met for first time [updated]

[ExpatInItaly]

On 8/20/2022 at 12:26 AM, fred123 said:

ok well i messaged her saying id like to take her to "city in UK"  in oct/nov for a weekend. 

she texted back saying "i dont think its a good idea seeing as we dont feel the same way for each other"

 

6 hours ago, fred123 said:

yes during the holiday vague plans about meeting again. she wanted to meet again. she said i shud get a jab to go netherlands

Fred, if I understand correctly, during the holiday she suggested you work in her country. (Which is crazy, considering you two barely know each other) 

Then, after the holiday you messaged her about meeting again, and she told you the bolded above, right? That she doesn't think it's a good idea?

That is all you can go on here. She has changed her mind and distanced herself and declined meeting again. Twisting yourself is knots wondering what happened isn't helping you, because you can't change it and probably don't even know the whole story. Maybe she's got a local interest now. Who knows? The point is that you need to avoid getting so heavily invested in online women. Don't waste time on women who live abroad and you can't meet regularly. Period. 

[fred123]

8 hours ago, basil67 said:

Probably because she wants to see you as a friend.   

hmm im not sure because on the phone when i told her i really like her a lot she said that maybe this wouldnt be a good match then

[fred123]

3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

 

Fred, if I understand correctly, during the holiday she suggested you work in her country. (Which is crazy, considering you two barely know each other) 

Then, after the holiday you messaged her about meeting again, and she told you the bolded above, right? That she doesn't think it's a good idea?

That is all you can go on here. She has changed her mind and distanced herself and declined meeting again. Twisting yourself is knots wondering what happened isn't helping you, because you can't change it and probably don't even know the whole story. Maybe she's got a local interest now. Who knows? The point is that you need to avoid getting so heavily invested in online women. Don't waste time on women who live abroad and you can't meet regularly. Period. 

no she never suggested i work in her country. she suggested i get a jab so i could visit her lol.

question: the way she was acting wasnt casual- felt very coupley with the hand holding/stroking/touching etc etc

 

[Wiseman2]

Have you been dating locally since she went back home? That may help put things in perspective and get your mind off this disappointment. Why belabor it? She isn't giving it a second thought.

[fred123]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you been dating locally since she went back home? That may help put things in perspective and get your mind off this disappointment. Why belabor it? She isn't giving it a second thought.

yh i have been on 2 dates. but my mind cant get off it lol. finding it tough cos i really liked her x

[ExpatInItaly]

24 minutes ago, fred123 said:

question: the way she was acting wasnt casual- felt very coupley with the hand holding/stroking/touching etc etc

What's your question? 

She has told you herself she doesn't feel what you do. We aren't going to be able to tell you why she was affectionate anyway.Maybe she's now met someone else at home she wants to explore things with. It's anyone's guess.  All you can do is go by her word, which is that she doesn't think meeting again is a good idea. 

What's important is that you focus on letting go of the idea of being with her. 

[chillii]

Yep , as Expat has said op , unfortunately that was then , she was trying , but this is now, and she knows now, after that time together , it's not for her. Sorry mate but she's basically told you she just isn't feeling it now.

Edited August 24, 2022 by chillii

[fred123]

6 hours ago, chillii said:

Yep , as Expat has said op , unfortunately that was then , she was trying , but this is now, and she knows now, after that time together , it's not for her. Sorry mate but she's basically told you she just isn't feeling it now.

ofc. just would be nice to know what happened from her perspective and why the 180 change. x

[chillii]

Yeah for sure but you know , it's probably nothing that actually happened as such or anything much you did, real feelings are usually very forgiving. You don't really need something to happen in most cases , in time you just either feel it or you don't and from the way she's sounding, she just wasn't later on.

[fred123]

conclusion: she probably found me somewhat attractive to do the things she did with me physically the whole trip.

 

but boy i do wonder if i never told hrr i liked her, whether she would stil actually want to meet up again hmm

[basil67]

Didn't she say she'd welcome you to her country (as a friend) if you were vaxxed?    

[fred123]

On 8/26/2022 at 12:12 PM, basil67 said:

Didn't she say she'd welcome you to her country (as a friend) if you were vaxxed?    

yes she did say that before i told her i really liked her. she said that we might not be a good match if i really like her as she wants casual.  

not sure if she invited me as a friend though. remains very unclear what i would be invited as and whethee she would stay in a room with me.  so confusing

[basil67]

To be honest, the whole discussion of where you'd sleep if you visited her is irrelevant as you're unable to enter her country. 

Edited August 28, 2022 by basil67

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, fred123 said:

not sure if she invited me as a friend though. remains very unclear what i would be invited as and whethee she would stay in a room with me.  so confusing

But hasn't she since told you that she doesn't think it's a good idea to meet again, since you don't feel the same way about each other? 

I don't think you need to wonder if she'd stay in a room with you if you two are not going to be meeting again. 

 

[basil67]

3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

But hasn't she since told you that she doesn't think it's a good idea to meet again, since you don't feel the same way about each other? 

 

Ah yes, there was this too!

@fred123 There have been a lot of different comments you've quoted from her and I've completely lost track of what was said at what time.  If this is the most recent thing she said, then visiting her is no longer an option.

[fred123]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

 

Ah yes, there was this too!

@fred123 There have been a lot of different comments you've quoted from her and I've completely lost track of what was said at what time.  If this is the most recent thing she said, then visiting her is no longer an option.

yes sorry. the latest is that "i declared i really liked her and she said that if that is the case we are probably not a good match as she wants casual and that is probably not a good idea to meet and we dont feel the same way".

i guess i was wondering if i kept my mouth shut if we would have met up again. 

another thing thats in my head is that  she said this was casual so if that was the case why did she change the way she texted/frequency of texts since she got back? why didnt sh3 carry on with what we were doing before if we were casual?

 

[ExpatInItaly]

26 minutes ago, fred123 said:

i guess i was wondering if i kept my mouth shut if we would have met up again. 

I don't think so. She seems to have mostly lost interest. 
 

26 minutes ago, fred123 said:

she said this was casual so if that was the case why did she change the way she texted/frequency of texts since she got back?

Because she knows you want more, and she doesn't. She doesn't want to give you the wrong idea, so she is distancing herself even more from you. She may also be talking to another man. Whatever the case, Fred, it serves you no purpose to torment yourself with the "what ifs" - deal instead with what is, which is that she doesn't want to keep it going. 

It's going to best for you to cut contact with her.