my nice day, and then the location thing showed you were at that girls house. I assume it's a girl. I'm not stupid. It's a sickening thought. I'm so mad at you. I'm so damn mad and angry and deeply lost and hurt. Why do I do this to myself? It's torture, plain and simple. I do not listen to anyone when they say to keep you blocked. I'd have saved myself a world of pain. You never slept at my place on a work night. I hate how unbearable this is. Yeah, I'm living a happy life on social media but it's not real. I miss you so much and it's tearing me apart. I am not allowed to speak to anyone about it as they just tell me that it's for the best. But the best for who? Because it certainly isn't me. I've been an anxious wreck since we split. I want to let my demon out and message you and berate you for moving on so quick but I won't. I learned the hard way after my first boyfriend many moons ago that that doesn't work, it just leaves you looking like a fool. I hate you tonight. I really, really hate you. And I can't blame anyone else for this emotion but myself. One day I'll block you and keep you blocked. Link to post Share on other sites
KissingFire Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Not a day has gone by that I haven't cried over you. It's been 8 days since you left and 4 days since I broke NC. You've been at this new girl's place every day since Friday and I hate that I know that. I have set a date for when to block you properly and it's this Sunday and I mean it this time. I cannot go on torturing myself and waking up to my stomach in absolute knots every day thinking of you with another girl. I am ugly crying. Full blown can't breath crying. I went out to lunch and the cinema with a friend and then came home and worked out, but nothing stops the pain. I feel full of jealousy and resentment and I hate that you couldn't be honest with me. If you'd have told me you were leaving for another woman, maybe I'd have done everything differently. I wouldn't have been able to handle the shame and would have blocked and deleted you instantly. Instead I messaged you like a fool on Saturday and you never replied. So much for you love me, huh? Too busy getting busy with another girl not even a week after our break up. I feel physically ill and I bet you are just fine. After everything you did to me, it's not fair. Link to post Share on other sites
Chassit Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Not a day has gone by that I haven't cried over you. It's been 8 days since you left and 4 days since I broke NC. You've been at this new girl's place every day since Friday and I hate that I know that. I have set a date for when to block you properly and it's this Sunday and I mean it this time. I cannot go on torturing myself and waking up to my stomach in absolute knots every day thinking of you with another girl. I am ugly crying. Full blown can't breath crying. I went out to lunch and the cinema with a friend and then came home and worked out, but nothing stops the pain. I feel full of jealousy and resentment and I hate that you couldn't be honest with me. If you'd have told me you were leaving for another woman, maybe I'd have done everything differently. I wouldn't have been able to handle the shame and would have blocked and deleted you instantly. Instead I messaged you like a fool on Saturday and you never replied. So much for you love me, huh? Too busy getting busy with another girl not even a week after our break up. I feel physically ill and I bet you are just fine. After everything you did to me, it's not fair. Hang tough, you will get through. I have been there not too long ago as many here have. I am really sorry you are going through this too. Personally, I would almost rather be dead. Link to post Share on other sites
KissingFire Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Hang tough, you will get through. I have been there not too long ago as many here have. I am really sorry you are going through this too. Personally, I would almost rather be dead. I feel that way sometimes as well. I feel like I've lost a part of me that I'll never get back. I know people will say I'm young and stupid but I firmly believe he was the love of my life, and people saying "what will be, will be!" isn't good enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Chassit Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 I feel that way sometimes as well. I feel like I've lost a part of me that I'll never get back. I know people will say I'm young and stupid but I firmly believe he was the love of my life, and people saying "what will be, will be!" isn't good enough. Well, I am not so young and am most certainly not stupid. This is not even close to the first break up I have gone through. It is by far the most painful. As far as "what will be will be" goes, well it is an undeniably true statement. If you are interested in trying to get your ex back, I would recommend looking up Craig Kenneth on youtube. He is really good, uncannily so even. Personally, I have no interest in getting her back at this point. I can't allow people to treat me like that, no matter how deeply I love them. Link to post Share on other sites
KissingFire Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Well, I am not so young and am most certainly not stupid. This is not even close to the first break up I have gone through. It is by far the most painful. As far as "what will be will be" goes, well it is an undeniably true statement. If you are interested in trying to get your ex back, I would recommend looking up Craig Kenneth on youtube. He is really good, uncannily so even. Personally, I have no interest in getting her back at this point. I can't allow people to treat me like that, no matter how deeply I love them. This is my fourth break up, and only one other compared and it was with the same guy. I honestly do believe he's my soul mate, but he's also immature and can be abusive. He was getting help for it but it was a slow progress. Now someone else gets to reap the benefits while I am left in the dirt. I wish I could say I don't want my ex back, but I do. A fantasy version of him. My ex at the start of our relationship when it was full of love and laughter, not the ugly times, last year was particularly rough. I have all of his Christmas presents in my cabinet, I honestly did see my life with him. I don't have a clue what to do with them now. I go from wanting to burn those suckers to the ground to debating whether or not to send them to him. So far, I've done neither. I think about a lot of scenarios, but never go through with them. I feel my pride is already damaged. I will not kill myself over anyone, I'm far too stubborn, but sometimes I wish I could fall asleep and not wake up so I don't have to deal with this anymore. I have been through breakups before but not like this. Not where I have my heart in my stomach every morning and fear going to bed every night because I know the dreams will crush me. Link to post Share on other sites
Chassit Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Now someone else gets to reap the benefits while I am left in the dirt. I can SO relate to this. I wish I could say I don't want my ex back, but I do. A fantasy version of him. Honestly, if she came to the door right now and asked me tro take her back...I dunno I would like to think I would say no, but I can't see itwould be that easy. I do miss her. I have all of his Christmas presents in my cabinet, I honestly did see my life with him. I don't have a clue what to do with them now. I go from wanting to burn those suckers to the ground to debating whether or not to send them to him. So far, I've done neither. I think about a lot of scenarios, but never go through with them. I feel my pride is already damaged. I have a bunch of stuff that she has given that I put away. No idea what I will eventually do with it. Burning some stuff has certainly croseed my mind. She also gave me basically a whole new wardrobe for Christmas which I am slowly replacing as well. Interestingly, she had already decided to leave me at this point, if she is to believed. Why she would buy me hundreds of dollars worth of clothes if she was leaving me is baffling tbh. I will not kill myself over anyone, I'm far too stubborn, but sometimes I wish I could fall asleep and not wake up so I don't have to deal with this anymore. I have been through breakups before but not like this. Not where I have my heart in my stomach every morning and fear going to bed every night because I know the dreams will crush me. Good to hear that you won't kill yourself, also not an option here. I do get what you mean though. Oddly, the dreaming didn't start till later for me though. *shrugs* They suck regardless. Link to post Share on other sites
loststarsx Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 I am moving with my life. I know you cheated. You did not cover your tracks. It took me a few minutes to find everything. She seems sweet, but like an attention whore. Good luck with the "Princess". You're not a giver, so good luck with that, mate. I'm sure you blocked me again and don't know if you got the message I sent telling you that I know. I was not going to say anything, but I thought about it and did not want to rehash this months from on. You know what you did. She seems like everything I am not, but I know that you will mess it up. You can't escape the darkness, Holden. The betrayal hurts so much. How could you? You're a liar and lack integrity. I don't know if we will ever speak again, much less see each other. You tried to blame me for everything, yet were sticking your dong where it doesn't belong. Thanks for that. I thought we had a true connection that would last through eternity. We both did our fair of **** to one another. I've spent the last month of my life on a hamster wheel, trying to make sense of this. I will never know the complete truth and I guess I don't want to. I have made peace that this horrific ending is the end of our chapter. Actually, I am burning the ****ing pages. How could there be any do over? You ****ed me over. Now I know why you were so cold. You want to act like I hurt you as an excuse, but you're a sociopath and a chronic cheater. I have convinced myself that our 24 months were lies. You deleted me. Guess what? I deleted all of our pictures, videos, and texts as well. I don't want your memory haunting me. I know I will haunt you, though. The sound of my voice, my laugh, the fact that even with the ugly bits, you will never find someone like me. I don't want this anymore. This feeling of despair and doom. I've exhausted myself trying to find ways to win you back thinking that it was my fault you cheated, but after this, what is left? I don't know you anymore, actually, I never knew you. You also never knew me. I used to be able to close my eyes and see your face. Now I close them and you aren't there. I despise you. I can never look at you the same way. You have another thing coming if you think you can place your happiness on your current female painkiller. You're going to have to hide your ugly side, you can't do that forever. Thanks for taking her to our favorite park. Just wow. Everything you ever said to me was a lie. You did not mean it when you said you loved me and that you wanted to grow old with me. You tried to blame my depression on the ending of us, when really, it was you monkey branching. I hope she somehow catches on. Don't worry, I won't intervene. You'll mess it up on your own, you pedantic ****. I don't want to think about you or feel any pain and eventually I will not. Unlike you, I won't ever look back. I don't have any regrets anymore. I'm vindicated. You're the little kid that just wants to play outside. The boy that runs away from mom only to look back and make sure she's still there. You probably think I won't ever move on and how pathetic am. I can do better. He may not be has handsome or unique, but he will actually look at me with stars in his eyes and express his love. I can't hold on anymore. I don't want to be stuck in love with someone that cheated and left me. You make the last cheater seem like a stand up guy. I know you will talk **** about me to her to cover your tracks. I don't know whether or not karma will catch up to you. I don't need you, I thought I did. I thought I would die without you. I'm here, jaded, a teeny bit wiser, and ready to leave the pain behind. I'm sure you will contact me once I have moved on. I hope I am strong enough to not respond. Thanks for the life lesson, you wannabe Hemmingway bastard. Catch you on the flipside. The grass is not greener on the other side. Trust me. Goodbye, or rather as you prefer, "Take care". Tell her I said hi and that each time you're ****ing her, it's me you're thinking of. Adios. Au revoir. Sayonara. Link to post Share on other sites
KissingFire Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 God, am I a piece of crap. The guy I went on a date with bought me something so damn thoughtful that I burst into tears. It was the sweetest, nicest thing anyone I don't really know that well has ever done for me. When was the last time you did anything nice for me? I don't even remember. I had to beg you to buy flowers for me, and even then it was a chore and didn't mean anything because I had to ask. This guy is everything you're not. I should be happy that someone has taken such an interest in me and wants to do things with me but I'm not. All I feel is this devastating ache and longing. I feel horrible. I don't want to hurt this guy, I really don't. Now I'm conflicted, I was so sure I'd message him and let him down gently that I'm not ready to date, but why the hell shouldn't I try things with him? Why shouldn't I let someone care for me and treat me for a while? Jesus Christ do I feel awful. I shouldn't be thinking of you. I shouldn't be fantasising about you. I shouldn't want to pack all your things and go to your door but I'm still half tempted. So tempted that I called a friend and she and I are going for lunch just to stop me from doing something stupid. And breathe... I agree with the above poster. You will not be able to hide your ugly side forever. Whoever this girl is that you're spending a crazy amount of time with, she will soon see it. She will soon cook your favourite meal wrong, or she'll say something without thinking that will get under your skin and she'll see it. The weed wont keep the monster down for long and then when she leaves (and who would blame her?) you'll think of me. The girl who stood by you for three years and took hit after hit, physically and emotionally. You were getting better, but I highly doubt you'll stay in therapy without me there to encourage you to go. Is it bad that I feel sick thinking of you being gentle and loving with someone else? I want you to scream at her, punch things, make her frightened. Make her feel the way you made me feel. You always said I was the only one to make you feel that way and I was the only one to anger you the way I did but I don't believe you. Even when we got together, your ex had messaged me and told you you were abusive. I look back on that day and regret all the times my brain told me to run. Maybe she'll be the one to change you? Or maybe the sex is so great you haven't given me a second thought and you'll deal with the loss of me later on down the line. Who knows? I won't say who cares, because I care. I care too much. Link to post Share on other sites
KissingFire Posted November 2, 2018 Share Posted November 2, 2018 (edited) My mother told me she was glad to see the back of you, and couldn't understand why I stayed so long. She said that you broke up with me because you knew you'd never keep up with me and successful career and lifestyle. I feel gutted, because no matter how hard I try, I can't agree with her. I was striving for us to live and love and learn together, and I'm sick of justifying why I loved you. I loved you because you loved me. Because you had the most beautiful blue eyes I'd ever seen. Because even when I felt ugly and hated the way I looked, you told me I was the most gorgeous girl you'd ever seen. Because no matter what happened in my life, you were always there to make me laugh. When you broke up with me, you told me that you wished we'd met in a couple years. One day you'll realise you don't get to choose when you meet the love of your life. I was 21 when I met you, I lived a party lifestyle and I gave it all up for you. You're turning 23 and yet you feel like you're missing out. I understand that to some extent, but I also resent that it played such a big part in your decision. The dream I had with you shook me up last night. It was passionate and intense. It makes me sick that some other woman is getting that from you now. I haven't cried yet, I've just been really frustrated. I nearly contacted you today, but I worked out instead. What would you even say? Would you have left me on read again? Maybe you'd have told me to stop contacting you because the girl you're with doesn't like it. I'm not sure I could handle that. Who knows what you would have said? The urge has passed and I'm glad I didn't do anything stupid. Yeah, you had bad traits, and I'm sure I'll write about them soon when the anger stage of this breakup sets in. I hate that you've hurt me, but you hadn't laid a finger on me in over a year. My parents never knew you hit me, but they knew I was scared of you at one point. How could I love a monster? There was only so much I could forgive your terrible childhood for. I went against everyone and I took it all and stayed with you through therapy and this is how you repay me? A woman that loved and cherished you and accepted your problems and tried so hard to be everything you needed... I may not have been perfect recently, and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that I didn't love you the way I should have done, but boy do I regret it. What will be, will be... I will keep breathing and bettering myself. At night I pray that soon your face will fade away. Edited November 2, 2018 by KissingFire Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah_Smiles Posted November 2, 2018 Share Posted November 2, 2018 Now I am beginning to wonder if a damn word out of your mouth was honest and thinking back and questioning it all. No way you can be doing that when you were so clear of never wanting to, 100 percent definite you wouldn't, yet flash forward. Hypocrite. Link to post Share on other sites
Madd_hatter Posted November 3, 2018 Share Posted November 3, 2018 Back here again. I thought I was doing better. How can I not miss you when you have a huge chunk of me with you? I’m not a whole person anymore. You’ve literally broken me. I could have been so good for you. You would have been so happy with me. There’s no way in this world or any other that she loves you more than I do. I know in my heart that I love you more. I sometimes close my eyes and try to imagine what it would be like to be married to you. I can’t even begin to imagine the bliss it would be sleeping in the same bed as you every night. I don’t think she really knows what she has. You have no idea the impact you’ve had on me. You have no idea the mark you’ve left on me..the scars. I can’t do anything without you being on my mind. My life is just waiting..for what, I don’t even know. I’m waiting for something, something I know is never going to happen. I miss you so much. I miss your face. I miss your voice, I miss your corny jokes, I miss everything about you. I really want to see you. I wish I could see you. It’s driving me insane how much I want to see you. You should never be prevented from seeing someone you love. Please, please, please, come take this hurt away. Link to post Share on other sites
KissingFire Posted November 3, 2018 Share Posted November 3, 2018 Going out tonight. I'm currently doing my makeup and a thought of you crossed my mind. Gotta stay strong. Gotta keep reminding myself that you've made your bed. I'm gonna' let my hair down and have a fun night! Link to post Share on other sites
Chassit Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 I miss you, please reach out to me. Link to post Share on other sites
KissingFire Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 I don't know if it's the hangover, but god do I miss you today. I think back on all those times I didn't go back to yours just because I wanted to sleep. I'm so sorry baby. I didn't spend anywhere near as much time with you as I should have. I'm crying as I type this because I miss you so much and as I went to remove you as a friend on our last social media connection and you'd already done it. You viewed my snaps of me looking pretty and having a great time though. It really wound me up because I was going to do it first and you got there before me by just about an hour! Another thing you have over me. Maybe it's because you wanted to share snaps of the girl you're seeing and you wanted to spare me. Maybe it's because I was dancing with guys last night and you didn't want to see it. Maybe your new girl got jealous and did it. Maybe she caught you watching my snaps and was mad at you for still having your ex on there. Maybe it's because you just truly don't care anymore. I will never know. Either way, I'm in pieces again. I have removed you as a friend now but it stung a lot more than what I wanted. I'm glad you got to see me having a great time without you though - shame it's all a lie. I miss you. My mother doesn't understand because all she saw was the bad. But I knew you, and I miss you. God knows I miss you. Link to post Share on other sites
Chassit Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 I miss you, please reach out to me. Hmmm, well ask and you shall receive it seems. Why am I terrified now? Link to post Share on other sites
Odettefaith Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 He sent me a text saying he's not gonna change for liking and commenting pretty girls pictures on social media (click on link). https://ibb.co/nLAFoL I feel devastated. I said sorry then I have to let go. I want to but I'm really really struggling. It's hard but I don't want to go back there again. It's really hurting for me to see those comments and those heart shaped emojis that he had posted on those girls photos. I'm really hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
KissingFire Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 I went on another date with that guy today. Am I ready? No. Did I enjoy it? Yes, actually, I really did. This guy is kind and sweet and actually wants to take me out on proper dates. He played in the arcade with me and kissed me in a booth like we were teenagers. It took me by surprise but also made me smile. I actually think I like him? And he didn't have to be high as a kite the whole time either. One day you'll look back on what you've lost. A woman who stood by you through it all, and by then, it'll be too late. Link to post Share on other sites
loststarsx Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 I thought I was done writing here. Your birthday is tomorrow, happy birthday. It will feel weird to not reach out. I know you will not notice. It's probably why I was upset today. I am angry at you and myself. I understand why you did what you did and I am sorry for my own eff ups.. I'm sorry for my actions. I have a new number. More change. We are disconnected forever. XXXX is moving after all. I'm losing another person. I got into grad school, I never told you I applied. I changed my hair. I don't think we would recognize each other now. I'm done with you and everything related to your world. I don't want to know anything about you and you feel the same. I'm disconnecting from everything. I admire your ability to move on so fast. I wish I could ask how you did it. But I don't want any more answers or information. I told myself I would cut the cord at a cap of 4-6 weeks. It's time. I forgive you. I hope you forgive me. Maybe someday we will laugh about this and things can be ok. If not, thank you, next. Link to post Share on other sites
Jmurray1990 Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 Today i feel a lot better, woke up a couple times in my sleep thinking of you but not in the same way and getting back to sleep after it. i really don't understand why you can't give me space that I've asked for and contacting my family when I've blocked you on social media and whatsapp. i thought it was all in my head that you was always popping in my life as soon as i moving on, but when i actually spoken to a friends about it, showed them texts messages that i was right for the way i feel. i don't understand you, you've always said you see us back together in the future but when I've pushed you for answers you got angry told me were never getting back and to leave you alone, and an hour later your phoning me on instagram. i know you want me in your life do what as ? I'm away to live my life being single not to worry about anyone else. i actually don't want to be with you, i know if we got back it wouldn't work. i need to experience life abit more i have a job that i can travel the world and only work 6 months of the year. and i was going to leave it for you . i know one day your going to realise what you've lost, i gave you and your family everything. now its time for me Link to post Share on other sites
NotADayGoesBy Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 Once again, I am struggling. I keep hoping these days will be over but it seems as though there is an endless parade of them. All day I have been fighting back tears, and I think: how will I survive seeing and being around you tonight without crying? I just read back over some of my old journal entries and it made me so sad. You never promised me anything but you led me on with your actions. Why? Why did you let it get so far if you already gave your heart to someone else? And why did I give you so much of mine? I still miss you so much and I hate it. If I could Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind you out of my brain I would, no matter the cost. I would do anything to end this addiction to you and the pain it causes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KissingFire Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 Hey you. I went on a third date with this guy today, and I got home and realised how selfish I've been. He's taken me out more in two weeks than you did in 6 months. I want to like him so much, but he's not you. He doesn't give me butterflies. I find myself getting irritated when he wants to hold hands and touch me because it's not you. It's not fair. You got to move on within days of breaking my heart and I find someone who actually deserves me and I can't stomach it. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to hurt anyone. I wish I could hurt you though. Love figures I wish I could do exactly what you did I wish I could hurt you back Love, what would you do if you couldn't get me back You're the one who's gonna lose Something so special, something so real Tell me boy, how in the f*k would you feel? If you couldn't get me back. I still don't know if I'd take you back. I know deep down in my heart you're not good for me, or anyone for that matter, but I love you. It's always been you. Never in my life did I have passion like this. I'm terrified I won't feel it again. Lost in your memory forever. I'm yours for now. I love you and I'm sorry that I didn't encourage you and see you enough. If I could turn back time.... You'd still be mine. I hope wherever you are, you're sleeping soundly and your demons aren't killing you like when they did whenever you were with me. God, we were a mess together, but it was what I knew and I stayed, believing you were something more. I'd give anything to hear your voice, baby. Link to post Share on other sites
Jmurray1990 Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 so last night i couldn't stop thinking of you, don't know why every 3 days i go throw a mental down i think I'm scared you will forget me. I'm overthinking everything, everytime you contact me i think that you want back to me, why do i think that ? i get my hopes up and end up heartbroken again! how long is it going to take to get over you move on with my life. I don't know why i can't stop thinking of you, if you asked me back i would say no . i don't trust you and i know we wouldn't work just now so why can't i let you go. working away on this oil rig makes you think far too much. staying in scotland so will be with my friends and family! can't wait! but how am i going to move on ? i really don't see a day that I'm over, do i just come to terms that you will always be there, we had good and bad times you were apart of my life no i need to let you go. i really miss you and hope one day we can revolve this. Link to post Share on other sites
Jmurray1990 Posted November 8, 2018 Share Posted November 8, 2018 Im better then yesterday, still bit stressed but I'm better. i can see that your moving on and getting on with it, i always thought you would be pestering me in my life. I'm happy we sorted asher coming to scotland but why are you coming to scotland if my mum and dad are going back to spain the week after and would take him ? you said its too long he's going to be in scotland but how much time have you taken him away from me ? I've unblocked you last night and kept you unblocked this morning, am i hoping you text me ? kind of. will it mess up head i you do, i think so but i have to get use to it because we have a son. it really stresses me out to think that you could be with someone else over the winter period. I've been really good offshore on my first week but now I'm going down hill again, i was upset last night that i couldn't FaceTime are son i was excited to speak to him. tonight i will speak to him, tell him everything that i were going to do in scotland and i think I'm taking him to london as well. i really dont know how I'm going to move on ? is it when i find someone else ? i want to be happy by myself, i know you've moved on i don't know if you will anyone but ill probably find out over the winter period. every time I've asked you about us you told me theres a chance of us getting back but not right now, but when i pushed you last week and got you answer you told me to leave you alone and there was no chance. do you still feel that way ? because i do, i don't want to get back with you just now i know that if you asked me i would say yes but deep down i know it wouldn't work. we need are space and time, i really need you to realise what you have lost but in this job I'm away for 3 weeks at a time you don't like it. i really hope you don't send me mix signals when i have are son, if you dont ill realise there no chance of us ever getting back. but i sure you'll send something to confuse me again. i keep looking at the future to much and its scaring me, i look to much into everything. i really wondered about coming to spain and you've got someone else. theres nothing i can do about and its going to happen one day, why am i worrying so much. is it because I'm offshore and i have nothing else to do. i really cant be in spain over xmas and new year, i want to know if you are with someone else but ill be heartbroken to find out. why do i want to know! i told my family i don't want to come and thats the reason if i know your with someone i can't be in spain. writing on here is suppose to make me feel better but i don't know if its actually helping me. my life at the moment just feels like its at a stand still, past 6 months have went past and feels like i haven't done anything. I've been in spain, with my son and crying. everytime i come to spain we always ended up in bed or spending time as a family, also scared that I'm going to come to spain and i can't do any of that anymore! I've booked to go to los angeles in january why am i not excited about that ? why am i always looking at the negatives! Link to post Share on other sites
TurntSloth1 Posted November 8, 2018 Share Posted November 8, 2018 I'm not even sure I actually 'miss' you anymore. It's weird, I think about you all the time but given the chance would I even want to welcome you into my life again? I don't think I do... well I don't know, do I...? No, this is more of an obsession or and addiction. I'm so used to pining after you that it's just become habit at this stage much like brushing my teeth twice a day. You're still such a big part of me even though we haven't spoken for months. Weird. I should probably try to shake this but I think I'm on the right track and will get there in time. I can definitely feel a shift in my feelings in the last week or so. I can see all of your bad qualities with clear eyes for the first time and I don't miss them. I feel sad saying it as we did have great times together - some of my best times in recent memory have been with you in-fact, but I know there will be more good times for me in the future. I have no idea how you're doing at the moment and I truly don't think I care at this stage - it makes no difference to me either way. I hope my next relationship is no where near as awful as ours was, but after the lessons I learned from you, I don't think I'll make those mistakes and allow someone to treat me that way ever again. Thanks for that I guess... Link to post Share on other sites
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