Onlyoneforme Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 Well I'm back here again with a different issue I left the situation I was in, in 2018...after a year I met a new guy...we hit it off had chemistry lots of things in common...we started dating just casually at first then became serious...we had fun together we took trips went to events together..I guess normal things I said I love you first I think he tricked me because he didn't want to say it first but I Kno he felt it first..we had ups and downs like all couples.. 3.5 years later he dumped me over text blindsided me...we were fine the night before from what I thought...he said he loved me and gn..next morning he said gm as usual used my pet name...and then 30 mins later he dumped his text said " so you know I'm safe and everything is great, but we're done dont text me asking why..it's been fun, stay blessed goodbye" I didn't reply I was in shock thought it was a bad joke but never replied I waited til the end of the day to see if he would text me saying he was joking..we had plans for a trip to Vegas in Sept and one to Puerto Rico in Dec and he was excited he couldn't wait for the trips..so the text never came and I never replied, asked, called nothing I pretty much obliged to his request of not asking why.. Been no contact since that day 37 days to be exact...and he hasn't contacted me either...I feel disrespected at least a phone call would have been better I really thought we were better than that..after all we went thru he dumped me like trash and wouldn't even tell me why..why tell me he was safe if he was dumping me..why if we were fine the night before said he loved me. I loved him so much supported mentally, emotionally, physically, and even financially at times..how does he just dump me and forget me like we were just a fling like he just met me 2 weeks before..I need some words of encouragement I don't know..I accepted the break up there's nothing more I can do..I thought he would have reached out and at least tell me what went wrong..I'm so lost.. Link to post Share on other sites
sk1977 Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 9 minutes ago, Onlyoneforme said: Well I'm back here again with a different issue I left the situation I was in, in 2018...after a year I met a new guy...we hit it off had chemistry lots of things in common...we started dating just casually at first then became serious...we had fun together we took trips went to events together..I guess normal things I said I love you first I think he tricked me because he didn't want to say it first but I Kno he felt it first..we had ups and downs like all couples.. 3.5 years later he dumped me over text blindsided me...we were fine the night before from what I thought...he said he loved me and gn..next morning he said gm as usual used my pet name...and then 30 mins later he dumped his text said " so you know I'm safe and everything is great, but we're done dont text me asking why..it's been fun, stay blessed goodbye" I didn't reply I was in shock thought it was a bad joke but never replied I waited til the end of the day to see if he would text me saying he was joking..we had plans for a trip to Vegas in Sept and one to Puerto Rico in Dec and he was excited he couldn't wait for the trips..so the text never came and I never replied, asked, called nothing I pretty much obliged to his request of not asking why.. Been no contact since that day 37 days to be exact...and he hasn't contacted me either...I feel disrespected at least a phone call would have been better I really thought we were better than that..after all we went thru he dumped me like trash and wouldn't even tell me why..why tell me he was safe if he was dumping me..why if we were fine the night before said he loved me. I loved him so much supported mentally, emotionally, physically, and even financially at times..how does he just dump me and forget me like we were just a fling like he just met me 2 weeks before..I need some words of encouragement I don't know..I accepted the break up there's nothing more I can do..I thought he would have reached out and at least tell me what went wrong..I'm so lost.. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I have no words of wisdom as to why he would suddenly have a change of heart, but I share your pain as my almost 3 year relationship just ended as well, and it’s so painful. We have been having problems, so I at least suspected that it might end this way. I can’t even imagine the pain to receive a text like that after 3.5 years together. Sometimes we don’t get to find out the reasons and have closure which really sucks, and we just have to let go and move on. Take good care of yourself. Sending hugs and healing thoughts your way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Onlyoneforme Posted August 18, 2022 Author Share Posted August 18, 2022 2 minutes ago, sk1977 said: I’m so sorry this happened to you. I have no words of wisdom as to why he would suddenly have a change of heart, but I share your pain as my almost 3 year relationship just ended as well, and it’s so painful. We have been having problems, so I at least suspected that it might end this way. I can’t even imagine the pain to receive a text like that after 3.5 years together. Sometimes we don’t get to find out the reasons and have closure which really sucks, and we just have to let go and move on. Take good care of yourself. Sending hugs and healing thoughts your way. It is very painful not knowing we were good we had all these plans and he was excited and affectionate and caring checking in me sending me texts thru out the day telling me was thinking about...it's so weird I can't comprehend thank you for your kind words.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
John Glasby Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 That is really bizarre, and about the coldest, most un-gentlemanly way I can imagine to end a relationship. Though I know it hurts deeply, it sounds like he's either got some serious psychological problems, or you're much better off without him. At the very least he's tragically immature. At worst, a massive jerk. John 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 4 hours ago, Onlyoneforme said: after all we went thru Can you elaborate on this? What sort of problems had you two experienced as a couple? 4 hours ago, Onlyoneforme said: so you know I'm safe And what is he talking about here? Safe from what? I find his behaviour appalling. That is just about the worst way to end a relationship, and I'm very sorry you were treated so poorly. My guess is there is a lot more to this, but he's opted to pull the rug from under you rather than be honest about why he wanted to break up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 (edited) 8 hours ago, Onlyoneforme said: I loved him so much supported mentally, emotionally, physically, and even financially at times.. Sorry this happened. Have you met in person? How often did you see each other? Are either of you in other relationships? Why were you supporting him financially? Did he have drug, credit, employment, etc. problems? Sadly it seems he was not honest with you and led some sort of double life you knew nothing about. Does he still owe you money? Edited August 18, 2022 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Onlyoneforme Posted August 18, 2022 Author Share Posted August 18, 2022 We met in person we saw each other twice a month...sometimes he would need money to cover a bill he works a seasonal job...so he's off most of the winter...sometimes I would buy things on my card and he would pay me back in installments...but he owes me 500 dollars...which I will never see...at this point I don't think he care how I feel about his character so I don't think he is going to pay me...when he said he is safe I really don't understand why he started his text with that...if you were breaking up with me why would you tell me you are safe?? Does it matter at this point? You decided to end things so it wouldn't matter if you are safe and I really don't know safe from what... I didn't know he hated me...the way he broke up with me shows me he had no love for me out of the blue after we were just fine the whole week and even the night before...I have accepted the break up but it hurts me how he ended things...I feel I at least deserved a phone call...he did mention 5o me he was diagnosed with NPD when he was 11 however I am not sure if at that age is possible to be diagnosed with that...I asked him if he was going to seek help he told me no.. Then he would say he was going to then said he wouldn't there is definetely some type of mental issue going on...I was so good to him cooked for him whatever he wanted I would make him soup so he would have it for the winter he loved my puertorican soup...I would do his feet and manicure..I planned all the dates and paid for them all the trips and paid for them... Problems we had sometimes he wouldn't communicate with me...and I would find out things later in and it would upset me because I would communicate everything with him...we didn't really have a lot of issues just the common things couples go thru... Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 1 hour ago, Onlyoneforme said: Then he would say he was going to then said he wouldn't there is definetely some type of mental issue going on...I was so good to him cooked for him whatever he wanted I would make him soup so he would have it for the winter he loved my puertorican soup...I would do his feet and manicure..I planned all the dates and paid for them all the trips and paid for them... This all sounds really lopsided, OP. You can't "nice" a man into loving you back like this. Nor can you (or should you) try to buy someone's love. It sounds like you did all of this in hopes he would love you, but it appears to be a free-loader who took advantage of you. 1 hour ago, Onlyoneforme said: Problems we had sometimes he wouldn't communicate with me...and I would find out things later in and it would upset me For example? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Onlyoneforme Posted August 18, 2022 Author Share Posted August 18, 2022 Yeah I really wanted to be treated the same way I was treating him...I was doing all those things out of loving him and all I was expecting was love honesty and attention in return...I really thought my love would make him love me like I loved him...I was wrong I know.. Like he would make plans with other people when I had told him we had plans but he would just rain check me instead of rain checking them I told him you never say to other ppl no I have plans but you can always tell me you have plans with other ppl and I have to wait until you decide you are going to be here for me to make plans....I realized after the breakup he controlled everything and I do believe now that he had a double life and perhaps he was getting overwhelmed and couldn't come clean...I just hope he NEVER tries to reach me again ever...I want him to forget he ever met me forget my address everything about me I never want to see him again or speak to him...after the break up I had time to reflect on all the things he did to me...I'm not an angel I'm not perfect but I respected him I loved him I would cater to him make him happy or at least try...I asked him one time to plan a date and execute it for us...he asked me why...he said I don't mean to be rude or funny but why do you 2ant me to plan a date you are the planner you plan them I'll show...now how is that something to say when you supposed love me... Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 I think you would be wise to take time and reflect on what you really got out of this relationship. You sound like an after-thought in his life, while you prioritized him. It doesn't appear your feelings were exactly mutual if what you described was the general dynamic of your relationship. 1 hour ago, Onlyoneforme said: I do believe now that he had a double life But this is peculiar - what else leads you believe he had a double life? Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 He's a jerk, did an awful thing, and it's not your fault. At the risk of sounding insensitive, I would like to ask you to take an honest look at your relationship. As I read through your thread, it turns out that this guy gave you sufficient information as your relationship progressed that he was not a good partner and capable of doing a wretched move like this. Evidently you chose to either ignore most of it, or to minimize its importance. I'm really sorry you're going through this but please take this as a learning opportunity. You don't want this type of thing to repeat in your future. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 2 hours ago, Onlyoneforme said: Yeah I really wanted to be treated the same way I was treating him...I was doing all those things out of loving him and all I was expecting was love honesty and attention in return...I really thought my love would make him love me like I loved him...I was wrong I know.. Like he would make plans with other people when I had told him we had plans but he would just rain check me instead of rain checking them I told him you never say to other ppl no I have plans but you can always tell me you have plans with other ppl and I have to wait until you decide you are going to be here for me to make plans....I realized after the breakup he controlled everything and I do believe now that he had a double life and perhaps he was getting overwhelmed and couldn't come clean...I just hope he NEVER tries to reach me again ever...I want him to forget he ever met me forget my address everything about me I never want to see him again or speak to him...after the break up I had time to reflect on all the things he did to me...I'm not an angel I'm not perfect but I respected him I loved him I would cater to him make him happy or at least try...I asked him one time to plan a date and execute it for us...he asked me why...he said I don't mean to be rude or funny but why do you 2ant me to plan a date you are the planner you plan them I'll show...now how is that something to say when you supposed love me... When we care about someone we naturally make room for that person in our lives. He didn't prioritize you and I'm so sorry that he ended the relationship this way. The way he ended itself says a lot. Prior to all this it also seems like he was unstable in more ways than one, emotionally and financially. Go back and retrace your steps in what led you to this type of partner in the first place and see whether you can change things around the next time. Don't repeat the same patterns or date the same kind of people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Onlyoneforme Posted August 18, 2022 Author Share Posted August 18, 2022 Well this is kinda long...he had showed me some pictures of a baby and I asked who the baby was...he said mine this was at the very beginning of our relationship I said you never told me someone was pregnant....he them said that's not my baby you crazy I'm too old to have children his boys are 22 21 and 15...this baby is now 3 years old which means she has the baby when we already started dating.. Odd thing was that he always had so many pics of her and his dad and his mom at the hospital with the baby just hours after the baby was born...sigh I felt it deep in my soul this baby Is his but he kept denying this we had many arguments about it we were in GA for my best friend's wedding and I found a bracelet that said on a card to the world you are a dad but to me your are my world and the baby's name I confronted him and he said she put that on the card because the baby was the newest addition to the family but the bracelet came from all the kids in that house... That house...I explain is supposed to be a family that helped him a lot when he got out of jail...and they been friends for 7 years he claims they are all friends in the house..there are like 6 children well some are older...when he first told me about them he said that he met them because one of the boys and his son were best friends that met at baseball practice and that's how he met all the family.. I don't believe him because the kids are 5 years apart and he was too involved with the family going camping all their parties graduations he couldn't miss anything movie night with the 3 girls of the house he sometimes wouldn't come see me because they had some type of event he had to go to... Anything that happened to that family he was front and center...on our trip to PR he was on the phone with the girls mom because we were at store and he said he had to buy the lil girl shoes and an outfit to bring it back...everything about that friendship was odd he even told me one time he was going to adopt the lil girl and that if I heard the lil girl calling him daddy not to be mad but he is the only father figure she knew...he said her father got murdered and he was taking care of her...WTF I didn't really feel for all that I was just looking the other way for the sake of keeping the relationship with no drama...there is soooo much more that went on it will take me forever to write everything Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 Wow. Yes, OP, I think you are correct that this man has been leading a double life, and you seem to have overlooked (or willingly ignored) some huge red flags. In the future, run away from men whose outlandish tales don't add up - not toward them. I wonder how many mental gymnastics you played with yourself just to hang on to this shady dude. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Onlyoneforme Posted August 18, 2022 Author Share Posted August 18, 2022 I willingly ignored but I suffered in silence I cried a lot and my anxiety was to the roof but..everytime I tried to break it off he would continue acting like nothing was done he would say you are dilusional if you think ur breaking up with me and I forgive you because you are old and cenile but you are not breaking up with me sorry not sorry you are stuck with me... I am glad he dumped me he did me a favor this way I know he won't come back...I accepted the break up I was tired of everything...when he sent me the text I was like what!! What just happened I was in shock because just the night before he said I love you I was like is he joking never said anything and that night I blocked him at first I really thought it was a bad joke..but even if it was I wanted nothing to do with him after that text..radio silence since, no begging no pleading nothing!! And it's been over a month and I'm so glad he hasn't reached out if he hasn't by now he won't...I just don't want nothing to do with him I had time to reflect and know I was so weak and let him use me I'm having a hard time accepting that I was so stupid...I'm getting better about that slowly... All the gifts I gave him were expensive he has an expensive taste expensive sneakers colognes shirts...and my gifts don't amount to 1/4 of what I spent on his...the trip to PR I paid for everything the trip to GA I paid for everything all the dates I paid we had a trip to Vegas planned for Sept I paid for everything now I'm out of luck because his plane ticket is non refundable just credit and only he can use the credit and I rather the credit go to waste than give it to him I paid for it he doesn't deserve another dime from me...he was so excited about that trip and we also were planning to go back to PR in December pfft never again... Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 47 minutes ago, Onlyoneforme said: I suffered in silence I cried a lot and my anxiety was to the roof but..everytime I tried to break it off he would continue acting like nothing was done he would say you are dilusional if you think ur breaking up with me and I forgive you because you are old and cenile but you are not breaking up with me sorry not sorry you are stuck with me.. OP, with respect, do you not recognize how manipulative and emotionally abusive this man is? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Onlyoneforme Posted August 18, 2022 Author Share Posted August 18, 2022 Oh God yes it's clear now...he gave me less than the bare minimum to keep me hooked the I love yous the when we get married...the you are so beautiful thank you for loving me like you do...you are so good to me...all that was tactics to keep me in there and I fell for it...I was trying to save and fight for this relationship I thought my love would fix him taking care of him he would seen how much I was worth I depleted my self from loving myself ...I had time now because my mind is not foggy from all the lies and he would tell me to apeace me...it's the worst break up I ever had ..it's not the first one either he broke up with me in Jan 2020 because I called him a liar and he said I wasn't going to disrespect him like that...9 days later he sent me a passive aggressive text they he missed me so much but he couldn't accept the way I treated him I don't deserve him he wished it wasn't that way because he missed my como ay attention and love..I didn't reply so then he messaged me thru Facebook messenger 10 days later I didn't respond until a week later...we got back together but he was distant Valentine's day he didn't even say HVD I said it to him and he said I don't celebrate that shyt...sigh but the years after he brought me chocolates candles a gift basket...for someone that doesn't celebrate it...he also didn't like my dogs they bark a lot he 2oukd say I'm going to feed them o3a it butter one day...or would say I should put them down and always saying they bite me they will die...urghh how was I so stupid Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 7 hours ago, Onlyoneforme said: ...sometimes he would need money to cover a bill he works a seasonal job...so he's off most of the winter...sometimes I would buy things on my card and he would pay me back in installments...but he owes me 500 dollars...which I will never see... Very sorry you were scammed like this. Don't beat yourself up. Even though he was not well educated, slick con artists like this think differently and use any means to an end. Individuals like this would never claim they are narcissists. However for general education about these type of scammers google "Dark Triad". Perhaps you were vulnerable and wanted to be loved when you met him and he simply played that hand like a common con artist. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 Since you've given all of this additional information, I have to say I agree with this statement of yours: "I am glad he dumped me he did me a favor." I am sorry you're hurting, but be very thankful he was this brutal. Otherwise who knows how much more of your life you would have wasted on this loser and absolutely dead end relationship that was built on nothing but BS. What if he tries to come back like he did the last time? What will you do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Onlyoneforme Posted August 18, 2022 Author Share Posted August 18, 2022 Yes I thought the same thing I said thank God he dumped me because now I see if he didn't I would have been in thebuouo for God only know how many more years I'm glad he i itiated and I accepted it because 3.5 years Lord Jesus..and he wasn't affectionate physically like he wouldn't hug me from the back like men do I think that's so cute he never did that he didn't like to cuddle if I tried to get under him he would suck his teeth coz he would be on his phone doing who knows what...then I couldn't watch my shows when he was there because he wanted to watch movies but half the time either would fall asleep or be on his phone I told him what's the purpose you come over here to eat sleep and be on your phone you could have just stayed home..It was a last that now I had time to put all together I really think he didn't like me he liked what I supplied...he didn't love me he loved the things I did for him...I thank you so much for listening to me is nice to talk to someone that sees it from the outside...I really don't have friends that I can talk about this because they all dismiss it as well it's over move on yes I'm moving on but it helps to talka bout it and get it out of my system Link to post Share on other sites
Author Onlyoneforme Posted August 18, 2022 Author Share Posted August 18, 2022 Yes I just wanted to be loved you are absolutely right and he was very consistent at the beginning calls texts facetime...did you eat are you ok how is work don't work too hard I miss you can't wait to see you would come in the middle of the week when he missed me...so that me being vulnerable fell for it...thank you I will definitely look into the Dark Triad ..he did tell me was diagnosed with NPD at 11 but I don't think you can be diagnosed that young...but he certainly had all the traits of one...the you are crazy you are making things up in your head that didn't happen and soooo many stories that the timeline didnt add up....he once told me he has a bachelor in Mechanical Engineering...never showed me a diploma he used big words you know like he was educated but very good...he always talked about guns and killing ppl and drugs...he always said I don't remember shyt I use drugs..I'm like what!? Just so much...in my previous post I said I'm glad he dumped he did me a favor 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Onlyoneforme Posted August 18, 2022 Author Share Posted August 18, 2022 NuevoYorko I will never take that man back...I don't k ow if you are religious and if you are not I'm sorry I hope this doesn't offend you...but I pray everyday every night that he never reaches out never comes to my POE or home I pray he forgets my address they he forgets that he met me...that he never ever have the audacity to reach out he hasn't it's been over a month so I don't think he will..I fell that by him breaking it off this time is final! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 42 minutes ago, Onlyoneforme said: NuevoYorko I will never take that man back...I don't k ow if you are religious and if you are not I'm sorry I hope this doesn't offend you...but I pray everyday every night that he never reaches out never comes to my POE or home I pray he forgets my address they he forgets that he met me...that he never ever have the audacity to reach out he hasn't it's been over a month so I don't think he will..I fell that by him breaking it off this time is final! You don't have to pray that he never reaches out to you again. You can take control of your own life and block and delete all of his information so he has no way to ever reach you again. You can do that today and he deserves it after the way he has used you. May I ask was there a large age difference between you two? There are a lot of users out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Onlyoneforme Posted August 18, 2022 Author Share Posted August 18, 2022 I'm older I'm 48 and he is 43...I blocked him the same day he dumped me from my phone from messenger he doesn't have IG or Facebook so I don't have to worry about those I deleted all our pics all our messages...I took all the things in my house that would remind me of him and I am looking to move because of course he knows where I live and work I can't leave my job but I don't think he would show up there... He had a bad habit of popping up unannounced he did that a few times and I told him stop coming to my house unannounced tell em when you are coming..he said I never k ow when I'm coming and why do you need to k ow in advance I said because I might not be home I might be busy and can't give you attention...he always wanted all my attention..he didn't respect boundaries..he thought because he was my bf he could just pop up at my house very bad habit..I got tired of fighting about it... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Onlyoneforme Posted August 18, 2022 Author Share Posted August 18, 2022 For my birthday last year I asked for a blender Ninja Foodi...and he said buy it I'll give you the money ...and then told me his best friends grandmother wanted the same blender..so he asked me to get both and he would pay me ...I bought the blenders he asked how much was it I told him he said ok... He told me to gift wrap my gift and not open it til my birthday...I said ok and also asked me to gift wrap the other gift for the "grandma" I sat here with him wrapped the gift even out a bow on it and he took it...December came January February and I asked him how was he going to give me the money for the blenders he said Cashapp would be easier or I could wait til he brought me cash I said no is fine cashapp.... March April came and when he broke up with me on April he said I am paying you your money don't you worry... We got back together May came I gave him 400 dollars for his birthday because I asked him what he wanted he said 400 dollars..I said I am not giving you 400 dollars specially for what he wanted it for..he said you asked I told you which is true...I should have never asked..so I have him 400 dollars... June July came he went on vacation to see his cousin and sent me a picture of a few things included was a wad of money and I said I need a few of those 20's he said you can have whatever you want baby...well he lied again I asked him for 48 dollars a few days later I really needed them and he ignored me and when I told him how he ignored me he got mad and told me not to text him with that shyt he was on vacation... Never got my money ...few days later he broke up with me...never paid me for the blender that I bought for someone I don't even know who it was I'm sure it wasn't for no grandma...I don't care about my blender money I'm good but it boils my blood that he never paid me for that blender...I'll never see ethat money and I have to be ok with that... Link to post Share on other sites
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