scooby-philly Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 I almost broke down and sent you a note just now. I know that's not what you want. You want to keep secrets and pretend to be the "good girl" for everyone. Why couldn't you just be yourself. It's been 5 months and you never showed any remorse for what you did wrong and for ending things like a teenager, sending me texts and IMs that you didn't have time for a relationship and then you go out immediately looking for more older guys just to get sex and have them tell you you're pretty. I realize now how shallow and lacking in self-esteem you are. And yet I can't help but smile when I think of you because I know what you're truly capable of becoming. I wish things were different, but I did 99% of the work and you always felt things where equal - which I guess shows the extent of the problem. I couldn't rescue you from your toxic family and you know what, it's not my job to - you had to want to rescue yourself and you didn't. I hope you find happiness and more importantly, I hope you find yourself. You tore my heart out...but in the recovery process I've actually become even better than I was before. I really do miss you - but time marches on and I deserve someone who puts more than token effort in and who's proud enough of me to show me off. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
andytuotuo Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 It’s 3am in the morning, I’m having nightmares and panic attacks about you. I want you talk to you so bad but I couldn’t because you told me you don’t even wanna be friends. I haven’t been like this for a while and I thought I was getting better. I’m not , I miss you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
andytuotuo Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 Heyy I thought I’d send you this. I know you said we are not friends but I thought I’d send you this. Please stay safe. Link to post Share on other sites
andytuotuo Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 I woke up from a nightmare just now. In my dreams you was with another guy and we ran into you. Wow I can’t believe how much it hurts even if it’s just a dream. I miss you and I want you Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 @andytuotuo - Sorry for your pain man. I hope it gets better. Dreams are good - in that your mind is at least open and starting to heal enough to allow itself to be exposed to a bad dream. Just remember - it's only a dream. Link to post Share on other sites
andytuotuo Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 5 hours ago, scooby-philly said: @andytuotuo - Sorry for your pain man. I hope it gets better. Dreams are good - in that your mind is at least open and starting to heal enough to allow itself to be exposed to a bad dream. Just remember - it's only a dream. Hi man, thank you for your kind words and god bless you. It’s a constant and fight between my logic mind and my emotional side. ‘She moved on. Respect her & yourself and do the same regardless how much it hurts’ vs ‘I miss her like crazy and I think I love her and I will for a long time.’ Link to post Share on other sites
Legatus Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 I feel so stupid for playing the game. I never wanted to become somebody who plays that. Somehow I want to believe what you said, that now you will be crying and sad for weeks, even though I don't want that for you. If anything I would prefer for both of us to be sad forever rather than playing ghosts. But that's what you do. Now I need to set my mind on no contact and follow through on that... Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 Hi ex. Guess what. The only time I think of you is every now and again when I remember that you used to let me do really nasty things to you. Other people can be soooo uptight. But not you. You were always down for whatever. So thanks! Hope you’re well. You might as well be because I couldn’t give two fks less anymore! Funny how that works. Time truly does heal. Buh bye 🙂 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted February 4, 2020 Share Posted February 4, 2020 Your advice was useless. All that time you spent torturing me with your social media posts and linked in accounts but your advice was wrong. I used to feel so bad about myself because you had more friends then I did, but what kind of friends do you really have. Success is when I'm happy and I'm getting myself there. What would true happiness be if I didn't have days like tonight when I'm sulking in bed. I wonder sometimes if the fact those accounts are still up means your planning to meet me at the bar for that drink when I'm 40. I will laugh in your face! Link to post Share on other sites
Legatus Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 It's surprising you're not tired of all this sarcasm. My fault of breaking no-contact because I think just for some of the time you felt what it's like. Don't worry, now I have no intentions of starting conversations or breadcrumbing like you did.. You said you preferred actions to words and yet you said so many good things when we said goodbye and then decide to act like that. I know I know, you're an emotional f***whit as you said yourself, your past haunts you, the trauma you've gone through defines you. I wish you weren't happy with how the things are. I need to realise that my need to be an outlier in your life is not up to me. I can only hope you still think of me as I think of you and focus on the good times and memories.. Even if you never say it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ms.stressed Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 Just don't. I remind myself of the feeling I didn't want...and that keeps me from reaching out. Check it, if you tell someone how you feel, the right person is going to care or show they care. They're going to hell you get through those feelings. My stepdaddy told me, "the right guy will never give you space to walk away". All my relationships have been about me giving space. I leave. I don't want someone to run after me. I just want the man I'd never want to leave. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Legatus Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 Sometimes I pick up the phone and wonder why do we have this silence. Yesterday I made the decision to visit the city in two weeks and of course I had to stop myself very hard to not think about all the scenarios. Will I see you, won't I see you, how do I behave? Bollocks. I prefer to go in, happy, and react based on how I feel in the moment, not based on my pre-fabricated ideas how I should act. But when I pick the phone up, then I start laughing. What am I supposed to say? We never really talked online so it's not like I can start a conversation. If it's something trite like a movie I saw or something that reminded me of you, perhaps it will make you feel good but I know what you'll answer will be - sarcasm. There are no more photos of us two dancing to share so that removed the only topic. Nothing to be done.. I am happier now that I detached from you as it was unhealthy but it's not a happiness that I want to flaunt in front of you. Actually I just want to show you that, had you not ghosted me, this is me that you would have seen. Yes that's the only goal. To be not my old self but new, new because I am richer with the experiences of past 12 months, but happy nonetheless. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 Gotta say, last night and this morning has been frustrating. It's been months and i realize there will be ups and downs, but starting last night, it was a def down. How did i become like you? afraid of being alone? feeling alone? I was perfectly fine doing my own thing, and living my own life... even though you were in and out of my life... for 12 years, at the end of every dramatic end, i was okay... after a few weeks of feeling down... if anything, a relief... but now, i can't get you out of my mind... there are days, where i'm living my life, trying to love the person next to me, appreciate the gentleness she is, that you rarely are.. the understanding, you rarely could give... the empathy you lacked... yet, here i am in the middle of night... angry with myself b/c i can't get you out of my head... it frustrates me to hell that i start picking and overanalyzing our past, and trying to somehow predict your current life.. are you with that new guy or did it end badly? did you end up back with your H, or are you in pursuit of another person? or was it all just a lie, to end it with me, b/c you were finally over me and didn't know how to let me go? and worse, how i try to rationalize you lying to me, as a way to think you hadn't moved on from me. I'm confused how our roles became so reversed. You used to be the one who couldn't let me go, and yet, here i am... i recognized that you were someone in my life that even when you were gone for years, i'd still think about from time to time, but not to the point where i'd be unhappy and where you'd enter my thoughts uninvited. I want to love the person i want, i want to move on from you and remember you as you are, i want to learn the lesson i need to learn, accept the good/bad you've brought into my life so that i am who i am b/c of it... i accep that, but enough is enough... i want to be cleansed of your effect on me. I hate being afraid of being alone in a room, at night... I was never like this before... I've had plenty of gf's before you, during you, after you... why are you so diff from all the rest? I don't want to place any special value to you; i accept how you affected me and i am who i am, having met you, but you are no different from the many women in my past... i learned from them all, and i learned about myself, yet you ... it's taking much longer than i thought, and it's hurting a lot more than i thought, and just when i think i've moved on with my thoughts of you, and taking stronger and stronger steps away from you.... you enter my mind uninvited, and you bring down everything about my life that i've started placing value on... i can hear your voice judging this and that, and criticizing this and that... i know it isn't you. you no longer have any concern for me or my life. i doubt you even think of me. you are preoccupied by your own life and someone else, whoever that person may be... it makes me angry that you affect me this much now, and my thoughts return to you, and you have no inkling of the suffering i'm in ... i'd love to say it isn't fair, but i also realize you went thru this each time in the 12 years we broke up... it's quite sad our fate/destiny/meeting... i wish we had never met, to spare each of us this agony we both went thru alone... yet, would i be the same person, if we hadn't? I've grown so much from the mistakes i've made with you, and during the times we did meet... i'm torn between my life long belief that all things shape us into who we are... and yet, with this much pain and suffering... isn't it better never to have met you at all? not just for me, but for you too? But i think even if i hadn't met you, i'd still be my immature self, and i'd have done this with someone else..anyway.... but that's fantasy and i did meet you, and i did commit my wrongs... i guess facing the personal aftermath is part of growing as a human being... yet during days and nights like these... i wish i had never met you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
andytuotuo Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 Heyy how are things!? Hope you’re staying safe in this virus thing! Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 I get moments of anxiety and self doubt when I feel like an absolute loser and that I'll never find connections again. At times it discourages me from attempting to reach out or do things but I tell myself that just because people don't like you does not mean that you are not a likeable person. I still go to the gym and force myself to do things that keep me moving forward. I subscribed to these great dating coaches on YouTube and have taken up lectures through the local university so I can enhance my knowledge. When I go back to work full time, I won't be able to attend the lectures but I might be able to interact with people while I'm there. I posted an ad for some female friends. I definitely feel stupid sometimes but you have to make the changes if you want to see change. A decent person would appreciate someone who's trying! I've always been too scared to completely open up but reading the latest posts on this thread has helped me tremendously. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 8 hours ago, Realitysux said: I get moments of anxiety and self doubt when I feel like an absolute loser and that I'll never find connections again. At times it discourages me from attempting to reach out or do things but I tell myself that just because people don't like you does not mean that you are not a likeable person. I still go to the gym and force myself to do things that keep me moving forward. I subscribed to these great dating coaches on YouTube and have taken up lectures through the local university so I can enhance my knowledge. When I go back to work full time, I won't be able to attend the lectures but I might be able to interact with people while I'm there. I posted an ad for some female friends. I definitely feel stupid sometimes but you have to make the changes if you want to see change. A decent person would appreciate someone who's trying! I've always been too scared to completely open up but reading the latest posts on this thread has helped me tremendously. As I have had to re-learn and re-teach myself in the past 6 months, especially the past 2 as I dipped into depression and moodiness and a lack of focus not from the breakup but from the larger "threads" of my life becoming clear - 99% of the time other people don't think about us. And they most definitely don't know everything about us. If you learn to love yourself you will exude that and attract others. Now, some of them will not love themselves, but you'll be able to pick up on that and then decide if you want that or want to find someone healthy and loving. Remember, everything we think about what our lives, relationships, careers, finances, homes, etc., should be like - comes from our family, our friends, the media, and even the subconscious thoughts we have. You can recondition yourself and always reminder yourself - what you see in others is only your perception. Look at how many miserable people there are, how many miserable relationships there are, and how many things you can list and be thankful for. Trust me, I know it's not easy. And congrats on pushing yourself forward! I need to get back to working out every day M-F this week so I can drop the 20-25lbs I want and need to drop! Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 To my ex- I’m still standing. Bite me! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 1 hour ago, K.K. said: To my ex- I’m still standing. Bite me! Which body part? Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 He knows where. .. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 Sorry for the banter, I actually have no intention to contact any of my exes, I just want to stay as far away from them as possible, and its probably mutual anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 It’s ok. I like banter. But probably off topic and I’m already skating on thin ice. 🥴 Yes. Down with ex’s. There. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
spiritedaway2003 Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 On 2/13/2020 at 10:55 AM, 2BGoodAgain said: it's quite sad our fate/destiny/meeting... i wish we had never met, to spare each of us this agony we both went thru alone... yet, would i be the same person, if we hadn't? I've grown so much from the mistakes i've made with you, and during the times we did meet... i'm torn between my life long belief that all things shape us into who we are... and yet, with this much pain and suffering... isn't it better never to have met you at all? not just for me, but for you too? But i think even if i hadn't met you, i'd still be my immature self, and i'd have done this with someone else..anyway.... I think about this a lot. And that agony is pretty raw. At the same time, I don't wish that I hadn't known him either (even though things had been painful for both him and me, and everyone involved). All lessons in our lives are what help shape us into who we are, for better or for worse. How long has been been since she left? Link to post Share on other sites
andytuotuo Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 Hey, I was just thinking about the conversation you told me you were going to Disney for Christmas. I know you tried, tried to be civil and friendly with me. Even if some words hurt me deeply, but I still managed to mess up one conversation. We weren’t nearly where we used to be and I understood that. I didn’t know what I was looking for. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. I tried to apologize even if I wasn’t sure it was my fault. here we are. Hope you are doing well. Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 @beached I still have bad days but I already recover a lot faster. I give myself pep talks all the time. I'm not in any position to give anyone advice but I definitely read all the posts on here. I hope I can be in a position to give helpful insight and advice in the future. @scooby-philly Go to the gym if that's what you want. I feel amazing and I'm already feeling more confident in myself. I didn't feel like working out yesterday but i forced myself to and I'm so glad I did. No one ever says "I regret working out today". I believe in looking and feeling your best! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 There's a thread I responded to that was just created a week ago or less. The poster called it "Afterwards, if you could do ONE thing different...". Yeah - I would have left your sorry ass in Florida the first time you acted up and acted like a 12 yr old. I mean seriously....it will be 6 months this coming Friday. You ran away without even having the balls to face me. After I was there when you had no friends to open up to, when you had no family you could be yourself around, when you had NO ONE to cry to about your frustrations, your fears, your worries. Crying in my car. And then you run - for no reason other than that's your nature. You run, maybe, because for once in my life I let my guard down and let myself be needy for a bit. And really - I'm not perfect and I know there were times I said or did the wrong thing - but truly, honestly - I couldn't have been any better for you. And you threaten to abandon men and leave during vacation - which I paid for mind you - because I wanted to clean the condo development's pool so we could us it? Okay - yeah - that's my one thing - see you for who you truly are. And dump your sorry ass at that point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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