One-track mind kind of man?

[ShyViolet]

19 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

 Guess who's back into silent mode. 

Oh at this point I'd be breaking up with this guy.  I'd be running out of patience for these games.

[Weezy1973]

So I think there are three possibilities:

1. Your relationship isn’t serious, therefore he’s not treating it like it is. You’re casually dating.

2. While he does take your relationship seriously, he hasn’t integrated you with his family life therefore in his mind it’s one or the other. Either he’s on family time, or he’s on Gaeta time. Can’t do both.

3. You both have different expectations of appropriate levels of communication at this stage, and neither of you have communicated this. 
 

I’d say by this point typically there should be some discussions around exclusivity and the beginning of integrating lives, but as it is, the relationship is largely undefined. As this is bothering you, perhaps your feelings are stronger for him than you think, or else you wouldn’t really care right? 

[giotto]

3 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

So I think there are three possibilities:

1. Your relationship isn’t serious, therefore he’s not treating it like it is. You’re casually dating.

2. While he does take your relationship seriously, he hasn’t integrated you with his family life therefore in his mind it’s one or the other. Either he’s on family time, or he’s on Gaeta time. Can’t do both.

3. You both have different expectations of appropriate levels of communication at this stage, and neither of you have communicated this. 
 

I’d say by this point typically there should be some discussions around exclusivity and the beginning of integrating lives, but as it is, the relationship is largely undefined. As this is bothering you, perhaps your feelings are stronger for him than you think, or else you wouldn’t really care right? 

Agree with this. It seems you have different expectations from the relationship.

[Gaeta]

24 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

So I think there are three possibilities:

1. Your relationship isn’t serious, therefore he’s not treating it like it is. You’re casually dating.

2. While he does take your relationship seriously, he hasn’t integrated you with his family life therefore in his mind it’s one or the other. Either he’s on family time, or he’s on Gaeta time. Can’t do both.

3. You both have different expectations of appropriate levels of communication at this stage, and neither of you have communicated this. 
 

I’d say by this point typically there should be some discussions around exclusivity and the beginning of integrating lives, but as it is, the relationship is largely undefined. As this is bothering you, perhaps your feelings are stronger for him than you think, or else you wouldn’t really care right? 

1 & 3:  Even if we are not 'serious' to the point of introducing family yet, we have established a 'dating norm' right? If he had acted in and out of that norm regularly I would think we have different expectation or communication style but he was constant in his behavior up to now. 

2. I think it's something like that, which is not a good news either. 

[mark clemson]

13 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

I don't claim to know a lot about children, but wouldn't an 11 year old child have a fairly early bedtime (9:00 - 9:30pm)??

I think the time between putting the child to sleep and him actually going to bed would be the perfect time to quietly send an e-mail with some pictures attached.

Hmm. They wouldn't necessarily go to bed that early if they don't have school the next day (mine often don't/didn't).

An 11 year old doesn't need constant supervision (although that can depend on the child). This is a grown single man on vacation. I guess it depends on the man and what they like, but - what do you think he's doing after he puts the kid to bed early...

Gaeta, I think you were out of sight out of mind, unfortunately. You probably get that sense too, which is why you're ticked off.

[Will am I]

55 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

So his son couldn't board his flight back to his mother because the father tested positive for Covid. Even if his son tested negative on the day of the flight he could not embark. The son's ticket was changed for Thursday. Guess who's back into silent mode. 

This is starting to smell fishy. Odd excuses, stretching the time away from the relationship just a big more. I’ve seen it happen before and that wasn’t pretty. (it involved a husband stretching his long distance job hunt, turned out he was with an AP out there).

 

[Alpacalia]

There are three possibilities:

He is barely interested, seeing a different woman (possibly on the trip with her), or just an emotional potato.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

So his son couldn't board his flight back to his mother because the father tested positive for Covid. Even if his son tested negative on the day of the flight he could not embark. The son's ticket was changed for Thursday. Guess who's back into silent mode. 

It may be best not to tolerate disrespect such as ghosting or popping in and out whenever he feels like it. Just date other men and backburner him, if you feel for whatever reason you want to hang on to this  It would be best to delete and block him. He probably won't notice.

[Alvi]

The thing is that interested men act interested. It is really not that hard or time consuming to send someone a message or two throughout the day. So far this guy has ghosted you twice. He is not showing you any respect. Why would he think that you would take him back after three weeks of radio silence on his part? And to ghost you yet again. He is a tool.  If you do end up dating him by any chance, you would need to have a long discussion about your boundaries and what you do and do not consider acceptable. Like him coming and going out of your life is not going to be acceptable by you. Don't know what else to say except that you should start looking at the other dating options.  I don't think that he is that into you. Sorry to say.

He was married before. I assume, so he is not new to the dating and to the relationships. He should know how to treat a woman (and how not to threat one that he is with). Maybe if he was 16-21, I would cut him some slack for his behavior but he is what? In his 40th or 50th. Definitely should know better.

I hate to ask, but is it possible he is somewhere on the autism spectrum? Perhaps that could explain his behavior and inability to focus on more that one thing at a time. 

[Alvi]

47 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

seeing a different woman (possibly on the trip with her)

Yeah, that could explain his behavior.

[Alvi]

14 hours ago, Gaeta said:

, I trust him and I value that a lot.

Do you still trust him?

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, Alvi said:

I hate to ask, but is it possible he is somewhere on the autism spectrum? Perhaps that could explain his behavior and inability to focus on more that one thing at a time. 

My daughter made that suggestion as well but I think it's just because he's 'smart' and we often associate very smart people with being socially awkward. He does not appear socially awkward to me.

I would not use the term 'ghosting'. If I message him he will reply. 

[Gaeta]

7 minutes ago, Alvi said:

Do you still trust him?

When I started this thread I trusted him 100%. While we dated it never crossed my mind he could be seeing other women. I was not getting any alarm and he always gave me a fair amount of attention. Now....the magic of LS is making me wonder if....

[giotto]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

 Now....the magic of LS is making me wonder if....

or the curse... 🙂

[Happy Lemming]

OK... so after talking and playing with an 11 year old all day, wouldn't the average person want to communicate/talk to an adult (his own age)??

After 3 hours with a child, I'd crave a conversation with another adult... No way, I could go 3 weeks.

 

[Allupinnit]

Sounds like maybe neither of you are into the other very much.

[Gaeta]

6 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

Sounds like maybe neither of you are into the other very much.

 If it was the case l don't think we would have sustained 4 months of steady dating with no issue.

Maybe someone else got his attention. Maybe his son didn't come on his own and he didn't tell me. Maybe he was playing good guy with me to get regular sex...

[Happy Lemming]

7 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

 Maybe he was playing good guy with me to get regular sex...

Logic would dictate that if I want to have to continue to have sex, I should show this woman that she is important to me.  At minimum, I'll be sending a few pictures, the occasional text and a phone call.

Personally, I'd pick you up a T-shirt from wherever me and the kid went and try to drop it off (during that 3 week time).  Just so I can see you in person and say a quick hello.

If I don't really care if I sleep with her again, I'll ignore her and if if I can re-start the sex I will... if I can't, no big deal I'll move on the next one.

[Gaeta]

Him and l communicate on Messenger. I saw him several times a day on messenger. He could have messaged me a little hello. 

[Weezy1973]

Just now, Gaeta said:

Him and l communicate on Messenger. I saw him several times a day on messenger. He could have messaged me a little hello. 

You’re not a couple. You’re casually dating. As many have said in other threads, stop expecting boyfriend behavior from someone that’s not your boyfriend. 

[Happy Lemming]

Just now, Gaeta said:

Him and l communicate on Messenger.

Can he attach a photo to a messenger (communication)??

 

[introverted1]

4 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Can he attach a photo to a messenger (communication)??

 

Yes, Messenger is just Facebook's (er, Meta's) texting app.  You can also send audio and video files and make calls through it (which is handy if you want to call someone in another country).

[Gaeta]

48 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

You’re not a couple. You’re casually dating. As many have said in other threads, stop expecting boyfriend behavior from someone that’s not your boyfriend. 

It does not matter that we are a couple or not. A routine was established and it's the default of that routine that brings me questions. 

[Will am I]

2 hours ago, Alvi said:

I hate to ask, but is it possible he is somewhere on the autism spectrum?

I had the same feeling. The extreme rule-following.

 

[NuevoYorko]

You've said on this thread that you are "not into him." 

To be blunt, it's clear that he feels the same way.   If a mature person has any interest in another person, they KNOW that some maintenance is required.   It doesn't have to be serious. or "in love" or anything like that.  A simple check-in / intermittent greeting is enough.

Not contacting a person that you've been dating for weeks is 100% clearly a signal that it doesn't matter if you ever see each other again.  It doesn't matter what else is going on in their life, especially since we have texting.  An actually phone call or other interaction isn't even necessary.

Of course if he and you both have a notion to check in and see if the other wants to go out and do something, that is a possibility.  Are you OK with that?  I don't think so, or you would not have started this thread.   

Believe me.  No amount of "one track mind" is enough to keep a man from sending you a greeting if it's important at all to him that he ever sees you again.

Sorry.