I found a new lingere set and thong hidded under his underwares in his drawer.

[squarewheel6]

my bf and I have been dating for 7 months. Things seem to be fine, met his family and his 21 years old daughter a few times. Because we live an hour driving, we spend only weekend or long weekend together.  I am working on my computer and need a pen to write soemthign down. I went to the bedroom and opened on of his drawer to sear for a pen. I found his underwear (which is unusual becuase he has a drawer to keep only underware). I grabbed his underware and found a new set of lingere (still in the sealed clear bag), and near from each other, another thong hidded under his second unwear. I am unsure what is going on there? 

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, squarewheel6 said:

my bf and I have been dating for 7 months. found a new set of lingere (still in the sealed clear bag).

Is he divorced? This is probably something forgotten in the draw from before you met. It's unused so whatever it's purpose was no longer exits.

[squarewheel6]

He divorced long time ago and this is a new thing I just saw. We don't have anything anniversary or birthday coming up. 

[Happy Lemming]

They could be his and he likes to put them on (alone).  Were you able to see the size?? 

[introverted1]

What led you to look through his drawers in the first place?  I'd say that is worth exploring.  No one I know stores pens in their dresser drawers.

[stillafool]

7 hours ago, squarewheel6 said:

I went to the bedroom and opened on of his drawer to sear for a pen. I found his underwear (which is unusual becuase he has a drawer to keep only underware).

I've never heard of anyone keeping pens in their bedroom drawers unless it's the nightstand or a desk.  Are you sure you weren't snooping?  

What did he say when you asked him about the things you found?

Edited August 8, 2022 by stillafool

[basil67]

48 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I've never heard of anyone keeping pens in their bedroom drawers unless it's the nightstand or a desk. 

The confusion could be due to the cultural use of words.   For instance, we don't use the term 'nightstand' in Australia.   I have large set bedroom drawers (the tallboy) and a small set of bedroom drawers beside my bed.  And it has pens in it!  

[Alvi]

On 8/8/2022 at 9:59 AM, Happy Lemming said:

They could be his and he likes to put them on (alone).

Yes, this is what first came to my mind. There might be a whole other side of this guy that you are not aware about. It's highly unlikely, if let's say, he was cheating on you, that some woman forget or leave her lingere  together with her thongs in his nightstand. The question would be if you would be OK with that other side of him?

 

On 8/8/2022 at 5:51 PM, basil67 said:

The confusion could be due to the cultural use of words.   For instance, we don't use the term 'nightstand' in Australia.   I have large set bedroom drawers (the tallboy) and a small set of bedroom drawers beside my bed.  And it has pens in it!  

OK, thanks for explaining. Makes sense now.

[Happy Lemming]

Just now, Alvi said:

Yes, this is what first came to my mind. There might be a whole other side of this guy that you are not aware about. It's highly unlikely, if let's say, he was cheating on you, that some woman forget or leave her lingere  together with her thongs in his nightstand. The question would be if you would be OK with that other side of him?

Many, many years ago, I worked with a woman.  Her husband (a large burly gentleman) was an "Over the Road" long distance trucker and she would pack (oversized) women's underwear, etc. in his bag.  He liked to wear them at night when he slept in the truck.

I have no idea why she shared this fact with me and I really don't remember how we got on the subject, but it stuck in my mind.  I can only assume (that for some men), it brings them solace and/or comfort to wear women's underwear.

[Alpacalia]

What size is the lingerie? Would it fit a grown man?

[Wiseman2]

On 8/8/2022 at 11:47 AM, squarewheel6 said:

He divorced long time ago and this is a new thing I just saw. We don't have anything anniversary or birthday coming up. 

You don't live together, you've only been dating 7 months and he wasn't a monk before that.  You just happened to notice it now but you really don't know how long it's been there. You seem to be afraid that it's some sort of evidence of cheating.

Whatever it is forget about it. It has nothing to do with crossdressing or birthdays or anniversaries. 

[giotto]

They are for his use or he is seeing another woman.

[smackie9]

I think he uses them for his masturbation theatre/sexual fetish. He might wear them or he likes touching in some form while he fantasizes. Usually women provide their own lingerie

[smackie9]

To add it would have been more alarming finding them either under the bed or in the laundry hamper am I right?

[Alpacalia]

Seeing him prancing around the house in it would have been more alarming.

[squarewheel6]

On 8/9/2022 at 9:10 PM, Alpacalia said:

What size is the lingerie? Would it fit a grown man?

The lingerie and thong are in size small. And he is a 6'3 tall guy with 230 lbs. 

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, squarewheel6 said:

The lingerie and thong are in size small. And he is a 6'3 tall guy with 230 lbs. 

You're only dating 7 months and Don't live together and he has been dating since his divorce. Add to this he has adult female children. And you claim the packages are unopened. So the crossdressing thing seems to have been mentioned in jest.

What exactly do you think it is? Cheating or forgotten in the drawer by a former lover or one of his kids? 

 

[glows]

On 8/8/2022 at 8:26 AM, squarewheel6 said:

my bf and I have been dating for 7 months. Things seem to be fine, met his family and his 21 years old daughter a few times. Because we live an hour driving, we spend only weekend or long weekend together.  I am working on my computer and need a pen to write soemthign down. I went to the bedroom and opened on of his drawer to sear for a pen. I found his underwear (which is unusual becuase he has a drawer to keep only underware). I grabbed his underware and found a new set of lingere (still in the sealed clear bag), and near from each other, another thong hidded under his second unwear. I am unsure what is going on there? 

Just ask him what it’s for in person. You’ll be able to see from his reaction whether he’s telling the truth. You’ve been dating for seven months and have access to his home while you’re working.

If you both can’t feel comfortable speaking with one another or bringing up what’s on your mind what’s the relationship for in the first place? Work on being more communicative together and don’t accuse him of anything. Listen to what he has to say. 

[Alpacalia]

3 hours ago, squarewheel6 said:

The lingerie and thong are in size small. And he is a 6'3 tall guy with 230 lbs. 

What are your thoughts on this? What's worrying you about it?

Agree with others.

Could you simply ask him? Or is it that perhaps you don't want him to know that you looked through his drawers.

Edited August 14, 2022 by Alpacalia

[squarewheel6]

11 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

What are your thoughts on this? What's worrying you about it?

Agree with others.

Could you simply ask him? Or is it that perhaps you don't want him to know that you looked through his drawers.

I really don't want him to know. 

[squarewheel6]

26 minutes ago, glows said:

Just ask him what it’s for in person. You’ll be able to see from his reaction whether he’s telling the truth. You’ve been dating for seven months and have access to his home while you’re working.

If you both can’t feel comfortable speaking with one another or bringing up what’s on your mind what’s the relationship for in the first place? Work on being more communicative together and don’t accuse him of anything. Listen to what he has to say. 

The problem is just me who doesn't want to talk about things that has been bothering me. He is a person who will ask right away if something goes wrong. I think I should be more open to talk about anything that is in mind. Thank you. 

[glows]

3 minutes ago, squarewheel6 said:

The problem is just me who doesn't want to talk about things that has been bothering me. He is a person who will ask right away if something goes wrong. I think I should be more open to talk about anything that is in mind. Thank you. 

Give it a shot. Do things differently. This is someone you’ve been seeing for only seven months. Don’t let it turn into seven or seventeen years having the same questions or issues bothering you. It’s also not fair to your partner if you’re second guessing the relationship or have things bothering you yet pretending that everything is fine. Were you punished or hurt in the past for being open or speaking up? I’m referring to your hesitancy. 

[squarewheel6]

3 minutes ago, glows said:

Give it a shot. Do things differently. This is someone you’ve been seeing for only seven months. Don’t let it turn into seven or seventeen years having the same questions or issues bothering you. It’s also not fair to your partner if you’re second guessing the relationship or have things bothering you yet pretending that everything is fine. Were you punished or hurt in the past for being open or speaking up? I’m referring to your hesitancy. 

I was in the relationship where I couldn't speak up for things over 10 years. 

I have been trying to speak up and be more open. 

 

[glows]

Just now, squarewheel6 said:

I was in the relationship where I couldn't speak up for things over 10 years. 

I have been trying to speak up and be more open. 

 

I’m sorry to hear this. If you feel safe it’s fine to tell him how you feel. It’s good you’re recognizing a need for more communication.

If you’ve been in an abusive relationship in the past try not to repeat the same patterns dating the same kind of abusive partners. Part of trusting your instincts and making new decisions is you healing and moving on from the past.

Not everything warrants a conversation but after seven months it’s a good time to ask yourself whether this man is much different from the other partners you’ve known or your ex. Building intimacy starts with feeling safe enough to communicate. 

[Alpacalia]

26 minutes ago, squarewheel6 said:

I really don't want him to know. 

That's understandable. 

I wonder if there is a chance that the size of the lingerie is the same as yours.