Apology Advice

[Utcxygirl]

I cheated on my ex-boyfriend of 3 years. Two years into our relationship we had a stressful break up. We stopped talking to each other for around two months and did not fully get back together until several months after that. Looking for some support after our break up I found some new friends who I was initially platonic with. After my ex and I eventually made up, I kept talking to those friends. No cheating had occurred up until what was the last month of our relationship. 

Overtime, those platonic friends shifted to being more than that. I exchanged lewd images and messages with one of them. it was no excuse for that I did. I felt horrible and was ashamed for what I did but did not seek any kind of help or admit what I did. I tried to hide it and lie about it. Eventually my cheating came to light and we broke up. I apologized in the moment and after the fact, but in all truth what I said was not entirely genuine.  

I feel as if I apologized just for apologies sake,  not because I understood the weight of my cheating. Our last communication was him telling me that he hoped I got better and wishing me goodbye. 

Since we ended things, I started going to therapy to deal with my underlying issues. I have been in therapy for around 4 months now. While I cannot say I am totally better, being in therapy has helped me realize and come to terms with the amount of damage I caused my ex. I know what I did was horrible. I regret hurting him every day. 

I want to know if it would be too painful for him if I sent a genuine apology letter. I want to preface this by saying I have no intention on writing him to beg to get back together (as much as I would like to do that I know I permanently messed up our relationship). I want to write him something admitting my responsibility and seriously apologize for the hurt I caused. I do not want to make things any worse than I already have. So, if it is alright what kind of things should or should not say? 

[Wiseman2]

24 minutes ago, Utcxygirl said:

I cheated on my ex-boyfriend of 3 years. Two years into our relationship we had a stressful break up. I started going to therapy to deal with my underlying issues. I have been in therapy for around 4 months now.

What was the initial breakup about? Was this an abusive or controlling relationship? Do you mean you dated others while broken up?

Do Not write him letters. Your therapist is there to listen to you and help you cope with whatever guilt you feel. However it's unclear if by "cheating" you  mean seeing others while broken up. The end result is the same. You broke up for a reason. The last year was just limping along with unhealthy attachment.

[Utcxygirl]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What was the initial breakup about? Was this an abusive or controlling relationship? Do you mean you dated others while broken up?

Do Not write him letters. Your therapist is there to listen to you and help you cope with whatever guilt you feel. However it's unclear if by "cheating" you  mean seeing others while broken up. The end result is the same. You broke up for a reason. The last year was just limping along with unhealthy attachment.

Even if the relationship had flaws the choice I made was wrong. No excuses. 

[smackie9]

It will only bring back the hurt you have caused. Leave the poor guy alone.

[stillafool]

I agree please leave him alone and do this for yourself.  Chances are he will be glad you got help; but certainly won't want another chance with you by how quickly he let you go.  Some things there's no coming back from and men tend to take cheating harder than women.  He's moved on.

 

Edited August 13, 2022 by stillafool