I found a new lingere set and thong hidded under his underwares in his drawer.

[squarewheel6]

4 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I understand.  I was asking why he made that comment to you?

That's what I truly don't know. 

[squarewheel6]

2 minutes ago, S2B said:

And it’s pointless to waste more time with this guy who isn’t treating you right!

I totally understand that. 

[squarewheel6]

4 minutes ago, S2B said:

Do you expect to go see him this weekend?

if it were me - I’d be busy busy busy…and I wouldn’t respond to any texts from him either.

start looking for a better choice in a man.  This guy looks like a player. 

I do not expect to see him this weekend, I have a plan with my girlfriends to take the dogs out together. 

He still keep texting me like nothing happens. 

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, squarewheel6 said:

That's what I truly don't know. 

I think 7 months is long enough to know if you're in love with someone.  If he's talking to another woman too, ,my guess is he is not.

[squarewheel6]

Just now, stillafool said:

I think 7 months is long enough to know if you're in love with someone.  If he's talking to another woman too, ,my guess is he is not.

That's what my friends comment to me as well. I don't think he is in the same page with me. 

[squarewheel6]

10 minutes ago, S2B said:

The guy has another person’s lingerie in his room - AND he’s chatting with other women!!! He’s NOT committed to you! He likes that you are convenient - but that doesn’t equate to someone respecting you - loving you.

start dating other men who treat you like a top priority!  He’s not that guy!

 

Reading all the messages here, really makes me think more about this person that I shouldn't waste more time with him. 

[squarewheel6]

14 minutes ago, S2B said:

Can you see that you are the giver - give give give… and he is the taker?

that’s never a healthy balance for any relationship… even a friendship.

I see your point  and I can't disagree with your statement there. I know I am always a giver and have never been a taker. This causes people take advantage of me. 

Edited August 16, 2022 by squarewheel6

[stillafool]

4 hours ago, S2B said:

Can you see that you are the giver - give give give… and he is the taker?

that’s never a healthy balance for any relationship… even a friendship.

I see that too except I don't see him asking for all of that OP seems to give it to him freely and he too sounds a bit uncomfortable with it.  

[squarewheel6]

2 hours ago, S2B said:

I’d work with a professional on boundaries and what healthy boundaries look like.

I think you could also benefit in knowing what good balance looks like for you.

Thank you so much, you make me see things clearly especially on boundaries in relationships. 

I have to admit that I had never thought about that part until now. I shouldn't offer so much until he feels uncomfortable and he didn't want to say no. 

 

[squarewheel6]

30 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I see that too except I don't see him asking for all of that OP seems to give it to him freely and he too sounds a bit uncomfortable with it.  

It is the bad on my part that I didn't realize it would make him feels uncomfortable with things. I think a part of it that we are  both lack on communication. 

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, squarewheel6 said:

It is the bad on my part that I didn't realize it would make him feels uncomfortable with things. I think a part of it that we are  both lack on communication. 

Why is that?  You said this guy is everything you wanted but now you admit you lack communication.

[squarewheel6]

Just now, stillafool said:

Why is that?  You said this guy is everything you wanted but now you admit you lack communication.

I was saying that I didn't even care to ask if he wanted me to work around his house or asked him if he would be comfortable with me going there every weekend. He didn't want to say no on what I had been doing around his house. 

[squarewheel6]

1 minute ago, S2B said:

I think it is best not to be at any new guys house while he isn’t home. 
 

I should have thought better, and I can't say anything else besides thank you. 

[squarewheel6]

26 minutes ago, S2B said:

Has he still been contacting you this week like everything is normal?

He still sends me texts, talk like normal, sending kisses and hugs emojis like he always does, also talking/ complaining about the neighbor who always parks at the front of the house.

[squarewheel6]

1 minute ago, S2B said:

What’s going to happen if he asks to see you this weekend? 
how will you get him to come pick you up for a real date?

I don't think he would want to do that this weekend because he is far behind his painting job at the house he is working on. He said that I can hang out or stop by if I wanted it to (30 mins from where I live ).

I haven't thought about him picking me up, for a real date, maybe when I move to new apartment.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, squarewheel6 said:

He still sends me texts, talk like normal, sending kisses and hugs emojis like he always does, also talking/ complaining about the neighbor who always parks at the front of the house.

Step back. You're not his therapist housekeeper, gardner or anything else. 

Texting is not dating. He doesn't have or make time for you. The only thing he's investing in is his house and his own life.

While you're there providing free labor he's out working and putting that money in the bank. He's not investing in you.

Invest in yourself more. If you have a big heart, volunteer for habitat for humanity or a community garden. Get a part-time fun job on the weekends.

You should never rehearse the part of future wife. Especially with someone who needs space, chats up other women and has mysterious lingerie hanging around.

[Rider on the Storm]

8 hours ago, squarewheel6 said:

I don't think he would want to do that this weekend because he is far behind his painting job at the house he is working on. He said that I can hang out or stop by if I wanted it to (30 mins from where I live ).

I haven't thought about him picking me up, for a real date, maybe when I move to new apartment.

Are you considering hanging out with him this weekend? Also, even if you move into a new apartment, will that negate the fact that he has women's garments in his drawer and is actively talking to someone else on the side? Again, you can't even bring these things up to him without being placed on a time-out. Don't forget this.

Just because he sends you kissy face emojis via text doesn't justify you going to be with him. By continuing to run to him, you are reinforcing to him that no changes on his part are needed. As a result, he will think even less of you and continue to treat you like a personal door mat.

 

[squarewheel6]

9 hours ago, S2B said:

It may be useful to start dating new men. Men who will make effort to pick you up - after asking you on a date they plan.

a man who prioritizes you and makes you feel important - not an after thought. Not a guy who squeezes you in when he finished flirting with other women.

I don't know how to  thank you for all your time writing on here. Every comment makes me think more and more and realize how right you are. I know I didn't put value to myself but wanted things to be convenient for him and comfort him..

[squarewheel6]

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Step back. You're not his therapist housekeeper, gardner or anything else. 

Texting is not dating. He doesn't have or make time for you. The only thing he's investing in is his house and his own life.

While you're there providing free labor he's out working and putting that money in the bank. He's not investing in you.

Invest in yourself more. If you have a big heart, volunteer for habitat for humanity or a community garden. Get a part-time fun job on the weekends.

You should never rehearse the part of future wife. Especially with someone who needs space, chats up other women and has mysterious lingerie hanging around.

After reading this, I have put my thought on how right you are. All he talked about was his houses (he has a few properties that needed to fix and rent out because he mentioned about loosing money) and concerned his side job that behind schedules, and me took his time away from his friends. 

The truth that you input here really hurt me but I have to accept it. He invests only his house and his life. 

Thank you for all the truth/facts that you put on here. I really, really appreciate your time. It really makes me to think more about let go this unhappiness situation and focus on putting value on myself more. 

 

[squarewheel6]

3 hours ago, Rider on the Storm said:

Are you considering hanging out with him this weekend? Also, even if you move into a new apartment, will that negate the fact that he has women's garments in his drawer and is actively talking to someone else on the side? Again, you can't even bring these things up to him without being placed on a time-out. Don't forget this.

Just because he sends you kissy face emojis via text doesn't justify you going to be with him. By continuing to run to him, you are reinforcing to him that no changes on his part are needed. As a result, he will think even less of you and continue to treat you like a personal door mat.

 

I am not going to hangout with him this weekend or future weekend. After reading all comments here, from day one I posted, really makes me to think more about this person doesn't care about me besides himself. There is nothing good, especially for my mental health to be around him. 

Thank you for all your time on writing about the truth and draining my pain out. I do appreciate everything comments here. 

 

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, squarewheel6 said:

I am not going to hangout with him this weekend or future weekend.

Or any weekend.

All you are doing is regurgitating the same information.

It will not teach him a lesson not to see him this weekend or next weekend.

It's time to move on from him.

[squarewheel6]

49 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Or any weekend.

All you are doing is regurgitating the same information.

It will not teach him a lesson not to see him this weekend or next weekend.

It's time to move on from him.

You are totally right. 

[Alpacalia]

On 8/17/2022 at 12:10 PM, squarewheel6 said:

You are totally right. 

Right isn't important.

If I’ve learned one thing from the future it’s that we’re wrong about a lot. It's not necessarily a bad thing, to be honest. It's just that it's a fact. People that we think are meant for us are really just here for a purpose.

My experience tells me that if some of these things don't work out, you're actually lucky; it can be the biggest dodged bullet of all.

Our fierce loyalty sometimes leads us to hold on to things - and to people - too long.

If I could go back in time and take one piece of advice, I'd tell you what a family member once told me:

Don't wear blinders.

Take care. 🌻

 

[squarewheel6]

10 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Right isn't important.

If I’ve learned one thing from the future it’s that we’re wrong about a lot. It's not necessarily a bad thing, to be honest. It's just that it's a fact. People that we think are meant for us are really just here for a purpose.

My experience tells me that if some of these things don't work out, you're actually lucky; it can be the biggest dodged bullet of all.

Our fierce loyalty sometimes leads us to hold on to things - and to people - too long.

If I could go back in time and take one piece of advice, I'd tell you what a family member once told me:

Don't wear blinders.

Take care. 🌻

 

Thank you so much for all your writing that open my eyes. I know I am hurt but I cant let this situation stay with me any longer. If I still stayed with him, 5 months or 5 years from now, I am still in suffering in pain and heartache every single day pretending I was happy. 

I am healing. Thank you all here.