Will87 Posted April 10, 2020 Share Posted April 10, 2020 I cannot believe how reckless you have been with your life. I hate you for what you have done to me, I am slowly rebuilding myself to be a better version of myself. You now have your boss as your lover with two children, how stupid can you be. You have chosen to escape from your reality but the cards will come crashing down. Do not ever contact me again Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted April 11, 2020 Share Posted April 11, 2020 I am over the guy but not the rest of it. It's violating and it made me feel very empty! Trying to find a therapist to deal with emptiness. Link to post Share on other sites
MeadowFlower Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 (edited) Well that's pretty clear. Edited April 12, 2020 by MeadowFlower 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 (edited) 7 hours ago, MeadowFlower said: Well that's pretty clear. You don't even know my situation! Everybody on the planet is after the exact same thing. The guy completely played with my emotions. He not only hacked me but he had people in my city that he doesn't live connect with me and tell me to move on so I was moving on. Then he writes about reconnecting and falling in love. I'm a human being and unlike you seem to be doing, I accept things about myself and that was a really difficult and painful experience. I told him to leave me alone and he still didn't .. now I'm not completely over it and trying to be and using a forum as a crutch and I'm being judged! That's rediculous. Someone worth your time would never do to you what this guy has done to me and he has rubbed my nose in my mistakes for a long time. I'm not going to feel bad for using a forum to try and help myself move on. But you do seem pretty awesome @MeadowFlower like maybe you don't give yourself enough credit. Edited April 12, 2020 by Realitysux Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 7 hours ago, MeadowFlower said: Well that's pretty clear. What’s clear?! Just when I think you can’t get any more enigmatic, whoomp there it is! Oh Meadowflower, what are we gonna do with you. Spit it out already, sistah! (((( 💙 )))) Link to post Share on other sites
MeadowFlower Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 @Realitysuxin case you or anyone thought this, my post had nothing to do with you or your post. 👍 Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 Let's calm down people. @Realitysux - if someone doesn't tag you in a thread like this that anyone can come on and post related to the topic or doesn't mention your username or at least somehow reference what you were saying somehow, you cannot assume their thread has anything to do with you if you were the last person to post. Also, since no one has said it yet on this or the coping thread - sometimes it would be easier to respond to you if you would create a new thread and post there - a lot more people might view your thread and offer advice as it would appear in the "coping" forum as a separate topic. Just want to be helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, scooby-philly said: Let's calm down people. @Realitysux - if someone doesn't tag you in a thread like this that anyone can come on and post related to the topic or doesn't mention your username or at least somehow reference what you were saying somehow, you cannot assume their thread has anything to do with you if you were the last person to post. Also, since no one has said it yet on this or the coping thread - sometimes it would be easier to respond to you if you would create a new thread and post there - a lot more people might view your thread and offer advice as it would appear in the "coping" forum as a separate topic. Just want to be helpful. First of all, I know where I'm posting and I'm not posting for advice. I was wrong to assume but in my defense, real people in my province which is two provinces from where he lives has been so disrespectful and dumped me on his behalf when if you read my threads, I already knew this .. now he's trying to tell me to be myself and find someone who loves me for me but I have constantly asked him not to try and give me any advice so as a result I am like an electricuted cat. I'm a mess! I actually cried twice at work and I feel crazy ... I am only trying to pull myself together. I'm working with a life coach now and I'm focusing on what I want now. I'm not interested in dating. During the virus,I just want to post on this forum. I have no one to talk to about any of this and I'm not in good shape. I am not going to settle. I'm going to pull myself up! Edited April 14, 2020 by Realitysux Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 8 minutes ago, Realitysux said: First of all, I know where I'm posting and I'm not posting for advice. I was wrong to assume but in my defense, real people in my province which is two provinces from where he lives has been so disrespectful and dumped me on his behalf when if you read my threads, I already knew this .. now he's trying to tell me to be myself and find someone who loves me for me but I have constantly asked him not to try and give me any advice so as a result I am like an electricuted cat. I'm a mess! I actually cried twice at work and I feel crazy ... I am only trying to pull myself together. I'm working with a life coach now and I'm focusing on what I want now. I'm not interested in dating. During the virus,I just want to post on this forum. I have no one to talk to about any of this and I'm not in good shape. I am not going to settle. I'm going to pull myself up! I'm just trying to be helpful and make a suggestion. We're all here for each other. And no one here will attack you. Just letting you know that you hit meadowflower pretty hard when her post had nothing to do with you - so just wanted to make sure you understood how this thread worked. Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 @scooby-philly thank you and I'm very sorry to @MeadowFlower for being insensitive or coming across to hard. I'm in a very selfish place right now. I will probably never post my experience and I don't think I'll tell anyone other then my life coach about what transpired. I missed out on my entire 30's and the guy is giving me advice daily! I don't appreciate it, I don't want it and I'm not going to ever thank this guy down the road. I'm just trying to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 (edited) This is now just a rant. It was my choice as to what guy I would let in to my life and I didn't choose him but he hacked me and shared with a lot of people. I had a choice who I wanted to let in and he took that choice away from me! Trying to leave trails for me later too. You want me to move on or remember you? Edited April 14, 2020 by Realitysux Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 (edited) I pay my life coach 65 dollars and hour and I don't mind sharing some of the techniques he gives me with my fellow copers. I'll get to that but first I feel like every bone and muscle in my body shaking like it's a dependent for me and I'm weening myself off. My first technique is to breath in 5 and out 7 while I say they are your past, not your present of future. My second technique is to think about what I want without these people. My next session is Thursday and I'll share more as he gives them to me! I'm heading to work and today is day 1 without any contact. I always had too much contact so I wasn't healing. Edited April 15, 2020 by Realitysux Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted April 17, 2020 Share Posted April 17, 2020 I can't do it. I don't have anyone to talk to and today at work,I could not focus or concentrate! I will in time but I'm at peace with the reality now so I can do this. I'm not on here thinking the guy will be back at all. I'm just on here because I need to cope. I might post pone my life coach until the virus is over and just get by .. like everyone else is Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted April 17, 2020 Share Posted April 17, 2020 I'm doing much better tbh but I am not reading .. I'm a actually worried I'll check and they will all be gone. I do have faith in the connection but he did tell me to move on and I'm respecting his wishes but I do feel much more normal. I didn't like being connected to anyone who was involved and telling me to move on! I feel sane again. Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 (edited) There is too much if an audience for me. I felt a little angry at the audience for not even giving me an opportunity to speak with you, there was nothing for me to tell really. They found everything they could, shared it with you and you made a decision based on that. There wasn't anything for me to say or do. I don't have time to waste on this. Unfortunately, you didn't come to me directly or give me an opportunity. You can have this. I am leaving it. There is nothing for me to say. Enjoy the stories. I'm sure they will help several other people. I have spoken my last word. Edited May 13, 2020 by Realitysux Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 (edited) I'm very sorry to you for the way I treated you over the course of 7 years. It's sad because you were a victim of my obsession for you and you still tried to help me inspite of how I treated you. I was too selfish. I pushed you away but I didn't really want you to go so there was manipulation in those emails. I knew that you would be with someone and I was not able to be a supportive friend to you while you were going to date women (it sounds so stupid now). I harassed you because I was also obsessed with you and I am very sorry that it happened. I may have sounded like I blamed you but it wasn't your fault. I can tell you are a very generous, brilliant and caring person so I really do believe you deserved better from me and anyone. I hope you are able to move on from my abuse because I never should have done that to you. It was selfish and cruel. I was not thinking about you at all. Thank you for your help! I would never even try to interfere in your relationship. I just used your girlfriend to lash out at you. You deserve to be happy .. Edited May 14, 2020 by Realitysux Changed the word smart to brilliant Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted May 22, 2020 Share Posted May 22, 2020 I am so sorry J for what I have done to You. I feel horrible about my actions and enough to change them immediately. You really have been my inspiration through this and just the thought of seeing you again after all these years, is what keeps me going. I hope it happens! It can happen any day now but when you're ready. I'll keep busy in the mean time .. Fingers crossed! I don't know you well enough to go any deeper emotionally for you right at the moment. I do want to see you again! Link to post Share on other sites
MeadowFlower Posted May 23, 2020 Share Posted May 23, 2020 I like you. It's probably not mutual. (not the ex) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MeadowFlower Posted May 23, 2020 Share Posted May 23, 2020 Maybe I won't even hear from you again Link to post Share on other sites
MeadowFlower Posted May 29, 2020 Share Posted May 29, 2020 It would be nice to be your special friend. Link to post Share on other sites
MeadowFlower Posted June 4, 2020 Share Posted June 4, 2020 I might not hear from you again. I don't mean much to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted June 5, 2020 Share Posted June 5, 2020 (edited) I'm going to build a fire and I have a friend from work to sit and have a few beers with me. Edited June 5, 2020 by Realitysux Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted June 21, 2020 Share Posted June 21, 2020 (edited) Well , this could be just the place and thing l need, so thx guys. Maybe talking to myself in this out of the way little spot among others dealing with pasts too , might help me sort you out. God knows l have enough crap in life right now and your gone and there's someone else now and we hope to build a new life together. but she does have some stuff, big stuff and 2 yrs and we're still not sure if it will be doable because of that. but then there is you. lt's not that l love her less , truth be she's a far better gf and partner you were and we get along so well, want the same things, live the same and have a beautiful life when she's here , which is still only on and off, bc of her stuff. But you will always hover, through thoughts and heart. She has over powered you before and if we were together all the time you would at least fade, but with our on off sitch the way it is half the time l'm just not sure wth l'm even at with us and l'm alone a lot too bc she's half the time up home again trying to fix that stuff, that could be another 12mths yet, the legal fkheads don't know , and now with all this covid crap they know even less. So of course it does leave more time than usual to remember and think. The way we ended has never left me though really anyway , apart from during some moments with her , but then she's gone again . lt wouldn't matter though , this was never gonna be an easy thing for you n me . Most people could live 200yrs and never find a you n me so of course this stuff doesn't just go away, not in a yr, 2, 5 , probably ever , even with new and genuine love and lives. l think we can love 2 , and lt's not that l didn't still love you , or her, it's just that it couldn't be. Apparently .!!!! We had our crazy ways apart from this bizarre once in a lifetime other thing we also had. And they stopped it , and us , every time. How two people could have this freak of a thing we did have that neither of us had ever found in our 50yrs each , yet this other side too that stopped us in our tracks every time , l'll never understand. Or was that just more you , did you really have bpd , that l'll never know either . Were you like that with ex h , or anyone else before , l don't know. Sometimes in your stories it sounded like you were , l don't know. l tried everything , and every possible angle , every way l could dream up , to keep us on an even keel . Seems no matter what l did or tried though , you always still just had your 3 or 4 wk threshold limit , but then the pot just had to boil over. lt was the same every time in our 3yrs. Maybe that was our situation , it was hard , self sabotage , don't know that either, but you were so all over the place that was near impossible to fix. And last we spoke was after l'd since met her and even though l hadn't been with her 5mths at that moment anyway because of her stuff up home , didn't even know if we would even be together again at that point , and she knew you and l had talked anyway , l realized though how you felt , in your head and heart that l'd betrayed you. Even though you ended us anyway , l know why , and l know it wasn't about feelings , just the situation. But you still expected me to wait and be there , forever , still devoted , even if we couldn't be , the way you are deep inside , l know. So l could see your last was about her , but it always happened that's the thing , before her anyway. 3 yrs , it still always happened. Maybe it was me and our setting you off , maybe it wouldn't happen with someone else. You always thought l should've made it happen and maybe l should've could've. But you weren't an easy people to plan around love with all you chopping and changing , a man needs to see some serious stability and dependability before he bothers going out on those kinda limbs for you. But still , l know in your mind you were being all that , by being 100% loyal to me no matter what for 5yrs and l feel you probably still are now and we now that whenever we feel each other the other was also feeling the same , even from the other side of the planet, it was always right , every time. But love , you are a stunning , beautiful woman, with more soul depth and personality , courage , in one hand than anyone l've ever known and even with your thing , your undying loyalty still deserves the best man out there and you could have him and if not us then you should. God knows you could have anyone you wanted , and your just too much to waste. We will be if she can clear hr stuff up , because we also have so much , you two are ironically amazingly alike and both one in millions. But you and l would've never found that even keel love , maybe you would with someone else. Maybe he pushes the right buttons like she can with me , and it just doesn't happen and you feel stable and assured and happy . But after our last time l'm convinced finally we'd never be that, and so l think you should let it go and open that door again love , let him in , don't waste yourself. Your such an incredible and rare jewel in this crazy insane world of these days , in which most women could not even stand in your shadow , l told you that last time , and l meant every word , despite whatever. But you are still in heart and mind , you know that , you'll feel it too, and l'm thinking it'll always be that way , even in new lives . But l think that's o , l don't think the Gods would mind . My gf told me she will always love her ex h , but she'll always love me too. l can't understand that and how it can be and l have that with you and she knows that too, Edited June 21, 2020 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted June 21, 2020 Share Posted June 21, 2020 (edited) l "can" understand that , just can't edit it now , but l think that's what we're up against , and we'll just have to deal and live with it l think. My gf says l too overpower him , but yet he will also remain . And l think that will be us and if you allow yourself to let him in , you too. l'd never set us free , if not for our last time. Reasons justifications on that time in particular, or not , we just could never seem to get it love no matter what circumstances . l do believe though you could have peace with the right person. Edited June 21, 2020 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 And maybe you'll find this , or you'll just feel my thoughts and heart as you always have , but either way l want you to be free, to love again and to do yourself justice and worthy, Link to post Share on other sites
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