I found a new lingere set and thong hidded under his underwares in his drawer.

[squarewheel6]

7 minutes ago, glows said:

I’m sorry to hear this. If you feel safe it’s fine to tell him how you feel. It’s good you’re recognizing a need for more communication.

If you’ve been in an abusive relationship in the past try not to repeat the same patterns dating the same kind of abusive partners. Part of trusting your instincts and making new decisions is you healing and moving on from the past.

Not everything warrants a conversation but after seven months it’s a good time to ask yourself whether this man is much different from the other partners you’ve known or your ex. Building intimacy starts with feeling safe enough to communicate. 

I do really appreciate your comments. I have been thinking about it so often these days, either I don't want to be in the relationship that cause me anxious and unhappy more of the time. 

 

 

[squarewheel6]

5 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

That's understandable. 

I wonder if there is a chance that the size of the lingerie is the same as yours.

It is totally my size. I have a few of my lingerie in his bedroom but definitely not the one that he hidden under his underwear. 

[glows]

2 minutes ago, squarewheel6 said:

I do really appreciate your comments. I have been thinking about it so often these days, either I don't want to be in the relationship that cause me anxious and unhappy more of the time. 

You don’t have much to lose at seven months of dating. Is he overall what you’re looking for in a partner? Or are there other incompatibilities? 

[squarewheel6]

11 minutes ago, glows said:

You don’t have much to lose at seven months of dating. Is he overall what you’re looking for in a partner? Or are there other incompatibilities? 

He is what I am looking for.

[glows]

Just now, squarewheel6 said:

He is what I am looking for.

In that case ask him and have a small chat. It doesn’t have to be so serious. Tease him about finding some lingerie and see what he says. This doesn’t have to be an issue if you’re going into it with an open mind. 

[Alpacalia]

16 minutes ago, squarewheel6 said:

It is totally my size. I have a few of my lingerie in his bedroom but definitely not the one that he hidden under his underwear. 

Maybe he has some kind of panty fetish or something of the sort to keep him entertained during happy hour or something like that? Could it be that it is a moment of ex-girlfriend nostalgia? It doesn't appear he is cheating on you, and they aren't probably his moms either, unless he is a sick pervert, something I doubt since you would have already noticed some things about him. In any case. Whether it is a kink or trophies he takes pride in, talk to him and try to show some understanding.

[squarewheel6]

10 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Maybe he has some kind of panty fetish or something of the sort to keep him entertained during happy hour or something like that? Could it be that it is a moment of ex-girlfriend nostalgia? It doesn't appear he is cheating on you, and they aren't probably his moms either, unless he is a sick pervert, something I doubt since you would have already noticed some things about him. In any case. Whether it is a kink or trophies he takes pride in, talk to him and try to show some understanding.

He does have some kind of fetish which I have found so far about him. He does amit he has been talking with some woman for awhile. Although he said that I am only his but that doesn't me feel any better. 

[squarewheel6]

19 minutes ago, glows said:

In that case ask him and have a small chat. It doesn’t have to be so serious. Tease him about finding some lingerie and see what he says. This doesn’t have to be an issue if you’re going into it with an open mind. 

I will take that advise.

[Alpacalia]

3 minutes ago, squarewheel6 said:

He does amit he has been talking with some woman for awhile.

Care to elaborate?

Edited August 14, 2022 by Alpacalia

[squarewheel6]

1 minute ago, Alpacalia said:

Care to elaborate?

Yesterday I decided to talk to him about how I have been feeling. He later admitted he constantly talks to that person but there is no ways to meet in person. He said there is only me who in and out of his house, meet all his family and friends, me only a person he has made plans to do things with. I looked into his eyes and asked if there was anything else to tell me. He said no. 

 

[glows]

1 minute ago, squarewheel6 said:

Yesterday I decided to talk to him about how I have been feeling. He later admitted he constantly talks to that person but there is no ways to meet in person. He said there is only me who in and out of his house, meet all his family and friends, me only a person he has made plans to do things with. I looked into his eyes and asked if there was anything else to tell me. He said no. 

 

When I had asked earlier about incompatibilities it means not being on the same page either in terms of exclusivity. He may be emotionally attached to someone else without them ever meeting. Or, she’s just someone he speaks with now and again. Someone who cares about you wouldn’t be having emotional attachments elsewhere if you’re both exclusive and monogamous. I see that’s where your anxiety may be coming from.

[Alpacalia]

8 minutes ago, squarewheel6 said:

Yesterday I decided to talk to him about how I have been feeling. He later admitted he constantly talks to that person but there is no ways to meet in person. He said there is only me who in and out of his house, meet all his family and friends, me only a person he has made plans to do things with. I looked into his eyes and asked if there was anything else to tell me. He said no. 

 

I appreciate you providing the additional details.

What's keeping them from meeting?

It's not necessarily my intention to ask so many questions, but I would like to get a better understanding of the whole situation.

There are some reasons why emotional cheating is so hard to identify, one of them being that it involves transgressing invisible boundaries in your relationship-lines that you believe are sacred in your relationship, but are not as they appear at first glance.

An unplanned deep emotional friendship can happen to someone without them even realizing it was happening. Consider asking him about how he sees the nature of their relationship and then listen to his response.

 

[squarewheel6]

19 minutes ago, glows said:

When I had asked earlier about incompatibilities it means not being on the same page either in terms of exclusivity. He may be emotionally attached to someone else without them ever meeting. Or, she’s just someone he speaks with now and again. Someone who cares about you wouldn’t be having emotional attachments elsewhere if you’re both exclusive and monogamous. I see that’s where your anxiety may be coming from.

I now understand what you meant. And that's what exactly I am feeling right now. He keeps saying he cares about me, however I am not sure. 

[squarewheel6]

3 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

I appreciate you providing the additional details.

What's keeping them from meeting?

It's not necessarily my intention to ask so many questions, but I would like to get a better understanding of the whole situation.

There are some reasons why emotional cheating is so hard to identify, one of them being that it involves transgressing invisible boundaries in your relationship-lines that you believe are sacred in your relationship, but are not as they appear at first glance.

An unplanned deep emotional friendship can happen to someone without them even realizing it was happening. Consider asking him about how he sees the nature of their relationship and then listen to his response.

 

I am willing to provide details as much as I can, and I 'd like hearing in different ways. He said she lives in FL. I will keep that question in mind for the next conversation with him. 

 

[alphamale]

Either he wears them or they are a momento. I have some panty hose that belonged to Angela in 1989. Likewise a pair of black stockings from my girlfriend Teressa back in 2008

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, squarewheel6 said:

He later admitted he constantly talks to that person but there is no ways to meet in person. He said there is only me who in and out of his house, meet all his family and friends, me only a person he has made plans to do things with.

So you two still talk to and meet others? Are you exclusive? Who is this woman he chats with? Are the chats and underwear related in your mind?

[giotto]

Why is he talking to this other woman? 

[Alpacalia]

17 hours ago, squarewheel6 said:

I am willing to provide details as much as I can, and I 'd like hearing in different ways. He said she lives in FL. I will keep that question in mind for the next conversation with him. 

 

I'm wondering now (based on everything you've written) if the lingerie is hers and something she might have sent him.

Edited August 15, 2022 by Alpacalia

[Wiseman2]

17 hours ago, squarewheel6 said:

.He said she lives in FL

Ok. Is that far from where either of you live? There's several things going on. One is discovering these clothes items. Another is the nature of this chat buddy in FL. Then there is some sort of baggage from your past. Add to all this a lack of communication between you two. What exactly are you hoping for in this relationship as opposed to what is going on at the present time?

[squarewheel6]

19 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

So you two still talk to and meet others? Are you exclusive? Who is this woman he chats with? Are the chats and underwear related in your mind?

We are still seeing each other and daily texts. He told everyone (friends and family, I am his gf). The woman he mentioned he met her on Snapchat and she walked him to the  crypto thing and he said there was no intimacy or anything in romantic ways. I think they are related or his fantasy. I do not have no ideas. 

[squarewheel6]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok. Is that far from where either of you live? There's several things going on. One is discovering these clothes items. Another is the nature of this chat buddy in FL. Then there is some sort of baggage from your past. Add to all this a lack of communication between you two. What exactly are you hoping for in this relationship as opposed to what is going on at the present time?

I live an hour driving from him, FL is two hours by plane or 15 hour driving. We both enjoy each other's company. I want a LTR with him which he has a same goal. Until now I am uncertain. 

[squarewheel6]

4 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

I'm wondering now (based on everything you've written) if the lingerie is hers and something she might have sent him.

I have the same wondering as well. Just so hard to guess, to be honest. 

[glows]

Don’t speculate and just talk with him. Nothing is going to come out of this except feeling more anxious. See him in person and ask him about the lingerie. If you’re not comfortable with his friendship/relationship with the other woman then let him know how you feel. 

Bear in mind you may not get the answers you seek in a way you may expect but shelving it and speculating is not a way to live. 

[squarewheel6]

18 minutes ago, glows said:

Don’t speculate and just talk with him. Nothing is going to come out of this except feeling more anxious. See him in person and ask him about the lingerie. If you’re not comfortable with his friendship/relationship with the other woman then let him know how you feel. 

Bear in mind you may not get the answers you seek in a way you may expect but shelving it and speculating is not a way to live. 

I have told him in person yesterday that I am not comfortable with it. The answer is the same pattern, 'nothing.'  

[glows]

1 minute ago, squarewheel6 said:

I have told him in person yesterday that I am not comfortable with it. The answer is the same pattern, 'nothing.'  

I’m sorry to hear this. Decide whether he’s lying or telling the truth and move on. It’ll hurt at first but you’ll be free to be with someone else who’s more devoted to the relationship or compatible with you.