No Contact Support Thread. Post here instead of contacting your ex.

[KissingFire]

Hey you.

 

I'm missing you tonight. I'm watching old videos of us being goofy and laughing together just so I can hear your voice. I hate that this is how it has to be right now. I hate that I'd give anything to call you and speak to you but I can't. What would I even say? You're probably with her. I wish I'd seen you more. I wish I'd given you everything. I'm so sorry baby.

 

Remember that time that homeless guy went a bit crazy at me and you stood in front of me and protected me even though the guy had a broken bottle? I've never felt adrenaline like that. I've never been protected like that. I'd never been so damn turned on in my whole life and that night I told you I was yours forever. I'm so scared I'll never feel that way again. I loved how dominant and masculine you were and you told me you'd die for me that night. What changed?

 

I am hurting and I am lost and I would give anything to turn back time.

[Borntoelevate]

Dear Ex,

 

I am not even a remote thought in your mind but I want you to know that you are still a significant thought in my mind. Right now I am thinking of you a lot, despite being 8 months since we broke up.

 

I suppose what I want to say is this, eventually I hope, once I’ve recovered, I will write you a letter. I want you to know how much you meant to me and the struggles I went through to finally get over you, but I got over you and moved on. I still care for you, in fact, I still love you, but I know we were not meant to be.

 

My letter would read roughly as below. By the time I move on (and I hope I will), I wonder if I will have the motivation to mail it to you. When will that time come? I don’t know:

 

Dear Ex,

 

I don’t know if you will get this letter. If you do, will you even read it? I purposely waited to write you this letter once I knew I had fully moved on, once I had found someone else to love and once my head was clear. Once I had reflected enough on what had happened to us to understand our story and why we ended.

 

So if you are reading this, it means I have finally moved on. I am happy and genuinely hope you are to (this bit needs reword once you have truly moved on).

 

You may not believe me, but everything I did to you when we were together, all the horrible, selfish, insensitive things I did to you, replayed in my head and tortured me up until I recovered (longer than 8 months). Not that it means anything now, but I am so sorry I subjected you to those behaviours.

 

Please know that it wasn’t because I was that person, in fact, I am treating my gf vastly different. I am and was NOT that person. I have to say this because for the last year, I was so ashamed of what I did to you. I questioned whether I was a good person. If I was a good person, would I really have been so cruel to a girl I loved? I grappled with this question again and again and again. I went through months and months of self reflection, confusion and tears.

 

But I know that I am not that person. I acted that way because I was not ready for the relationship. I came in wanting to be single, but falling in love with you. I had one leg out of the relationship and the other one in. I was nervous about committing (resources wise) to the relationship because I knew in my heart I desired something different.

 

If that wasn’t who I was then, who was I? I was the person you initially fell in love with. That was who I was before resentment over you started kicking in (6 – 9 months in the relationship). I still firmly believe we were the right couple, but met at the wrong time.

 

For months after the break up I missed you so much but I was frustrated that you moved on so quickly. You didn’t give us, me the chance to sort out the confusion I had in my head. If you really loved me, you would have waited, at least a few months. But maybe that’s not fair of me to say. In the end, I don’t know if you did really love me. The fact that you moved on so quickly means to me that you really just needed a man by your side, someone who wasn’t repugnant and someone who was in a decent financial situation or who had a decent earning potential to contribute to your life. But do you really love the person? Or are you just attached because

 

I write you this letter not to brag (at least I hope not), but because this experience, this break up, has had the biggest impact on my life since birth. It has profoundly changed how I view the world and how I live in this world. It has made me more appreciative of the little things in life, more grateful for what I have, but it has also made me more sure that I can never be so sure about what I need and don’t need in life.

 

I want you to know my story, because really this story is between you and me. It is/was about us. Having gone through something so traumatic but coming out alive, has made me a stronger person, knowing I can face, what felt like death for months/years on end, but know I can still power through.

 

<<insert about seeing photo, your tears, your endless sleepless nights>>

 

I haven’t moved on whilst I write this letter but I believe, I have hope and faith that eventually (not sure when) I will. So consider this letter my way of getting over you, of venting, but also as a record of what I will write in an actual letter to you once/if I finally get over you.

 

Borntoelevate

[KissingFire]

Hey you.

 

I was so angry today I cried. I cried because I know you're probably with her tonight. I know you're probably being the best version of you that you can offer so she doesn't run a mile like I should have. I am staying distracted, but today I faltered.

 

I am so mad at you for doing this to me.

 

I am so mad that I let you hurt me time and time again.

 

My therapist thinks being bullied as a child and my mother's drunken outbursts have shaped me to be someone who takes abuse because it's all I've ever known. How messed up is that? No wonder you didn't want me anymore.

 

I just wish you hadn't lied to me. Maybe it would have been easier to know you wanted someone else instead of lying to me... Saying you were depressed and needed to sort your head out. Why lie to me? Why?! I get so f*cking angry and mad that I want to call you and demand answers that I'll never have. I have to make peace with that.

 

I hate you tonight.

[NotADayGoesBy]

I don’t know what is wrong with me today but I feel like I time travelled back 3 months in how I feel and my progress in getting over you. Today I am no more over you than he day you broke my heart. I have felt deep love and longing for you today. How much longer can I keep this up without breaking? How much more can I take? I am a strong person but almost 4 months straight of this torture is starting to break me. The sadness, longing, missing you, stress of trying to hide my broken heart, feelings of rejection and being inadequate, shame, humiliation, jealously, loneliness, and desire and attraction to you is a burden I can barely carry anymore. Please, I am begging the universe, my own brain, Santa Claus...any entity that will help me to ease this burden. Help me get over you, move past this, and get on with my life. Please...my tank of strength is almost empty. I can’t do it alone any more.

[Madd_hatter]

Hey, it’s me again.

 

I wanted to say Hi and that I miss you so much. I have been trying to fight it but for the past two days I’ve just been giving in. Letting myself feel the way I feel. It’s easier to just let it flow but it hurts so so so much at the same time. It’s hard trying to get over you. I don’t think I ever will. People say that I need to change my way of thinking. You’re all I think of. I can’t do anything else. I even cancelled my Greece trip because I couldn’t force myself to have fun.

 

I know you’re with her.. I know you’re happy.. I just wanted to let you know that I am not. I’m not happy at all.

 

I dream about you. I hate it but it’s the only time I actually get to be near you so I love it too. I guess it’s the waking up part that I hate.

 

Jason I love you so much it physically pains me. I miss you. I need you. I can’t stop loving you. I can’t let you go. I need you back in my life, I’m nothing without you there.

 

I don’t know what else to do.

[Madd_hatter]

I don’t know what is wrong with me today but I feel like I time travelled back 3 months in how I feel and my progress in getting over you. Today I am no more over you than he day you broke my heart. I have felt deep love and longing for you today. How much longer can I keep this up without breaking? How much more can I take? I am a strong person but almost 4 months straight of this torture is starting to break me. The sadness, longing, missing you, stress of trying to hide my broken heart, feelings of rejection and being inadequate, shame, humiliation, jealously, loneliness, and desire and attraction to you is a burden I can barely carry anymore. Please, I am begging the universe, my own brain, Santa Claus...any entity that will help me to ease this burden. Help me get over you, move past this, and get on with my life. Please...my tank of strength is almost empty. I can’t do it alone any more.

 

 

Wow! I could’ve typed this myself. I really felt what you wrote. I’m so sorry you’re hurting. I know exactly how you feel. It’s been 8 months for me and no better at all. I might even be a little worse tbh

[Chassit]

So here it is, almost the day I have been dreading. Tomorrow would be our anniversary. Because of our work schedules we would have celebrated it last night. I miss you so much. I try not to think about it, you and him but it still creeps in there. Especially this last week, Do you even realize it? Do you even care?

 

I love you and I miss you.

[KissingFire]

I miss laughing with you. I miss how effortless our relationship used to be when we first met and we'd flirt at work. God you were cute back then. I'd never been more attracted to someone.

 

I miss you tonight and that's all I have to say. I often wonder if I've even crossed your mind. You've probably been so busy with the new girl that you haven't thought of me much. I wish you hadn't told me that you loved me when you broke up with me. I play it back in my mind. People in love don't do this. I truly did believe we were getting better and that the worst was behind us. I thought you were getting better.

 

Turns out you didn't want to change.

Edited November 10, 2018 by KissingFire

[Chassit]

Happy Anniversary.

[Beachead]

Life can be a ruthless b*tch in so many ways. For me, it's consistently seeing everyone around me find the love of their lives while year after year, I continue to soldier on solo. Not for lack of trying. Does it hurt? Yep. Can I do anything about it? No. Something wrong with me that nothing ever worked out? Probably. But at the end of the day, all I know is I can only be myself and if that's not enough, then f*ck em. I'm not blaming myself for anything anymore and I forgive myself for how I feel about all of it. It's my truth and I live it and nobody can tell me how to feel about it.

[KissingFire]

Hey you.

 

I wish I was at a stage where I could wish for your happiness. But I'm not.

 

Half of me thinks you'll contact me again, the other half thinks we'll never speak ever again. I'm not sure which side I want more.

 

How weird is that?

 

Either way, I am sorry for not being there for you recently. I'm sorry that you felt so unloved by me that you jumped at the first person who looked in your direction.

 

I am also sorry to say that I deserve better than that. Out of every man I've ever loved, you were the last person I thought would do that to me. You told me daily that I was the love of your life and the woman you were gonna' marry and like a starry-eyed fool, I believed every word. I suppose it's better you do this to me now then a few years down the line with kids involved... Still, I thought you were it for me.

 

Goodnight my freckle, I love you, but I love myself more. xxx

Edited November 12, 2018 by KissingFire

[Jmurray1990]

so not contact for the past 2 weeks but longest we've managed in 6 months of being finished, you told me your seeing someone else and i was happy for you at the moment but i didn't really mean it, I've been up thinking about it for the past few days. I'm sick to my stomach, the things you told me on the phone I've been thinking about you don't have a future with him, he's temp, he will never be your boyfriend and i will always be your only boyfriend.

 

i agree with you if we got back it wouldn't work, i don't want to get back with you just now but i know if you asked i would say yes. i know you need to see other people as do i, to know what i want in life. i feel like I'm doing things to show you I'm different. but you living in Spain with are son and me coming over there with no friends or family I'm going to get lonely and want to spend time with use. I'm scared i come there and its not the same, you've told this guy that we will still spend time as a family and you said if your not happy you can leave.

 

 

i just can't stop thinking of the future and worrying! if you come to scotland in christmas. do you think its a good idea ? we going to end up spending time as a family, I'm going get my hopes up and hurt again. at the start of my offshore trip i was so happy everything was so good in my life then you apart again and messed me up.

 

i just can't stop thinking of use together and i forgot all the negatives with you again. i hope i can get to a point that I'm over you and do things as a family. but ill end up trying to get you in bed or something.

 

i don't actually know if writing this on here is helpful for me or does it make me more paranoid of the future and when i should be living in the present.

[KissingFire]

Hey you.

 

Thought of you less and less today. It had been a whole few hours before I even realised. The pain of what you have done to me stings, but it stings a lot less. I know one day you'll wake up and regret letting me go. I know it. I take comfort in it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, hell maybe not until the new year, but one day you'll wake up and think "This woman stood by me through the absolute depths of hell. She stood by me while I hit her and belittled her and called her names and still begged me to go to therapy. This was the woman I was going to call my wife." And by then, it'll be too late. I hope to have moved on. Maybe I'll even be happy. Maybe I won't have thought about you for a long time.

 

Until that day, I'll keep going. I've slacked on the workouts recently, must start getting up earlier.

 

I will get through this.

[Jmurray1990]

so we spoke on FaceTime for an hour and a half last night and i couldn't sleep after it. when am i actually going to stop doing this ****! I'm fed up with myself.

we are not getting back and i don't want us to get back i don't trust you.

 

does this actually help writing on here or does it just remind me that she has someone else, she said she needs to take time out and think what she wants in life but having him makes life easier. i know we will never work out because of my job, you need to much attention. theres nothing i can do or say that can change anything. I'm stuck why am i actually going to do ? I'm really can't be assed anymore I'm just fed up, why do we keep coming back to each other ? she wants to be friends how can that be possible. only slept few hours if that last night now sitting at work thinking about you.

 

why am i hoping we get back together ? why ? really why ? why can i stop loving you! its been 7 months wtf!

 

you've moved on but your telling me that you don't know what you want in life!

 

please something or someone get me over her! I'm going

[Gingerbaker]

Hi you. We’re in no contact now, it’s not what I wanted but you do, for whatever reasons. It’s hard, but it’s ok; if it’s what’s best for you then I’ll respect that. It’s given me time to do a lot of thinking. I’m sorry we didn’t work out, I never stopped trying to make it work but you were looking for something I couldn’t or didn’t have. It’s painful, knowing that the plans we made are no longer going to happen. I won’t lie and say I don’t think of you every single day. I do. Not in a getting back together way, but fondly of the good places we went and the amazing times we made together. I do worry too, that you’re struggling with your business, usually you post every day on the work accounts but you’ve been super quiet lately. Hope it’s all ok. I used to take time out to come and help you, and I miss that. You’re a grown woman, you’ll make it all right. You’re strong.

I’m sorry about all the stuff I said and did since we split, that’s not me and you know it. I was in a crazy place. I hope you can see it; and that it only happened because it meant so much.

 

Anyways. I still do hope we can get past this crappy stuff. Our paths might cross again; I might get to see our dog too; I wish I knew what was going on in your pretty little head. Maybe you’ll let me know one day. Until then, love and best wishes.

[maybejune]

I was going through my email, and I saw the archive folder, I know your emails are there, so I clicked open and the last email was from you, few days before I came back, telling me you were sick. I was worried because it was getting worse and you didn't get enough help from the doctor, and I couldn't help you. But just in 24 hours, you went out for party and drinks and didn't go home until midnight.

 

I shouldn't be mad now, I keep reminding myself, it's long over.

 

I remember friends always want to join me for fun, and ask how I am doing -- you asked too only to find out if I was up for hangout when you were bored. You were never interested in my hobby, even worse, you demeaned me, my group, my friends and my family. So I saw the imperfections in my life, in me. It wasn't until a few months after BU, I finally realized, you were hating me, regardless if I am too good to be true, if I am nothing but ordinary, or sub-ordinary.

 

But I still want to see you for the last time before I leave, so stupid. I know it won't happen. Too humiliating.

 

Most of the time, I get , I regret of dating you and feel humiliated.

 

It's over.

[Sarah_Smiles]

I completely forgot a certain day was your birthday, the first time in forever and some would take that as progress but I take it as part of my depression and after results of everything because when I realized I forgot ( not like I would have reached out..but I mentally/internally recognize it to my self) your B-day I got upset at myself. Geesh.

[vvutnkl]

My ex wanted to meet today so I can give her some things she left behind (clothes, etc.)... I went ahead to give it to her, she wanted to talk for a few minutes and had some questions for me.. Then she asked for a hug, I accepted and she kissed me.. After a few kisses we said goodbye.

This has left me so confused. I don't want to be back to square one, where it was really hard for me, like a fresh break up (We broke up like 2 weeks ago I think).

She has no intentions of being together with me (at least she says), and neither do I.. it's just tough to feel a kiss so nicely again and miss the old times...

[KissingFire]

Day 19 of NC.

 

I miss you tonight... sort of. I can't really explain it. It's almost like nostalgia.

 

I know I'm just missing the routine. The comfort of being with someone I knew and loved.

 

Not sure I know you anymore. The man I loved would never have looked at anyone else.

 

I haven't cried over you in a few days now. This is progress, I think? It helped that I had a very nice date with a handsome police officer earlier. The thought of spending time with him doesn't send me into a panic or frenzy, so I think it might actually have gone well...?

 

I'm moving on from you more and more every day, but every now and then I miss what we used to be before it got so ugly. xxx

Edited November 15, 2018 by KissingFire

[KissingFire]

Hey you.

 

I just watched A Star Is Born at the cinema and was ugly crying by the end. I have some sort of understanding now, whereas before, all I saw was my pain. I am so sorry I wasn't what you needed. I am so sorry I let you tear the house apart because you were hurting, and all I cared about was the furniture. I should have done more. I should have held you until you calmed down. I shouldn't have been so frightened, because all you were was a lost little boy, desperate for the love your parents didn't give you.

 

I want to reach out to you, tell you how sorry I am that I stared to fade this year.

 

I am terrified I'll never love again, just like the song. The moment when the character of Ally was helping Jack in the shower... I've been there with you. I've seen you at your worse, drugged out of your mind and barely able to function. My heart ached because while the movie isn't anything like my life, I loved someone who was damaged. Who used humour to dissolve everything. Who secretly hated himself because of the things he did to me.

 

I am so sorry, baby. I am so sorry. I went travelling and turned my back on you when you needed me. I love you. I'm not sure I'll ever love anyone more.

[Sarah_Smiles]

I used to always think it odd you never dreamt of me, when starting our relationship, when apart, then when engaged and together and then separated and trying to men, never...yet I dreamed of you all the way through. I think it was because I was never on your mind, never important enough to care about in waking hours so why bother during sleeping ones. Painful but true.

[Chassit]

Hey,

 

It's been almost 4 months now. Mostly I feel better, but I still thin about you everyday. I was so angry last night. Just over the same things.

 

 

I don't want to get over you. I don't want to HAVE TO get over you. I still don't really understand why this all happened. Calling yourself a piece of **** and telling me I did nothing wrong did not cushion the blow. I still miss you so much and I know you don't give two ****s about me.

 

 

Bye.

[What_Did_I_Do]

I miss you. The way you smell. Your strong shoulders.

 

I'm trying to date other people and all I do is wish it was you across the table from me. How we were in our own vortex of talk and touch and companionship. It was you and me against the world. Until it wasn't. You told me I would never lose you. But I did.

 

I want to reach out to you but will stay away for now. Or maybe forever.

[KissingFire]

A whole month has passed since you left and it's been the longest month of my life.

 

I don't really miss you anymore. I'm dating someone new already and I never thought I'd be happy again. Is this too soon? Probably. I didn't mean for this to happen, but it has. He is everything you're not. Kind, caring, compassionate, generous... I am excited to see him. I miss him when I leave. He came and picked me up just to go to the shops with him just so he could spend time with me. You'd never have done that. You'd have complained the whole time and belittled me for not passing my test yet.

 

I honestly think I could marry this man.

 

I hope I stop writing to you soon. I don't want any lingering thoughts of you to mess this up. You've left me twice, I won't let you do it a third time.

[JFReyes]

J,

 

Wow, our chance encounter today at Walgreens took me by surprise (a little bit). I didn't expect it because I go there often and had never seen you before. Anyway, it was good to see you and exchange pleasantries after 5 years. Afterwards I felt good and confident that I have moved on. I wish you the best.