Should I cut off my freeloader best friend?

[Sad32]

Hi guys! 🙋🏼‍♀️First of all, thank you so much for reading this. I’m currently deciding to cut off my long time best friend. We’ve been friends for a long time but I think I’ve had enough of her and I just want to get your opinion in this Matter. My problem is that she’s a freeloader “most of the time.” I told her before that I am trying to save as so I can get out of my current situation. Eveytime we meet and eat out she would pay for one meal and next time we meet I would pay for it. I explained to her that I have no problem meeting and eating out but I think it’s best if we pay 50/50 like I would pay for my meal and she would pay for hers, but she refused and thinks that it’s rude to do that… she said that if I didn’t have any money then she doesn’t have a problem paying for me.. but everytime we meet it would be the other way around! I am a very simple person and would like to eat in simple affordable restaurants and she wants to eat in nice fancy restaurants and I end up paying for the bill most of the time. 
 

Her strategy —-> when it’s time to pay for the bill she would get up and go to the washroom and would stay there for a long time and I would end up paying for it.. hahahahhaha and when returns she would pretend to be waiting for the bill… this happened so many times and I’m just so fed up. Also she acts like she’s all high and mighty and would always complain about the restaurant and the food. Last time we ate out she had an argument with the Manager about the food that she ordered because it wasn’t she was expecting or would tell me that I chose a shitty restaurant! Hahahhah Also I always have to pick her up and drive her home and she doesn’t even share or pay for gas. Sometime she would invite me out and assure me that she would pay for it but it’s either I pay for it or end up spending more than her. I have been ignoring her and I am planning to cut her off. I could be upfront with her and tell her off but that’s just not my style. I would just rather not talk to her and cut her off completely and save myself an argument. My life is already so stressful to even bother arguing with her. 
 

I just feel bad coz we’ve been friends for a lo g time… she has a good side but I think this is a deal breaker for me… what do you guys think? Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks guys! 

[NuevoYorko]

What are her good qualities?   What has your friendship been based upon?

[Sad32]

Well we used to have fun when we hangout.. but then again she has moods..  She was there for me when I was going through something in my life but I was there for her too… But lately she changed and became so entitled and going out with her is not fun anymore… She’s became so toxic and a pain in the ass to hangout with

[Sad32]

19 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

What are her good qualities?   What has your friendship been based upon?

Should I cut her off from my life?

[basil67]

If you no longer want to be her friend, then sure, cut her off.   

But the thing which strikes me is the complete lack of communication about the issues.  Ideally, you could choose restaurants together, looking for something where she likes the food and you can afford the bill.    As she's not paying her half, you can leave the bill unpaid while she's in the bathroom for an eternity.   Of course, if you no longer care to even talk about it, that's fine too.  Cut her off.

Edited August 9, 2022 by basil67

[stillafool]

Cut her off.  

[Acacia98]

If I were in your shoes, I would avoid putting myself in these kinds of situations. So I wouldn't give her a ride in my car, and I wouldn't eat out with her. If that ultimately meant we would cease to be friends, I would be okay with that.

Btw, it sounds to be me like those stunts she pulls at restaurants (e.g. complaining about the food, criticizing your choice of restaurant, arguing with the manager) are all about creating a distraction so that you don't notice she's using you to pay her way.

[Sad32]

21 hours ago, Acacia98 said:

If I were in your shoes, I would avoid putting myself in these kinds of situations. So I wouldn't give her a ride in my car, and I wouldn't eat out with her. If that ultimately meant we would cease to be friends, I would be okay with that.

Btw, it sounds to be me like those stunts she pulls at restaurants (e.g. complaining about the food, criticizing your choice of restaurant, arguing with the manager) are all about creating a distraction so that you don't notice she's using you to pay her way.

You are absolutely right! Thanks guys for the comments. I already cut her off. Thank u!

[salparadise]

On 8/9/2022 at 6:40 PM, basil67 said:

you can leave the bill unpaid while she's in the bathroom for an eternity.

This is what I don't get... since it's clearly her turn to pay, then why do you pay it and then blame her? You could head to the bathroom yourself, and/or simply slide the check over to her side of the table. That would make it perfectly clear.

Also, with respect to picking her up and her not paying for gas... I don't know what the layout is, so it's hard to speculate as to why she doesn't drive about half the time. Perhaps she doesn't have a car, or you live farther and she's on the way? Anyway, In my whole adult life I've never felt the need to pay for gas, or have someone pay me, for a short trip to a restaurant or to have a drink or whatever.

When I was living with a bunch of broke college kids we'd pool our money to put some gas in a car and go joy riding, but that's an entirely different context. I've run friends to the airport an hour away, moved furniture with my truck, and all kinds of things like that and nobody feels the need for monetary equalization. If they offer I'd just say no, thanks, I'm sure you'd do the same for me. Anyway the ride/gas money part sounds even stranger to me than you paying the check when it's not your turn and being miffed.

It sounds though that you just don't like her in general, in which case you might as well burn'em and turn'em if that's how you roll. I'd also suggest being a little more constrained with the use of the F word.

Edited August 11, 2022 by salparadise