Madd_hatter Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 I’m pretty sure I’m over you. You’re not all I think about anymore. As a matter of fact, days go by where I don’t give you a single thought. There are still times when I miss you, but the good days outweigh the bad for sure. I still think you’re everything I could’ve ever wanted in a man, but I am accepting that you were not meant for me. Still hurts. But I know all hope is gone and I can’t waste my feelings on you anymore. I used to pray for us to be together. Even just as friends. But I know now that I could never be your friend without falling more and more in love with you every time we’re together. So I know it’s for the best. I want you to know I’m not angry. But still so hurt that you’d do that to me. You pushed me away when all I wanted was to be near you. It damaged me for a long time. Still not completely ok, but I will be. I will try with all my heart. I believe I will always have a soft spot for you, but I see improvement in myself for sure. You.... I can’t believe I’m living my life without you. Still doesn’t seem fair that I didn’t get my happily ever after. The bad part is, I say I’m “over you” but I know if I had the chance I’d drop everything to be with you without even the slightest hesitation so does that really qualify as me being “over you”? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
twatwa123 Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 1 month and 1 day of no contact. I still hurt. I'm not over you. It's alright for you though, cos you got a new bloke already. Urgh. Link to post Share on other sites
MINAKO Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 I am so, so, so tempted to just freaking speak to you already, but I know I cannot. I even had a vivid dream of you last night. I hate you, even though I love you. This is so hard. It is so difficult when you consume my thoughts all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
MINAKO Posted July 12, 2019 Share Posted July 12, 2019 Hopefully my last post here for a long time. I have decided to take my mind back to a time where I did not know you, my sweet bunny. When you never crossed my mind. A time when I was doing just fine. I am going to pretend this was all a dream. As if it never happened. I hope when I do see you again in the future, that I will be a much stronger person. Today I walked for two hours, just to escape my problems - feeling all kinds of emotion, thinking all kinds of thoughts. There will be a time where I will be fine again, though. I told God to spite me if I ever message you again on my own, until we resolve this in the future. And until then, this was all nothing but a figment of my imagination. Goodbye, babe. Link to post Share on other sites
Evolvetai Posted July 13, 2019 Share Posted July 13, 2019 My ex has aspergers and a plethora of other psychological differences that he has stated makes him feel emotions in a very different way to the average person. This Thursday, I really gave it to him. We had already broken up the week before, (I instigated it). There were many problematic things that he did throughout our relationship, but there was one that angered me above everything else. He said he had always wanted to be my friend, that he is friends with all of his exes, that he dated me because he liked my company and that the end goal for him was always to be my friend. I hated this more than I can describe. So I told him exactly what I thought of him on Thursday. His response was nonchalant, smug, even. It has only been a couple of days, yet I cannot stop thinking about whether I might message him, or whether he might think to message me sometime. There was an implicit No Contact set up between us, encoded in our goodbyes, but I haven't even decided whether I want that or not. Since then, one sight haunt continues to haunt me. In that room, as he smirked at me, arms folded behind his head, I could see that his pupils were dilated. Link to post Share on other sites
smellysocksuni Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 I don’t understand why your anger reached such intense levels on the day at your sister’s. I had not done anything wrong or disrespectful to you or your family, and I did not deserve what you did – to kick me out and then threaten me with the police when I was already leaving. I find it odd that you keep pointing out times I was ‘rude’ around your family, and ignoring the times when I have actually been welcomed by your family. For example, your mum inviting me for Christmas dinner (would she have done that if I had been being rude?) or your sister messaging you about how nice it was to have me over – would she have done that if I had been rude? I came and supported your mum at her first gig in years, and I got us an Uber home when you asked me to. I have always shown an interest in your family and always been polite and friendly. No one else in my life, ever, any ex partners family or friends have ever had a problem with me or the way I act. In fact, all of my ex partners friends and families have adored me – I don’t believe that I was rude, and I think you have a personal set of hang ups around your family’s acceptance of yourself/people you know. So, the entire thing at your sister’s was uncalled for and I am still pretty traumatised by the whole thing, if I’m honest. I was in an unfamiliar environment, and you did nothing to alleviate the situation. To then tell me I had to apologise to your family was totally bizarre; what am I apologising for? You shouting at me? When will you apologise to ME? To act as if I am someone you really cared for, and then end things with me for no real reason – I still don’t quite understand the reason you did end things – is also quite traumatic. To go from spending almost every day talking to you and WITH you, to you ignoring all my attempts at talking to you and ignoring me in person, I don’t quite understand. I think it was rude and really unnecessary, as again, I’m unsure what I am supposed to have done to you for you to treat me that way. For the entire time I’ve known you, you have been inconsistent and avoidant. I get it, that’s who you are. No amount of begging you to change, to value me, to love or care about me or my feelings will ever get you to. This is you. All I have wanted from you was to spend time with you. I didn’t want to marry you, or have children with you. I just wanted to be around you. I can’t see why you created so many ****ing problems. We could have spent a lot more time with each other – you claim to have connected with me and cared about me, yet you ****ed off for no reason whatsoever and to tell you the truth, you’ve broken me. Link to post Share on other sites
MeadowFlower Posted July 16, 2019 Share Posted July 16, 2019 F*ck you, and nearly anyone else who doesn't like me the way I am or doesn't accept the way I am. Link to post Share on other sites
MINAKO Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 Feels like I am gonna throw up. So much anxiety. Some days, thinking about you is just unavoidable and I am unable to pretend you do not exist. However, I am proud that I have kept strong enough to not give in to message you. Never again will I lower myself or lose some self-respect just because I miss you and cannot help but to keep reaching out, especially since you are just fine. I admit that it hurts to not talk to you, but, it always hurt me 100x more when I used to always message first to break the ice and felt so little. I still love you immensely, but I hate you as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Optimystic Posted July 30, 2019 Share Posted July 30, 2019 For the first time in a long time.. months.. I had the urge to text him today. Good thing I deleted his number from my phone.. though I do still have it somewhere. Anyway, that was a scary thought. I was so mad and hurt in that moment remembering how he took back his compliments he gave me.. and I wanted to know why he did that. It was so mean.. I never would have done that to him. It still really bothers me.. but I'm sure asking him directly wouldn't yield a comforting response.. just bring more pain. I just still want to have good memories of us.. and I hope he does of me. I will never forget the kind, thoughtful, sweet things he said.. even if he wants to be in denial about it. I hope he remembers the things I said. I don't understand how someone could be that cruel. But it's ok.. all the more reason for me to be away from him. So he can't hurt me anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rayce Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 I'm thinking of you today... the date means something to me. I hope you are well and happy. I miss you... but I'm moving forward. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Teany3 Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 Sure you can fall asleep with your head in my lap. Wake up sweetie...it's almost midnight...let's get into bed. Goodnight sweetie... Link to post Share on other sites
BlindsidedTwice Posted August 9, 2019 Share Posted August 9, 2019 How could you do me like this? Link to post Share on other sites
NomiMalone Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 Nahhhh..... you’re just a d*ck. Link to post Share on other sites
MeadowFlower Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 I 'HATE' you. (not my ex, someone else, CR) Link to post Share on other sites
MeadowFlower Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 Nahhhh..... you’re just a d*ck. He ain't the only one. Link to post Share on other sites
megan4321 Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 This had to end because I was dying inside. Nothing was going right and you must also realise that. I felt confused and I think you did too or maybe you just didn't care and it was all a big game to you. Why did you lie, why did you belittle things that I enjoy(that were good for me), why do you expect that I should pay for everything, except for the once in a while gesture. Can't ask or query anything though can I because you would always make out that I was mean, that I should be more generous and put you first with things. Don't you realise I have other people in my life who are precious to me, I wont ignore them for you all the time. Sorry you felt as if I put my children above you but when the trust and respect had gone I was't going to put you at the top of the list; sorry. So you hate my son, I don't!!! I did care; tried to be there for you. Always about you though even when I needed some support from you. The more I think about things the more I realise that you had no care for me, you were just self serving. So I wont call you even though I still think of you and some of the good times we had together. I'm sad that you're sad and I hope you work on you to find an inner happiness. Do the right things for a change! Have some respect for other people. Link to post Share on other sites
MeadowFlower Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 I shouldn't even allow things to do with you to hurt me, or give you any room in my mind, heart or life. Complete annihilation of you and anything to do with you, from my life, entirely and forever. Link to post Share on other sites
mrlee123 Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 After everything weve been through I still dont understand how you went from being over the moon with me to then just going distant and not wanting a relationship with me. For me its ever since you got this job that you went cold, you tell me things and then decide on other things... your heads so messed up. I get your new job is stressful and youre busy, but im there to help you and I dont understand why you dont want anything to do with me anymore. You tell me you just want to be friends and dont want a relationship with anyone anytime soon, well Ive treated you great, always been there for you and you just shut me out. You tell me you know im hurting and you dont want to make it worse by meeting me and maybe giving me false hope... just meet me so we can have fun and not analyze things, theres way too much of that gone on. I just hate the fact we have so much in common, so much happy memories that youre just erasing me out of your life and carrying on like nothings happened. Im going silent now, but i guess you dont care anyway as thats what you want. I've never brought you any trouble, your ex to this day is still in your life because of the trouble he brought to you and your family and how you have to chase him for loan payments.... your family love me.... youre just throwing me away for nothing! i hope one day you realise this! Link to post Share on other sites
Madd_hatter Posted September 26, 2019 Share Posted September 26, 2019 Jason... it’s been a year. One year. You’ve been a married man one whole year. I don’t feel any less for you than I did back then. I knew I wouldn’t. You broke my heart like no one else ever could, but I still can’t hate you. I could never hate you. I still want you so badly. Oh man Jason. I’m doing really bad right now. I could scream. I’m out of my mind. I hate this so much. I need you. I saw you on my birthday and you wished me a happy birthday. I’ve been thinking of you non stop since then. I can’t stop it. I can’t get it out of my head. I wanted to reach out and pull you close. Oh my god Jason I’ve completely lost it. What do I do? I want you so badly. Link to post Share on other sites
JFReyes Posted October 6, 2019 Share Posted October 6, 2019 Happy Birthday, J. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
Madd_hatter Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 I’m not doing well at all. I’m doing horribly actually. I can’t eat or sleep, I’m failing at my job, avoiding friends and family, I feel physically ill. Jason I can’t do this anymore. I love you so much I feel like I’m dying inside. I’m so hurt. I cry all the time. What do I do? I can’t go on like this anymore. Oh please someone help me. I love him so much I’m freaking out. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 I’m not doing well at all. I’m doing horribly actually. I can’t eat or sleep, I’m failing at my job, avoiding friends and family, I feel physically ill. Jason I can’t do this anymore. I love you so much I feel like I’m dying inside. I’m so hurt. I cry all the time. What do I do? I can’t go on like this anymore. Oh please someone help me. I love him so much I’m freaking out. Quite honestly it sounds like it might be time for some in-patient psychiatric care. I'm sorry you're feeling so awful . Link to post Share on other sites
balletomane Posted October 20, 2019 Share Posted October 20, 2019 I feel used. Discarded. I also feel like a naïve fool. I don't know if you ever cared about me, either as a friend or as a partner, or if I was just one of several options to you. You were the first person I'd been with since my abuser. I hadn't dared to date for years. You knew that. You knew I needed extra support and patience. If you couldn't give it, if you knew you were prone to short-term relationships with abrupt breakups, why did you pursue me? Why did you make promises you couldn't/wouldn't keep? Did my welfare matter that little to you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
girlygo Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 (edited) It's been 29 days since I ended my 13 year relationship which I think is a codependent one. Apart from 2 texts early on which were in response to my ex partner's abusive ones that went on for 3 weeks, I have not responded to any others or the voice messages. I called the police when he turned up ringing my doorbell a week ago- he was so angry and hurtful and vengeful. The police still haven't managed to get in touch with him but then all the messages stopped. I blocked him a week ago, although for some reason voice messages still come through. The last voice message was 4 days ago. He had completely changed,, sobbing down the phone, his message was 'I can't stop thinking of you.' I've been so stressed about all his texting and harassment that I don't think I had time to absorb and process me ending the relationship. He wasn't abusive like this when we were together but occasionally I felt like I was waking on eggshells or that he would get moody. Now it's hit me and I'm overwhelmed with loneliness and pain. I feel so empty and despite everything Im missing him so much. When I heard him crying all I could think of was ringing him and telling him that I love him and it's ok but it's not ok is it? The relationship was not working for me anymore but now I feel like a big part of my world is missing and it's worse without him. Have I made a mistake? How do I know I've made the right decision when I feel so terrible and miss him now so much? The urge to ring him is so strong that it feels like I'm literally forcing myself not to pick up the phone. I've only had one serious relationship before this one of 7 years and it felt nothing like this. I know he's all alone because he moved to my town to be near me. Should I remain not contacting him or ring him to see how he is? It's so strange to just cut someone off that I've known for such a long time. Does that make me a bad person? Edited October 21, 2019 by girlygo Link to post Share on other sites
Madd_hatter Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 I just want to call you and beg you not to go. I don’t want you to leave. This place will be so empty without you. I’ve been missing you for over a year now but having you move away will be so much worse. Don’t you understand you’re my air? I’m going insane and this I know. But I don’t care. I’m begging god for help. I don’t know what else to do. Jason, I love you with all my heart all my soul every single bone in my body, every fiber of my being, I love you. You’ve left me broken. I’m done. I am at the end of my wits. Please Jason don’t go. Please please don’t go. I don’t want you to leave me here. Oh my god Jason please stay Link to post Share on other sites
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